• Member Since 3rd Aug, 2014
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deadpansnarker


Busy doing something close to nothing, but different from the day before.

E

All throughout Equestria, as a child grows up, each parent dreads the day their little precious asks them that immortal question: "Where Do Babies Come From?" Now, it's Flurry Heart's turn...

Featured from 20/5/19 to 21/5/19

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 54 )

Well, it was a good story, with a few mistakes, but only one really needs correcting.

Flurry Heart scolded her daughter with a frown, before releasing an infuriated sigh.

That should probably say ,"Cadence".

What episode is the picture from?

9631752
Oops, easily done. Thank you! If you want, you can point out any other possible mistakes. Like Twilight, I don't bite. :twilightsheepish:

Here, look at this map I drew last night. I think I narrowed down the answer to the middle of The Badlands, or in the temple at the Forbidden Jungle.

I am just made of questions as to how she ended up figuring it was either two spots. Although actually I think I can use some Insane Troll Child Logic to figure it out...the Badlands is where changelings live, and changelings can create love now, and Flurry might know that you need (or should have) love to create a baby. As for the Forbidden Jungle, well, the topic is avoided and not really talked about all that much, like it's Forbidden. So, that makes sense.

and around ten months later

Huh. A month longer than a human, a month shorter than a horse. And this Flurry is pretty verbose even for an intelligent six-year-old human, but at the same time pretty clearly isn't an adult, which a six-year-old horse is.

I'm guessing in this story ponies just age differently.

B-But, that didn't really explain anything, Daddy!

"Ask your Auntie Twilight about tautologies next time you see her, sweetie."

"We know it's a lot to take in

BA-DUM TISH!

I don't know why I wrote this... I just felt the urge to write a cute story about Flurry Heart.

You don't need to know why, but I badly needed a cute story about Flurry Heart right now. I don't know if this story has a lot of technical merits, and I see ways it could have been improved...but it made me laugh and it cheered me up, and that's what's matters.

9631784

I am just made of questions as to how she ended up figuring it was either two spots. Although actually I think I can use some Insane Troll Logic to figure it out...the Badlands is where changelings live, and changelings can create love now, and Flurry might know that you need (or should have) love to create a baby. As for the Forbidden Jungle, well, the topic is avoided and not really talked about all that much, like it's Forbidden. So, that makes sense.

For 'Insane Child Troll Logic', that sounds pretty legit to me. :moustache:

Huh. A month longer than a human, a month shorter than a horse. And this Flurry is pretty verbose even for an intelligent six-year-old human, but at the same time pretty clearly isn't an adult, which a six-year-old horse is.

I'm guessing in this story ponies just age differently.

Well, they talk like humans, and they look like horses, so I figured: why not make it somewhere in between? And I think hanging around Auntie Twilight a lot would have made Flurry slightly more articulate than other fillies her age. :eeyup:

BA-DUM TISH!

No pun intended, honest. :applejackconfused:

You don't need to know why, but I badly needed a cute story about Flurry Heart right now. I don't know if this story has a lot of technical merits, and I see ways it could have been improved...but it made me laugh and it cheered me up, and that's what's matters.

Thanks for reading, and I'm always looking for ways to improve. If you found it funny and it cheered you up, I think that's as good as I could hope for. :raritywink:

:trollestia: So let me get this straight , She caught you two in a janitors closet playing "Leap frog" and it looked like you were having trouble jumping over her so she gave you a really hard push....
:duck: It was quite the surprise
:moustache: I couldn't waddle for hours
:raritystarry: It took almost a moon to grow my mane back
:twilightsheepish: So Flurry knows where foals come from
:moustache: Ah... Not exactly
:duck: She has a crazy idea that I will lay eggs
:facehoof: Where did she get that silly idea?
:duck::moustache: ???
:rainbowlaugh:
:pinkiegasp: you didn't!
:twilightoops: you didn't!
:ajsmug: Who do you think?
:scootangel: not me

What the hell did I just...KIDDING!

It was a cute story and thanks for writing it!

9632006
You are very welcome. Thank you for reading it. :rainbowwild:

'Looks at cover picture'

The face of a genius

Pinkie Pie teaching "Sex Ed"? Who signed off on that? I can only imagine how "helpful" she was when the Cake Twins needed it.:twilightoops:

9632075
If there's one thing I've learned about Pinkie from watching the show, it's that she has a surprising amount of hidden depths. Maybe this is yet another one. Let's hope so, or somepony really messed up :twilightsheepish:

9632084 I suppose there are worse ponies to turn to for that. But I wouldn't exactly trust a blabber mouth like Pinkie for it all the same.

9632088
Well, the thought of her teaching such a sensitive subject was funny enough to put it in, but who knows... she might just do fine. She'd be among the most uninhibited ponies when it came down to discussing potentially tricky topics, anyway. :ajsmug:

"PSSSSS CRACKLE Auntie Twilight is not available right now. Please leave your message after the 'beep', and she'll get in touch with you at the most convenient time for her... BEEP"

"Auntie, stop playing around. I know for a fact this spell doesn't have an answering service..."

"PSSSS Bad connection CRACKLE Try again later PSSS thank you for using our network, and a wonderful evening to you... CLICK"

Spike stared at Twilight in sheer stupefaction, shock, and frankly admiration. He'd seen more than a few remarkable things over his years, young as they were. But he'd never seen anything quite like this.

"Why the bowling buck did you do that?"

"Language, Spi--"

"Oh, no. Not this time. That was... I have seen you do some pretty damn insane things with your magic. Seriously insane. Seriously scary even-- Discord still refuses to go into the Young Reader's wing of the Academy Library because, and I quote, 'She might have left a para-breezie about". And I don't even know what that is, I was on a diplomatic mission to the Dragonlands. But this... why?"

"I... well, I didn't want to lie to my niece..."

"And so, on the spot, you created an entire thaumic network designed to link multiple communication spells, and add an answering function-- which is supposed to be, if not impossible, insanely difficult-- on the spot. And then deliberately crash the thing. Because... why?"

"You didn't hear the question."

"And the question was?"

"The same one you got Celestia to answer quite a few years back. When you were fourteen. And Flurry is six."

Spike froze. "Oh. That quest-- I'll, um, just document the spell, then. Right. In triplicate. Wow, That's gonna take a lot of time. I won't have time to answer questions from any foal who happens to remember that Uncle Spike has records of almost everything his older sister and boss mare knows. At all. Too too busy."

Twilight nodded. "You are growing up."

Comment posted by Kencolt deleted May 20th, 2019

9632122
Double post? I know the feeling. :coolphoto:

9632125
Yes. The posting controls on the comments page aren't always intuitive.

Yes. The posting controls on the comments page aren't always intuitive.

Yes. The posting controls DAMMIT.

i love cute Flurry Heart stories, They are just very adorable, good Job here imo, quite well written honestly

"A-Auntie?"

"PSSSSS CRACKLE Auntie Twilight is not available right now. Please leave your message after the 'beep', and she'll get in touch with you at the most convenient time for her... BEEP"

"Auntie, stop playing around. I know for a fact this spell doesn't have an answering service..."

"PSSSS Bad connection CRACKLE Try again later PSSS thank you for using our network, and a wonderful evening to you... CLICK"

"What the... oh no, not again!"

That made me laugh for more than 5 minutes in a row

9632130
Good point well made

Good point well... ARRGH!!

:twilightangry2:


9632277
Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading. :scootangel:

Oh. The Joy's of parenthood. lol!

Dear Flurryheart.
When a soon to be mommy or daddy love some one very much they first build a dungeon.
Then kidna.....ponynap their soon to be significant other and take them to previously mentioned dungeon.
There they are subjected to many kinky and questionable experiences until the develop something known Stockhooves Syndrome.
And then they live happily ever after.


Okay Shinybutt, you now have to deal with damage control

9632353
A privilege that has been denied to me, for now..:moustache:.

freaking funny, though I surprise she did not go to the other princess, or sunburst, or her grandparents

9633025
She probably figured if Twilight ‘the smartest pony in Equestria’ couldn’t help her, nopony could :applejackunsure:

9633036
true, but then again she should knew other princess are far older and may knew it when everyone else forgot.......

9633053
Or maybe being so young and feeling demoralised when both Twilight and her parents dismissed her question meant that she didn’t want to risk more rejection,and so maybe it was better to leave the matter be, just like I described in the story.

9633062
that could be it, or it after they retire

"hoofpalm". The phrase you're looking for is "facehoof".

Edit: Sorry :x That's a habit. I've actually finished it now and I gotta say. I can't help but wonder Flurry's reaction to Pinkie's class xD

9633229
That does sound slightly better. Okay... edits

9633235
No worries! Not sure if you get notices of edits, but I just finished reading it:
Sorry :x That's a habit. I've actually finished it now and I gotta say. I can't help but wonder Flurry's reaction to Pinkie's class xD

--
As far as the terminology goes, since the term's "facepalm", they do kinda have faces? but not palms. They have soles and frogs. But the overall better term would just be 'hoof'.

9633254
I have seen 'hoofpalm' in a lot of other fics, hence why I probably use it as much as I do. But yes... now that you mention it, it doesn't make a lot of sense because hooves don't have palms. I'll try to use the correct term from now on, thanks to your keen observational skills. :twistnerd:

As for Pinkie as a teacher, as I said in a previous post, at least she'd be much less inhibited than other potential candidates, and who knows, maybe by trying to have fun with the subject, she might encourage the students to pay attention and learn more. :pinkiehappy:

9633262
Now that you say it I recall that also 🤔 but my brain is also wired from drinking like. 3/4 of a strawberry/oreo shake. that had enough syrup I could taste the *syrup*. So I managed to point yours out xD

And yeees. I feel like she would, but the Bible Belt part of my brain is like NOOOO for your stated less inhibitedness and making it fun.

9633274
Well anyway, I mostly put Pinkie in the story as the teacher because it's so out of left field, I think it's kind of funny. But the more I think about it, the more I believe she could do a good job. Or it could backfire horribly. Who knows? :twilightoops:

9633281
Incredibly enlightening class or mental traumatization from too much information? :rainbowlaugh:

9633341
That remains to be seen. :pinkiecrazy:

and then pinkie gave her sex education lessons.... xD

9633478
Well, she is a teacher, and she just might surprise you how good a job she does. I think her sense of fun and lack of inhibition could make a potentially awkward topic much easier to deal with. That's the plan, anyway. :scootangel:

Reminds me of the story about the kid who asks the question of the parents “Where did I come from?” and after much angst, gets an answer that is the truth. She/he responds, “Oh,” in a disappointed tone. When asked why, she/he says, “Well so-and-so down the street said she came from Johnstown Hospital and I wondered where I came from.”

I now have the utmost desire to see how Pinkie tackles this subject......Pinkie teaching Sex Ed....Oh dear Lord the implications. I don't know who would be more interesting in teaching this, Pinkie or Discord

9633655
As long as they have their teaching degrees, maybe they could flip a coin... :trixieshiftleft:

Why would a six-year-old need sex ed classes? :applejackunsure:

Pinkie figured out the Adult Conspiracy herself as a newly Marked filly simply because someone mentioned "making whoopie" and she'd always wanted to know where whoopie cushions came from.

9633916
Here in the UK, it’s quite common for kids of that age to be taught. I suppose it’s different for each country... :rainbowderp:

9633937
That's a good bit of lateral thinking there :twilightoops:

9636715
...Well at least Scoots got an answer in the end, albeit a very disturbing one. :moustache:

I thought Flurry's reaction to the truth would be more like this.

I can see this happening! With a few more people being asked before, Flurry, gets her answers. Just to make it funnier! :rainbowlaugh:

And up the rating to teen. Just to be safe.:twilightsmile:
:pinkiegasp:That can be a sequel! :moustache::pinkiehappy:

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