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deadpansnarker


I don't know why I go to extremes.

E

Princess Twilight Sparkle wakes up early one morning, stretches, then decides to destroy Ponyville. As you do.

Featured from Jan 12- Jan 15 '19. Mucho Gracias!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 68 )

Seems like Leather Couch isn't the right one for this job. Shoulda gone with Dr. Wolf.

Well, this has been an interesting piece of ‘What the hay did I just read?’ Loving the little remarks here and there, as well as the general idea—truth be told, I can imagine it’s not that far from reality of many stressed people.

Good story, and i can really relate to Twilight in this instance:ajsmug:

But really if Twilight ever did go crazy Discord could take her down pretty quickly just by taking away her horn and Wings

At least Twilight doesn't bottle up her stress and frustration like Starlight did that one time. There's not enough bottles in all of Equestria.

I adore it. 10/10

9399180
He wasn't available. Fully booked, as you'd expect... :pinkiesad2:


9399181
I think it's a very relatable mindset, yes. Though, hopefully not to this extent... :unsuresweetie:


9399188
Let's hope it never comes to that. :rainbowderp:


9399199
Yep. And imagine if somepony dropped them... it would make the events of this fic look like a cakewalk... :pinkiegasp:


9399201
Thank you. :raritystarry:

9399209
Indeed, we've seen what crazy Twilight looks like and its a side of her I'd never want to see be fulled by powerful Alicorn magic

Twilight on being told she has a new therapist: “Eighth change this month, I’m beginning to question the mental stability of the psychology department of SGU.”

Dab memes to it, and i'm good to read!

And if anyone tells her that her actions are wrong or stupid, all Twilight has to do is, y'know,

Dab on them haters.

I forgot to comment.

"Castle Of Friendship? ...I think i always preferred the tree. Farewell." CONFRINGO !!!!!!

You couldn’t resist using something from Harry Potter could you?

9399511
You have now though, so it's alright. :twilightsheepish:


9399511
I have been know to insert a few references in my stories... :duck:

9399539
*Dabs*YEET

Which is worse, Twilight fantasizing about a rampage of apocalyptic proportion or knowing who she is that she’s run the numbers and this is all too plausible... Great read and sweet slingers from Twilight. Nothing like a good ol’ Overpow-light to satisfy one’s desires.

9399574
Glad it hit the spot. :ajsmug:

Hillbe #18 · 1 week ago · · 3 ·

:ajbemused: What set her off this time?
:fluttershysad: She walked in on Spike and Rarity in the Janitors Closet
:rainbowhuh: Then she walked in on Fluttershy and Discord
:pinkiegasp: Then the students
:duck: "Twilight, If I told you once I've told you a thousand times" :moustache: "Just go out and meet somepony"
:derpytongue2: Somepony to love
:ajsmug: Don't tell me about it, I have a farm to run :pinkiehappy: Where's it running to?
:trollestia: As usual I don't do anything for my little ponies
:facehoof:

Have not seen a fic like this before...
I approve, is good!

9399588
:rainbowwild:


9399679
Thank you for reading, and glad you enjoyed it. :twistnerd:

Ha! This is so much more relatable than I'd like to admit!

This was funny :pinkiehappy:

I don't know why I go to extremes.

Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens
And if I stand or I fall
It's all or nothing at all
Darling I don't know why I got to extremes

Why? We do not know, and quite frankly at this stage it matters not. All we can do, as we huddle in fear at the scenes of unparalleled destruction unfolding before us, is hope for a miracle. PLEASE, SOMEPONY, ANYPONY, HELP US ...

The narrator sounds like Rarity, with a dash of Pinkie Pie.

"You talk too much." A ruthless Twilight snarled from the air, as she roasted the narrator with one single blast of powerful magic. "I can describe everything accurately enough without your endless wittering to distract me, thank you. Now, where was I..."

Oh no, Twilight has absorbed Pinkie Pie!

Townsponies galloping around bopping heads everywhere in abject terror? Check.

Widespread property damage? Check.

The successful subjugation of all my former friends? Check.

Cutting of all lines of communication to Canterlot and the Crystal Empire? Check.

A packed lunch consisting of cucumber sandwiches, croutons and an apple? Check, and mate.

Of course, there's a checklist for causing the Apocalypse.

"Okay Ms Sparkle, I think that's enough for our session today."

I have to admit, while I knew this was going for a twist, I didn't see where the twist was going.


9399213
Unless Plot Convenience intervened in the form of Plot Armor for Twilight, in which case Discord would need a Plot Weapon to even scratch Twilight.

that was ill advised twily

That made my brain squirt.

Georg #28 · 1 week ago · · ·

Ponyville goes through psychologists the same way a machine gun goes through bullets.

A very funny ending.

It look me months to get you started

took

Just when I was thought I was starting

Remove

9400233
Thanks for the thorough review. :scootangel:


9400629
It's a lucrative profession alright... with more than a few strings attached. :unsuresweetie:


9400759
That was the intent. :rainbowkiss:


9400762
Fixed. :rainbowdetermined2:

9400771
Heh, you're welcome.

To be honest, though, I was scrubbing my head for something remotely interesting to say about the parts that interested me – I wasn't much in a mood to think at the time. On the other hand, sometimes I'd have something to say about every little bit, and I'd be trying to hold back my urge to comment.

“Take that, bowling alley! Take that, Hay Burger! Take that, Rare Book St-oh, fiddlesticks....”

theshirtlist.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/The-Postal-Dude-and-Champ.jpg

You probably thought you weren't goin' to die today? Surprise!

Please don't think I'm a bigot, I kill races equally...

This was fun, really fun. But this needed heaping amounts of unnecessary :pinkiecrazy:gore:pinkiecrazy: to truly hit my top shelf. So just take a favorite instead.

9400800
How would ponies bowl, that's what I'd want to know. Well, considering they can do almost everything else with their hooves, I suppose anything's possible... :applejackunsure:


9401317
I tried to keep things relatively light, to earn an E rating so everyone could read it. I would hope that Twi's imagination wasn't that febrile, either. But thanks a lot for reading. :scootangel:

9401328
I take it you didn't watch Season 5 Episode 9? XD There's a bowling alley.

9401365
I vaguely remember something like that (it's been a while since I saw the episode), but I can't remember how they actually bowled. Was there one giant hole in the ball, or did they just toss it down the lane?

This is horrible...

I like it. :pinkiecrazy:

9401629
:pinkiehappy: Oh silly, I'm not insane! And I definitely don't make cupcakes out of intestines!

Somepony should recommend she talk to Sunset.

Either her past as a recovering supervillainess lets her help Twilight deal with all that repressed aggression she's feeling,
or else they end up commiserating and the next thing you know Sunset's wearing something skimpy and helping Twilight destroy the world as her sexy and evil Dark Consort.

Ya know, one of the two.

Your story currently is on the featured page and has almost the same number of views as words.

9402402
I know. Thanks everyone! :pinkiehappy:


9402388
If someone wants to think of either of these scenarios as a possible epilogue, they're more than welcome to. :scootangel:

9402412

"I simply couldn't justify taking that sort of risk, no matter how much Twilight needs help. Which is why I need to hide out at your place until she goes back to Equestria!" Sunset proclaimed, giving Applejack a pleading grin.

"Uh huh," an unimpressed AJ flatly stated. "So, purely as a matter of curiosity, exactly how many times have ya fantasized about dressing up all skimpy-like and helping Twilight take over the world as her, quote, 'sexy and evil Dark Consort'?"

"...eheh."

With the elements of Magic, Loyalty, Harmony, Courage, Kindness and Honesty

Since when are harmony and courage elements?
How can harmony be an element of itself?
Why does the psychologist consider being a beast trainer in Tartarus a safer job than being a psychologist?
Why is twilight's coping mechanism mindless violence?
Why would her coping mechanism involve killing her idol?
Will I ever stop asking questions and just go on with my life?
Seriously, I should probably stop asking questi-

9402746
To end any confusion, I’ve edited the Elements section. And there’s nothing wrong with an enquiring mind. In a surreal comedy though, some things needn’t be taken so seriously... :raritywink:

"Forever. The market for vicious beast trainers In Tartarus is ever-expanding, after all. At my age, I could do with a safer job..."

So he considers training vicious beasts from Hell a safer job than dealing with a slightly deranged unicorn?:applejackunsure:

:rainbowderp:

... Nice choice, if i do say so myself.:pinkiecrazy:

9402970
Alicorn, and I think she’d prefer the term ‘a bit neurotic’ (and with her workload, who can blame her), but that’s about the gist of it. :moustache:

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