A Fistful of Silver Cyanide
Mr. Cake was trying to get his baby daughter to kiss the silver dagger when someone opened the door to Sugarcube Corner.
Pumpkin Cake giggled.
Mr. Cake hid the knife behind his back, choking. He was just a human, after all, and humans weren't made for this. ”Oh, no,” he moaned. “No, no, no...”
And from the kitchen—which sat behind the counter—came his wife’s voice. “What’s wrong, dear?” Mrs. Cake said. “Please say it's not another monster?”
“Worse!” Mr. Cake whispered back. “It’s Pinkie Pie!”
Pinkie Pie waved at Mr. Cake, huge grin on her face. “Hi, Mr. Cake! Hello, Pumpkin!”
Pumpkin Cake waved back at Pinkie.
Mr. Cake gripped the silver dagger hidden behind his back so hard it hurt.
Mrs. Cake gasped. Pinkie Pie here already? But it was only three thirty! She still had to take the ice cream out of the freezer, and the apples for Sunset Shimmer’s apple salad weren’t ready yet—there was so much to do.
Plus, there was a demon horse writhing on the kitchen floor, trying to kill them all.
“Oh, dear.” Mrs. Cake looked at the demon horse. “Do you mind…? Aw, why am I even asking you.”
The demon horse was called a Demonicker. It had lizard-like scales, so sharp they cut the air and made a whistling sound. It was bound and gagged with silver thread.
“Well.” Mrs. Cake went to the fridge and took some apples out. “I might as well start.”
The Demonicker moved its lips, but no sound came out. Mrs. Cake had seen Cheerilee shove a fistful of silver cyanide into the Demonicker’s mouth to burn its tongue; that’s why they’d all survived. Demonickers killed by speaking your name.
Cheerilee was in the hospital now. Her fingers would survive the stunt, but only barely.
“You really are dreadful,” Mrs. Cake said. “I don’t understand why you monsters haunt these poor girls so much. They’re so young! What have they done to you?”
The Demonicker said nothing. Mrs. Cake could see the silver threads burning into its skin.
Principal Celestia and Night Light had tied up the Demonicker, but they’d only managed because they’d had a lot of help. From Vice Principal Luna, and Mayor Mare, and Big Macintosh, and of course Cheerilee, who had risked her life and also her fingers.
And Cranky Doodle, and Mrs. Harshwhinny, Cookie Crumbles, Windy Whistles, Shining Armor, Aloe and Lotus, from the spa.
Everyone who knew the girls got together every Wednesday and tried to help. They’d research the monsters and find ways to fight without magic, in secret, so the girls wouldn’t know.
Because the adults often got hurt by doing this, and nobody wanted Pinkie and company to feel responsible. They made saving the world look so easy, even though they were so young.
But of course, that was the whole point.
Of course, Mr. Cake thought, the one day he had to kill the monster—only blessed knives could kill Demonickers, and baby kisses counted, since they were free of all sin—was the day Pinkie Pie chose to arrive early.
Pinkie was playing with Pumpkin Cake, but she talked to Mr. Cake. “You know,” she said. “It’s so weird monsters never attack on Wednesdays!”
Mr. Cake was still hiding the dagger behind his back. “Oh?” he managed to say.
“Yeah! Monsters don’t attack every day, but they can attack any day, right? Except Wednesdays. I wonder why?”
Pause.
“Mr. Cake?”
“Hm? What? Oh!” Mr. Cake shook his head. “I don’t know! I’d never noticed. Is that why you always come here on Wednesdays?”
“Yeah! It’s our day off.”
“Well. That’s… good?” Mr. Cake bit his lip. “Hm. Pinkie Pie?” He hesitated. “Are you okay?”
Pinki blinked. And then she looked at Mr. Cake. “Huh?”
“I mean—in, in general?” He offered her a little smile. “You’re always so busy, you and your friends. Saving the world, and highschool on top of that—and your part-time job here! I just worry it might be too much.”
“Oh, no!” Pinkie’s eyes went wide as plates. “Mr. Cake! Are you saying I shouldn’t work here anymore? Please, don’t—!”
“What? No! No, no, no!” Mr. Cake shook his head. “Oh, dear me, not at all. We love having you in here. And the twins adore you. Isn’t that right, Pumpkin?”
Pumpkin Cake made a noise.
Pinkie giggled, and tapped Pumpkin’s nose. “That’s a yes,” she said.
“That’s a yes,” Mr. Cake repeated. Then he looked at Pinkie. “I was just asking because… Well. We do worry about you.”
“Aww.” Pinkie smiled at him, in that way she had that was sweeter than sugar. “Thank you, Mr. Cake, but I’m fine! Saving the world is fun!”
“Hmm.”
“I mean. It does get stressful sometimes, but I love my friends!” Pinkie shot Mr. Cake some fingerguns. “So it’s aaaaall fiiiiine.”
Mr. Cake frowned. “I guess. Isn’t it a little bit intimidating, though? Saving the world?”
“Ah.” Here Pinkie stopped smiling. “Well, sometimes Fluttershy gets a little scared. We’re there for her, but when we get two or three threats a day in a row, it, uh.” She rubbed her arm. “Sometimes it gets pretty bad.”
Silence.
Then Pinkie bounced back to life. “But!” she said. “We always win in the end! So it’s all fine. Plus, Wednesday are always monster-free, so we can relax then. It’s a pretty sweet deal, all in all.”
Mr. Cake nodded. “So that helps?”
“What?”
“Wednesdays being a day without monsters.”
“Oh, yeah.” Pinkie Pie nodded, and grinned. “A lot.”
And Mr. Cake grinned back. “I’m so very glad to hear that, Pinkie Pie. You deserve it.” He picked Pumpkin Cake up in his arms. “Now if you excuse me, it’s nap time, and Pumpkin owes me a goodnight kiss. I’ll be right back.”
“Okie-dokie!”
And Mr. Cake left, gripping the dagger and eyeing the demon, and he did what he had to do.
And that day, Pinkie and her friends had a wonderful day. Wednesdays were great that way.