• Member Since 18th Jan, 2015
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Inky Scrolls

What is life? Is it nothing more than the endless search for a cutiemark?


Applejack suddenly realises just how weird it is for a pony to milk cows - shell-shock ensues.

EDIT: Featured 24/3/19 to 26/3/19! :scootangel:

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 62 )

Next chapter: Applejack Invents coconut icecream.

Have you ever heard of Kumis AJ? :trollestia:

Perfect cover art.

I have every right to say...

comedy damn gold.

I get the impression Big Mac will be more than happy to take up the slack for AJ.

She trailed off again, and seemed to be struggling with some internal battle. At last she gulped, and whispered, "Ah wondered what the cows thought about the milkin'."

She should milk this thought.

"So all these years Ah've been milking cows - Ah've been giving 'em orgasms! Orgasms, Big Mac! Like Ah'm some dirty, messed-up whore!"
"Ah see," murmured Big Mac. "And that bothers you?"

A stallion asking the right questions.

Congrats, Big Mac is now the udder fondler of the family.

And here I thought it was leading up to her having accidentally milked a bull.

That afternoon, Gloria grazed near the fence separating the Apple farm from the neighboring property. She met one of the neighbor's cows there who hadn't been "serviced" yet and was in extreme discomfort. Gloria leaned over the fence and whispered into her ear, "Be at the Apple barn, sunset. Ask for Applejack. She has the most supple hooves, and her technique..."
Has Equestria discovered nut milk? Technically, it's not a milk, but it's close enough to eat on your cereal.

"Ah cannot say Ah have, you just let me go found out what it is." Applejack whipped out her smartphone and started tapping. Ah wonder what this 'Kumis' stuff is - maybe dairy-free icecream? Before long, she found the entry for 'Kumis' on Wikiponia. "Here it is - what the HAY!?"

Then she vomited again, partly in embarrassment at the thought of humans touching a pony's. . . boobs, and partly in disgust. Which was a shame, because her phone case was still quite new.

"Why, thank y'all, FicFacFlac! Inky and Ah reckoned it'd be a swell piece to write."


Well - let's just say the idea has its merits, especially for a stallion of - hmm - that size. . .


I personally can't stand cow's milk, so almond and soya and quite good alternatives. Rice milk, too, if you get a good one.

This must be why Twilight has a problem with quesadilla

It's not bad, as long as you buy from the source.
They make cheese and cream and what they sell you barely qualifies as milk anymore. Still the only thing that can make instant coffee drinkable.

What? I LOVE instant! But then, I am English, so everything that's not tea tastes pretty much the same.


Ah can't go around giving creatures orgasms

Well, cows give milk and so you give 'em orgasms. Don't seem so bad, AJ. Think 'bout them chickens ya'll have. Yer stealin' their babies when you take their egg, aintcha?

Now tell me about the pigs, AJ. Whatcha doin' ta them?

"Y'know, sugarcube, Ah've never thought about that. What are the pigs for? 'S not like Ah'm gonna eat 'em! That's jus' weird. . ."


Thank you so much for writing this. Me and my friend where just talking about how weird it is that ponies get milk from cows ANOTHER SENTIENT RACE IN THEIR WORLD!? And wracking our brains try and make some sense out of it.... and thanks to you I now have a new 'interesting' point of view to add to the discussion next time I see him. :trollestia:

Not at all, 'tis but the merest pleasure! (Not the nearest butt pleasure, which is something very different.


Actually, cows don’t derive sexual pleasure from being milked. If anything, it’s more like peeing after a long car trip. Sure, it feels good, but it’s more a feeling of relief than actual pleasure. Considering that modern cows have been selectively bred to produce way more milk than their bodies can handle, it makes sense.

Ah, very true. Just in case you missed it, ponies aren't usually self-aware, either. They tend to just - y'know - be animals.

For the record, most trains don't look like this either:


True enough, but this is Equestria. Different rules and all.

Hah! That was great xD I almost expected her to say "Yes" to that, but I also realized she was a smarter pony than that.

*poker face*
Well, then.
*slides away, NOPE-ing into the sunset*

:raritystarry: ice cream?
:moustache: orgasm?
:duck::moustache: tell us more!
:facehoof: I knew it!
:ajbemused: porn! liquid porn!
:twilightoops: But what about my corn flakes!
:rainbowderp: My Wheaties!
:pinkiegasp: Wheaties ? Didn't you hear about Bruce?
:facehoof: I can never look at a box the same way. . . ever.

9525696 I'm sure Coco Nuts will love her.

Yeah...the act of milking anything gets weird when you start thinking too hard about it. :rainbowlaugh:

I thought she accidentally milked a bull. Lol.

A person who does not eat meat, but still eats eggs, milk and cheese, are considered vegetarian, but there are other variants, the ones the does not eat meat, and also don't eat milk, eggs and chesse, or any product that derives from animals, are called extrict vegetarians, a vegan, is someone who follows the philosofies and ethics of veganism, is a way of life and a way of thinking, which the diet is just one small facet, so here Applejack can't be considered vegan, still good story though XD.

I know, I know (- I'm a vegan myself!). But still, I thought So, You're a Lactosephobe now, Applejack? didn't have quite the same ring.

Brilliant, loved it :) Ending was mint!

Actually, except for the face, that's pretty much exactly what an 0-6-0 Tank Engine looks like...

Wanderer D

Real Earth Ponies =/= MLP Ponies, but they're still omnivores with a higher herbivore tendency. :applejackunsure: This would only work if AJ had "our" world's sensitivities and taboos which... there's no reason for her to have.

Aw crap I just started a fanfic on it XD

Funny fic, though to divert things. In a "serious" setting the relationship between ponies and cows would be great fodder for a "culture clash" between ponies and humans. To have advanced as far as they have ponies and cows would have long ago filed away the implications of one sapient species milk another as culturally normal have little to no no taboo about it.
One of my fave HIE fic moment a featured Ms Cake and the twins and things that for humans would be scandalous but mundane for ponies. In the scene Pound and Pumpkin toddle up to their mother in full view of a human, Pound says "Ma'ma, hungry!" And casually Ms Cake just bends down and her foals nurse. The human almost loses it until he notices no pony even looking, realizing the behavior to ponies is utterly mundane.

Interesting! Fortunately it's getting like that here in the UK now; most people are quite fine with it if a woman breastfeeds her baby in public (though whether she'll be comfortable in doing so is a different matter).

Well it's slightly different as when humans are old enough to walk and talk still breast feeding is weird. But horses are walking minutes after birth so it makes sense sapient equines would have an overlap form when nursing is normal and they start to talk.

Big Mac 'hushed', calmingly. "It's okay, sis," he soothed, "Ah won't make you. . ." After a moment's thought - though not enough thought, apparently - he added, "You want to go out for an ice-cream to help relax?"

I laughed so hard I coughed, and everyone in study hall was staring at me. Good work!

Comment posted by PrincessLaLa deleted Mar 25th, 2019

I liked this as soon as i saw the title lol 😂

You ever have that mother that goes around telling everyone she knows, that she's vegan?
I just eat meat and veggies. Poor Applejack she's traumatized now.

Haha! Hope you didn't sink through the floor. It's awful laughing at something no-one else can appreciate. . .


My mother has been (largely!) vegan for pretty much the last fifteen years, but fortunately I was spared the 'By the way, did you know I'm vegan?' parenting! :trollestia:

Yes, very interesting... but what does Applejack think of Daisy Jo eating oatmeal cookies with milk?

I have a button in my car displayed for my passengers, that says I make vegans cry. I think this applies here. :pinkiehappy:

good stuff.
have a like.

I love it when a simple thought turns into a funny story. :heart:


"But we don't grow truffles"
"Remember cousin Scumble?"
"The one who kept trying "get rich quick" schemes?"
"He saw how much truffles go for and bought some pigs, not knowing that truffles take years to grow."
"Then why do we still have pigs?"
"Organic waste disposal and fertilizer production"
"Wait. Scumble stayed here years ago. Does that mean that we have truffles?"
"Not long enough ago. 'sides, dogs are better for truffle huntin', cuz they won't eat the truffles"

"Right, Ah see. 'S all so clear to me now! Thanks, sugarcube."


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