• Member Since 26th Apr, 2016
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Foal Star


Im like a Baby Discord with a crazy imagination

Sequels1

E

It's been nearly a thousand years sine Discord left his dimension. But now his mother has come to visit him and Fluttershy in Ponyville bringing along her own brand of chaos. As Discord does his best to keep her from causing to many problems. Mishaps with chaos magic begins to grow out of control. Anything can happen and nopony is safe and Discord may be the only thing standing in the way of total chaos...

Chapters (9)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 61 )

This seems very fun.

Though why are a lot of the words lowercased?

I :heart: AAALLLLLLLLLLLLL THE TEA PUNS:rainbowlaugh::twilightangry2:

Any idea about when the next chapter is coming out?

9046273
If everything goes well tomorrow or monday

*voice from nowhere and everywhere*: Mystique, enough with the baking. We are still trying to deal with that Muffin Planet you made.

Voincefrom another dimension

Wait? MARRIED!!! DISCORD AND FLUTTERSHY!!!

You've got capitalization issues.

9051582 If Derpy sets hoof on that planet... :twilightoops:

Good god! What has Mystique done!! All for a wedding!!?? Discord, just stop your mothrr before things get worse

Oh no, Discord’s Mother is going to make him and Fluttershy tie the knot. When Discord finds out what his mother’s doing, he’s going to freak.

Im so mad at Mystique right now. Don't force love!!!

I forsee Fluttershy losing her temper and using The Stare, at FULL POWER on Mystique to make her undo all of this nonsense.
And then Cadence shows up and gives Mystique a very stern talking to about messing about in HER domain. Especially with trying to brute force it.

Oh dear this will not turn out well :twilightoops:

I forsee The "Newlyweds" Losing their sh*t at Mystique, and things going south real fast. I cant wait for the next chapter

Fecal matter, meet rotating air circulation device.

And I am so having popcorn with the next chapter.

First of all let me say that I absolutely love the concept of your story. I feel there is so much potential with Discord and his chaos magic when it comes to transformation hijinx but for some reason there are next to no stories on the subject, sadly. It makes me really happy that I found your story; this concept is exactly what I was looking for and I also think the overall plot is very interesting.

I still have to point out two points of criticism though: First, there's punctuation. Each chapter has quite a few instances where there's a comma or dot missing. It's not enough to break the story, but it is something noticable that you can try to work and improve on.
Second, the way characters react to what is happening to them. Most of them are instantly ok with getting transformed into random objects, which is quite unrealistic (except maybe for Pinkie Pie and Derpy, but I feel even they would question what's going on and be uneasy to something so foreign as inanimate-tf). I'd imagine being poofed into a random object would first of all lead to shock/freakout with the instant worry about how to change back to normal. The exception of course is if the mind gets altered, which is obviously happening with some of the characters, but even then you have to make sure to clarify the circumstances. I also feel like Fluttershy immediately laughing at Twilight's teapot-predicament or other transformations feels a bit unnatural to her, wouldn't she be first and formost worried about their friends and only start to take it less seriously when she's 100% certain that it's just temporary and there is no harm done? Just another thought.

Please don't take my criticism in a negative way though. I really enjoyed the story so far, you got my Like, Fave and Follow, and I'm certain that you will continue to improve and become an even better writer in the future :twilightsmile:

On a side note, I remember that picture. I commissioned it a few years ago for a story by Twinkletail with a very similar premise, though that one was a one-shot, sadly. It's called "A Hiccup in Reality", if you want to check it out for yourself =)

Anyways, I'll look forward to the rest of this story, and I hope you have similar stories like this planned for the future ^^

9228425

Thanks for the advice. I love these kinds of stories and I'm still learning how to write transformation stories. I feel as if I'm improving and I hope I can continue to improve. So I'll take any good advice anyways thanks for the Fav and follow.

THis is getting good!! Cant wait for the next chapter!! Wouldn't it be hilarious if Fluttershy was stuck in her form.

Discord nodded “yes it will be and be there an hour early my mother is very punctual.”



His mother only said tomorrow, she didn't say what TIME she'd be there.

or I’ll send a letter to Celestia to make sure you turned back to stone!”

I imagine Discord would consider that a mercy.

“no Discord and I are just friends.”

By season 8, I seriously doubt that.

I honestly didn't see Discord's mom trying totake over EQUESTRIA. That threw me off.

Another good chapter, I didn't see Mystique's real plan coming, but in hindsight it makes a lot of sense. And the twist how Discord tricked her in the end was also quite clever. I think there is again too much laughing going on for how serious this situation actually is, but other than that this was great.

Something you could try to explore a bit more in future chapters or stories with this kind of premise, is to focus on the point of view of the characters transformed into inanimate objects, like AJ, Rarity or (now) Twilight. I think there's something intriguing about how they would feel, being trapped in some random form without being able to move or speak, but still see and feel what's going on. There doesn't have to be a lot of focus on it, but just a few sentences would flesh out their predicaments a lot I think.

YAS YAS YAS SEQUEL NEEDED :pinkiegasp:

There does need to be a sequel.

I’m disappointed. This chapter did not end like it was the last chapter of the story. I was honestly trying to find the next chapter. I don’t feel this story is anywhere near complete. You didn’t even write if Fluttershy turned back or not. Even if she couldn’t, you should’ve still written about Discord or anypony else attempting to at least try. Or what I really wanted to see was discord and Fluttershy getting married for real because they love each other, not because of a contract.

You know, I had a feeling that's what she wanted the cake for. :ajbemused:

All this just to set up Fluttershy and Discord. Really? :applejackunsure:

Mystique flicked her claw and Derpy blinked with confusion as her, but mail sack turned into a cute white cloth as Mystique cooed in a sweet but ominous tone, ”I need you to deliver a baby to our newlyweds...

Wait, WHAT?! :pinkiegasp:

Mystique scoffed, ”no, this is what’s going to happen you’re going to get married and sign a contract. You will own my house and will live happily ever after while I rule Equestria.”

Well, that escalated quickly. :ajbemused:

So, Flutters is stuck like that for now? Oh my. :twilightoops:

9172921
Note to self: If Discord's mom wants something just give it to her!

This was a good story. Very original twist. You read through it thinking that Mystique is just being mischievous only to find out she is planning a takeover! I like the hints of Discord and Fluttershy's relationship taking off after this.:twilightsmile:

Apple Bloom ran to Sweet Apple Acres and then she began to feel odd. Her body began to turn soft and squishy. Apple Bloom shook her head thinking maybe she was just a little tired from running around. The filly soon came upon the trees of the apple orchard, and she felt herself slowly softening as she could feel stuffing growing inside her. It fell soft and cotton like as she slumped down near the tree. Apple Bloom began to turn into a doll and could feel herself slump down unable to yell or scream as her mouth was sown with a smile. She felt her mane spin into a red yarn and her tail as well. She stood there near the tree scared not sure of what to do. Her mind eased unable to think unable to breathe everything went silent.


Did mystique just kill applebloom?

Wait so fluttereqqus has 2 deer horns, 2 eagle wings, a snake like body, 2 lion paws for arms, what about her legs?

Also Flutterqqus tf? Coolness! :rainbowdetermined2:

i think after this experience Celestia will swear off cake.

9512848
hehe i doubt it also the sequel is coming soon!

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!