Heard from a dwelling not under control,
were giggles and laughter from one zebra foal.
Eager to join an event with his kin,
a colt causes trouble to all those therein.
Surely, a parable must entertain
crusaders with cutie mark plans on the brain?
A fable of foals for Zecora to share,
her audience void of all patience to spare.
.
.
Winner of a Judge Prize for the A Thousand Words Contest II, under the Slice of Life category.
Special thanks to prereaders 6-D Pegasus and Megabrick!
Without whom, I never would have given writing a try.
Cover art created by the incredible b00_j3nnn!
Chapters (1)
It turned out great! Good luck with the contest! ^^
Hooray for mentioning Farasi!
Amazing job maintaining such a steady rhythm and rhyme throughout the whole story! Especially love those intermittent chorus segments^^
Really impressive work on the rhyming! I’m honestly impressed, especially as this is your first story. Keep up the good work, and best of luck in the contest, fellow competitor!
oh a Zecora narration told entirely in rhyme, ambitious!
ooh love this bit of zebra history/folklore. a powerful unicorn causing trouble in faraway lands and becoming a historical villain in their memory, much like how Tirek and Sombra are to the ponies, makes all too much sense
and augh yes. very natural of children, to try to impress with something silly and not well thought-out
oof!
hmm sounds familiar
oh boy, he sure keeps causing problems!
hurtful, yet merited
love this rhyme
hehehe (and honestly, he got off really lightly with that one!)
aww, growth!
ahahaha perfect! and i think it’s just very Zecora to go through this entire tale just to teach a lesson to the three usual suspects. the rhyming, the atmosphere, the function of the tale within the tale, all of it is really just perfectly done. thank you for writing!
When reading this entry, I’m happy to find
The meter’s impeccable, rhymes all entwined.
The moral’s much needed (though foals disregard.)
In all you made this look like it wasn’t hard.
But I know far better; I’ve written my share
Of zebra poetics for tales foul and fair.
I’ve read them aplenty and few could outshine
The couplets contained in this story of thine.
Your virtue is scarred, but the poem’s pristine
So thanks for the thousand words gracing my screen.
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Thank you both so much for all the time and resources you spent to make this event a reality.
You have no idea how much it means to me to see my efforts appreciated like this, especially for something that is quite legitimately my first real attempt at creative writing. All the linguistic research, worldbuilding/brainstorming, and meticulous editing to make sure that every word fit not just the rhyme, but also the meter and final word count: it took a lot out of me, but I am very proud of how it turned out.
All I can say is that I'm glad you enjoyed it!
oh my god, that's really good :D
this is awesome, must've taken so long to come up with the rhymes
Hello! I read all the stories from this contest that won recognition, so have a review. Apparently this was your first serious effort at creative writing. I really hope it won't be your last fic here. Zecora stories are easy to get wrong, but (a very few slightly forced word choices apart) this fic avoids that trap well. Have a like!