• Member Since 22nd Dec, 2017
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Jade Dawn


A true fan can acknowledge the bad while still appreciating and cherishing the good. (known elsewhere as JurassicKaiju14)

T

It was a fairly ordinary day in Perkinsville, New Jersey. Then again, most catastrophes start out like that.

Without warning, Nightmare Moon, freshly freed from her imprisonment in Equestria's moon, crash-lands in the middle of the town. Despite Perkinsville–and our entire world, for that matter–not being exactly what she had in mind for conquest, she figures it's better than nothing, and begins a one-mare campaign to bring the town–and soon all of Earth–to its knees in the face of an eternal night.

Who will win this confrontation? Nightmare Moon or the good (but extremely bewildered) people of Perkinsville?

(Rated T for some violence, particularly in the bonus chapter)

Author's Note: This story is in no way related to my other Ponies-meet-Earth story From Far Beyond. It is it's own thing, and is done purely as a side story just for fun. Comments are greatly encouraged...it helps me gauge the audience's response, so if you have any thoughts, don't hesitate to write a comment.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 44 )

"Drat!" the being exclaimed. "I overshot! I'm on the wrong planet!"

Ponies. More than meets the eye.

8857479
Ha ha. :)

So, what did you think of the story overall? Was there anything that needed fixing, anything that wasn't clear, anything like that?

8858516
I thought the story was good. I haven't read a fanfiction about Nightmare Moon in ages.

I wouldn't say that there's anything out of order. I would only say that Nightmare Moon was easily defeated by being whacked around the head, which surprises me, as she's practically an alicorn. Then again, it does add the comedy side to it.

Overall, I think you're improving your writing since your last story (not saying your last story was bad, it was a good story). That goes to every writer in my opinion, like for example, one of my mum's favourite authors called Lucinda Riley wrote her first story back in the '90s (The Angel Tree), which wasn't so good, but now she's a bestselling author, with her successful Seven Sisters series.

I especially take comments which explain what's wrong with the story, because that's what's going to help me improve my writing. That's why I'm going to be writing the next Armada story,

, privately, before publishing it onto FiMfiction, so that I write some drafts and see what to improve on. Canterlot Bridge was written on Grammarly before its first chapter was published.

Still, great story though. :twilightsmile:

8859766
Thanks for the input. Actually, the original ending was going to have Nightmare Moon win, and the final scene would have Perkinsville completely subjugated under her rule, in a similar vein to Trixie's takeover of Ponyville in "Magic Duel". But then I decided that since I had spent so much time focusing on Anthony and Matt, it would seem odd if they didn't somehow save the town in the end. Thus the baseball bat part.

Actually, I'd originally intended for this to be a one-shot, but now I'm considering writing a bonus chapter where we see where exactly Nightmare was taken, and what is happening to her right now. Maybe I'll even do a sequel where they put her through a rehab program, and part of that involves her staying with Matt and Anthony. Not sure about that, though. I really would like to do some more work on From Far Beyond.

Again, thanks for the review, and happy writing!

Comment posted by TheMysteryMuffin deleted Jul 9th, 2018
Comment posted by Jade Dawn deleted Jul 10th, 2018

9034743
Glad to see someone remembers this story. :)

This earned the thumbs-up and fav due to its premise and good timing. Of course, if you were to do it, I'm following from this point onwards in case you write a sequel.:moustache:

9083575
FINALLY I'm beginning to draw some more attention towards this one! Thank you so much for your positive feedback and just for taking the time to read this!

I don't plan on writing a full-on sequel, but I am working on a bonus chapter right now. If that goes over well, I might write some more on this one.

Again, thanks for reading! :)

9083611
Bonus chapter? Okay, tracking this story to see the update, then.

5 seconds later an onsite nuclear weapon detonated and she died

the end

9093900
or

5 seconds after she arrived on the surface she got bombed

the end

9093900
this would really make a good story, id read it.

Well, this is a downer ending if I ever saw one.

And yet, you managed to portray the disparity of power between an alicorn and human successfully. It sucks that this world's humans were permeable to magic unlike other stories, right?:pinkiecrazy:

I'll keep track of this in case you decide to show an epilogue or another chapter.

9093965
Well, what exactly do you mean by "permeable to magic"? Are there other stories where humans can resist it?

9094017
It varies, depending on plot convenience.

On some, humans are totally immune - which means that magic cannot touch them, either by 'slipping' or by simply being absorbed.

This second option leads to the second one - where the human begins by being immune, but the longer they stay in the magical environment, the more magic seeps through them, leading to eventual adaptation to the environment.

This can also be used as magic poisoning the human, like it was used in one story I know of - or magic changing permanently the human due to magic being innerently bonded with life and harmony. This ends up usually by the human being forcefully transformed by the environment's magic. This one happened in another story.

Of course, there are also the ones - the rarest, of course - where the human isn't harmed by the magic in the ambient, but in return is hypersensitive to spells that can cause harm to him, even the most innocuous ones.

9094026
Plot convenience is bullcrap. Give me a week and I'll write a paper on what makes the most sense.

9094045
My usual preferences are these: Either magic is poisonous - like radiation, due to our physiology not being adapted to that energy, or we're immune, because of said out-of-context development as a species, with probable absorption of said energy with unknown results. (A. Poisoning, B. Humans develop magic-are permeable to effects from spells yet cannot cast them, C. Humans eventually harness magic, unicorn style (fat chance)).

And by plot convenience, I meant 'what the author chooses, that he thinks will work for his story in the long-term'.

9094045
Of course, I'd be interested in reading your thoughts into the matter.

Also, it depends on what makes 'magic'. Is it Spiritual in nature, as in bonded to both Lifeforce and/or Soul? Is it a force like radiation? Is it alive in the sense of Magic being sourced from a planetary consciousness, which the natives can harness both unconsciously and at will?

Honestly that ending warrants the dark tag.

9094148
If it's in regards to what happened to the guard, I threw in a small addition to the Author's Notes section about that to alleviate concerns people might have. :)

9094050
I understood, I just wish we had a Hasbro canon. But we don't.
Also, I'm going with the "fifth FI" theory.

You make me want to write human fics, Jade, with your stories! Mine, though, would be set in London or somewhere in the UK. Preferably a transformation fic.

"Who are we even gonna call?" Matt asked.

Ghostbusters!

A look of disbelief crossed Nightmare Moon's face. "Did...did you not just hear my introduction not more than thirty seconds ago?" she said, almost aghast at the notion that the Royal Canterlot Voice had passed over somebody in the immediate vicinity.

"Whoever I am? Did you honestly not listen to a thing I said?" --Hela

"–shoot!" Anthony finished. Then he gave his friend a questioning glance. "You were gonna say 'shoot', right?"

This made me exhale through my nose while smiling.

Suddenly, a dazed and ridiculously funny look was plastered on Nightmare Moon's face, cutting her monologue short and ruining an incredibly tense and terrifying moment. The crowd gasped as she fell limply to the ground, her tongue hanging out of her mouth.

I'm reminded of Tangled for some reason. Why weren't Anthony and Matt carrying frying pans?

9510852
xD

Glad you got around to reading this. To be honest, I'm not one hundred percent proud of this one. It was one of my earlier stories, and I still think I oughta go back and do some more work on the concept some time.

Rodgers shook his head as he remembered that day when the strange being had crash-landed in the cozy little town of Perkinsville, New Jersey. Almost immediately, she had announced her intentions to conquer the world, with herself as supreme leader. She had actually managed to defeat local law enforcement before being taken out by a sneak attack by two boys with baseball hats. They had managed to knock her out long enough for the U.S. Government to swoop in and contain her.

Baseball hats my my how embarrassing to be taken out by simple hats

9712827
:rainbowderp:

*frantically scrambles to correct typo*

All kidding aside, thank you so much for pointing that out.

9712839
There’s one other typo I just can’t recall where it was. I more than listen to chapters with the read feature so that’s the only reason I caught it. I think the word was pleasurable but I could be wrong

Well, this story was a fun thing. First, it was snarky as all hell in the first chapter, and then we got this which turned to right up horrifying. Granted, I suppose you could drop some Massive Ordnance Penetrators on Nightmare ala Shin Godzilla, but that presumes she can't just shoot them out of the skies. Also, you'd have to get B-2s mobilized, and that could take god knows how long before while Nightmare creates all kinds of hell. And that includes killing Matt and Anthony.

Basically, the human race is pretty screwed if you look at it.

But seriously, this was a great piece. I howled at the Geico reference, and Nightmare Moon accidentally landing in nowheresville New Jersy and getting up knocked out by baseball bats? It's so mind numbly stupid it becomes so plausible.

9749519
Thanks! I actually didn't plan to write that bonus chapter at first, and to be honest, I have no idea where I got the idea to make it as dark as I did. I suppose I just wanted to see just how scary I could make the idea of Equestrian alicorn magic in a real-world setting sound. I've actually been toying with the idea of writing a third chapter where she comes back to hunt down Matt and Anthony. It would probably go back to the lighter tone the first one had, but I don't know if I'll ever do it. I've also been considering writing a full-on remake of this story with a much longer chapter count and a more tongue-in-cheek, fandom related sense of humor.

But anyway, thanks for checking this out! Be sure to take a look at my other stories if you can find the time!

9750847

I've actually been toying with the idea of writing a third chapter where she comes back to hunt down Matt and Anthony. It would probably go back to the lighter tone the first one had, but I don't know if I'll ever do it. I've also been considering writing a full-on remake of this story with a much longer chapter count and a more tongue-in-cheek, fandom related sense of humor.

I like the third chapter idea, but remaking this story with a more fandom oriented sense of humor? Nah, I'd advise against that actually. It's funny as it is, no need to pander to the audience with a few cheap jokes.

Comment posted by Jade Dawn deleted Jul 26th, 2019

9751036
Sorry, accidentally deleted the original comment. Let me send you a PM with the idea, just to avoid spoilers should I choose to go through with it.

"At last!" she shouted (it was definitely a female voice).

Not gonna lie... was waiting for her to say "After ten-thousand years I'm free! Time to conquer Equestria", and then Power Rangers.

Still, hearty chuckles all around.

"Drat!" the being exclaimed. "I overshot! I'm on the wrong planet!"

:rainbowlaugh: Perfect.
Wow, it's fun to read your stories. Thanks for writing this. I love it!

9859704

Wow, it's fun to read your stories.

Do you know how good it feels to read something like that? :twilightsmile:

Your requested review is on the "I Just Want A Comment" forum here.

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