• Published 18th Nov 2020
  • 2,864 Views, 92 Comments

The 41-Second Goddess - Bicyclette



What exactly did Pinkie Pie do during the time she held Discord's power? An Equestrian intelligence officer leaves a message to her successor on what little they know so far. Warning: Superintelligences and existentialism

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Chaser

Pinkie Pie sat smiling in the middle of Ponyville’s town square. Of course she was smiling. It had only been a moon since the defeat of Cozy Glow, Tirek, and Queen Chrysalis, but everything in Ponyville was already back to normal. She could break out into a song about smiling at any moment, and half the town would join in, jumping on rooftops in happiness.

But then she remembered that not every town in Equestria could say the same thing. Canterlot had suffered the most damage from Cozy Glow’s attack, and was just beginning its reconstruction and recovery. The ponies and creatures there wouldn’t be jumping on rooftops with joy any time soon.

Pinkie Pie frowned as she thought of the prospect of anycreature anywhere being sad. Then her thoughts wandered, as they often did. She thought about the other thing which she associated with Canterlot, which was a certain kind of cupcake that she always made sure to get whenever she found herself up there. The Bake Stop’s Special Bundt Cupcake. It had been forever since she had one!

At that moment, a pegasus deliverypony fulfilling a rush order to a client in Fillydelphia was flying overhead. She collided unexpectedly with a swarm of geese, whose migration patterns had been altered due to recent weather changes made by the Wonderbolts near the Dragon Lands. This would normally have not been a problem, since the deliverypony’s cargo was secured to her with unicorn magic, which could stand something as minor as a collision with a goose swarm. But the flight path had inadvertently taken the cargo through an energy net whose valence was just planar and opposite enough to said magic to loosen it.

Just enough for one box to fall.

Of course, the box’s fragile cargo would never survive a drop from that height in its original, plain packaging. But the box’s sender had nursed a distrust of high society opinions of cultural markers ever since the heart of her own business was nearly destroyed by the reign of a snooty Canterlot critic years before. So when she read that scathing review in the Manehattan Times of some recent aesthetic trends coming out of the Equestrian Midwest, she deliberately adopted them in defiance, changing her box design and piling on layers of crinkled ribbon and foam precisely in the way that the reviewer had described as “gaudy” and “a pastel-colored eyesore”.

It was precisely those things that absorbed the brunt of the impact of the box with the ground. But that wasn’t all. The angle of the impact opened up the bottom of the box just enough for one of the items it contained to pop through, spared of the remaining force of the impact by the sacrifice of its sisters. The item sailed through the air in a parabolic arc and landed in front of Pinkie, upright and unharmed.

It was a single The Bake Stop’s Special Bundt Cupcake.

Pinkie picked it up and ate it. It was absolutely delicious. It tasted exactly as good as it did the last forty times she had eaten it in her life. No more, no less. She smiled.

Somewhere in Pinkie Pie’s brain, the last surviving remnant of the 41-Second Goddess thought Her last thought before at last allowing Herself to dissolve into nothingness, Her goal finally fulfilled.

Totally worth it.

Comments ( 73 )

Of course she's strange by any metric, before the embiggening. So even the assumption of her plans is already impossible. Only another party pony could hope to start to set up some insight to her goals, and as the agent's reported that would be a hollow hope in the end.

By the by love the story.

Pinkie the Ineffable.

Making sure even the Agency is happy?

At least the Goddess can look forward to enjoying the cupcakes again next time. :pinkiehappy:

The trick with the Grahams Number Cracker Computer, is to get it to make itself. :derpytongue2:

Brilliant title.

Are you going to write a story that has Equestria Girls Pinkie as a secret agent who's job is to research the portal and Equestrian magic in general?

I..I think this is.....I don't know. I don't know.


Faved.

This is fantastic. Keep it up.

:rainbowlaugh: Perfectly Pinkie Pie. Magnificent stuff. Thank you for it.

10537424
Thanks! I'm happy to read you say that because for the longest time I thought Pinkie Pie was the pony I "got" the least. I think she's showing up so much in my writing as a weird way of me trying to understand her.

This is perfectly Pinkie Pie. :pinkiehappy:

AAAAAAAaaaaaaaa I forgot about the chaser. Perfect ending! :pinkiehappy:

Did Pinkie get Discord's powers in an actual episode? I haven't kept up with the show since season 7 or so.

10538020
It's in the finale, I got the idea for this the first time I watched it

10538023
I... I have some seasons to catch up on.

10538027
I actually didn't like Seasons 8 and 9 at first due to the change in focus, but it turns out that themes developed there are popping up in my writing a lot. They actually feature heavily in this story, thinking about it! The larger changes taking place in Equestria, the justification of Twilight Sparkle's accession, and the adaptation in perspective that not only Equestrian ponies living in their new society but also us viewers have to go through.

Nicely done. I really enjoyed this story. Keep up the good work! :pinkiehappy:

10537901
Thanks! Can't have a shot without a chaser.

Oh. There's the comedy I was expecting! :facehoof: Oh, well. Like Pinkie thought-said...

Totally worth it.

10538027
The good news is that you’ve only got two more seasons left. The bad news, is you’ve only got two more seasons left.

10538081
I disagree. Sure, we of course only glimpse a fraction of what goes on within and without such a being’s mind and comprehension, but just as our human reality is perhaps a shadow of many higher dimensions of reality, and just as dogs can understand to a lesser degree concepts we both share like fun and play and also loneliness, or since I’m not really structuring this in any sort of elegant way, take Graham’s number, which 10537272 mentioned— far far far too massive to ever even be written out in power tree form, we still have clever ways of understanding and defining it, so too, could us very mortal humans/ponies have some understanding of otherwise lovecraftian entities.

10538081
Also, for another quite fascinating, philosophical, and somewhat darker take on Discord’s powers being related to knowledge of how things work, I highly recommend

TRot
Discord's power was something that always frustrated Twilight. All that power, with no effort, no cost. So when Discord offers her a chance to learn his secrets, Twilight quickly agrees. Unfortunatly all things come with a price.
Mister E · 5.6k words  ·  1,496  20 · 20k views

. It also has a sequel and a different-author spin-off

Ohh, you are GOOD. Have yourself a merry little follow.

i didnt see this coming...but i really REALLY should have XDD

Pinkie pie harnessing chaos magic was the funniest thing in that Season 9 finale.

10538073
It's actually the desk handling the Equestria Girls universe, but since its existence is unknown by the wider public in-universe, I'd have to come up with a code name instead and I was lazy. The rest of the Agency tends to not have a very high opinion of that desk for various reasons, and don't quite understand why the secret classification is so high.

Could you imagine. Literally, generations, upon generations, down to the next evolutionary stage of existence, on and on and on. Whole lives, dedicated to understanding, and stopping the 41-second goddess. and all she did was get a cupcake.

10538593
That's the idea! Reverse Cosmic Horror

Everyone was wondering but.. we were afraid asking the question :<

Peter Watts is my favorite author and MLP is my favorite show, this story lives up to the promise of both its parents.

10538746
I am very happy to hear that! There are a few phrases in there that seemed obligatory to include, like "brownian motion" and the neuron count comparison. But I am really excited about the analogue of Wattsian vampires that I am developing as the background for one of my series. It really ties the whole world together.

10538764
When I saw what this was inspired by I was curious as to what would happen when you mixed the cheerfulness of MLP with the analytical cynicism of Watts and I think you did justice to both.

10538593

and all she did was get a cupcake.

10538624
No, the true horror is what was IN the cupcake. :pinkiecrazy::pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy:

When You Do Things Right, People Won’t Be Sure You’ve Done Anything at All.

All of this... every odd occurrence in the universe, every oddity, every single coincidence, some random event, and this comment I'm writing right this second. It was all for the single purpose, of ensuring that Pinkie Pie got to eat a single cupcake?

That's so Pinkie Pie it's scary, and hilarious.

10539039
Because they totally didn't cause apocalypse in every second game about them.

41 seconds of god power travel backward, forward and sideways though time. Nice little crumb to explain Pinkie Pie's weird stuff she could do. Good on the writers.

I laughed for a good 10 mins over this bit. Excellent!

if they were to ask Pinkie what she did in those 41 seconds they would have been left with more questions than answers

This is genius. I love everything about it.

Came for the ponies, stayed for the philosophy. As wise men and wizards are wont to say, "Not only is the universe stranger than we think, it is stranger than we can think.

I'm still pondering the metaphysical implications of how Discord, "world of pure imagination" advocate Willy Wonka, Goddess Pinkamena Pie, and Tay Zonday have all recognized the importance of Chocolate Rain but that's better left to higher beings than myself.

Oh my word... Send a medic, I'm dying of asphyxiation!!!:rainbowlaugh:

This was lovely ^^

Hmmm. I have WILD disagreements in your interpretation of super intelligence. But this was still a fun story. The punchline is a bit existentially horrifying for the desk, but *shrugs* At least the cult of one (peculiar hobby?) they’ve essentially formed gives a kind of enlightenment to career investigators and encourages them to live a better life.

Of course, accepting the premise, after a thousand years when the watch on the Bell has faded someone will take the knowledge of the perfectly preserved 41 second goddess cult and resurrect Pinkie Pie themselves with time travel.

10538833
Some elements of this story seem inspired not so much by Peter Watts, as by Charles Stross and his "Laundry Files" series.

Anyway, I thought chapter one was quite good (handling superintelligence and alien intelligence well enough that it might be easy to miss how well those are handled.) But I think "Chaser" made the story even better by how it added a new viewpoint.

10540874
Ha, that's interesting, because I've literally never read any of those but that series has been on my reading list forever. "Charlie Stross Was Right" is actually referring to a specific comment he left somewhere on the internet about where he gets some of his story ideas, which I did as well for this, so there are maybe a dozen people in the world who would know what I'm talking about there.

I'm glad to hear you thought I handled it well! I considered this very complete but now I'm contemplating a distant future epilogue.

I have a feeling that with all the plotting and planning and desking, nopony ever bothered to just, like, ask Pinkie what was going on. And if that doesn't encapsulate government bureaucracy in a tidy little bow, I don't know what does.

Very nice work.

10540916
Not to mention the ASSUMPTIONS. Clearly all of equestrian history ultimately bends to Her glorious resurrection because such an entity would always choose to exist! Ia, ia, Pinkie Ftaghn! Never mind that if she really IS all that she LET Discord use Grogar’s Bell on her...

That was truly Pinkie. :pinkiehappy:

Yeah this fits what Pinkie would do, just a little disappointed that, that's all she did.

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