A “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” Fanfiction
Written by Jade Dawn
Amethyst Star was not lost. Just a little bit misdirected, that was all.
At least that's what she told herself as she fumbled with the map of Manehattan she held, turning it over and around in a vain attempt to find where she was.
But she'd work it out. Eventually. It was just a matter of time, she kept saying in her mind.
The sooner the better, though. Night had long since fallen over the city, and the lights of its many towers and skyscrapers shone bright against the darkened skies. The downtown streets, bustling in daytime, were now emptied of their usual traffic save for the odd pedestrian such as herself, the roads and sidewalks now bathed in the yellow glow of electric streetlights, casting a pallid light on her pink coat and lavender mane.
It made Amethyst uneasy, and not just because she wasn't where she was supposed to be. The whole environment just felt unsettling to her. It wasn't at all like the cozy evenings back home in Ponyville.
She felt...exposed. Too out in the open. Like somepony or something was waiting just out of the glare of the streetlights. The fact that she was essentially a stranger in a strange land only added to her stress.
And it was only after she ruminated on this feeling that she finally conceded with herself that she was, in fact, lost. With the acceptance of that fact, Amethyst rolled up the map and shoved it in her saddlebags with a disgruntled sigh before beginning to dejectedly make her way down the sidewalk to.
This whole trip had been a bust for her. The only reason she'd come to Manehattan was to buy one of those stupid LexPads that ponies just wouldn't shut up about lately. But just her luck, they'd been almost completely sold out, and with no other real reason to be there she'd opted to just wander around taking in the sights for the day. But all that had done was get her to where she was now.
Completely and utterly lost.
Amethyst looked all around her as she walked, trying in vain to get a sense of direction in the labyrinth of buildings, streets, and alleyways that surrounded her. But all that did was get her more on edge, seeing all those tall vertical walls and darkened paths beyond. It made her wish that she hadn't gotten herself lost, that the map would have been at least half-way legible, that she hadn't come to Manehattan in the first place, that maybe somepony would take pity on her and maybe she could ask them for–
"Hey, miss?"
Amethyst's ears perked up at the sound of a male voice. She turned to see a young unicorn stallion approaching from past one of the streetlights to her right. He had a pale blue coat and a short darker indigo mane, and he wore a gray beanie and a dark-colored jacket.
"Sorry, I just couldn't help noticing..." he said. "You look a bit lost. Are you okay?"
Amethyst sighed in relief. Maybe her night was starting to look up after all.
"Oh, thank goodness. As a matter of fact, I am. I was just trying to find my way around, and...well, I sort of got a little misguided."
The other pony nodded. "Where were you staying?"
"The Marelton. On 5th Avenue."
"Alright then," the stallion said with a smile. "I think I can help you out. I know a couple of shortcuts that go by that way. Just follow me and I'll bring you right to it."
With that he turned and began walking down an adjacent alleyway, Amethyst trotting along behind him.
She couldn't keep the pep out of her step as she went along, elated at the fact that finally she was getting somewhere. The first thing she was going to do when she got back to her room was just flop down on the bed and let her tired body just sink into its softness, and just sleep her frustrations away through until morning. She had half a mind to sleep in and settle for a quick little brunch before catching the train back to Ponyville. Of course she'd have to check the train schedule again to see which ones were running and when. She honestly wanted to get back home as fast as possible, but the thought of sinking her tired body into a nice comfy bed was just so alluring...
Amethyst was so busy thinking that it was a few minutes or so before she realized that the stallion was leading her further down into the maze of alleyways. And when she did realize that she slowly felt that unsettled feeling creeping back into her chest. Was he leading her the right way? Or maybe...
"Hey," she said, keeping her voice low by some instinctual feeling she couldn't explain. "Are you sure that this is the–"
The stallion's horn lit up in a purple magical aura, and Amethyst felt herself suddenly gripped by the neck as she was yanked forward and slammed against a brick wall, knocking the wind out of her as she collided with it back-first. She saw the stallion wheeling to face her, there was a brief glint of metal, and before she knew what was happening he was looming close over her, a small knife pointed right at her neck.
"Not a sound," he whispered harshly. "Not a word, not a scream, not a move, understand? This'll be quick. You just keep quiet and you can get on out of here."
Amethyst stared silently at him, her chest heaving as a surge of terror took hold of her. At the moment she couldn't have spoken if she wanted to, she was so shocked.
From further down the alleyway she saw another stallion, an earth pony with an orange coat and dark brown mane and a large ball bat slung over his back, running up to meet them. Before Amethyst could begin to hope that maybe this was her salvation, the newcomer had come up behind the first stallion and looked at Amethyst with a sinister smile.
"Nice goin', Night Raid." He held out his hoof. "C'mon, fork it over so I can see what we've got."
Night Raid took a step back from Amethyst as his horn flared. She felt her saddlebags suddenly be lifted from her midsection by his aura. She feebly held out a foreleg as they were floated away from her over to the other pony, but that just earned her a slap on the hoof with the flat of Night's knife.
"Don't even try."
Amethyst sank down to her haunches against the wall and pulled her forelegs in close, hanging her head in defeat. Terror clutched her chest and she felt tears beginning to form in her eyes as everything sank in.
She was getting mugged. Sweet Celestia, she was getting mugged.
The other stallion sat down as he opened one of the saddlebags and began rummaging through it, while Night Raid continued to stand watch over their victim. Amethyst saw him take out the crumpled-up map she'd stuffed inside it earlier and toss it aside derisively.
"Friggin' tourist..."
"C'mon, make it quick, Clean Snatch," Night said, never once taking his eyes off Amethyst. "I wanna get this done and get out of here before somepony notices us."
"Oh, please," Snatch said without looking up. "Who's gonna notice us way back here?"
"I dunno, a cop, a random bystander..." And then in what was almost a mutter: "...Supermane..."
Clean Snatch stopped and looked up at Night. "Wait. Supermane? For real? C'mon, don't tell me you actually believe all that crud."
"Well I mean, stranger things have happened–"
"Dude, really think about it. Super tough earth pony? Okay, I can kinda buy that. Weird sixth sense? Pushing it, but maybe. But the other stuff? The speed, the hovering, the laser eyes...take it from experience as one, earth ponies can't do that. Besides, what kind of idiot goes around wearing a big red 'S' on their–hey, watch her!"
Night turned back to see that Amethyst had begun to try and slip away, and he grabbed her with one hoof and pushed her back to the ground. "What did I tell you about moving??" he snarled as he pointed the knife right at her head.
Amethyst whimpered and covered her face with her hooves. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."
Night rolled his eyes and huffed. "I'm just saying Snatch, I don't want to take any chances. He could be real. I mean, the Daily Planet seems to think so."
"No, that Lucky Lead reporter of theirs thinks he's real, and literally anypony with a working brain will tell you that she's full of...score!"
Clean Snatch had picked up the saddlebags and shook them, disgorging a decent amount of bits onto the dirty alley floor. Amethyst moaned as she watched them clink to the ground.
Night Raid turned to look as well, but kept his knife trained on Amethyst. "Huh. Not a bad haul."
"Not at all," Snatch said with a grin as he looked it over. "See? No problem. Just take it and scram and nopony's the wiser. Not a cop, not a random bystander...and definitely not Supermane."
"Really, now?" A stallion's voice, deep and firm, said. It was neither Clean Snatch or Night Raid who had spoken. Almost as one, the two muggers and their prey turned their heads in the direction of the voice.
A tall stallion now stood a few yards down the alleyway, and it seemed to Amethyst that he was rather tall, or at least taller than an average pony. His exact coat color was hard to make out in the dim light, but it looked to be a kind of tannish brown. He was shrouded in a dark red cloak that draped behind him like a cape, and a hood pulled over his head that cast a shadow on his face. Beneath the cloak he wore a simple navy blue shirt, and on this was a vivid red diamond, containing a curling shape that Amethyst couldn't quite make out from this distance and light level.
"Aw, crud..." Night Raid whispered. The knife visibly wobbled in his aura as he took slow, shaky steps away from Amethyst. "I knew it...I friggin' knew it..."
His terror wasn't shared by Clean Snatch, though, who brazenly stepped forward in front of Night and Amethyst and glared at the newcomer. "Hey, back off, pal. You wouldn't want anypony getting hurt, would you?"
"No, I wouldn't," The stallion answered in the same low, firm voice as before. "Which is why I'm going to give you a chance to leave her alone and go. I'd honestly rather it not escalate."
Snatch just scoffed. "Who do you think you are, anyway? Supermane or something?"
"That's what they like to call me, isn't it?"
For just a moment the look of bravado on Snatch's face slipped. In another it had resumed itself. "Look, buddy. I don't know what kind of stunt you're trying to pull..."
"C'mon, Snatch, let's just go," Night whispered. "I don't like thi–"
"Shut it," Snatch hissed at him before turning back to the cloaked stallion. "I dunno what you're trying to do, but we're not scared of you. Now beat it or else we'll make you beat it."
The stallion said nothing. Clean Snatch kept up his glare. Night Raid gulped nervously. Amethyst sat where she was and glanced back and forth between her captors and the cloaked figure.
Then the stranger began walking towards them, taking slow, almost leisurely steps, like he wasn't in a big hurry. And then from out of the shadow over his face cast by his hood, the pupils of his once-hidden eyes began to glow a dim, but terrifyingly noticeable, red. Amethyst felt another burst of fear clutch at her chest, and she heard Night Raid faintly whimper.
"Last warning..."
"Keep back," Clean Snatch snarled as the stallion approached. "Hey...hey did you hear me, I said keep back!"
The stranger ignored him, continuing his silent approach.
"I-I'm warning you, pal! I'll hurt you, I swear! I-I'll friggin' do it, I..."
The stallion was only a few steps away from him now.
"Alright, that's it!" In one swift motion he reached up for the bat on his shoulder, gripped it firmly in both hooves, and swung it forward straight into the face of the oncoming stranger.
It smashed into a hundred wooden splinters on impact, which fell to the ground like autumn leaves. The stallion didn't even flinch. He just blinked those glowing red eyes of his.
Clean Snatch stared in utter bewilderment, not even noticing as he numbly let the remains of the bat's handle slip out of his hoof to join the rest of it on the ground below.
The stallion just let out a small breath, like an annoyed sigh, and then said, "Fine."
And then suddenly his hooves lifted up of the ground, and the stallion began to float up into the air, rising to about three feet off the ground so that he was looking down upon Clean Snatch and his now horrified visage. There was no fluttering of wings, no glow of a magical aura or anything that might suggest conventional Equestrian magic at all. He just floated there, the ends of his cloak seeming to gently flow in a breeze unseen and unheard.
"We'll do it that way, then."
The stallion raised a foreleg, and Clean Snatch had just enough time to start a yell before the stallion backhoofed him with a terrific blow, sending him flying into the brick wall a mere two yards away from where Amethyst sat. The mugger slid to the ground in an unconscious heap and lay still.
Then the stallion turned his glowing gaze on Night Raid.
"Oh crud...oh crud!" The terrified unicorn turned and bolted, fleeing down the alleyway at a frantic speed. As Amethyst watched him run there was a sudden red blur that kicked up a gust of wind, blowing her mane and fur. An instant later the strange stallion was hovering directly in front of Night Raid, who ground his hooves into the alley road and skidded to a halt.
"Keep away from me!" Night hollered, wildly waving his knife around. "Do you hear me?! You stay away from me!"
The glow in the stallion's eyes steadily grew to a much brighter red, casting an eerie light on Night Raid's face. The air around his eyes began to ripple, and there was a faint hissing sound.
Then Night Raid looked down and saw that the knife was glowing a bright red, which soon turned to orange, then yellow. Smoke rose from it, and the metal blade began to bend and drip down onto the ground as it turned molten.
Night Raid let out a terrified squeal, letting the remains of his knife drop out of his aura as he leapt backwards. Quickly, the stallion drifted forwards and grabbed him by the chest with both hooves, lifting him off the ground and into the air.
Night Raid was in a full panic now, kicking and squirming in the stallion's iron grip. "Wait! No! Don't hurt me! Lemme go! I didn't even wanna mug anybody, it was all Clean Snatch's idea, it–"
The stranger silently raised a foreleg.
At that Night's panic went into overdrive, and he began frantically kicking his hind legs in empty air while he begged. "NO! I DON'T WANNA DIE! DON'T KILL ME-E-E-E-E-E!!!"
"I wasn't planning on it," the stallion answered calmly. "Not my style." And with that he, with what seemed to be the faintest of efforts, gave Night Raid a light hit to the side of the head. His frantic pleas fell silent, and his body went limp. The stallion lowered himself back to the ground as the red light in his eyes dimmed and faded away, darkening his face once more while he let the unconscious mugger slip out of his hooves on to the ground.
Back at her spot along the brick wall, Amethyst Star breathed heavily, her heart racing in her chest. She'd watched it all, silenced by shock, awe, and fear at the stranger who may or may not have just rescued her. But now that he was done with the muggers, she feared what he might do when he turned his attention on her.
Soon enough he turned his shadowed gaze up to her, stepping around Night Raid's unconscious form to approach her. Amethyst just stared at him, to afraid to run or call out or do anything.
But then the stranger slowed. His movements now seemed to be more careful, like he was trying to not portray himself as a threat. And when he finally spoke to her his voice was much gentler than before.
"Did they hurt you, ma'am?" he asked.
For a moment Amethyst didn't know what to say. She didn't feel ready to let her guard down and relax, not after what she'd just seen him do. But he wasn't doing anything specifically threatening to her right now, so...
"...n-no," she finally answered. "N-not really."
The stallion didn't reply immediately. She saw his shadowed head tilt a bit beneath the hood, and a strange feeling of unease came over her.
It was like he was looking right through her. Right through her very soul.
"You're right," he said suddenly. "Nothing broken. Nothing really major. Good. Now then..." The stallion stepped past her to where her saddlebags and the spilled bits lay on the ground. He bent down and began scooping the money and other discarded belongings back inside, and then picked up the bags between his teeth by the strap and turned back to her.
"...I believe these were yours?"
Amethyst just stared at the stallion, in utter disbelief that this strange pony, who just before had seemed like a holy terror, was being so gentle and downright courteous to her now. Only slowly did she finally accept that this stranger was not going to hurt her; she had nothing to fear from him. He had in fact saved her from theft. Possibly even saved her life.
And then she saw the symbol emblazoned on his shirt. She hadn't seen it clearly before, but now she could see that it was a kind of diamond shape, with a wide flat top and a bottom that tapered down to a triangular point. The outline was a deep, vivid red that stuck out against the dark navy blue, and within the diamond, set against a black background, was an odd looking shape. It was the same red as the rest of the diamond, beginning as a slanted line in its upper right corner before abruptly curling downwards at the upper left, continuing on a downward course until it hit around the middle right of the outline, before curling back up again just before the tapered end, and then finally terminating in a wide, flattened end.
It looked kind of like a very stylized "S".
"Ma'am?" The stallion prompted.
Amethyst was suddenly pulled out of her observations when she heard his voice. "Y-yes," she whispered, lighting her horn floating the saddlebags over to her.
"T-thank you," she stuttered as she put them on her back. "Thank you s-so much..."
Amethyst couldn't see it quite clearly through the shadows, but she thought she saw the faintest hints of a warm smile on the stallion's face. "Just not a fan of sitting by and watching these things happen. Now then..." he trailed off and went silent again as he turned his head to look past her at the brick wall. Amethyst couldn't help but feel a bit confused. What was he looking at?
Then he returned his gaze to her. "There's a police officer a few blocks down, directly behind you. Go to him and tell him what happened. Tell him that there's a pair of would-be muggers that you might want to press charges on."
Amethyst suddenly remembered the unconscious ponies who'd tried to rob her. "But...but are they..."
"Don't worry, they're alright. They'll have nasty headaches when they wake up, but they'll be fine. Believe me, if I really wanted to hurt them, let alone kill them, I would have. But I'm not that kind of pony. And frankly, I don't think someone like me can afford to be. Now..." He stepped away from her and turned to leave. "I think I should be going now."
Amethyst suddenly had a thought. "Wait a minute...how do you know there's a police officer down that way?"
"I looked." He said it so simply that the full weight of what it meant flew right over Amethyst's head.
"Well...well...wait..."
The stallion stopped and turned his head to look back at her.
Amethyst swallowed before continuing.
"...who are you?"
The stallion shrugged, and now she was sure she could make out a little smile on his face.
"A friend."
He turned away again, crouched for a moment, and then made a sudden leap upwards. His cloak swirled behind him, and there was a sudden gust of air that caused Amethyst to reflexively shut her eyes. When she opened them again, the stallion was gone, leaving nothing behind but a little swirl of disturbed dust and dirt that quickly sank back to the ground.
A great start, my friend. Looking forward to more of this story.
Believe me, Superman should only be creepy to those who are his enemy. In that one moment, we were looking at him from the mugger's perspective: an angel of justice. Wicked men curse God. Destroying devil or savior depends on who's saying it.
That doesn't detract from the fact that he reminded me of Luke Skywalker, though. He's a pacifist warrior. I love the characterization you managed to portray him in.
It also reminded me a little bit of Pony of Vengeance, except instead of the criminal's perspective of the main villain, it's a victim's perspective of the main hero. It's like the opposite side of the coin, the yin to my yang.
And, addressing the villains, was it really worth getting on Superman's bad side for ten dollars, two credit cards, a hairbrush, and a lipstick? (Uh, wild guess.)
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The thumbnail alone is enough to let me know I succeeded.
It really shows that this started out as a Batmare story. Lurking in alleyways isn't really Supes' style.
Regardless, I'm interested to see where this is going, especially once the Mane 6 gets involved. Keep going. I'll be tracking. 😉
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I actually kinda agree, it is basically that. We're watching it through the eyes of how someone would see Superman, at least on early in his career. Gentle like a breeze, but a raging typhoon to the criminals of Metrop... sorry, Manehatten. It's a very unique take on the character, a mystery to be solved, instead of a hero publicly debuting out in the open. It actually reminds me of Secret Identity in some ways, a Superman who's a ghost to the world and only spoken of in hushed whispers.
Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locamotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound...
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Oh yeah, it does. I remember there was one point where I was writing this chapter where I suddenly froze and thought "Wait a minute...this is literally the opening to the 1989 Batman movie!". Although to be fair, there are quite a few Superman origin stories where he starts out at in a kind of clandestine way before some exceptional catastrophe forces him out in the open.
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Don't feel ashamed of this trope in superhero stories. It's an easy and effective way to introduce the main character and the mood around him. It's not that different from other stories, but it also doesn't need to be.
You left this in the I just want a comment group and here you have one. I really liked this opening chapter. It really caught that superhero comic feels and even if the opening is a bit cliche I feel like it was done well. You introduced some core character traits for our protagonist and had him immediately save a mare in trouble. I think this will quickly turn into a story on the site that will gain hundreds of likes and comments. Good luck with the future chapters!
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While I enjoy your perspective I would not describe Luke Skywalker as a pacifist. He has killed multiple people in the civil war against the empire, especially when he blew up the death star. He is still heroic and falls on the side of good, but he is definitely not a pacifist.
(Edit: I now realize that the 'he' which followed that sentence did not have to refer to Luke Skywalker.)
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Oh, I don't know about that, but I hope it at least goes well from here. Thanks for reading. :)
And so it begins!
YOOOO, your story's Trending, my guy!
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I KNOW! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE IT?! IT'S JUST THE ONE CHAPTER!
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It must be all that promotion you did. Or you're really good at paying off a promise. So far you're at a considerable fraction to getting a few hundred views and comments.
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Oh, yeah, should probably address that. Don't trust the view count. 90% of that is just from me working on the thing.
So it's probably the promotion.
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It's a trope because it's effective. Tropes are just "tools" for writing. Also as you said it's been used with Superman before as well as a countless heroes, they try to be anonymous protectors but eventually must face a threat that necessitate exposure of thier existence. In the latest animated Superman film the even that exposes Superman REALLY exposes him since all his clothes are destroyed in the fight (and no we nothing, that's what head shots and strategically placed for ground objects are for)
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Just remember the difference between a well worn trope and a cliche. Tropes are tools used to help the story logically flow or introduce a person, place, thing or concept. A cliche is over used and used even if it doesn't fit the story.
Hero who wants to help from the shadows but circumstances form them to go public is a pretty classic trope because it makes sense and there is more than one reason to do it. For Superman it's because at his core Superman wants an ordinary life, but as a moral paragon MUST help where he can because it's just who he is. One of his best depictions was in the DC Animated Universe run by Bruce Timm, starts from the same place. Superman doesn't want to be known at first, but has to be. Also shows his 3 Identities (yes 3) Superman, Clark Kent,and just Clark/Kal who only his Parents, Supergirl and the founding members of the Justice League know. And Justice League Unlimited had his great "World of Cardboard" speech which puts into words Superman's greatest frustration and challenge.
Superman like most Superheros follows the "killing as a last resort" attitude when fighting evil.
Equestria really is a perfect place for a personality like Superman's to develop, the moral paragon physical god, who's deepest desire is just to be a normal farmer.
All I can say is that this is a really good start to the story. Love the work that went into the action, exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up. As you said, this shows that this started out as more of a Batman story, but, also as you pointed out, a fair number of stories have Superman starting out helping people more discreetly before something major forces him out into the open (the DC Animated Universe being the biggest and best example of that). And, yeah, Batman might be my favorite super-hero (particularly the "Batman: the Animated Series" version [exactly the right balance between light and dark]), but Superman is a pretty close second. And considering magic is one of Superman's three main weaknesses (and, even then, he isn't particularly weak against it; just no more resistant to it than a normal person), it makes even more sense for Supermane to be working from the shadows at first in Equestria (as Equestria RUNS ON magic). And I can see where those crooks might be a bit skeptical at first. After all, they haven't directly seen even HALF of the fantastic stuff Twilight and her friends have (and, even then, Twilight herself and Spike are the only two in the main group who have direct experience with alternate universes outside of the "magic comic book" mess and time travel). So, yeah, I could see that one Earth pony crook commenting "Super-strong and super-tough? I can kind of buy that. Odd sixth sense? Pushing it, but possible. Everything else? VERY unlikely." (admittedly, I'm paraphrasing) before Supermane actually showed up.
Really looking forward to seeing Applejack and Rarity begin their investigation. Of course, I'm wondering if this is going to be one of those deals where this is going to be the start of your spin on an MLP-style DC universe (where there will eventually be a fair number of other super-heroes operating) or if this is going to be one of those deals where the Superman analogue will be the only super-hero operating (like in the Fletcher cartoons of the early-1940s, the 1950s series with George Reeves, the Christopher Reeve films and the 1990s Lois and Clark series).
And, of course, if there ARE other super-heroes operating, the Batman analogue would probably be next (most likely based on either the Adam West version or the DC Animated Universe version). And I apologize for letting my imagination run away with me. This is your story and I have to be mature enough to respect that. Sorry again.
Anyway, very certainly looking forward to more of this.
This story has great potential. And this start was well done.
Can't wait to see what happens next
I really like where this is going.
Though I must say that if there's a Batman analogue, I will be disappointed if they don't reference Mare-do-well.
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Yeah. I know what you mean. That WOULD, indeed, make sense. Heck, perhaps there could eventually be a new Mare-Do-Well who IS the Batman analogue.
Pony justice league incoming
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Not sure what to do with the Joker analogue. The Mane-iac already exists as a comic character, and I can definitely see them telling Mare-do-well "I feel we are destined to do this forever". But she is a comic character in-universe.
Perhaps Screwball ran into Cosmos and their chaos took a dark turn.
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Perhaps. Or just some random no-name fan of the Power Ponies comics just has a REALLY bad day which ends with them having an accident akin to the Mane-Iac in the comics and becoming a REAL LIFE version of the Mane-Iac.
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Dude you already have 35 likes. My story with 30k+ words have like 10. The subject matter and genre draws a good crowd, so keep it up!
Very interesting, was a pretty fun seen all together and I look forward to see how a Superman type character would interact with a world like Equestria, where it’s mainly peaceful and already is surrounded by beings with massive amounts of power.
I can see this isn’t the complete big blue Boy Scout we all know and love (yet) but that’s fine as I can view this as somewhat of an elseworlds story, and see how this version of the character works out.
The only thing I’m a bit iffy on (and it’s a bit weird) is I’m not a fan of giving superman a hood. I dunno it just seems really off to me. Maybe cos the imagine/costume of superman is so iconic is strange whenever it’s changed but I also feel a character like superman’s wouldn’t really need one. He’s happy to show his face moments later so it just comes off as odd to me. Sorry if that comes off as really nitpicking, as it kinda is.
Overall I look forward to see where this goes.
Also I really be super saddened if this universe version of krypto doesn’t so up or is mentioned at some point.lol
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There's actually a reason why he's got the hood for now, but that'll come later, and it definitely won't last. All I'll say now is that it's tied to him not being "the complete big blue Boy Scout we all know and love yet".
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Dope, can’t wait to see what happens
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I do hope he does one day become the Big Blue Boy Scout. As corny as that description may be, it does show a lot about why Superman is so beloved. He is the most powerful being alive but is still humble and continuously does their best to do the right thing without bringing others to unneeded harm.
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I can assure you he will. It wouldn't be a Superman story if he didn't embody that in some way. There's nothing "corny" about that at all. :)
This was a great start!
Cannot wait to see how this story will progress going forward from here. Congrats on getting featured as well
Bro you got featured! Congratulations!
Hmm... Alright. You have my attention. I've only seen two other good Superman-themed stories on this site, but you've made it past my cynicism and onto my tracking list.
With the hood, I almost thought this was going to be an amalgamation of Supes and Shazam. Interesting start.
Interesting. I am curious how you go about it all
As somepony who is also writing a Superman/MLP crossover, I have to say some serious Kudos here.
I very much like how you represented the character here in you kept to the dynamics yet you've gently put your spin on him. I greatly appreciate that, Specially as someone who has, in the past, looked through many of the other Superman fics on here and most had bits and pieces that were hitting the right nodes, seemed to fall short by either altering characters too much or just not flowing right.
Thanks. No, seriously. Thanks. From one reader and a fellow writer to another. (And may have been listening to the Superman OST suite through the whole time reading this chapter)
the character tags had me interested
the story thus far has me slightly hype for more
please don't stop
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Unfortunately, the most logical timeline placement for that episode is "Twilight's disaster-prevention spree in It's About Time erased it," with 28 Pranks Later picking up the slack instead of being redundant.
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Not Sure I understand what you mean. Mare-do-Well did happen, so it could inspire a batman-like character.
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Not necessarily, at least from an in-universe non-Starlight perspective.
That said, here is the same guy explaining how moot the discussion is. Discord's iconic "What fun is there in making sense?" line was the rest of the writers talking ganging up on Lauren, the only one who cared. By the end of the season, they'd stopped listening to her.
The best Superman voice https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RMnhk26J1bM
https://m.So far so good. Whatever you do, don't be like the DC Extended Universe Superman. Something along the DCAU and the uplifting comics. Superman is a story of hope after all.
Faved and tracking!
This was a good start. I enjoyed reading it and look forward to what comes next.
Solid beggining, with a classic scenario of halting a mugging. As someone who doesn't actually know all that much about Superman other than the basics, it'll be interesting to come into this kind of fresh, without too many preconeieved notions about the character. For now my initial theory as to why he's keeping a mysterious nature is because it's his version of the super-hero mask, and if he's got a "Clark Kent" style alter ego he may not be relying soley on the power of wearing glasses to keep his identiy hidden.
Luna read the newspaper out of Manehattan. “Super powered Stallion strikes again!”
Narrowing her eyes she wondered. ‘Do you bleed?’
Great start!
I'm so glad you're following classic, good-guy, 'someone I can look up to' Superman.
I'm looking forward to more!
Very much looking forward to more and hope this doesn't become another abandoned story
Nice work on the intro. I can't wait to see the rest.