• Member Since 26th Apr, 2016
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Foal Star


Im like a Baby Discord with a crazy imagination

T

This story takes place after the events of the episode "Keep calm and flutter on."

After Discord's reformation, he decides to have a bet with Princess Celestia. Wanting to see her chaotic side, a bet was made between the two. For one whole week, Celestia will agree to become a draconequus, to see if she can control the powers of chaos itself. Celestia agrees on the condition that should she win, she gets to transform Discord into whatever she wants for a week in turn. However, Celestia has many secret desires and it doesn't take long for her to start abusing her new chaotic magic...

Editor: The Fan without a Face

Cover artist: hikariviny

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 45 )

Ooh this is looking fun

This is going to be good

Dang It! I really want to know where you got that cover!

Celestia looks so cute, I WANT TO GIVE HER ALL THE HUGS!!!

Then again several characters and OCs do as well sooooo... MORE HUGS!

Lookss fun now what

He could only stare at where Celestia was and whisper to himself. “I think I might’ve made a mistake.”

To Quote Josh, “OH, DO YA?”

You know what song suits this?

I can just imagine them singing this at some point.

Well, you got my attention. I'll be tracking this.

He could only stare at where Celestia was and whisper to himself. “I think I might’ve made a mistake.”

Oh dear, you might be right about that...

9557552
Here you go:
https://www.deviantart.com/hikariviny/art/Celestiquus-621740643

Hikariviny's style is very recognizable haha :)

Ooooh this shows promise

9558133
Thank you! I had this image on my laptop for years I forgot where I got it from

Interesting approach, characters are pretty accurate. Really liking where this is going, one problem though cause I'm a bit confused...
In the description you have...

Celestia agrees on the terms on one conditon if she keeps herself from losing control she gets to transform Discord into whatever she wants for a week.

But in the story you have...

Celestia, now intrigued thought to herself for a moment, before her smirk returned. “Very well. Then, if I win, you’ll agree to transform me into whatever I want for a week.”

So is she to change, or Discord?

She had no problems at all manipulating fingers as an equine.

Confirmed that when Celestia discovered the mirror to EQgirls world, that Celestia took her place.

9558247
Its Discord who will be transformed if she wins

There's a romance tag with Celestia and Discord involved?
Hmm... I'll just be watching this story, then. :trollestia:

9558292
Ah, cool, I hoped as much. Glad I was able to help clear that up. Keep up the great work.

I'm really liking this premise

Okay, I finally got around to reading what you have, so far.

My only constructive criticism? You have a few typos (be a missing letter, one too many punctuation or quotation marks). Just a nitpick, honestly.

As a Dislestia fan? Loving what you've done, so far! :twilightsmile: That being said, I'm curious about something. What's to become of Celestia's duties, since this is going to be a week? Will Luna learn of this bet and cover for the week? Or will Celestia still do so, in some fashion?

Anyway, I look forward to what happens next! About time we had something Dislestia-related being featured! :pinkiehappy:

9558662
Your going to love it! and thanks for the lovely comment

DisQord, you've tried this once before, and that one tossed your gift back at you after just a few hours. Though, that one was not playing fair, having a lot of people telling him it was wrong the whole time.
Celestia doesn't have anypony who will outright tell her she's wrong, at least not for a few days.

This has a lot of promise! Keep it up!

Celestia going mad with chaos powers? Now this I have to see!

Discord burst into fits of laughter. “Hm, not bad for your first try. A little spit and polish, and you’ll get the hang of it in no time.”

Basically my thoughts on this first chapter. Clean up the few spelling and grammar flubs and this could be a masterpiece.

Very interesting premise indeed. There's so much things that could be made, I'm eager to see where do you take it!

Well, Luna and the ponies at court are in for an interesting morning.

Over all, pretty interesting so far. Could use some editing, though. Your prose and dialogue are fine, but your punctuation is... odd, particularly your commas. You seem to have a tendency to put commas where they're not needed while not using commas where I'd expect them. It messes with the rhythm of the text a bit.

Then there are these weirdly specific quotation mark errors you keep making at the end of spoken sentences. Like, a lot.

“Yes, well. I’m glad you decided to come around, even if it did take a little more convincing than I’d originally predicted.l.”

The only reason Equestria hasn’t been returned to it’s frankly more appealing chaotic state is because…” ”

“And what’s wrong with the pony I am now? I don’t regret the choices I made and I have no regrets.”!”

Truly, behavior befitting of one of royal stature don’t you think?””

No matter what happens?”.”

I've never seen anything like that before.

There's some other stuff that could be fixed or improved, but they're pretty minor. One more thing:

our entire sorted history

I suspect your meant sordid.

9559223
That was a slight hiccup on my part. Usually I edit using Googledocx and use suggestions instead of edits so the people I'm editing for can see what I'm changing and decide if they agree with it or not.

Usually I'm more on the ball of that sort of thing but I've since corrected it.

This is a wonderful premise, and I am glad to see that despite the typos and grammar, the characters don't feel bland. They feel alive and this text kept me thoroughly entertained.
I'll admit, if it hadn't done that, I probably wouldn't have finished the chapter, because I'm sadly very picky when it comes to grammar and spelling in my readings. I highly suggest that you go back through the text in the future and clean things up a bit. I will admit that I might not have decided to read this due to the typos in the summary/description, but I'm glad the comments and ratings led me to do so. You have a LOT of promise and potential. I'll be adding this to my Read Later and Favorites and I hope to see this thing get better and better!
Here, have an apple!

Both your short and long descriptions could use another grammar pass...

9559746
I agree.
Multiple errors in the description alone turns a lot of people away from the story, before they even open the first chapter. Definitely something you should fix.

9559746

9559858
I fixed the grammar issues. Thank you,

Comment posted by Courage Fire deleted April 11th

Oh boy this looks like a house of fun and horror. Can’t wait to see where this goes!

Eeeeeheheheheheheheheheheeee this is gonna be good....

Wait a second, thats not right.

Marmo #37 · 1 week ago · · ·

I'm looking forward to see more chapters of this. Maybe also some romancy shenanigans :3

This has promise, i will keep an eye on it. I will admit that there are still quite a few grammar problems left in the version that I have read as of posting this.

If you want i could compile them and send them to you in hopes that it helps you notice them in the future.

9561435

Go ahead Im trying to learn how to use grammar better in my stories.

9561753
Yeah, that's always a good idea. I'd be willing to help you out with that by proofreading chapters before you post them. I'm sure, if you asked, that Angel_Bunny or one of the other commenters that mentioned it would be willing to help out too.

I believe, Discord, the phrase you're looking for is "I've made a wonder, terrible, amazing mistake."

I already know this is gonna be awesome. Keep up the good work, man.

Please, do draconequus Celly at the Great Galloping Gala.

Should I ask "More?", or "Who will be Weasly Crusher and say no thanks?"

9563252

I believe, Discord, the phrase you're looking for is "I've made a wonder, terrible, amazing mistake."

I totally agree to a point, but did you mean wonderful?

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