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Jade Dawn


Do unto your readers as you would have authors do unto you.

T

The bustling metropolis of Manehattan has become the home of a most peculiar vigilante; an earth pony stallion of reportedly titanic strength, incredible speed, and uncanny senses. Drifting through the darkened streets of the city at night, stopping crimes and snatching ponies from the brink of disaster, this so-called "Supermane" has become something of an urban legend, an enigmatic, somewhat unsettling, but apparently well-meaning presence in the great city.

When Princess Twilight catches wind of this mysterious pony, she sends three of her most trusted friends to Manehattan to investigate the situation and answer the questions everyone's been asking; who is Supermane? What is he? And what does he really want? Allying themselves with reporters from the Daily Planet newspaper, and running afoul of the schemes of industrialist Tech "Lex" Lexicon and LexCorp Industries, the ponies are set for a high-flying adventure like they've never known before as they unravel the mystery of Supermane...who may have a few personal mysteries of his own that he's trying to solve.

Look up in the sky...


Superman adaptation. Takes place post-Season 9, set about six months or so after "The Ending of the End". Rated T to be on the safe side.

Featured on January 15th-17th, 2021 (the dates on the chapters are screwed up for some reason). From the first day?! How?!

Featured again on March 9th. Chapter update notifications now restored! :D

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 224 )

A great start, my friend. Looking forward to more of this story.

Believe me, Superman should only be creepy to those who are his enemy. In that one moment, we were looking at him from the mugger's perspective: an angel of justice. Wicked men curse God. Destroying devil or savior depends on who's saying it.

That doesn't detract from the fact that he reminded me of Luke Skywalker, though. He's a pacifist warrior. I love the characterization you managed to portray him in.

It also reminded me a little bit of Pony of Vengeance, except instead of the criminal's perspective of the main villain, it's a victim's perspective of the main hero. It's like the opposite side of the coin, the yin to my yang.

And, addressing the villains, was it really worth getting on Superman's bad side for ten dollars, two credit cards, a hairbrush, and a lipstick? (Uh, wild guess.)

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And, addressing the villains, was it really worth getting on Superman's bad side for ten dollars, two credit cards, a hairbrush, and a lipstick? (Uh, wild guess.)

10630696
The thumbnail alone is enough to let me know I succeeded.

It really shows that this started out as a Batmare story. Lurking in alleyways isn't really Supes' style.

Regardless, I'm interested to see where this is going, especially once the Mane 6 gets involved. Keep going. I'll be tracking. 😉

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That doesn't detract from the fact that he reminded me of Luke Skywalker, though. He's a pacifist warrior. I love the characterization you managed to portray him in.

It also reminded me a little bit of Pony of Vengeance, except instead of the criminal's perspective of the main villain, it's a victim's perspective of the main hero. It's like the opposite side of the coin, the yin to my yang.

I actually kinda agree, it is basically that. We're watching it through the eyes of how someone would see Superman, at least on early in his career. Gentle like a breeze, but a raging typhoon to the criminals of Metrop... sorry, Manehatten. It's a very unique take on the character, a mystery to be solved, instead of a hero publicly debuting out in the open. It actually reminds me of Secret Identity in some ways, a Superman who's a ghost to the world and only spoken of in hushed whispers.

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locamotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound...

10630728
Oh yeah, it does. I remember there was one point where I was writing this chapter where I suddenly froze and thought "Wait a minute...this is literally the opening to the 1989 Batman movie!". Although to be fair, there are quite a few Superman origin stories where he starts out at in a kind of clandestine way before some exceptional catastrophe forces him out in the open.

10630777
Don't feel ashamed of this trope in superhero stories. It's an easy and effective way to introduce the main character and the mood around him. It's not that different from other stories, but it also doesn't need to be.

You left this in the I just want a comment group and here you have one. I really liked this opening chapter. It really caught that superhero comic feels and even if the opening is a bit cliche I feel like it was done well. You introduced some core character traits for our protagonist and had him immediately save a mare in trouble. I think this will quickly turn into a story on the site that will gain hundreds of likes and comments. Good luck with the future chapters!

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While I enjoy your perspective I would not describe Luke Skywalker as a pacifist. He has killed multiple people in the civil war against the empire, especially when he blew up the death star. He is still heroic and falls on the side of good, but he is definitely not a pacifist.

(Edit: I now realize that the 'he' which followed that sentence did not have to refer to Luke Skywalker.)

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I think this will quickly turn into a story on the site that will gain hundreds of likes and comments.

Oh, I don't know about that, but I hope it at least goes well from here. Thanks for reading. :)

YOOOO, your story's Trending, my guy!

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I KNOW! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE IT?! IT'S JUST THE ONE CHAPTER!

10631136
It must be all that promotion you did. Or you're really good at paying off a promise. So far you're at a considerable fraction to getting a few hundred views and comments.

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Oh, yeah, should probably address that. Don't trust the view count. 90% of that is just from me working on the thing.

So it's probably the promotion.

10630783
It's a trope because it's effective. Tropes are just "tools" for writing. Also as you said it's been used with Superman before as well as a countless heroes, they try to be anonymous protectors but eventually must face a threat that necessitate exposure of thier existence. In the latest animated Superman film the even that exposes Superman REALLY exposes him since all his clothes are destroyed in the fight (and no we nothing, that's what head shots and strategically placed for ground objects are for)

10630777
Just remember the difference between a well worn trope and a cliche. Tropes are tools used to help the story logically flow or introduce a person, place, thing or concept. A cliche is over used and used even if it doesn't fit the story.
Hero who wants to help from the shadows but circumstances form them to go public is a pretty classic trope because it makes sense and there is more than one reason to do it. For Superman it's because at his core Superman wants an ordinary life, but as a moral paragon MUST help where he can because it's just who he is. One of his best depictions was in the DC Animated Universe run by Bruce Timm, starts from the same place. Superman doesn't want to be known at first, but has to be. Also shows his 3 Identities (yes 3) Superman, Clark Kent,and just Clark/Kal who only his Parents, Supergirl and the founding members of the Justice League know. And Justice League Unlimited had his great "World of Cardboard" speech which puts into words Superman's greatest frustration and challenge.
Superman like most Superheros follows the "killing as a last resort" attitude when fighting evil.
Equestria really is a perfect place for a personality like Superman's to develop, the moral paragon physical god, who's deepest desire is just to be a normal farmer.

All I can say is that this is a really good start to the story. Love the work that went into the action, exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up. As you said, this shows that this started out as more of a Batman story, but, also as you pointed out, a fair number of stories have Superman starting out helping people more discreetly before something major forces him out into the open (the DC Animated Universe being the biggest and best example of that). And, yeah, Batman might be my favorite super-hero (particularly the "Batman: the Animated Series" version [exactly the right balance between light and dark]), but Superman is a pretty close second. And considering magic is one of Superman's three main weaknesses (and, even then, he isn't particularly weak against it; just no more resistant to it than a normal person), it makes even more sense for Supermane to be working from the shadows at first in Equestria (as Equestria RUNS ON magic). And I can see where those crooks might be a bit skeptical at first. After all, they haven't directly seen even HALF of the fantastic stuff Twilight and her friends have (and, even then, Twilight herself and Spike are the only two in the main group who have direct experience with alternate universes outside of the "magic comic book" mess and time travel). So, yeah, I could see that one Earth pony crook commenting "Super-strong and super-tough? I can kind of buy that. Odd sixth sense? Pushing it, but possible. Everything else? VERY unlikely." (admittedly, I'm paraphrasing) before Supermane actually showed up.

Really looking forward to seeing Applejack and Rarity begin their investigation. Of course, I'm wondering if this is going to be one of those deals where this is going to be the start of your spin on an MLP-style DC universe (where there will eventually be a fair number of other super-heroes operating) or if this is going to be one of those deals where the Superman analogue will be the only super-hero operating (like in the Fletcher cartoons of the early-1940s, the 1950s series with George Reeves, the Christopher Reeve films and the 1990s Lois and Clark series).

And, of course, if there ARE other super-heroes operating, the Batman analogue would probably be next (most likely based on either the Adam West version or the DC Animated Universe version). And I apologize for letting my imagination run away with me. This is your story and I have to be mature enough to respect that. Sorry again.

Anyway, very certainly looking forward to more of this.

This story has great potential. And this start was well done.
Can't wait to see what happens next

I really like where this is going.
Though I must say that if there's a Batman analogue, I will be disappointed if they don't reference Mare-do-well.

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Yeah. I know what you mean. That WOULD, indeed, make sense. Heck, perhaps there could eventually be a new Mare-Do-Well who IS the Batman analogue.

Pony justice league incoming

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Not sure what to do with the Joker analogue. The Mane-iac already exists as a comic character, and I can definitely see them telling Mare-do-well "I feel we are destined to do this forever". But she is a comic character in-universe.
Perhaps Screwball ran into Cosmos and their chaos took a dark turn.

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Perhaps. Or just some random no-name fan of the Power Ponies comics just has a REALLY bad day which ends with them having an accident akin to the Mane-Iac in the comics and becoming a REAL LIFE version of the Mane-Iac.

10630907
Dude you already have 35 likes. My story with 30k+ words have like 10. The subject matter and genre draws a good crowd, so keep it up!

Very interesting, was a pretty fun seen all together and I look forward to see how a Superman type character would interact with a world like Equestria, where it’s mainly peaceful and already is surrounded by beings with massive amounts of power.

I can see this isn’t the complete big blue Boy Scout we all know and love (yet) but that’s fine as I can view this as somewhat of an elseworlds story, and see how this version of the character works out.

The only thing I’m a bit iffy on (and it’s a bit weird) is I’m not a fan of giving superman a hood. I dunno it just seems really off to me. Maybe cos the imagine/costume of superman is so iconic is strange whenever it’s changed but I also feel a character like superman’s wouldn’t really need one. He’s happy to show his face moments later so it just comes off as odd to me. Sorry if that comes off as really nitpicking, as it kinda is.

Overall I look forward to see where this goes.



Also I really be super saddened if this universe version of krypto doesn’t so up or is mentioned at some point.lol

10631858
There's actually a reason why he's got the hood for now, but that'll come later, and it definitely won't last. All I'll say now is that it's tied to him not being "the complete big blue Boy Scout we all know and love yet".

10631883
Dope, can’t wait to see what happens

10631883
I do hope he does one day become the Big Blue Boy Scout. As corny as that description may be, it does show a lot about why Superman is so beloved. He is the most powerful being alive but is still humble and continuously does their best to do the right thing without bringing others to unneeded harm.

10632081
I can assure you he will. It wouldn't be a Superman story if he didn't embody that in some way. There's nothing "corny" about that at all. :)

This was a great start! :pinkiehappy:

Cannot wait to see how this story will progress going forward from here. Congrats on getting featured as well :raritywink:

Bro you got featured! Congratulations!

Hmm... Alright. You have my attention. I've only seen two other good Superman-themed stories on this site, but you've made it past my cynicism and onto my tracking list.

With the hood, I almost thought this was going to be an amalgamation of Supes and Shazam. Interesting start.

Interesting. I am curious how you go about it all

As somepony who is also writing a Superman/MLP crossover, I have to say some serious Kudos here.

I very much like how you represented the character here in you kept to the dynamics yet you've gently put your spin on him. I greatly appreciate that, Specially as someone who has, in the past, looked through many of the other Superman fics on here and most had bits and pieces that were hitting the right nodes, seemed to fall short by either altering characters too much or just not flowing right.

Thanks. No, seriously. Thanks. From one reader and a fellow writer to another. (And may have been listening to the Superman OST suite through the whole time reading this chapter)

the character tags had me interested
the story thus far has me slightly hype for more
please don't stop

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Unfortunately, the most logical timeline placement for that episode is "Twilight's disaster-prevention spree in It's About Time erased it," with 28 Pranks Later picking up the slack instead of being redundant.

10633460
Not Sure I understand what you mean. Mare-do-Well did happen, so it could inspire a batman-like character.

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Mare-do-Well did happen

Not necessarily, at least from an in-universe non-Starlight perspective.

That said, here is the same guy explaining how moot the discussion is. Discord's iconic "What fun is there in making sense?" line was the rest of the writers talking ganging up on Lauren, the only one who cared. By the end of the season, they'd stopped listening to her.

So far so good. Whatever you do, don't be like the DC Extended Universe Superman. Something along the DCAU and the uplifting comics. Superman is a story of hope after all.

This was a good start. I enjoyed reading it and look forward to what comes next.

Solid beggining, with a classic scenario of halting a mugging. As someone who doesn't actually know all that much about Superman other than the basics, it'll be interesting to come into this kind of fresh, without too many preconeieved notions about the character. For now my initial theory as to why he's keeping a mysterious nature is because it's his version of the super-hero mask, and if he's got a "Clark Kent" style alter ego he may not be relying soley on the power of wearing glasses to keep his identiy hidden.

Luna read the newspaper out of Manehattan. “Super powered Stallion strikes again!”

Narrowing her eyes she wondered. ‘Do you bleed?’

Great start!
I'm so glad you're following classic, good-guy, 'someone I can look up to' Superman.
I'm looking forward to more!

Very much looking forward to more and hope this doesn't become another abandoned story

Nice work on the intro. I can't wait to see the rest.

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