They're poets, and don't they just know it
It was a typically lovely morning at the Castle Of Friendship. Twilight snoring, Starlight studying and Spike putting in all the hard graft. Yadda yadda yadda. You know the drill. Let's just get to the good stuff, shall we?
Princess Twilight got out of bed, stretched her front (and rear) hooves, before opening her mouth to talk. But what emerged wasn't quite what she'd intended:
"Oh, darn this stupid cramp!
Now where is Spike, that cheeky scamp?"
What the? While she certainly intended on saying words to that effect, she certainly didn't mean on them coming out so... poetically. She tried again:
There's no way this sentence will rhyme.
I refuse to do it every single occasio... time."
Oh dear, it would appear as though Twilight's ode-inspired delirium was here to stay. Usually such a fascinating malady would be of great interest to her, and hours of experiments would soon follow, usually consisting of a lab coat, a pair of thick glasses and a test-tube explosion to the face. Ouch.
Seeing as how it was affecting her directly though, and could even impede her performance as Princess, the situation was a little more important than her obsessive scientific musings.
For example, what would the populace think of their local royal if she gave a sincere speech, and instead spouted a bunch of melodious mumblings? They'd never take her seriously again... leave her all alone in an empty arena... her well-earned reputation for competency would be in tatters... crops would burn... the townsponies would riot... rebellious chants of "off with her head" would swiftly circulate nationwide...
Okay, so maybe those last three scenarios were, hypothetically speaking, a bit of a stretch. But still, if her mysterious illness persevered into the near future, her prospects for continuing her ambassadorial role for all things friendship-related couldn't be much grimmer... Glimmer?
Oh great, now she was even constructing couplets in her head. Still, her sudden attack of lyrical psychosis had given her an idea:
My prize student is almost as powerful as me!
Perhaps, we can make a remedy.
Maybe, if we put our heads together.
We can make it go away foreve... AARGH!
This couldn't be delayed any longer. Without even bothering to brush her teeth, she rushed downstairs to the great hall, past an agitated Spike who had gotten his claw stuck in a crack in the floor yet again, and straight through the double-doors.
Phew, it looks like she's here!
Now let's all give a big, loud chee... Oh no, you don't!
Twilight had heard more than enough from her verse-reciting brain for one day, and gave it a little knock to show it who's boss.
Ow, that was a nasty blow!
Why oh why do you hurt me so?
Apparently, it hadn't worked. Just about at the end of her tether, she literally galloped over to where Starlight sat with her muzzle in a book, pushing the cover down to speak to her student. In doggerel, naturally.
"Starlight, I need your help right now!
I want to stop rhyming, and I don't know how!"
The newly-reformed unicorn glanced up at her teacher, with an oddly sympathetic look on her face. Clearing her throat, she made sure nopony else was around, before almost whispering her response:
"I know! I was trying to practice a spell...
And it seems to have affected me, as well!"
Oh no! Oh woe! was Twilight's initial reaction to realising Starlight was stuck in exactly the same stanza-related nightmare she was, until both of them grasped simultaneously that they needed to check on the health of one of their other friends who lived with them.
"Spike! Let's see what he's like!" This was spoken in unison by the duo, who could only frown at their own inadvertent duplicity in verse, before hurrying over to their dragon companion.
He'd managed to remove his foot from the tiny fissure on the ground, and was gently rubbing it when he saw the two ponies burst in without an invitation. Twilight didn't really want to open her mouth again until this ridiculous charade was cleared up, but if she was to inquire as to the health of her special little guy, there was really no other option.
"Spike! Are you feeling okay?
Or are you talking in a funny way?"
The drake frowned at this odd question and turn of expression, before he responding by saying this:
"Talking? I don't know what you mean.
I was just giving this floor a good clean...
When my claw got caught! If you really cared
You'd get all these blasted cracks repaired..."
As Spike blushed at his own little accidental poetic 'masterpiece', Twilight's worst fears were confirmed. This was the confirmation she needed, that something was very amiss indeed. Nodding her head sagely at an equally pensive Starlight, and also addressing a now dumbstruck dragon, she made the following proclamation:
"Listen to me, Spike and Star
We need to spread the word, near and far.
Because of these lyrics we keep repeating
Get the girls together for a meeting."
...............................................................................................................................
It had not been a happy day so far for any of the Elements of Harmony as they were known, who now sat squabbling at the big table in Twilight's castle. Not only was the bickering a huge strain on Twilight's ears, the most ingratiating part was... it was all in verse. Yep, apparently this strange affliction had spread to each of them, a fact that became clear as each mare in turn divulged their heart-rending testimonies:
"The Wonderbolts all think I've gone insane!
My whole careers going down the drain.
Just before I left, I got a letter...
Now I can't return, until 'I'm better'!"
That was Rainbow Dash of course, who was now officially on 'sick leave' under she stopped distracting her other colleagues with incessant poetry. She was the kind of mare who'd go nuts without something to occupy her time, a sentiment shared by Rarity, who was having similar problems in her line of business:
"Darling, I know of what you say!
I've had hardly a customer all day!
As soon as I start talking in this odd way
None of my regulars want to stay!"
The fashionista didn't seem to take much pride in the fact she managed to make all four lines rhyme (truly, an impressive accomplishment) and sunk her head into her hooves, weeping voraciously. Being there to comfort her was the ever- reliable Applejack, who'd been experiencing a bit of difficulty too, but chose to be a bit more stoic about it.
"Y'all might say it's not doing any harm
But my words follow me all over the farm
Whether I'm apple sortin' or apple buckin'
All you can hear is the sound of me... clucking."
That last line there might not be the most accurate description, but it was the least offensive choice she could've used, right? Up next was Fluttershy, who if possible, was even more demure than normal:
"I think, what are my biggest regrets
Is when I talk to all my pets
Including the birdies I adore
They just don't listen anymore..."
The yellow pegasus was referencing the fact that none of her animals took her seriously when she started speaking to them in that goofy way. Especially Angel, who thought this was kind of a bizarre payback for all the petulance he'd displayed over the years. There was a lot to make up in that sense, for sure.
Now, who was left... everypony turned to Pinkie Pie, who was the only equine present who hadn't spoken yet. Predictably, the dour mood in the room hadn't blunted her effervescence one iota, and her grin shone like the brightest lights of Manehattan as always:
"I don't know why you ladies are so depressed!
Ever since this happened, I've had this zest!
All the ponies who hear me in the cafe.
Have come away happy, smiling and laugh-ee!"
Trust Pinkie to escape scrutiny with a final word there that didn't actually exist. Also trust Pinkie, to be the only one in attendance who could get away with chattering like a laureate at Sugarcube Corner all day long, without everypony thinking she's stark-raving bonkers. Most others had formed that opinion long ago, and just decided to accept it as fact. Why else would there be a unique entry for 'Pinkieisms' in the dictionary?
Feeling that the time had come to restore some order to this boisterous debate, Twilight rapped on the table to get everypony's attention:
"Okay girls, please try to think back...
Where were we last, before this sudden attack?
Remembering that could give us a clue
Then we can figure out what to do."
All present stopped their unintentional poetry convention straightaway and thought long and hard, apart from Pinkie Pie who'd far more important things to consider, like what colour frosting to put on her next baking extravaganza, standard pink, or hot pink? In the meantime, the others, including Spike who'd just turned up with the drinks (naturally), began to form their own little sonnet.
"I seem to remember, we went out..." Rainbow Dash paused to recollect.
"Into the Everfree, or thereabout." It was all coming back to Rarity now.
"A filly had run away from home..." Applejack recalled they had a mission.
"So inside the forest we must have roam." Fluttershy remembered them arriving at her house.
"We reunited her with her Mum and Dad..." Starlight noted the success of their endeavour.
"That's all that happened. Nothing bad." Spike, couldn't see how this might have affected their speech.
"Hang on. A zebra spoke to us, and we didn't ignore her..." Twilight's superior memory came in handy here.
"I know! It was great fun, catching up with Zecora!" Pinkie Pie finished off the verse, almost dreamily.
The other ponies looked at each other in awareness, as all the pieces began to click. Of course... where else would they have picked up this irritating habit from, if not the striped shaman herself, who was usually the only one that communicated in this annoying fashion? That's where the answers must lie. They'd rush down there straightaway to discover a cure, or rhyme each other to death trying.
"Let us depart now to her hut.
Also, new rule: Keep your mouths shut."
Wise words indeed from Twilight, lest they drive themselves insane with poetic blather. Even Spike tagged along, happy he didn't have to clear away the table for a change, although knowing Twilight, this would be but a temporary reprieve.
..............................................................................................................
"Twilight and friends! What a pleasant surprise! Come in, come all! This is a happy day indeed, and its great that I get to share it with some of my closest friends!"
Zecora's initial greeting to the just arrived party of ponies was not quite what they'd expected. It wasn't just the fact that the zebra had just hung up a new skull-bone on the wall, or that she'd moved her cauldron a few inches to the right...
It was the fact she was talking normally. The way they used to, before... anyway, still getting used to the new, articulate Zecora, they listened with rapt attention as she explained how she was now able to communicate in complete sentences.
"My potion was a success! It enables me to speak fluently for the first time in my life, without having to rely on verse. Of course, I won't be taking it all the time, but it's nice to get a break every once in a while from trying to match one word to the next. I mean... have any of you actually tried finding rhymes for 'secret' or 'penguin', before?"
Ignoring Pinkie's raised hoof at this time (she wanted to know where the 'secret penguin' was), Twilight realised that this radical breakthrough for the zebra must have come at some cost for her and her friends' verbosity. The two linked events couldn't be a coincidence, so for the first time since leaving the castle, she opened her mouth:
"Zecora, I'm so glad that you're happy.
And I don't mean to be snappy.
But I'm afraid your mixture, as good as it is
Might have had a extra something in the fizz.
I don't think I have to be direct
When I tell you about it's side-effect!!"
The Zebra's ears pricked up on hearing Twilight's new way of talking which was so familiar to her, and saw all the others nod in agreement with her description. A look of guilt quickly washed over her striped face, and a sudden realisation hit her about their visit just the other day.
"Oh my gosh my friends, I am so sorry! I must have given you each a portion of my special brew yesterday, instead of the herb drink which you actually requested! The two look, taste and smell almost exactly the same, so please forgive the confusion. Giving non-zebras my potion has the reverse effect and would have you talking like me, as you've already found out to your cost. Here, let me make you an antidote..."
Zecora hopped off her chair immediately to prepare the concoction, while a palpable sense of relief could be detected throughout the room that this horrible ordeal might soon be coming to an end. Apart from Pinkie of course, but she didn't need the help of an elixir to behave a bit crazy, so that was okay.
In the meantime, Starlight had a question for her mentor about their zebra friend:
"Twilight, how does she do it all day long?
Rhyme this and that and talk in song?"
Twilight shrugged her hooves, before answering as best she could.
"I don't know, it's her culture I guess.
As long as we're cured, I couldn't care less."
..........................................................................................................................
"Well, that's that then, I suppose..." Rainbow Dash spoke, as the party made their way home.
"I can't wait to get back to good ol' prose!" Rarity despised the inelegant odes she was forced to spout.
" I still feel a bit of sorrow..." Applejack lamented something to everypony else.
"...That the remedial effects won't kick in 'til tomorrow!" Fluttershy finished her sentence for her.
"I hope it works, that potion we all quaffed..." Spike was a little cynical about it's application.
"Until it does, I'm shutting myself in the loft!" Starlight thought the highest part of the castle sounded good right now.
"Now now, everypony... I'm sure it'll be fine..." Twilight offered a more optimistic point of view.
"...And if it isn't, you can all get jobs at mine!" Pinkie beamed, thinking how positively the customers at Sugarcube Corner had received her own poetic musings earlier.
The others immediately glared at her grating enthusiasm. "PINKIE!" They all shouted, before inadvertently adding... "You stinkie!"
"Oh well, it was worth a try.
We need some new staff, I won't lie..." The party pony gasped, while being chased out of the forest.
This is my final one-shot for this week, and I think it might be my favourite of them all! Again, a lot of fun to write. 
Next, I'll be updating one of my chapter stories... Hmm, I wonder which one... 
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Reminds me of this:
(Abridged version of "Games Ponies Play")
It's from UFP, an abridged MLP series. Check it out, it's hilarious. (If you do, comment that Wyngs sent you. Wacarb will know what it means ;)
And of course, good job on the story
0/10, the summary wasn't in rhyme.
8028091 I wasn't affected by the 'curse'...
LOL! That was very amusing. I got a good few chuckles out of that. I can actually imagining it happening to be honest.
I quite liked the style as well. It was odd getting used to, but it read kind of like a campfire tale. By that I mean it read as if I was sitting at a campfire and you were telling me the story. It was pretty pleasant to read in all honesty.
One thing though is I guess it felt a bit. Not rushed really but there was a lot of characters for such a short story. Everyone got their piece but it felt a little formulaic in that regard. Everyone got their say and then just kind of faded until their next cue. It's not a huge deal, its just something I picked up on. Other than a few grammar errors. "ever- reliable Applejack" shouldn't have a space I don't think, and you missed a " on Twilight's second couplet.
I'm also probably being an idiot here, so sorry if I am, but I'm not quite sure what that sentence means. The ending anyway. Its a segway into getting to Starlight, but the ...Glimmer? part doesn't really seem to fit. Is it Twilight trying to chose another word and ending up with another one that rhymes anyway? I can't quite tell sorry.
K back to what I liked. The fact that Zecora is almost compelled to speak in rhyme and wants a break is interesting. Talking like that all the time must get tiresome, yet she does it with almost unnatural ease. Makes me wish the show would give us more zebras so we could know more about their culture. The mane 8 all reacting to it was funny, and everyone felt in character. Though I so wish that it had caused the spell Starlight had been practising to blow up in her face. Idk, I like Starlight a lot but that would have been comedic.
Overall, a really interesting piece in an interesting style that managed to catch my attention very well. All in all my only real complaint was that it felt a bit too short, but that could be said about most good works. Kudos and keep up the good stuff. As for updating chapter stories... I wonder which one indeed, muahaha! ...Okay why did I just evil laugh? Starlight, help! That spell you cast on me to remove evil impulses is wearing off! K I better sign out before I blow up the moon and tick off Luna again. Have a nice day!
8028091
Agreed, for one must speak as Zecora
8028111 A good review as always. I don't think I had enough good material to extend it any further than I did already... if there's one thing I hate in a fic, it's 'filler'. Still, glad you enjoyed it.
As for which chapter story I'll update next, wait 'n' see... but I think you already have a pretty good idea...
8028118 Okay, I'll try...
...
Nope, after doing this fic I'm all rhymed out, I'm afraid. No more poetry for the next bazillion years.
For shame! The word orange was never used here! SHAME!
8028121 Yeah I can understand that. Sometimes a bit of filler can help with the digestion but in a short fic, yeah I get your point. I just end up having this inability to write anything short. That's probably something I need to work on. Oh well. For what was here, this was really good.
I have many ideas...some of them good, some of them bad and some of them would end the world. Hehe, I await it eagerly regardless.
I should have tried to do that whole review in rhyme!
That would have been such a fun time
What an opportunity wasted
I should be thoroughly pasted
Please don't hurt me too bad
You'll make my friends all so sad
Wait, I forgot you are my friends
Well I guess this is where my comment ends
8028137 I tried it, but it didn't fit somehow (AJ is more of a dusky peach, ya know?)
The story was neat, but the pace was sure deadbeat.
Overall a ten out of ten, not many complaints that I have to say in the end.
I would recommend this to a friend, nd an invitation send.
The prose could be better if it had more letter,
And the summary could have been in rhyme, but too late, no more time.
I nitpick now, and I must ask you how,
You did this,
And not make it go all amiss.
8028142 Aha. Very good.
Now, go get your remedy from Zecora... and give it 24 hours.
8028152
Thanks, deadpansnarker, at least you're characters aren't like Sony's Peter Parker)
(Do you know how hard it was to make that rhyme in time?)
8028160 You could have said:
Thanks deadpansnarker...
I'll wait till it gets darker.
(Uh oh, time to take my pills)
These foolish multicolour ponies
Are nothing more than rhyming phonies!
I, Gruntilda, will make them pay!
That'll teach them for rhyming my way!
8028166 I think you left them on the windowsills. (Yay more rhyming! Look what you've done to us!)
8028172 Only ONE window sill. I don't scatter them all over the place, you know. That would be most unhygienic...
8028168
Your rhymes are very strong but do you have what it takes to make the best bond?
I challenge you, to a rap battle, so prepare your idle prattle
8028176 But the symmetry would make things all the more scenic! (Trying to rhyme with unhygienic is something I wish to never to again. Not even if I live to a hundred and ten.)
The summary is back to normal, because I felt like it.
8028129
Rhymed out today, you say?
Well then let's wait a day.
On the morrow we'll rhyme,
With Zecora in time,
And in meter of course,
Until our lungs are hoarse.
8028177 Competition, what a silly word.
Perhaps it's in the news you've heard.
My rhymes are the best, unparalelled and strong.
I never put a single word wrong!
8028177 If a competition you have, may I be the judge
I'd love to deliberate, over some fudge
Fair and unbiased, that's me to a T
If I prove untrue, cast me to sea
8028224
8028231
You are strong, my padawaan, but don't make me angry or you'll get the wrath of Khan,
You say that you never spell a word wrong,
But can you sing a song?
I bet that you can't,
You can only rant.
I make jibes and jokes,
And I'm better at it than some folks,
You're trying to aim too high,
You want to fly,
Yet you can't see the sky,
Yet you still try,
To make a rhyme,
When you have no more time.
Try to take me on,
Be cause by then I'll already be gone.
8028242
A judges you say?
Well, that's fine for today,
But ask what the others think,
But not after they've had a drink,
Make sure that they're sober,
To get through the story folder,
I agree to you being the judge,
And in the end you will get your fudge.
8028248 Must you battle with this prattle?
You're as bland as cattle.
I'm a witch who steals looks
Reads all the spellbooks
Your rhymes are tasteless
You should copy/paste less
I've been rhyming for years
While you just knocked back a few beers
I'm nineteen and still going strong
Your timing's completely wrong
Respect your elders they say
Don't spend your life wasting away
Grow a pair and rap some more
By then I'll have broke your door
My beats are so leet they're almost sweet
But I'm not discreet
Come to my tower and shower
In the glow of my power
Raining spells so hard you'll never know
Now I think it's time to go
Thanks for the rap battle, player
But I think we know the winner
Me, on my throne
Rapping fools to the bone!
8028248
I don't know why you'd get mad,
That declaration makes me sad,
I do admit I misspell words,
I am just a part of a herd,
I know not half of what you say,
Somehow I'll up and fly away?
And surely I can see the sky,
In plain sight, even up that high,
I will not take you on tonight,
Because one story I must write.
Prose? Unless I'm misinterpreting the article, prose is rather decidedly what they're not using, and what they want to get back to.
8028282
Well done.
Okay, I admit defeat with my beat,
But before I go, I just wish to say good luck to you.
8028308 Yep, fixed. Must have missed the particular class (among a few others)
8028301
8028282
8028248
Though Chilled would have rather sat out
They rhymed and spoke with clout
I'm sorry to say, that means you play
so I must judge you all today
In my opinion so humble
That I may surely fumble
I feel Shadow rhymed better
Than Allan the Challenger
Though by only a hair
and having rhymes to spare
Both I shall commend
and thoroughly recommend
Their rhymes were simply amazing
Worth a year of gazing
But a winner I have chosen
I wish to not be frozen
(I dunno I'm just playing along :P Rhyming is fun. Sorry)
8028320
I wasn't really talking smack or anything, I was just stating that his declaration both confused and saddened me.
(by the way, I kept the number of syllables the same in every line, if that has any merit)
8028337 Oh I know. I just thought it would have been funny to include you since you actually rhymed in your comment. Sorry.
8028346
Tehe, I love everybody for their funny antics.
What's the giant space in the end of the story with a period right in the middle??
Anywho, I love this, it would been nice to see them do more of the rhythm talking, also I favorite and like!
8028414 Nice, you fix it.
8028446 Yup.
BTW is this a comment section, or a poetry class?
8028447 Sadly I think I spend to much time with Pinkie Pie
Yea, I forget that you can edit your comment...
8028447 It's a poetry class! Zecora is teaching us all! Uhh... I think we need work :P Though it is also a comment section, in its spare time of course. When it isn't being bombarded with poems. Maybe we all drank a bit of Zecora's potion. Anyone not rhyming is a zebra!
I read this piece of rhyming
And I must say, it was quite good timing.
A nasty headache had just gone away
And this was a good remedy, I say.
An interesting and funny thought
Made for quite a good plot.
And so, as this user sums up,
He leaves a favorite and a thumbs-up.
I really have no reason to rhyme,
It's not like I do so all the time.
I just have a soft spot for alliteration
As well as rhyme integration.
I hope you make another one of these.
How long did it take you to come up with all these rhymes?
8028880 Nah, a good magician never repeats his tricks.
8029528 Too long.
8028137 if you wish for an orange, got to forage
Having written dialog for Zecora for in one story, I know how devilishly hard this can be. I love both your narrator voice and how you made the poetry not only work to tell the story, despite it's necessary lack a brilliance, but for the sheer volume of it. The whole experience was very entertaining.
Two issues:
(1) I think Twilight could care less.
(2) The solution being Zecora felt too pat; in any case, it could have been foreshadowed somehow. (But, since this was a speed-written throwaway, it's pretty darn good anyway.)
PS: At the time I read this (6:40PM 3/17), it was at position 11, one short of the feature box. Good luck!
8030896 Thanks, but I think I'm right in thinking that the proper phrase is 'couldn't care less'.
this is great
but why the T rating? seems E to me.
8030975 I dunno... I thought someone might be a bit oversensitive with Applejack's 'bucking' rhyme. But I'm glad you liked it, and I hope it cheers you up on a depressing day. I sure know what they're like...
8030957
However, you've just pointed out something fascinating!
Fair enough about the cliché; that's a hard one.
The Feature Box seems like it is the top ten, but if you turn on the the View Mature setting, some Mature-tagged stories inevitably push down the Teen or Everyone stories. It adds a new meaning to the Feature Box (and explains why it isn't called the Top Ten Box).
You do make it sound like Mature stories are always necessarily bad, though. I could recommend a few (ok, a very few). They're hard to judge without reading, of course, especially if they aren't helpfully labeled in the description as clop by the author. It was really difficult when I wrote one story, Starlight and Her Double-Diamond Affair, and realized that it did cross the line even if it wasn't explicit. Of course, you could turn off the View Mature setting...
Well, I'm not sure about secret and penguin, but I can rhyme with orange!