Dawning Realizations
I can't let her go alone.
For one, just look at her. Scrawny little thing, and one good country brunch ain't gonna change that. Best hope she has goin' alone into the Everfree is that the monsters won't think she's worth the effort.
Even so, she'll have to find her way to some castle that might not even be there, and that ain't happenin' any time soon. Don't get me wrong, filly's got a good head on her withers. Must be if she got sent here t' oversee the Celebration. But I've made deliveries to Canterlot. Closest thing they've got to the Everfree is a park the size of a postage stamp. Even if she sticks to the path—peeve it, even if the path lets her stick to it—she'll be turned around faster than you can say "Jonathan Jonagold."
But banish it to the moon—'specially since there's a vacancy now—she's our best shot. Ain't like anypony else has any idea what's goin' on. Nightmare Moon, straight outta the old mares' tales? Nopony saw that comin' 'cept for her. But she's got a plan, and she needs to get to those ele-whatsits to make it work. So I'm goin' with.
And... truth be told, that ain't the only reason. This here's a case of what Big Mac's fancy philosophizin' books call "enlightened self-interest." Least, I'm pretty sure it is. Eternal night means no sun means no crops means no Sweet Apple Acres. Like Tartarus I'm gonna sit on the sidelines when my family's whole way of life's about to go belly-up.
Ain't like this'll be that odd. It should be just past sunrise. I'd be waking up 'round now anyway. Call it just another day on the farm. We got one hay of a weed problem and an even bigger varmint that needs clearin' out, but I've never met a chore I couldn't lick, and I don't intend to find one today.
I can't let her go alone.
Ponies don't understand the Everfree. Animals don't understand the Everfree. I certainly don't understand the Everfree, and I've lived next to it for years. I've heard rumors about the mare who actually lives in there, and I wouldn't believe them if I hadn't seen her walking past the cottage now and then.
I wonder if she wants a pet. I wonder what kind of pet Twilight might like.
Focus, Fluttershy. Even if it sometimes helps to think about something less... well, terrifying. Because this is. Everything about it is. We're going into the Everfree, at night, when it should be day, and we're not just confronting somepony, we're going against an alicorn. Right now I want nothing more than to hide under my covers, or maybe my whole bed. I really don't like Nightmare Night as it is, and now Nightmare Moon's showed up four moons early!
But...
But animals depend on day and night, on the flow of the seasons. It's part of how we look after them. If somepony doesn't do something, all of nature will be thrown out of balance. Even the Everfree. I mean, probably the Everfree. And the creatures there...
Well, I may not understand the forest itself, but I've at least tried to get to know them. Some are just too strange for me to understand, but others are really very nice once you give them a chance. Like Spike, who's so much nicer than how I always imagined dragons would be. And... I'm not sure, but I think Twilight's the same way. She doesn't hide when she's afraid; she lashes out like a mistreated dog. I think she's been hurt before, or she's so afraid of getting hurt that she's never let anyone close. But if somepony doesn't go with her now, the emotional injuries will be the least of her problems.
And... Call it a hunch, but I think Nightmare Moon might be hurt even worse than Twilight.
I'm afraid. Of course I am. But I'm more afraid of what will happen if I hide and do nothing than what will if I go in there with Twilight.
I can't let her go alone!
I mean, have you even met Twilight, hypothetical entity I'm addressing this to? She walked out of her own welcome party! Who does that? I'll tell you who. A pony who's used to knowing everything right up until she has to deal with something she's never thought about until now and doesn't understand right away. It's just like when Limestone tried to throw me my ninth birthday party 'cause she thought, hey, if I could throw one then how hard could it be? And then she got so embarrastrated that she almost bucked Holder's Boulder into the quarry!
Where was I?
Oh, right, Twilight. She's afraid of what she doesn't understand, because she's so used to understanding everything about everything. This is new and weird and different and she doesn't like it. Yet. And you should never go up against Nightmare Moon when you're already shaking in your horseshoes. If you can't enjoy the scares, then you're just going to be, well, scared. Without the fun parts. Or the candy.
Oh my gosh, Nightmare Moon's back and she doesn't want candy! Our standard tactics are useless! Though under another hoof, she also doesn't seem to want to gobble anypony, so that's a plus. But yeah, she's already shown that she's a major party pooper, way more so than Twilight. And if Twilight tries to go and face her alone... Oh, I can just see it.
"Join me, young Sparkle," she'll say between ominous deep breaths, "and not only I shall ensure that other ponies will never bother you again, I shall also bestow unto you every book in Equestria!"
And then Twilight would waver right up until the moment when her friends all charge in and restore her heroic resolve! But if we don't come with, we can't charge in dramatically, and then where will we all be?
Stuck without a sun. And I only have so many glowsticks stashed away for glowstick emergencies. So, let's go and show Black Snooty what for! And then we can try that welcome party again, this time with the guest of honor sticking around for more than a few minutes. Maybe she can show me how to do that trick where her mane lights on fire!
And, uh, maybe I'll say something next time she tries to drink hot sauce.
I simply cannot allow her to go alone.
Despite what certain hat-hoarding, apple-farming mares who shall remain nameless may claim, my literary tastes branch out beyond bridle rippers. I've read enough epic fantasies to recognize which quests call for the lone, determined hero and which call for a plucky band of unlikely misfits. And this? This is a band-of-misfits situation or I'm a mule.
Now, that is not to denigrate Twilight Sparkle, noble a scion of Canterlot as any the city can produce, I'm sure. One need but take one look at her to see the power at her command. Even before considering how her slightest use of telekinesis harnesses more magic than I go through on a daily basis, that slim physical frame speaks volumes of the mystical might that's a part of her very body!
But, sadly, one must face facts, and the fact is that her opponent is an alicorn. Nightmare Moon herself, no less!
Dear me, I wonder if she's offended by how we remember her.
Regardless, no one mortal mare can hope to face down Princess Celestia's equal and opposite. At least, I only hope the Nightmare is her equal. If she's already beaten the princess... Well, we cannot give her time to recover after what must have surely been a grueling ordeal. And the more support Twilight has, the better. I'm not thrilled about going into that horrid, mucky forest, but one must put aside such petty concerns in a time of crisis such as this.
Although, thinking about the legends... Didn't the banished princess go mad because ponies didn't appreciate her hard work? The night sky was her canvas, every star part of a creation that she presented to an indifferent audience. I'm not saying I'm in favor of eternal night, anything but, but I can understand how and why this all began. Call me a hopeless optimist, but if we give her a chance, let her know how much has changed in the intervening years, perhaps reach out to her as a fellow artiste...
Well, perhaps we can triumph even if these "Elements of Harmony" turn out to be more fiction than fact. I might even get a high-profile client out of this debacle!
Epic quest first, Rarity, networking later...
I can't let her go alone.
Seriously, she looks like she'd get winded walking from one end of a library to the other. And I mean Golden Oaks, not whatever ginormous mega-egghead buildings they have in Canterlot. We don't have time to waste on her dragging herself to the middle of the Everfree. Weather 101: Every second of lost daylight is another huge amount of heat not going into the atmosphere. That's gonna pile up real quick. We've got to be even quicker.
If it were up to me, I'd make everypony else stay home while I just went up and over. But Twilight's the one who knows what we're looking for. And I'm about ninety percent certain she's not a spy. Give or take a couple. I'm still keeping an eye on that dragon of hers.
Fluttershy's actually stepping up, and I'm not gonna be the one to put her down. Also, a manticore would probably try to swat me out of the sky if I flew that far over the Everfree canopy without her. Emphasis on "try," of course, but I can't waste time kicking scorpion-tailed butt when we're maybe a week away from a summer blizzard.
Applejack I know is cool, not that she'll ever hear me tell her that. But yeah, she can definitely hold her own in there. And the other two... I mean, I don't know them well, but they seem like they know what they're doing. Kind of. Okay, I'm not sure Pinkie even knows what's going on, but Rarity's a lot more dangerous than she looks, at least when it comes to getting ponies into dresses.
Heh. There's a thought. We defeat Nightmare Moon with a makeover.
Yeah, not happening. Whether it's Twilight's peppermints of homilies or good old-fashioned flank-whooping, we've gotta take her out the hard way. All of Equestria's counting on us, including the princess. And weird as it sounds, I gotta admit, it'll be faster if we go together than me racing there, not knowing what to do, and getting bucked in the muzzle by an alicorn.
And hey, what could get me more traction with the Wonderbolts than saving the world?
Why won't they just let me go alone?
They don't understand the severity of the situation. Nightmare Moon isn't some holiday hobgoblin, she's here and real and... about as powerful as Princess Celestia. With a significant margin of error on that estimate.
Okay, they can all probably appreciate that much. But it's not like they've ever met the princess. They don't understand just how strong or knowledgeable she really is, or what that implies for the Nightmare. We're dealing with a being who's turning the very heavens against us. How can they look at that and think they stand a chance?
I mean, I can because I've done research. Some research, anyway. Okay, I know that I'm looking for the Elements of Harmony, in the ancient Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters in the Everfree Forest. Which is... admittedly somewhat larger than I had anticipated. And I don't have Spike with me to keep an eye out and maybe set the odd timberwolf ablaze. Timberwolves are native to the Everfree, right? I haven't studied the local flora and fauna.
Also, I don't know what the Elements actually look like.
Or how to activate them.
Or what one of them even is.
And of the five I do know, none of them exactly scream "enough power to defeat an alicorn." Kindness and Laughter? What, am I supposed to make friends with Nightmare Moon?
Ugh. Maybe this whole "spontaneous teamwork" thing is what Celestia meant all along. I mean, she did send me to check on these mares in particular. Other than Pinkie Pie. I'm not entirely sure she's even a pony, but I might as well face it, I could use all the help I can get right now. Even from eldritch madcreatures who defy all reason, logic, and decorum.
Also, I'm pretty sure Applejack is ready, willing, and able to hogtie me if I don't let her come with me. And Rarity will probably help her if she can force me into another corset. And outpacing Rainbow Dash is basically impossible, especially if Fluttershy convinces some of the local birds to scout for them...
All right, fine. I'll let them come. But I'm not going to like it.
Luster Dawn moved away from the memory gem, frowning in thought. "I just don't get it."
"There you are, honeybunch!"
"Whoa!" Luster bobbled in the air, the sudden shout making her autolevitation slip.
Before she could recast it, a teal aura enveloped her and eased her to the floor of the Cutie Map room. "Easy there, sweetums," Starlight Glimmer said, a too-wide, too-warm smile on her muzzle as she enveloped Luster in a too-big hug. "I've looking all over the castle for you! Oh, I'm so excited you're staying here while you're in Ponyville."
Luster didn't even try to escape. There was no escape from the Glim-hug. "Mom," she muttered half into Starlight's barrel.
"You'll be happy to know that Mama's got your room set up just the way you left it! But you've got to be more careful." Starlight released Luster from the full force of the hug, just holding her in her forelegs. "We don't want you giving yourself an ouchie, now do we?"
"Mom," Luster said with a flat look.
"Yes, pumpky-wumpkin?"
"You are really channeling Poppy Firelight right now."
Luster could almost see the gears turn in Starlight's head. "Oh. Shoot." Starlight released her daughter fully and brought a forehoof to her head. "Dad told me I'd understand after you moved out, but I didn't think..." She shook her head. "Never mind. Sorry, Luster, I think empty nest syndrome hit me harder than I realized."
"I hadn't noticed," Luster deadpanned.
"Hey now. I'm still your mother, young mare." Starlight looked around. "Though I do have to wonder what brought you to the map room."
"I thought the best way to get started with this new focus on friendship studies would be to see how Princess Twilight started out. So, I went to the source." Luster nodded up at the roots of the old Ponyville library, the memory gems twinkling in the strange, diffuse light that filled Namepending Castle.
Starlight nodded. "I'm sensing a but."
"It's just... she barely even tolerated her friends when they set out to thwart Nightmare Moon. And they weren't any better! Most of them pitied her more than anything." Luster put her head in her hooves and she tried to make sense of it all. "How can ponies so different go on to become the living definition of friendship?"
A cut-off laugh made her look up to see her mother smiling and snickering like Aunt Trixie watching a much younger Luster try to figure out how a bit had gotten behind her ear.
"What?"
Starlight took a few moments to collect herself before saying "I did the exact same thing when I started my friendship studies, just after Twilight reunited me with your father. Same memory crystal and everything. It flew in the face of everything I thought I knew about friendship... which just told me how little I really understood about it." She tousled Luster's mane. "You do have it easier than I did, though."
Luster focused on fixing her hair. "Thanks to the established curriculum and years of friendship graduates before me?"
"Well, that and not having to unlearn your own twisted philosophy."
Awkward silence stretched out for a brief time. Luster never did know how to react to those... She wasn't even sure if they qualified as jokes. Finally, she said, "Still. I just don't get how then led to now. Or even to them attuning to the Elements."
"Well, I wasn't there, but I do know you're missing a lot of context. By the time those mares got to the castle, they owed each other their lives several times over." Starlight gave a sage nod. "There's definitely something to be said for bonds forged in the heat of the moment."
"You got that off of a romance novel, didn't you?"
Starlight didn't even blink. "I can neither confirm nor deny that. The point is that the mares who went into the Everfree that night and the ones who came out were very different ponies. Friends change you, and you change them in turn. Generally for the better."
"I... guess." Luster sighed. "Makes as much sense as anything else I've heard about friendship. Honestly, the weirdest part was seeing how familiar Princess Twilight's perspective was." A shiver ran down her back. "You... You don't think she expects me to replace her, do you?"
"That's a matter between you and the princess." Starlight looked in the direction of Canterlot and scowled. "Though as an interested party in the matter, I would have something to say about it. And on a completely unrelated note, I may have a train to catch this weekend."
Luster rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile. "Completely unrelated, sure."
"But for now, I'll say that if you want to do some extracurricular friendship studies, spending time alone probably isn't the way to do it." Starlight swept a foreleg to take in the mysterious, historically significant, and above all empty room.
"I guess. But..."
"Let me guess: But what if your new friends are only pitying you?"
Luster winced and nodded. "Went through that too, huh?"
"Somewhat. Also a degree of 'How much are they my friends, how much are they my parole officers?'" Starlight nuzzled Luster before the awkwardness could set in again. "But if there's one lesson you should take from those memories, it's that the best way to go from pity to genuine mutual appreciation is spending time together. Now go on and have fun. You should still remember how."
Luster nodded and initiated a much more reasonable hug. "Thanks, Mom."
"Anytime, Dawny-dearest."
"Mom."
Starlight winked at her. "I'm only doing it where none of your friends can hear me, Luster. It's a lot more than your Poppy ever did for me."
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This was a marvelous character study. I absolutely adore when a good author gets to just let loose and show off how well they understand the voicing and mindset of each of the Mane 6, and this delivered in spades. The framing device was also a neat way to tie it all together, and make a series of interesting snippets into something more cohesive.
'Twas an engaging read, and the ending was a pleasant surprise. Have a thumbs up!
:)
excellent story
This was absolutely brilliant. The inner thoughts of the Mane Six were amazingly well-written. I could swear I almost heard them saying their thoughts out loud as I read.
10/10
10174792
Agreed!
----
Wow, Pinkie being Meta!
...
Oh hey, we've got a name for Starlight's dad!
10174836
Did we not have one before? I thought we did, but I could be wrong...
10174843
we did
10174853
Yeah, I thought so.
Ah, so this is what you were up too
I really like the internal monologues, all kinds of in-character and seeing Luster with her 'Mom' is so adorably-awkward, I agree that Luster is StarBurst's daughter :3 Though there's still the rumor that she's Sunset's going around... "shrugs" To each their own 
I wasn't expecting the ending to tie this all together, but I love it when stories do that! It reminds me of Thanqol's look at the Mane 6's stories of Princess Celestia, and how the end re-contextualized it all. But this ending doesn't re-contextualize it, but rather binds it all together, like the events following do.
I love how you characterized everyone, especially Pinke Pie. I chuckled as I read her part. I think ending it on Twilight's thoughts was a smart move. The characterization from the inner thoughts was a-MAZ-ing. This was very fun to read!
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10174877
*Wiki* ... Oh, season 8: "The Parent Map"... Right.
I really should watch the later seasons...
Brilliant take on the past meets controversial take on the future. I hope more readers focus on the first one.
No offense
Contrasting Fluttershy's behavior in the pilot with her behavior in Dragonshy (for instance)
I have often thought it's the most OOC behavior in the whole series
Too much to compliment in the characterization. My favorites were Fluttershy's recognizing Twilight's (and Nightmare Moon's) woundedness and:
Luster Dawn as the daughter of Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst was the one good thing to come out of that story I'm Rage Reviewing.
Was he the first one to characterize Luster Dawn as their daughter? I find it hard to imagine, but it makes perfect sense, both in terms of appearance and personality. I mean her real implied personality, not the barely-sapient, hero-worshiping horny prude she's made out to be in Resist and Bite I like to think of Luster as being highly-intelligent and strong-willed, if a bit sheltered for the same reasons Twilight Sparkle was.
All your takes on their thoughts and personalities make sense. I'm especially-impressed by how you handled their motivations. Mare in the Moon didn't really have much time to do that, as it had to introduce them all fast and point them at the problem. As it was, the original Season One Opener managed an amazing amount of characterization, all things considered.
Applejack sees things from her own mixture of practicality and idealism. I like how you showed her to be more of an intellectual than she lets on; and her brother as well. Fundamentally, she's protecting her farm, and the naive young city mare she's just met whom she fears is getting in over her head.
Fluttershy realizes what Eternal Night will mean to the animals. I liked the early reference to Zecora, and the indirect nature of their earlier encounters. Fluttershy knows the Everfree is dangerous, and Nightmare Moon more so, but she overcomes her fears because she cares for others. She even manages to have some sympathy for Nightmare Moon in all this.
Pinkie's fourth-wall-breaking motivation rant is hilarious. I liked the references to Limestone, and to The Empire Strikes Back. "Our standard tactics are useless!" indeed.
Rarity's combination of naive imaginings taken right out of adventure novels and calculating hopes that she can later befriend Nightmare Moon and pitch a wardrobe to her are perfect for her.
Even Rainbow Dash is more frightened by this all than she lets on -- but she's more worried about what will happen to the others if she's not there to protect them. Which is pure Dashie.
Twilight Sparkle, of course, doesn't realize the extent to which she's going to need them.
Nor does Luster Dawn get that she's going to need friends of her own, someday.
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Spike is not only a child. He's nice, from the POV of a Pony, because he was raised as Canterlot gentry by very good Ponies indeed.
What frightens Fluttershy about Dragons isn't just that they're big and dangerous (Fluttershy often likes big and dangerous creatures), it's that they are smart and cruel; smart and cruel enough that a simple approach based on species communication referents and Kindness doesn't generally work on them. Also, in my story verse, she's been specifically warned against them by close kin.
Spike gets totally under her defenses.
I do enjoy a capable Rainbow, interesting how she's the one with the clearest grasp of why this is such a bad situation.
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That's, a writer, yeah? I didn't miss a fic somewhere where the grey seer completely misinterprets friendship lessons through the cracked lens of relentlessly incompetent Skaven ambition?
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Thanks! I'm glad to hear that the ending worked well. That was an eleventh-hour bit of inspiration. I was worried the sudden transition from the first portion to a more traditional narrative might be off-putting, but I could tell it needed something to tie it together. And I'm always a sucker for bookends.
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I can't ask for a much higher compliment than "I can hear the characters."
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Luster's parentage is, like many things about her, a matter of intriguing ambiguity. She's basically the last background pony. We know just enough about her to form a foundation for any number of different potential characters. One of the more interesting takes I've seen is that her mother is actually a reformed Cozy Glow.
10174923
I knew I had to close it out with Twilight. You can't just slip the "Leave me alone" in the middle of five "I can't leave her alone"s. But there's actually another reason behind the specific order in the story. See if you can guess before mousing over the spoiler.
I wrote them in the order they demonstrate their Elements en route to the castle, with Twilight at the end bringing them all together. And then, of course, comes the bright and glorious future they create together... admittedly skipping a few steps.
10175050
I mean, no one seems to have any issues with the ending as far as I can see.
10175423
Lucky, then. I do recall that theory being quite controversial back when Luster debuted - perhaps it's cooled off now.
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No, I wasn't talking about her behavior w Spike
I get it that Spike isn't scary.
(He complains about it in Dragon Quest)
I meant the whole "Take off into the scary woods without even being asked" behavior
10175163
Rarity doesn't feel the need to apologize when she says it in her internal monologue. Of course, I'm sure she's changed her attitude since that first quest.
10175178
I wasn't sure about that Rarity line, but this is early in the group's adventuring career. She hasn't quite gotten the hang of time and place yet.
And it was an interesting exercise to think about how much sympathy each character had for Nightmare Moon. Twilight, AJ, and Dash, definitely not. Pinkie maybe, but crashing a party made Queen Meanie lose a lot of points with her. But Fluttershy? She's dealt with hurt creatures for years; she'll recognize the signs in both Twilight and Luna. And if Rarity knows the legend—and if she considers Mistmane her favorite legend, that implies she knows at least a few others—she'll definitely empathize with somepony who made beauty nopony cared to look at. Plus, you know, Kindness and Generosity are more inclined to give anyone a chance.
10175289
I won't lie, the ongoing review probably had a hand in inspiring the end scene. If we're going to write about Luster Dawn, we may as well pay her character some respect.
Definitely not. People were asking Big Jim if she was their daughter the day the finale aired.
I see Applejack retaining more from her time in Manehattan than she likes to admit. As for Big Mac, he definitely shows a more intellectual side at times. I've grown to appreciate Estee's take of an aspiring philosophy major who had to stay home and tend the farm after his parents' deaths. Not going to go one-for-one with that interpretation, but it's definitely a useful template.
Logic dictates that they'd at least see one another during Zecora's early attempts to go into town. Of course, this is Season 1 Fluttershy and a mysterious, menacing-looking pony, so it also dictates that they'd be nothing more than passing acquaintances at absolute best.
Glad you enjoyed it all.
10175306
Pegasi often have an appreciation for the big picture thanks to a higher vantage point. Even Fluttershy is worried about the broad ecological consequences. Plus, Dash is good at weather work when she can be bothered to do it.
Delightful a mental image as that would be, Learn for Life is referring to The Old Stories.
10175444
IDK, I remember her comments in Dog and Pony Show
Of course, that wasn't too long after the pilot.
From S4 onward, she was a LOT more mature
Running for you life (& possibly your soul) w Sombra
on your ass & gaining, being Discorded, publicly ruined,
& falling to your (probable) death on several occasions
(among other catastrophes) will do that
10175423
As was already mentioned by other reviewers (and better at that), the showing of each of the Mane Six's inner thoughts on the start of their first adventure together was beautifully detailed and completely in character for ALL of them. And, as was ALSO already mentioned better by the other reviewers, tying this in to the series finale (courtesy of the scene with Luster and Starlight with the former confused on how something that started out like that could develop into such a strong friendship) was a really good touch.
Anyway, the characterizations and exchange (between Luster and Starlight), as well as the general wrap-up were all quite well done in all the right places.
“Aunt,” Trixie? I could have sworn you were a Star-Trix-Burst poly shipper.
10175308
Yes, that is an author. And this is the story I was talking about.
Congrats on a well-deserved top feature!
10175444
Yeah, I think you nailed the dynamic of how much sympathy each would have. That insight about Rarity knowing legends isn't one I would have considered, but it is an interesting one that makes a lot of sense. Kindness and Generosity temper the group, which in many ways reflects a broader truth about virtue - true virtues work in harmony with each other so that justice is not without mercy, compassion is not without firmness, wisdom is not without love, and so on. They act to be more than the sum of the parts. Seeing that dynamic at this early, raw, and unrefined stage was a fun character study.
This was a great story and all the ponies were completely in character.
Lovely work! Like others have said, the characterization is just about perfect; I think I liked Rarity's mix of romantic idealism and barely tempered ambition for clients the best, but then again, she is the Best Pony.
I really liked your use of the memory crystals to make this an in-story look at that first adventure, too! And yes, Luster Dawn makes so much sense as Starlight & Sunburst's daughter. (Starlight going overboard with protective & embarrassing mom was a hilarious little touch, though at least she recovers quickly when it's pointed out to her!
10175607
Well sure, but this is one of those weird corner cases where "Aunt" makes at least as much sense, provided she actually knows which of them was pregnant with her.
Luster being related to Starlight and that Sunset Shimmer rip off makes about as much sense as Pinkie and Discord combined does.
None whatsoever. I did read one where Luster is Cozy's daughter (after Cozy reformed of course), and that made 1000% more sense than this.
I like the story. But still.
10176097
How does it not make sense? Her name (between starlight and the sun[burst] comes the dawn), her cutie mark (which you can see if you look close enough looks quite similar to Sunburst's), the fact that she becomes Twilight's student (talk about inside connections with royalty)... personally I think it makes perfect sense. As do a number of other people, it seems.
You know the characterization is good when you can tell exactly who is narrating in just one paragraph.
The last time I re-watched the first episode, I thought, "Why would Fluttershy go into the 'unnatural' forest to help a pony she's only known for a day, when she was so shy she could barely talk to her?" But this story gives her a more clear motivation. The creatures in the Everfree may be able to look after themselves, but they still act similar to the animals she knows. And all of nature would be thrown out of balance if there was eternal night. Even in season 1, Fluttershy would do anything to protect animals.
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I think it makes okay sense character-wise, but it does cheapen the final song in canon. Suddenly, it's not a heartwarming "Princess Twilight sends Luster to the mythic friendship crucible that is Ponyville so the cycle can continue" but instead "here, let's dump you back in your hometown where your mom lives and works."
Lovely character voice work, though!
Sorry about the Read Later blip, had to look after a late dinner. And, ah, now here I am unsure what to say that other people haven't rightfully pointed out! I like how each segment is kinda stream of consciousness but also focused enough to wind into a nice, in character final line. Good balance!
Three being more cautiously optimistic and ready to give Luna a chance while three are very definitely not is a nice touch too. I think my favourite might be Twilight's. Pilot "I like being alone in my room, thank you!" Twilight is an interesting viewpoint.
I get where Fluttershy's coming from with the wounded creature comparison even though I think it's better if Twi's just naturally like that at the start instead of any big past thing, but she managed to make a good impression on all these people in spite of herself (and Pinkie noticing her storming off and not quite being able to process it is another nice touch) and the glory of a POV piece is that not everyone's assumptions will be correct and it's fun to speculate. Weee!
Really like the ending, and it might be because an introspective piece like this didn't need a reason to happen but this is a solid one. Dawn knowing it probably should be weird she identifies with the grumpy introverted know it all feels right for someone raised in a society centred around feelings and connections and isn't really into those. Kid's at least trying to be honest with herself! The pity angle is also neat because I didn't get that from the paragraphs at all, so maybe somebody's projecting a little. Hmm.
Solid stuff all around! I miiiight ask to steal Momlight for something if I ever get around to writing it.
Okay, I was not expecting the end part with Luster Dawn. And I especially wasn't expecting her to be Starlight's daughter. I really don't know if I subscribe to that theory, though. If only because I feel like such a connection would've been brought up in "The Last Problem" or been mentioned by the show staff if that was something they intended.
Oh, another thing -- I like the pony swears we see in AJ's memory. "Peeve it" and "Banish it to moon"... our favorite farmpony needs to temper her language around the Crusaders!
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...why not both? "Let her study where it all happened" coupled with "and at least she'll have family to stay with while she's there".
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Deliberately left ambiguous. And no matter what her relationship with Starlight and Sunburst, Trixie probably wouldn't accept any level of parental responsibility beyond "fun, irresponsible aunt" when dealing with Luster.
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Even years later, Starlight still needs the occasional nudge for her self-awareness to kick in. Plus, I do love the idea of her having the same parenting impulses as her father. (Sunburst, on the other hand, I see as being a lot more hooves-off than Stellar Flare. Though his mostly leaving Luster to her own devices probably led to the "friendship is a waste of time" atittude we see in the finale.)
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In all seriousness, there are certainly arguments to be made both for and against this particular take on Luster's parentage. Glad you enjoyed the story in spite of this one rubbing you the wrong way.
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Yup. Fluttershy's always been more active in the defense of others than for her own sake. And in a global crisis like this, she couldn't help but step up to the plate.
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You do have a point. Though at the risk of being that guy, there's already the question of "How does Twilight's personal student not know about her inner council?" Granted, I wouldn't expect Twilight to have an encyclopedic knowledge of every layer of Celestia's bureaucracy in her pre-Ponyville days, but I'd also expect Queen Starbutt to introduce her newest faithful student to her friends before
banishing her to the friendship gulagsetting her on the path to enlightenment.This is why I usually lean towards Luster being Sunset's daughter—she's unfamiliar with the Council of Friendship because she's trying to juggle the history and knowledge of two worlds—but I liked the way the Luster-Starlight dynamic worked in the conclusion.
Suffice to say, glad you enjoyed most of it.
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It was especially interesting to take into account who we saw in the Nightmare Triumphant timeline. Rarity already empathized with Nightmare Moon, setting her up to serve as a majordomo. Dash, upon seeing that the insurmountable alicorn was the only reason the planet wasn't a snowball, would dedicate her life to preserving the being keeping everything alive. Most of the others are ideologically opposed to her... though that does leave Fluttershy in a precarious position. I can't say I see her attempts to appeal to NMM's better nature going well in that timeline.
Indeed! Assumptions and projection are bound to color a person's perception of the world. Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash all judge Twilight's physique differently because they're each using different knowledge, expectations, and even senses. It was fun to play with the same input filtering through each character's experiences and personality.
You're welcome to. I love inspiring people.
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Apparently there was some debate among the show staff on that particular point. In the end, it's ambiguous, which means there are a number of directions to take it.
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It's her internal monologue. She doesn't feel the need to self-censor in her own head. Certainly not when she's about to throw down with the Mare in the Moon.
Pinkie's POV was the silliest yet surprisingly most insightful.
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I would be honest here. The ending kinda ruins the fic for me. Not because of the controversial topic about whether Luster is the daughter of Starlight and Sunburst's though, I have no problem with that, even find it plausible. The problem with the ending is that it doesn't fit in with the tone and flow of the story, or even the name of the fic itself at all.
Your idea for the first part of the story is great, and your take on each of the mane 6's monologues is brilliant. They show a wonderful transition for the characters from strangers to companions and explain well their morals, motivations and struggles in their decisions to participate in the quest. I especially like Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie parts, they capture very well the characters' personalities and moral codes.
I had hoped that you would do one or two more verses for each character during their ordeals and their final triumph, to elaborate further on their sacrifices, their internal conflicts (for example having Rarity lament about the lost of her tail, having Apple Jack worry about whether she would die and not return home to her family, etc.), how they stood by their moral code to continue on with the quest, and their transition from companions to friends (especially that of Twilight, as I think her part is quite incomplete for her character development).
But instead, the story suddenly jumps into a typical, somewhat meaningless conversation between Starlight and Luster. Part of it is cute, I admit, but because of that it contrasts even more to the rest of the story, which bears quite a somber tone. The topic of the conversation between Starlight and Luster also doesn't really relate to anything in the first part. I had the hard time trying to figure out why you changed the subject to the difference among the mane 6 and whether their friendship were based on pity, while the focus of the first part is about each character's motivation coming from their thought about their family, the nature and even the sympathy with Nightmare Moon herself. There isn't much mentioning about them pitying Twilight or how they were so different from each other. The two parts just feel like two different stories altogether.
Wow. That phrase just opens up a whole can of "WTF did Twilight go through to get to that state"? Sure, I've read countless stories of Twilight living in the castle having a horrible time where others only wanted to know her to use her, but that phrasing just puts it on a whole new level of pain. Definitely caught my attention.
Judging from the title... they're all vampires! Am I right? I'm right, aren't I?
This is such a sweet little heartfelt story, and a wonderful spin on the S1 debut! I love how emotionally intimate it is with each of the M6, and the window it opens up onto their lives and worldview. Very well done!
ETA: Excellent job with the character voices, too! They were seperate and distinct, and everyone sounded like their in-show appearances--even Starlight and Luster Dawn. Again, excellent work!