• Member Since 10th Jan, 2018
  • offline last seen 29 minutes ago

J Carp


I'm an old sourpuss.

E

This story is a sequel to I Am Awkward (Yellow)


As Fluttershy's birthday approaches, she learns two jarring things: not all of her friends are as fine with her new relationship as she had previously thought, and her human counterpart is extremely closeted.

This is a story about queerness, friendship, bunnies, humans who think they're bunnies, magic explosions, and extremely terrible flirting.

Probably the main thing you need to know from I Am Awkward (Yellow) is just that Fluttershy is dating Moon Dancer, and they're super cute together.

Chapters (16)
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Comments ( 174 )

Oh boy a sequel! Looking forward to the next one.

are these the same characters? I mean do we have the same main chars in this?

this could be the first time I wouldn't mind other main chars, but I hoped to have a sequel with the same characters.
I will see when I have the time to read this.

This was a nice chapter, but I hope the ending isn't suggesting it continues with the Equestria girls world.

I mean that the whole story is going to be about that world and in that pov.

They are indeed super cute. :twilightsmile:

8936502
The story's going to take place both in EQ-land and in Equestria. Main characters are pretty much the ones listed for the story.

8939339
THat's okay I guess, I think I know which main chars you mean know, but because Equestria girls was in it, I could hav enever knows if it wasn't the other Fluttershy or Moondancer as the main chars suddenly.

Fluttershy seducing Moondancer was both the most hilarious and most adorable thing ever. They are perfect for eachother

Y’know, Flutters, if you feel you need to wear a beard for a while that’s fine, but I know you’d be able to find one that’s less greasy and itchy and smelling of vomit and cat piss.

"Yeah. Me neither."

this was more or less finally the moment I noticed it was the human world.

I'm kind of interessted to read more about why Fluttershy does what she does here with Weeping, but not without anything about pony shy. I mean it sounds like she is staying with him because she thinks she could not get anything better or stuff like that.

Not to overreact or anything but I hope that Weeping gets what's coming to him. And that what's coming to him is a semi truck with bad brakes.

How dare you disgrace the name of one of my favorite trees? Neggy jealous jerk...seriously, Flutteryshy, just shave already. This beard does not look good on you.

Ri2
Ri2 #12 · May 30th, 2018 · · · Icky ·

I never thought I'd despise a pony related to Fluttershy more than Zephyr. I was wrong. Every time he opens his mouth I cringe and want him to die. Is that wrong?

Also, Sunny totally has a job!...at a sushi place...I'm sorry, what's Weeping do for a living?

Okay the image of Sunset hopping around like a bunny is now in my head and I can't stop smiling.

"Cadence? But she..." Twilight gasped. "This is a love problem?"

Rarity grinned back at her, not even bothering to hide her excitement. "This is a love problem!"

Not sure how to feel about it if they suddenly say Twilight loves Fluttershy too, to be honest I hope this stays between Fluttershy and Moondancer and Twilight has to find her own special pony, preferable from the main six if you have no time to introduce a new one properly.

Not sure what to say about Cadance this time, but powers or not I hope she is arguing more with logic instead of I use my magic and detect the perfect replacement for you thing or is manipulating in any way.

I like that shipping, If it was who I think it was then I like it. I also liked the situation, I mean how Trixie appareantly accidently got herself a date.

Trixie's as gay as a gumball machine.

Oh Applejack, you and your ridiculous country sayings.

That entire last scene with Trixie was pure gold. It almost made me regret writing a more subdued Trixie, now I kinda want to do a full on great and powerful scene in my story.
Also I'm with sunset, never thought of it before but hanging out with a bunch of old lesbians sounds freaking awesome.

Ri2

8971490
Wait, so, does that mean Granny is...but then how did she have Bright Mac,..

I gotta wonder if ponies don't have the sci-fi genre because I gotta think if they did Moondancer would totally be into it and then she wouldn't find the similar language thing weird. I mean I've never thought it was weird because I've never looked at the Human world as simply a different world, I've always viewed it as a parallel Universe which means that for all the differences between the two worlds there are also plenty of similarities and language happens to be one of them.

8974227
No no no, she just hangs out with lesbians. I'm straight and I've hung out with gay guys, they're cool. Now multiply that by crazy old people and we got a party. Plus, as a straight guy, I think an old lesbain would be the best wing woman. "Yo, Edna. Chat up her friend, I'm going in." ( Sorry if anyone is named Edna, it's just the name I think of when I think of old women)

She hated not knowing what she was thinking, but no matter how hard she tried to get a grip, her feelings and thoughts just whooshed around her head like jetsam.

oh no this is happening now?

"Yeah! Do you want to take a quick flight with me, just around town? It's a nice evening for it." She took a step closer, smiling as calmly as she possibly could.

flee Fluttershy fly away as fast as you can.

Don't think I believe this will make the story bad, but right now I just can't get along with the idea of Twilight suddenly being into Fluttershy or whatever she tried to pull of here. She knows that Fluttershy and Moondancer are together right?
I don't like herd stories so much, but if that should not be a thing in this story, then I'm not sure if what Twilight did with Fluttershy here was right. I mean I'm not sure if I'm supposed to see this as another family member trying to get into the her or if Twilight was trying to figure out if she loves twilight/ stealing her without thinking about Moondanver here?

Even if that should have the possibility of a herd story, then I think she should also start to think about getting along with Moon Dancer or seeing if she likes her too, it is probably not to healthy if they both only want Fluttershy.

edit: That and if she should enter the relationship then I hope she doesn't start to try to control it. I actually hope it stays between Moon Dancer and Fluttershy in the end.

You know I really cannot tell what the hell Twilight is thinking right now. When this issue first started, my thoughts were 'She's not actually into Fluttershy, she's upset because if Moondancer, who is exactly like her, can get with somepony, why can't she?', but now I legitimately can't tell what the hell is going on. It seems like she does have a thing for Fluttershy, but prior to now we've have no indication of it.

Whatever she's thinking, she definitely did the wrong thing here. Hitting on Fluttershy (even if she was extremely poor at it and frankly kind of scary) is going to leave Fluttershy freaked out, Rainbow Dash very pissed off, and Moondancer, angry, hurt and sad, and being Moondancer, likely not sure which one to feel the strongest about.

One thing I'm curious about though is Sunset here. I wonder who it was she felt this way about?

8974374
The situation is complicated, the way I see it it's not that Twilight is actually into Fluttershy she's just honestly hurt by the fact that Fluttershy was never interested in her despite falling for someone exactly like her. She's confused because now she's wondering if there is something terribly wrong with her and wants some kind of reassurance that there isn't. This clearly isn't the way to handle the problem but Twilight is panicking because she hasn't quite figured out why she is feeling this way.

So...there was no way that was Sunset on the other end of the journal right? It's Weeping out to try to abduct a pony?

8975017
Hhmmm I think I will see it like that for now, anyway that is pushing Twilight closer again into the possibility of getting her own nice white room and a coozy tight jacket till they know what's wrong with her. In many stories she can't really handle problems at all.

“Dig Your Grave”, Twilight? Why? You’re doing a great job digging it yourself.

8974227

There are straight people married to gay people, y'know. Some of them even have families the natural way. I imagine it takes some soul-searching and such, and being just THAT super comfortable with your partner to get around the inherent lack of sexual attraction to their genital situation.

I always like it when Cadence is good at her job. And I'm glad to see the Fluttershy and Moondancer are smart enough to dismiss Twilight trying to be scummy,

Willow continues to disgrace one of my favorite trees.

[The chapter has been edited; this no longer applies.]

If you're going to have all of someone's friends taking joy in overriding her will and erasing her memory afterward so that she doesn't know she's being abused, you should really mark this story as dark. Especially when we're talking about the protagonists. If you had, for example, Sombra acting that way then it wouldn't do the same things to the story's tone.

In other circumstances I'd also suggest making a content note, because the dark stuff being about a hypnotized unicorn in multicolored human form will not stop the situation's power dynamic from being uncomfortably familiar to some mundane human abuse survivors (while others won't even notice it; abuse survivors aren't a monolith, after all), but I've almost never seen content notes used on Fimfiction so . . . yeah.

8985693
Hmm, what do you think is the big trigger, here? The lack of memory? The fact that everyone's laughing at her?

I'm happy to know about something affecting people in a negative way so I can rewrite it, especially a side joke that's really just for color. Do you think it's different if Sunset knows about the suggestion and is clearly presented as okay with it, and it's made clear her friends wouldn't use it if she wasn't?

...Maud telling rock stories is now high on my list of most adorable things ever.

Love this chapter and the interactions.

For the backup elements:
Trixie is Laughter, performing and bringing light into ponies lives
Maud is Honesty
Starlight pretty much has to be Magic
Moon Dancer is probably Loyalty, she's the one I'm having most trouble with matching

So we saw in the last chapter that Twilight has a nagging doubt that Moon Dancer is an improved copy of herself—and now Moondancer admits she thinks she’s just an inferior clone of Twilight. Aside from appreciating the irony, I have to wonder if that will make their eventual reconciliation easier, or harder.

I still hope she isn't joining the herd just because of her crazy moment and self esteem.

Maybe you should make it cleat if we are back to the pony world.

Oh I can see an anime/cartoon being called Fluttershys adventure that last two minutes every day. One of those episodes she fights a clone and in another one she nearly get's a heartattack by meeting someone around the corner.


8985692
That was actually one of her better moments in my opinion yes, but i think they can also write her horribly wrong and often use her to kind of force two ponies together faster than they are comfortable with it. Often enough I think it even happens before the main char even noticed that he is in love with someone himself, which made it look a bit weird and then it get's a bit into the mind control direction for me.
---------------

It was a nice chapter.

8986440
I always imagine it as her being able to sense connections, see their qualities, and to catalyze potential rather than going 'boom, you're in love now'.

She did not look like she felt good. But she did look like she felt better. She sighed, the first rays of hope beginning to show up in her expression. That was when the tentacle crashed through the wall.

I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going.

Shit, things just got very bad for everypony. Twilight is already insecure and filled with self doubt, and extremely unsure of herself and how she feels. Moondancer, also feeling insecure, frightened and falling back on anger so she won't fall apart, and then they meet before either are prepared and ready for a confrontation. Very not good.

It will be interesting to see how Fluttershy will interact with Fluttershy.

He put his claw on Twilight's shuddering form and looked up at Moon Dancer in bewilderment. "What's going on?"

"Just the Magic of Friendship,"

oof

"I didn't mean... Moon Dancer, you matter!"

"Apparently I don't!" Moon Dancer screeched.

I like it.

"Your best friend," Moon Dancer sneered, voice dripping with contempt. "And you're still doing it. You think you can do it forever, just string me along and wreck my life as many times as you want." She stood over Twilight, disgust practically radiating from her like a halo. "It's what you always do."

No matter how true it is in one story or another, but I really like it if they say it if a character did something wrong or even let them feel it a bit.

He put his claw on Twilight's shuddering form and looked up at Moon Dancer in bewilderment. "What's going on?"

"Just the Magic of Friendship,"

I'm pretty sure at least one is going to missunderstand it, but I'm going to say it anway, I loved it. This is one of my favourite sentences this time.

oh nooooooo

Twilight shrunk back. "Okay." Moon Dancer turned to walk away, but Twilight apparently could not help herself, because she said, softly and miserably, "Just... I'm sorry."

GOT DAMMIT TWILIGHT SHE TOLD YOU SHE TOLD YOU IT WASN'T THE RIGHT TIME WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN?!!

Ri2

Was...that Sunset who wrote the message for Fluttershy?

But if it was Weeping Willow, what would he want with her?

Also, Moondancer's right, that WAS a scummy-ass thing of Twilight to do. Why exactly did she do it again?

Ouch. The worst part about fighting with friends is they know how to hurt you :(

I'm still half sure that Willow is the one sending the messages.

Shit, looks like there might be more to Weeping Willow then just dick boyfriend.

This also explains why Sunset's handwriting was really crap the last few chapters

Starlight is right. She really is an expert at childhood baggage.

9048345
Yep, there it goes. He CONTINUES to be a disgrace to my favorite tree, and even though I know Twilight will get out of this I will never forgive him for that. I look forward to seeing him forever banned from the area by a mob of angry animals as soon as Fluttershy gets Fluttershy's head on straight (so to speak).

You know it occurs to me: Twilight is having her first experience with the fine royal tradition of kidnapping by extradimensional beings.

I'M not sure about it, but when Applejack agreed to go on a date with Fluttershy, shouldn'T she actually tell her if she is even interessted in girls?, or what was it that Fluttershy didn't liked about Applejack not talking at their date. I mean what she didn't wanted to talk about in chase someone really understood I think she hadn't said anything.

She noticed that the slightly smaller crow suddenly had a small piece of chalk in his beak. He bent over and jerkingly drew, on the pavement, a stick-figure pony and a question mark.

Did they heard her talking or why do they think she is a pony? I'm not sure if I would accept something like "they are animals and just know it".

Starlight felt herself sputtering in confusion. "...what? I don't understand. You don't care about her any more because of this?"

For Starlight it seems to only work one way and she doesn'T seems 100 other possibilities or reasons.

"Nope!" Starlight exclaimed, beginning to trot away, Moon Dancer hanging upside-down in the air above her. "You are not doing this! We're going to the castle and you're talking to Twilight!"

Not sure if it isn't to early for this and if an apology would prevent Twilight from learning this or that about this encounter, but i guess if Moon Dancers is starting to destroy herself she needs to do this.

I just hope Starlight doesn't simplifies the problem and that only Fluttershy is apologizing. I don't remember the whole talk, but I get the feelign that at least both can be at fault here.

"You're mad about stuff that doesn't even make sense! You totally know Twilight doesn't look down on you. If anything, she looks up to you! You just were worried about that when you were a little kid, and you never talked about it!"

Hhhhhmmm I don't like that part. I mean maybe she is right a bit, but I also think princess of friendship or not something like that behavior towards Moon Dancer could have been still stuck with her since she was used to treat her like that. I also just like stuff like this and I also like the idea of any of the princesses not being perfect, afterall no matter how much they learn they always do the same stupid stuff in the show. I mean pretty similar problems they already solved once.

"By the way!" she announced, "I looked up a picture of your friend Minuette. You were right! She's really pretty!"

Was Minuette the one that uhhhmmm was kind of out of control with relationships and her excited talking about what she maybe already did with whoever she met?
I'm not sure if I'm thinking of another story right now or if it was this one.

Wait.....is Twilight not as sad as Moon Dancer about the whole thing?
Maybe part of the problem why I think Starlight shouldn't exactly make it look like less of the problem it maybe is or was, is probably because of the talk Twilight had with Cadance and the other stuff. Maybe those are two different things and I admit I only had thought so far about it right now, but yes I don'T want them to tell her it's stupid to be angry or sad about it. It is what's important to her or them.

"You think you know, but you don't!"

In many chases where it's far less obvious I think that too when I read certain stories and their main char or how the main six and Rarity react to the main char.

HHhhhhhmmm not sure why she was frozing, maybe her weird guilt to like the human version and a different Moondancer? I can partly understand her, but then again not exactly.

9069511
Human Moondancer wasn’t there. She was looking at Sci-Twi when she thought that.

8985732
First off, sorry for not responding to this. You responded almost immediately, but until today I didn't know that. For some reason the usual notifications didn't go off and, coupled with the fact that your response is attached to a completely different chapter, that left me thinking no one ever felt the need to respond to my comment.

Anyway, you did a good job of fixing it on your own. If I'd reread that part of the chapter itself when checking for replies I would have seen that more than a month ago (I'm guessing) and said something about it.


Don't know if you still would like an answer given that you clearly don't need one, but if you would:

It's all tied up in consent. The memory thing made it so that Sunset couldn't meaningfully consent because, even if she gave consent in the moment, she was still getting hit by the consequences when she had no idea what was going on. (Exacerbated by the fact that the "no idea what's going on" part when she wasn't consenting seemed to be the vast majority of her time.)

Plus, the original version had her wanting to know which is pretty much the exact opposite of being ok with having her memory altered to keep her in the dark. All of the simple ways one might try to get around that would actually make it worse (e.g. "I'm ok doing this so long as I don't remember afterward," is an extremely toxic mindset.)


Like I said, you did a good job of fixing it without my input.

Fluttershy helping herself come out is wonderful.

Rainbow Dash is...well, she's Rainbow Dash.

Pinkie would, indeed, make out with herself quite cheerfully. So that was easy. The question is, who is number two most likely? I vote Twilight, FOR SCIENCE!

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