- Member Since 18th Jan, 2015
- offline last seen Yesterday
Inky Scrolls
What is life? Is it nothing more than the endless search for a cutiemark?
Inky Scrolls
Joined 18th Jan, 2015 ·
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Inky Scrolls · 1.4k words · 65 0 · 2.1k views
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Wow. 😧
Seeing a lot of editing issues with this story. Incorrect use of a few terms, very awkward prose in several areas (especially when identifying characters by color), one typo (Pinkie says "that easy"), areas where it feels padded and unnecessarily roundabout ('Sitting around for hours at a stretch with nothing more strenuous to accomplish than the short walk to and from the loo was not, after all, conducive to a hearty desire for sustenance.', instead of 'Sitting around all day didn't build much of an appetite', for instance), and some other odd choices (nought instead of naught). I note that the author uses spaced ellipses (a fairly unusual typographical choice), which indicates a desire for specificity in typography, while using hyphen-dashes rather than en dashes for spacing, which is a little surprising (though I personally don't care as the meaning is obvious either way).
Strongly recommend author gets an editor.
As for the actual story, I didn't care much for it. I generally like stories like this (which deal with depression) but I didn't get much of an appropriate emotional feeling from Starlight's narrative style or flow-of-consciousness, and the whole story wraps before anything can be made of the revelation. While I think the author shows promise (willing to tackle difficult subject matter, strong vocabulary, good sense for a setup, solid methodology for handling crowd scenes, and so on), I feel like they need an editor and advisor who can help them hone their abilities into more refined skill.
Best of luck in future works.
8986146
272 views in 9 hours? Someone must have liked it XD I'm not talking about you, but someone must like this story lol 😄
8986180
Naturally. It's not like I claimed the fic was garbage. Just giving constructive criticism.
8986187
Hey, I'm not judging. ^^ There are some nitpicks in this, but the story seems mostly well rounded to me. 😄
Being honest here, I started tearing up a little at the end, since this is something I can kinda relate to.
I have Anxiety and some OCD problems, and my OCD takes up a lot of time, and I just feel that I'm kinda a waste and what will happen in the future. I can never think of the present, just the future and what negative things it holds for me.
The fic was pretty good, but it was really hard to figure out who was talking at some points, especially when you describe the ponies by color, not their manes, names, if its a pegasus, unicorn, or earth pony etc.
That's all I have now, Goodbye!
Well told, accurate representation. This is amazing. Didn't cry, myself, but only because I'm so used to this subject. But it's refreshing to see it tackled in such a calm and precise way. I also appreciate that you show that the cure isn't some magic pill or other pharmaceutical medication, it's working through it with your closest friends... and probably a therapist, if you can afford one, which I personally can't.
Well done.
Wow, it's like if Evictus actually tried.
8986564
Oh gosh I know exactly what you mean.
8986407
I see what you mean about the characters as times being hard to identify; I shall work on that in future stories. :)
I don't have OCD - not bad enough for it to really be an issue, anyway - but I know what it's like to live with anxiety. To have a constant sense of fear, or worry about the future or the past. I don't know if you're religious or not, but remember that there's always someone out there watching over you. You're never alone, and He won't let suffer without help. The best medicine I've found for depression and social anxiety is to let God take the strain, to trust Him to guide you and care for you. He will, if you let Him. As Matthew 7:7 reads: "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
Stay strong, friend, and God bless.
8987223
its nice to see somebody else here who knows God and quote's scripture. I use to live in extreme anxiety disorder, sadness, and emptiness. I wasn't livin right and ran from God a few years back. then after years of running, God had finally got my attention and reviled truth to me about my life and other things, it woke me up and I made a decision. I gave control of my life to the Lord, truly gave it. I accepted the salvation that he offered me. and he's bin working in my life ever since, anxiety, depression, fears, emptiness, its all gone. I can drive a car again for the first time after years of being afraid to even think about trying to thanks to massive anxiety disorder that wrecked my life, I've bin freed from these things.
anyway not trying to be preachy but I just wanted to say that truely giving your problems to the Lord really can heal you :3
God bless ya!
8992054
Wow, that's amazing. What a turn around! It just goes to show how far we can go, how much we can achieve, when we let God be our guide.
God bless. :)
I myself have depression. But in my case it’s a mental disorder and I am on an antidepressant.
I loved this! So moving!
I almost cried!
9051519
I'm glad you enjoyed it. And it's good that you almost cried. =P
9051686
I don't usually cry during stories, but you almost got me!
This was truly magnificent. As someone fighting the endless battle that is depression, I know exactly how hard it is to talk to people about it. Thankfully, I have my friends. And if the series we all follow tells us anything, it's this.
Friendship Is Magic.
9217394
Thank you, I'm glad my story struck a chord with you. Stay strong, bro. ;-)
What I would like to know is, how did you find the note I wrote in a class over forty years ago?
Yes, I am on antidepressants, and have been so for a few years. Sometimes they help.
Friends I trust, well, many of them are gone now. The best one would have had a birthday yesterday.
Thank you for the tale. Hits home, but it helps knowing I'm not the only one. Feels like that much of the time, but I know it's not the case.
Better save this tale where I won't lose it, and talk myself out of a breakdown. Time for a trip out of the house.
9218489
It's good to hear you've got friends that you can rely on. Sometimes I get down thinking about how quickly life seems to change, but then I remind myself that it everything stayed the same it would eventually become boring. There's nothing wrong with holding onto the things you love, but one day there may come a time when it feels right to let go.
Enjoy your walk. ;-)
I'm gonna echo one of the earlier comments and suggest you find an editor. Some of your phrasing was clunky, and you tended to mess up your dialogue puncuation (commas go inside the quotation mark). But your writing has promise. The characters and story structure felt reasonable if a bit rushed.
9508051
Thanks for your comments, I shall take what you say on board.
(Regarding commas and quotation marks, in the UK it's considered the stylistic choice of the writer whether commas and such go inside or outside quotes, and as I personally prefer the æsthetic of the inside variant I've gone with that.)
9508100
I've seen that style for quotation marks used for things that aren't dialogue, but I don't think I've ever seen it used for dialogue. Huh.
9508106
Even now, the English language refuses to be completely standardiSed.
Gotta say, I almost shed a tear while reading this. Probably would have if I had just a little more liquor in me. This hit me real damn hard, even though I can't relate to depression as much as other people seem to. I just drink my way through every day, assuming that that's just what life's supposed to be. The thing that got me is just Starlight being sad in any way. Maybe i like her a little too much. Why do I care so damn much about these characters? Funny thing about all this, is that whenever people talk about "help", the first thing I can think of is a 1911 and a bullet. ^^ What I'm trying to articulate is: you wrote a great piece of a story and I thank you for that.
I need more whiskey.