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Foals Errand


Not who I was before. But, I'm slowly becoming a new me. Maybe even a better me. patreon

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Princess Celestia had a good day. Luna had been going out more often and was becoming quite fond of nightclubs, her dear niece Cadance had formally announced her pregnancy—though, privately, Celestia felt she was too young to be a great aunt—and, of course, Twilight, her beloved former student, had taken on her first student and Celestia couldn't be prouder! Yes, it had been a good day.

Celestia Sol woke up much like she did every day the morning: sun waking her as it danced upon her eye lids. Wait, the sun? Celestia's eyes snapped open to reveal she was in Twilight's old room in the observatory. On the other side of the room was a smaller bed where a small dusky unicorn was drooling on her pillow.

Clearly, it must be Tuesday.

Preread and edited by Stahl, Kinsley, and Jumbled

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 258 )

Looking forward to whatever's next! Nice work as always, Foals.

Hmm, I am guessing Cadence because of the crystal empire in the north?

Twilight is the Princess of [bWaxing] Light? Well there's a certain thematic inconsistency there.

6768012
Twilight, as in the time of day, can actually also be used to describe the dark early hours, though admittedly it is more often associated with the close of day rather than the open. It's not wrong, though.

Oh yes... This should be great fun.

~Skeeter The Lurker

I like the story so far but couldn't you describe some of the characters and appearance? For example is Spike still a baby dragon? Maybe a little more on Luna as well. Anyways I can't wait till the next chapter! :pinkiehappy:

This seems nice, looking forward to more:twilightsmile:

-grins and reads, but already knows everything-

Now that is what I call a twist on a formula. I am intriguéd.

My Rage Review of the story, and before anyone accuses me of not telling Foals before now, I did. She was the first to ever hear these complaints, and that was before she even was done with the chapter. She had until after Rarity done then.

No real effort made to make any significant changes to the canon. It's literally Celestia in Twilight's place, nothing here is interesting enough to make me want to read it.

Just recycling an episode is a poor way to go about a fanfic. This has no business being in the featured box.

I remember a story is Twilight version like this
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/65364/i-wasnt-prepared-for-this


Edit
And agree 6768580

Somepony solves somethings for ruler in anniversary event.

it was the heat of the moment...

Am I the only one that saw "It must be Tuesday" in the feature box and freaked out and thought that OTHER "It must be Tuesday" finally updated?

The idea is intriguing, and it looks like you have some interesting pieces set up, but if you really want the readers intention your going to need something different soon. A large change from canon, or pace in the story. Use our expectations against us in a way. How Equestria is different under Twilight for a 1000 years rather than Celestia and it catching Celly off guard, an interlude on what Luna thinks of all of this and how she sees both Celestias. Its the differences that are going to make this story.

Of course its only the first chapter, but its still something to keep in mind.

As some people have said, this is basically the original show but with Celestia in Twilight's place but I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt here since you have made some very interesting stories before.

6768580 Check out that ending. Looks like a major change to the canon.

6769119 A tease of something more interesting, and if Fallen Star goes after Celestia, that just raises another hundred questions. That, or you're talking about the Pinkie bit, which is just a stupid fourth wall break that's a touch on the weak side as we have no exact reason to know that Celestia knew about the party, or would have remembered that minute detail,

Oh, and Fallen Star's arrival is not a change to canon either, nor would it matter what Foals does unless EoH bomb is not the end answer here.

Wanderer D
Moderator

Tentatively optimistic about this, let's see where it goes!

Interesting. It's basically a story-swap with Celestia and Luna in Twilight/Spike's place while Twilight is Celestia and I'm guessing Sunset Shimmer is Luna.

@Foals Errand...

Definitely an interesting AU story-premise.

Though personally, I think it might have been better if Spike had taken up the Nightmare Moon role instead of Sunset Shimmer, given their closer relationship. Even Lauren Faust has stated that Twilight Sparkle and Spike are "two halves of a character whole."

Are you going to be going through all the episodes without changing much, or is Celestia actually going to try and find a way back to her timeline? The answer to this question is going to determine whether I keep reading or not.

6769368
Well, I'm certainly not planning for Celestia to become the Princess of Friendship. No, Tia is not going to just stay in this world and go through all the episodes.

6769388
Oh, okay. Then let the reading commence!:pinkiehappy:

*Sees a story with the exact same title as one of his favorite stories on the site.*

*Is reminded that this other story hasn't updated in over two years.*

*Is saddened deeply.*

This is one of the more interesting twists on this concept that I've seen yet, but I'm not sure if I wouldn't have preferred it if you had deviated from the formula more. The idea is fine, but if it just turns into yet another modified rehash of the first two episodes, then the idea alone won't really be enough to save it, I think. Well, we'll see how that turns out.

Very amazing so far. I really like the new Luna. To me it fits her very well.

Nice to see Pinkie is the same as always. :rainbowlaugh:

Also; trying to hatch the egg is basically the Equestrian equivalent of the Kobayashi Maru scenario? That's...that's actually brilliant, I love that idea! :raritystarry:

All that said, it's not a bad story, and there's a lot of potential to the idea...but it could use a bit more variation and fleshing out rather than being just a verbatim repeat of the original episode. It also starts to feel like it's getting a bit rushed towards the latter half, which doesn't help.

6769660
Yeah this was written for a contest, i'd love to promise that once the contest is over i'll rewrite it. However with the multiple unfinished stories I have... I fear I may be lynched. I will however try to rewrite it. Is that fair?

6768887
No, I felt exactly the same way.
That story was awesome. Too bad it died.

6768580

And yet it is, because the feature box cottons more to what people are choosing to read rather than some people think should or shouldn't be in it. Thank goodness for the good ol' impartial feature box.

Nice story and I like Luna's role. Can't wait for more :pinkiehappy:

6769711
Yes, thank the impartial feature box for the bounty of all that fetish and child porn it regularly bestows. :raritydespair: Glory be upon it.

Calling it now, 'Fallen Star' is Starlight Glimmer.

6769784
I dunno, feels more like Cadence or some transgendered version of Shining Armor.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/503/835/5b0.jpg
I blame Pinkie.

6769776

Truly, we are blessed. Thank you, O Feature Box, for showing us just what everyone else is reading so we may judge them for it silently, lest we also be judged for reading similar smut when no one is looking.

6769825
:raritydespair: Please speak for yourself there. Now excuse me while I go hug myself in the corner for a while until the shudders stop.

Heh. It's like it's one of Celly's first time loops, and Pinkie's the only other one Awake so far.

Wanderer D
Moderator

6769568 This exactly is why I'm holding out on my decision of it. I mean, if it's just a rehash of the same first two episodes just with characters switched... that has been done to death. However, as an introduction chapter for this type of situation, some similarity is perfectly forgivable.

6769864
That's basically it and I completely agree. It's the ending of this chapter that makes me hope for something more there. The first day isn't even over yet and things are going off the rails already, I'd say that's a decent start on things.

Fallen star is obviously sunset shimmer. Hope to see this story not just be a rehash of the show since it's to early to tell

Wrong fic. DISAPPOINTMENT!

6768580 Holy shit. I just realized you wrote Wayward Courier! I really liked that fic. Proabably in my top 10.

I'd laugh if this turned out to be Twilight's use of dream magic on Celestia as revenge for all the cryptic advice she gave.

How's it feel to be out of the loop? :twilightangry2:

“Wow, so you’re from an alternate universe where you’re the Princess of the Day and the former teacher of Princess Twilight Sparkle who used to be a normal pony until she created new magic!”

Will probably never be a fan of all-knowing/super forth wall breaking Pinkie, even if it's kinda canon, but as long as it's not her knowing she's in a fanfiction and making references to the author and reading ahead, I can handle it. Other than that and the serious work you need to do on your punctuation, this is an interesting story.
Hope you update soon.

6769821
I was thinking Cadence as well, then I saw the Sunset Shimmer tag. So it's probably her.

6769665
Certainly, and no worries, I can relate to the "no time"/"too many other projects to focus on" issue, being in something similar myself. :twilightblush:

It's an interesting dilemma you face with this story.

I'd be just about the last person to fault you on concept. But as I've said time and again, the key to a good AU to look at the world in the broadest strokes possible and then consider how what you've changed affects the details.

Except you're not doing a simple AU pilot like I and many others have. No, you're doing a displacement story with Celestia stuck in this other reality and that may be where part of the problem is coming from actually. The story is trying to do too much at once.

An AU pilot like mine is good for establishing your own world. One that you intend to write many stories and adventures in and explore all the things that you might have changed, and how your new characters might approach the same problems that were seen in canon. From there, you can let the world and the tales it contains branch out to explore even more and let new parts of canon add on more details for you to adapt.

A displacement fic is meant to take the character out of their comfort zone. Celestia is used to herself being the princess and teacher, the one in charge whose wisdom is rarely (if ever) questioned. A fic like this should be the kind of story that forces her to adapt when she has all that taken away. She's not in her position of power, she's the one that's expected to make mistakes and be guided instead of giving guidance, and nobody takes her seriously even if she tries to tell them what's going on.

Either of these sorts of stories work fine on their own. Combining both would require some delicate work so that the elements of the two kinds of stories (namely the world building from the former and Celestia's exploring of her new role in the latter) mesh without fighting for the spotlight. Unfortunately, it feels like that's exactly what's happening. You're trying to show us what's different and have Celestia adapt to her new role and the end result makes both feel poorly paced. The fact that you were able to have Celestia simply go through a bare-bones reenactment of Twilight's first day in Ponyville is pretty much proof of that. There needs to be more meat to the story, more of her trying to convince them of how things should be while exploring how it being Celestia rather than Twilight changes her interactions with each of the ReMane Five and showcasing how Equestria is different under Twilight's rule rather than Celestia's.

I'm not saying it's a bad idea, I'm just saying it needs a good deal of time and careful planning to pull off.

I didn't even look at the tags, but I guess Sunset Shimmer would make sense. (Although I would have Twilight be Princess of the night and Sunset rule the day)
I like this. Can it have something to do with Starlight?

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