• Member Since 10th Jan, 2018
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

J Carp

I'm an old sourpuss.


Limestone has a situation, and she absolutely does not want to talk about it. But apparently no one informed Maud's stupid unicorn friend, because here they are, in the garden of swears, talking about it.

An entry in the May 2021 Original Pairings Contest.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 22 )

This was amaaaaaaazing! A really fun look at Limestone, with decent explanations for how she behaves without making her a protective bear. And then it flipped it around and had some wonderful insights into Starlight, too!

Of course I came in here expecting it to be romantically shipping those two, but the outcome was a very pleasant surprise. I really like the ship I think you hinted at it being :pinkiehappy:

By the way, I noticed that you're missing a closing speech mark from here:

“I told her I’d think about it! Grrrrrph! Limestone rolled her eyes with pure disdain. “She was really underssstaannnnnding. Of course. She’s a terrible actor, but at least she pretended like she was okay waiting for my answer. Of course.”

For what it's worth, I think 75% gay sounds about right for Limestone. Which way around to Starlight and Trixie sit in relation to that?

Brilliant story, thanks for writing!

Wow, this was really good. The dialouge, the characterization, the message. I wish I could get angry fifteen year old me to read this. Really good job.

Okay, now I really want to know more about Limestone's relationship with Celestia. Now that's a unique pairing. Limestone and Starlight do indeed have much in common. The difference is that Starlight is only occasionally a seething ball of unyielding rage. 😅 For real though, it's interesting how different authors interpret Limestone's character. And a spell that could tell a person what their romantic and/or sexual preferences were would certainly save many people a lot of soul-searching if it existed. (Well, assuming it wasn't also used as the basis for discrimination, but that's a heavy topic to broach under a comedy fic.)

Yo dawg I heard you liked original pairings so I put an original pairings in your original pairings so you can

Ah, Limestone. I can sympathize with everything making her angry all the time. That was how I was, once, and sometimes still am. More from anxiety and fear and being raised to deal with that by being angry, but same difference.

Regardless that was a fantastic conversation she and Starlight had, and there was plenty of hilarious dry comedy, like Rainbow trying to figure out Discord's gender. (Which I'm pretty sure is a big fat question mark that freely oscillates into any other character it wants, because Discord.) And Pinkie Pie setting up a gay lady party in the hopes of getting her gay sister some gay is a gay idea. Err, good idea. (Well as far as I'm concerned those are synonyms.)

75% gay had me laughing pretty hard too. I like the idea that Starlight can just bust out a spell to do that.

Celestia with LImestone is definitely a unique pairing, I'll give you that. And one I like.

Magnificent work. You do a fantastic job of Limestone barely able to see the world through her knot of rage and self-loathing, and Starlight was just the right pony to talk her through this particular issue. And the Mystery Mare... :rainbowlaugh: Brilliant stuff there as well.

Thank you for this. Best of luck in the judging.

I aspire to develop characters this well in this short of a piece.
I need to write a novel before my characters get anywhere near this level.

Is good. - Heavy

That's a heck of a story. Awesome work with Limestone "The angry bundle of angry anger" Pie, and her conversation with Starlight "About 75% reformed" Glimmer was just marvellous. Plus Mystery Mare!

And of course Starlight has a literal gaydar spell. :twistnerd:

This was amazing. I love it :)


Why is my point?” Starlight asked, forehead creasing. “What’s my point ?!”


I loved this because freakin' Limestone Pie, but everyone in the comments seems to have figured out who the mystery mare is and I have absolutely no idea. Am I being dumb?

EDIT: Never mind, I wasn't being so much dumb as I was inattentive. After a re-reading I realized it's Celestia :)

This is great. I mean it.


Well, obviously J Carp's stories don't all share the same continuity (Fluttershy's explicitly gay and not with Discord in other continuities), but...


"Okay." Starlight tilted her head and asked Moon Dancer, very seriously, "How gay are you?"

Moon Dancer looked back, equally serious. "Nine."

"Nine?" Starlight tilted her head the other way, confused. "Nine... uh, I don't understand, what scale are you using?"


"You're... nine gays."


"I'm seven gays!" Trixie interjected happily. "That might sound like less, but it's not. In reality, seven is the ideal amount of gays."

Starlight blinked languidly, then frowned. "You guys are making fun of me."

"Little bit," Moon Dancer replied, smirking.


We can thus reason that Starlight is 8 gays, Trixie is 7, and Limestone Pie is 7.5. :V

10845326 This is the highest form of mathematics.

“Everything! Trixie! Clouds! Cheese Sandwich! That tree!” She leaned over, grabbed a nearby flower in her teeth, and yanked it out of the ground. “Dss flwr!” She spat it out. “I hate that kind of flower. It makes me so mad! It is just the worst shade of yellow. Or whatever color it is. I hate it.”

The world may never know the true colour of that flower... I like to think it was red (a.k.a. Objectively the worst shade of yellow.)

Also, this story was amazing!!! So much character is shown off here from both Limestone and Starlight, and I love it so much!!! 😍

This was a masterpiece of character work. I never would have thought Limestone and Starlight had things in common, but you proved me wrong. While Limey is the focus of this story, Starlight was phenomenonal here. You absolutely nailed what makes her tick. Major kudos for that. The pairing of Celestia and Limestone was completely out of left field (pun intended)... in a good way. I would love to read more of this!

Starlight nodded, frowning. “Huh. Retired?”

Oh shit, I thought it was Twilight, not one of the sisters!
Is it Celestial? No, Luna, she loves history.

Gotta be honest with you, I kinda glossed over everything and didn't really get who this mystery mare actually is. But once everyone pointed it out now everything makes sense!

At first I though it was Luna because she's also old enough to retire and everyone feels intimidated by her, but then mystery mare also has great social skills so yup, Celestia it is.

“You two are gay.”

I feel like there’s some unspoken rule where if you desire to claim residency or asylum in Ponyville you have to be, on some level, attracted to women.

“What?!” she hissed. “You invited me to a party without a swear closet?!”

What the buck is a swear closet?..

What, does she swear that much that as opposed to a jar, she needs a closet? :unsuresweetie:

What am I missing? :rainbowhuh:

“Y’know, she just showed up outta nowhere like some kind of tourist. You believe that? She said she wanted to know more about rock farming.”

Okay so I like deducting.

AJ and RD aren’t the Mystery Mare, because they’re with each other. Fluttershy’s with Discord, and I don’t think he’d (or whatever gender or pronouns he’s going by this week) take too kindly by that.

Not Pinkie, either. (Cause ew)

Leaving Twi and Rarity. Twi might be curious about rock farming, but given Rarity’s whole gem schtick I’m going to put my metaphorical money on her.

The tourist thing matches up too, and the whole Gift of the Marble Pie episode also helps with Rarity getting Maud’s humour and then getting Limey’s.

But then stuff like this:

“I got up in her face and I told her just what I think of her sending my sister off into danger all the time.

Makes me think of Celestia Twilight.

“Nothing. Just… who does Pinkie know that’s old enough to reti…” Starlight stopped talking, mid-word. She stood, completely still, mouth hanging open, as the gears turned in her head. “...What?”

Not Rarity then.

Welp, I’m lost. First thing I thought of was Mrs Cake, because I have no idea who else Pinkie knows that Starlight also knows.

Now thinking about Matilda, because of the whole Cranky thing. Doubt it though.

EDIT: Reading the comments, and I’m surprised that I didn’t connect the dots. Think I missed something. But it makes sense (who everyone is saying in their comments).

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