• Member Since 3rd Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

deadpansnarker


Accept no substitutes.

T

Twilight wakes up one morning. And she can't stop rhyming. The same is true for all of her friends. They aren't too happy about it, either.

Let's face it, neither would you.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 68 )

Reminds me of this:

(Abridged version of "Games Ponies Play")

It's from UFP, an abridged MLP series. Check it out, it's hilarious. (If you do, comment that Wyngs sent you. Wacarb will know what it means ;)

And of course, good job on the story :raritywink:

0/10, the summary wasn't in rhyme.

8028091 I wasn't affected by the 'curse'... :raritywink:

LOL! That was very amusing. I got a good few chuckles out of that. I can actually imagining it happening to be honest.

I quite liked the style as well. It was odd getting used to, but it read kind of like a campfire tale. By that I mean it read as if I was sitting at a campfire and you were telling me the story. It was pretty pleasant to read in all honesty.

One thing though is I guess it felt a bit. Not rushed really but there was a lot of characters for such a short story. Everyone got their piece but it felt a little formulaic in that regard. Everyone got their say and then just kind of faded until their next cue. It's not a huge deal, its just something I picked up on. Other than a few grammar errors. "ever- reliable Applejack" shouldn't have a space I don't think, and you missed a " on Twilight's second couplet.

But still, if her mysterious illness persevered into the near future, her prospects for continuing her ambassadorial role for all things friendship-related couldn't be much grimmer... Glimmer?

I'm also probably being an idiot here, so sorry if I am, but I'm not quite sure what that sentence means. The ending anyway. Its a segway into getting to Starlight, but the ...Glimmer? part doesn't really seem to fit. Is it Twilight trying to chose another word and ending up with another one that rhymes anyway? I can't quite tell sorry.

K back to what I liked. The fact that Zecora is almost compelled to speak in rhyme and wants a break is interesting. Talking like that all the time must get tiresome, yet she does it with almost unnatural ease. Makes me wish the show would give us more zebras so we could know more about their culture. The mane 8 all reacting to it was funny, and everyone felt in character. Though I so wish that it had caused the spell Starlight had been practising to blow up in her face. Idk, I like Starlight a lot but that would have been comedic.

Overall, a really interesting piece in an interesting style that managed to catch my attention very well. All in all my only real complaint was that it felt a bit too short, but that could be said about most good works. Kudos and keep up the good stuff. As for updating chapter stories... I wonder which one indeed, muahaha! ...Okay why did I just evil laugh? Starlight, help! That spell you cast on me to remove evil impulses is wearing off! K I better sign out before I blow up the moon and tick off Luna again. Have a nice day!

8028091
Agreed, for one must speak as Zecora

8028111 A good review as always. I don't think I had enough good material to extend it any further than I did already... if there's one thing I hate in a fic, it's 'filler'. Still, glad you enjoyed it.

As for which chapter story I'll update next, wait 'n' see... but I think you already have a pretty good idea... :raritywink:

8028118 Okay, I'll try...
...
Nope, after doing this fic I'm all rhymed out, I'm afraid. No more poetry for the next bazillion years. :ajsleepy:

For shame! The word orange was never used here! SHAME!

8028121 Yeah I can understand that. Sometimes a bit of filler can help with the digestion but in a short fic, yeah I get your point. I just end up having this inability to write anything short. That's probably something I need to work on. Oh well. For what was here, this was really good.

I have many ideas...some of them good, some of them bad and some of them would end the world. Hehe, I await it eagerly regardless.

I should have tried to do that whole review in rhyme!
That would have been such a fun time
What an opportunity wasted
I should be thoroughly pasted

Please don't hurt me too bad
You'll make my friends all so sad
Wait, I forgot you are my friends
Well I guess this is where my comment ends

8028137 I tried it, but it didn't fit somehow (AJ is more of a dusky peach, ya know?)

The story was neat, but the pace was sure deadbeat.
Overall a ten out of ten, not many complaints that I have to say in the end.
I would recommend this to a friend, nd an invitation send.
The prose could be better if it had more letter,
And the summary could have been in rhyme, but too late, no more time.
I nitpick now, and I must ask you how,
You did this,
And not make it go all amiss.

8028142 Aha. Very good. :pinkiehappy:
Now, go get your remedy from Zecora... and give it 24 hours. :rainbowdetermined2:

8028152
Thanks, deadpansnarker, at least you're characters aren't like Sony's Peter Parker)
(Do you know how hard it was to make that rhyme in time?)

8028160 You could have said:
Thanks deadpansnarker...
I'll wait till it gets darker.
(Uh oh, time to take my pills) :twilightoops:

These foolish multicolour ponies
Are nothing more than rhyming phonies!
I, Gruntilda, will make them pay!
That'll teach them for rhyming my way!

8028166 I think you left them on the windowsills. (Yay more rhyming! Look what you've done to us!)

8028172 Only ONE window sill. I don't scatter them all over the place, you know. That would be most unhygienic... :raritywink:

8028168
Your rhymes are very strong but do you have what it takes to make the best bond?
I challenge you, to a rap battle, so prepare your idle prattle

8028176 But the symmetry would make things all the more scenic! (Trying to rhyme with unhygienic is something I wish to never to again. Not even if I live to a hundred and ten.)

The summary is back to normal, because I felt like it. :twistnerd:

8028129

Rhymed out today, you say?
Well then let's wait a day.
On the morrow we'll rhyme,
With Zecora in time,
And in meter of course,
Until our lungs are hoarse.

8028177 Competition, what a silly word.
Perhaps it's in the news you've heard.
My rhymes are the best, unparalelled and strong.
I never put a single word wrong!

8028177 If a competition you have, may I be the judge
I'd love to deliberate, over some fudge
Fair and unbiased, that's me to a T
If I prove untrue, cast me to sea

8028224
8028231
You are strong, my padawaan, but don't make me angry or you'll get the wrath of Khan,
You say that you never spell a word wrong,
But can you sing a song?
I bet that you can't,
You can only rant.
I make jibes and jokes,
And I'm better at it than some folks,
You're trying to aim too high,
You want to fly,
Yet you can't see the sky,
Yet you still try,
To make a rhyme,
When you have no more time.
Try to take me on,
Be cause by then I'll already be gone.

8028242
A judges you say?
Well, that's fine for today,
But ask what the others think,
But not after they've had a drink,
Make sure that they're sober,
To get through the story folder,
I agree to you being the judge,
And in the end you will get your fudge.

8028248 Must you battle with this prattle?
You're as bland as cattle.
I'm a witch who steals looks
Reads all the spellbooks
Your rhymes are tasteless
You should copy/paste less
I've been rhyming for years
While you just knocked back a few beers
I'm nineteen and still going strong
Your timing's completely wrong
Respect your elders they say
Don't spend your life wasting away
Grow a pair and rap some more
By then I'll have broke your door
My beats are so leet they're almost sweet
But I'm not discreet
Come to my tower and shower
In the glow of my power
Raining spells so hard you'll never know
Now I think it's time to go
Thanks for the rap battle, player
But I think we know the winner
Me, on my throne
Rapping fools to the bone!

8028248

I don't know why you'd get mad,
That declaration makes me sad,
I do admit I misspell words,
I am just a part of a herd,
I know not half of what you say,
Somehow I'll up and fly away?
And surely I can see the sky,
In plain sight, even up that high,
I will not take you on tonight,
Because one story I must write.

Prose? Unless I'm misinterpreting the article, prose is rather decidedly what they're not using, and what they want to get back to.

8028282
Well done.
Okay, I admit defeat with my beat,
But before I go, I just wish to say good luck to you.

8028308 Yep, fixed. Must have missed the particular class (among a few others) :raritywink:

8028301
8028282
8028248
Though Chilled would have rather sat out
They rhymed and spoke with clout
I'm sorry to say, that means you play
so I must judge you all today

In my opinion so humble
That I may surely fumble
I feel Shadow rhymed better
Than Allan the Challenger

Though by only a hair
and having rhymes to spare
Both I shall commend
and thoroughly recommend

Their rhymes were simply amazing
Worth a year of gazing
But a winner I have chosen
I wish to not be frozen

(I dunno I'm just playing along :P Rhyming is fun. Sorry)

8028320

:applejackconfused:

I wasn't really talking smack or anything, I was just stating that his declaration both confused and saddened me. :fluttershysad:

(by the way, I kept the number of syllables the same in every line, if that has any merit)

8028337 Oh I know. I just thought it would have been funny to include you since you actually rhymed in your comment. Sorry.

8028346

Tehe, I love everybody for their funny antics. :pinkiehappy:

.

What's the giant space in the end of the story with a period right in the middle?? :rainbowhuh:

Anywho, I love this, it would been nice to see them do more of the rhythm talking, also I favorite and like!

8028446 Yup. :eeyup:
BTW is this a comment section, or a poetry class? :scootangel:

8028447 Sadly I think I spend to much time with Pinkie Pie :pinkiehappy: :pinkiecrazy:

Yea, I forget that you can edit your comment... :facehoof:

8028447 It's a poetry class! Zecora is teaching us all! Uhh... I think we need work :P Though it is also a comment section, in its spare time of course. When it isn't being bombarded with poems. Maybe we all drank a bit of Zecora's potion. Anyone not rhyming is a zebra!

I read this piece of rhyming
And I must say, it was quite good timing.
A nasty headache had just gone away
And this was a good remedy, I say.

An interesting and funny thought
Made for quite a good plot.
And so, as this user sums up,
He leaves a favorite and a thumbs-up.

I really have no reason to rhyme,
It's not like I do so all the time.
I just have a soft spot for alliteration
As well as rhyme integration.

I hope you make another one of these.

How long did it take you to come up with all these rhymes?

8028880 Nah, a good magician never repeats his tricks. :ajsleepy:
8029528 Too long. :derpytongue2:

8028137 if you wish for an orange, got to forage

Having written dialog for Zecora for in one story, I know how devilishly hard this can be. I love both your narrator voice and how you made the poetry not only work to tell the story, despite it's necessary lack a brilliance, but for the sheer volume of it. The whole experience was very entertaining.

Two issues:
(1) I think Twilight could care less.
(2) The solution being Zecora felt too pat; in any case, it could have been foreshadowed somehow. (But, since this was a speed-written throwaway, it's pretty darn good anyway.)

PS: At the time I read this (6:40PM 3/17), it was at position 11, one short of the feature box. Good luck!

8030896 Thanks, but I think I'm right in thinking that the proper phrase is 'couldn't care less'. :twistnerd:

this is great :rainbowlaugh: but why the T rating? seems E to me.

8030975 I dunno... I thought someone might be a bit oversensitive with Applejack's 'bucking' rhyme. But I'm glad you liked it, and I hope it cheers you up on a depressing day. I sure know what they're like... :fluttercry:

8030957
Fair enough about the cliché; that's a hard one.:pinkiehappy: However, you've just pointed out something fascinating!

The Feature Box seems like it is the top ten, but if you turn on the the View Mature setting, some Mature-tagged stories inevitably push down the Teen or Everyone stories. It adds a new meaning to the Feature Box (and explains why it isn't called the Top Ten Box).

You do make it sound like Mature stories are always necessarily bad, though. I could recommend a few (ok, a very few). They're hard to judge without reading, of course, especially if they aren't helpfully labeled in the description as clop by the author. It was really difficult when I wrote one story, Starlight and Her Double-Diamond Affair, and realized that it did cross the line even if it wasn't explicit. Of course, you could turn off the View Mature setting...:scootangel:

finding rhymes for 'secret' or 'penguin'

Well, I'm not sure about secret and penguin, but I can rhyme with orange!

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