• Member Since 4th Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen 17 minutes ago

AssaultTurtle


I write about cute ponies. Sometimes.

E
Source

An ancient law of Canterlot states that each species present within the city must have an adequate diplomatic representation. There are no exemptions from it, even as far as interdimensionals aliens are concerned. As such, Anonymous the Human must pick up the mantle of an ambassador for humanity, even if he is the sole specimen. Even if he doesn't want to.

But it's not all bad news for him. After all, with such a responsibility also come some privileges. Personal guard detail, generous private mansion, all expenses covered by the crown. And of course, diplomatic immunity. Only that, thanks to the pony magic, the word immunity is taken much more seriously in Equestria.


Proofread by Havana

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 40 )

Good shit. I can definitely see the benefits of this new currency in Equestria, should both participants be willing. mhm. Yep.

Jaro45 #3 · July 9th · · ·

I would love to see more of this world. Maybe a daily (ish) account of a group trying to assassinate Anon. And failing, hilariously. Similar to this.

I blame the heat. Best I can come up with quickly is

Assassination
Company of
Man
Exterminionation!!!!

:trollestia:

Ekhidna #5 · July 9th · · 1 ·

Be the only one of your species in a new world. Be granted Ambassador status. Be granted virtual invulneravility/immortality. Troll the shit out the native populace starting with the ruler.

More please~!

Oops door #8 · July 10th · · 1 ·

I would love to see this become a regular story to have constant assassination attempts what is happening all over in the background is ignoring it like it’s every day life those who haven’t or don’t know about it like freaking out he’s like me yeah you know it’s just the sword in my chest but it’s nothing not realizing the blade is bent when I hit his skin under his suit

Just the right amount of silliness and story. An enjoyable read, and as for the claims for more, I hope you do any continuations as a separate story. This works very well as a stand-alone piece.

Alondro #10 · July 10th · · 1 ·

How can you kill that which has no life?! :raritydespair:

Neece #11 · July 10th · · ·

Aww yiss mudafucking headpats :pinkiecrazy:

This was pure gold. And it needs a sequel with the daily life of our dearest ambassador :yay:

This is glorious. I'm surprised Anon wasn't doing things with the other form of diplomatic immunity, but still, this is absolutely amazing.

Who else is waiting for the infamous
"Diplomatic Immunity".
"Has just been revoked".

Holy shit my dude, you're alive!

How you been?

The acid part got me good!

It's so stupid, but it's also so perfect:rainbowlaugh:
Best laughs i've had in a good while were laughed as i read this story.

Also, how is it possible that the sun started shining brighter after i read this fic?:trollestia:

Is it bad I just want another human to arrive and be confused about the 'currency' and watch Anon's attempts to get new human to be quiet and accept a good thing so to speak

Celestia totally knows this is bullshit and does not care.

9036697
Well, if your main goal is to get him to 'disappear' and not necessarily kill him, then you could try dismemberment, placing his limbs/organs into separate containers, and then moving them to separate locations around the world (like something out of a video game that monks or something would do to some evil deity). Granted, eventually Daring Do or her descendant would rediscover and assemble him, but it might work for awhile.

9041014 Or, blow him up with explosive tags and bury his head deep underground, and then your family watches over the land forever.

tse1.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.NsxozYWnS2Lf7PgYIV2VfgHaEF&pid=15.1&P=0&w=347&h=192

(Alondro relapses into Narutard Syndrome after 5 years of remission)

What? Awwwww... I was so close to being cured! (He later dies... which doesn't mean much since he can just be brought back with Impure World Resurrection! Eh... Dammit, now he's got me doing it!)

That's what you get Inner Narrative Voice!

:pinkiecrazy:

9041078
I haven't watched an episode Naruto in years. Or read it.

i love it.

Not bad
-----
Some mistakes, relatively small ones

I'd actually like to see a dual story. Maybe one of Ponies Anon trying to assassinate Anon and failing horribly thanks to his immortality and also examining the impact of those three Human currencies on Equestria.

9041125 It was going strong until the LAYERS of twists and OP characters started slapping the readers/audience over and over in rapid succession.

It just got ridiculous and you had to remind yourself that this was supposed to be about NINJAS, not X-Men.

My problem with this, and other HIE's where scritches and such are so "magical" and only humans can do them because they have FINGERS...

... Minotaurs have fingers, too. With no claws. And freely roam Equestria (as shown by Iron Will).

Thus... Yes, the main joke about him being made invulnerable stands, the joke about WHY people are trying to kill him falls just far too flat.

9042533
I know right? Alot of cartoons seem to be having that issue lately.

9039024
So long as he doesn't try bribing the newbie with bellyrubs. :rainbowderp:

9041125
9042533
Neeeeerds :rainbowlaugh:

9037745
Ups and downs, ups and downs all the way. I'm in the transitioning period from my university to being pretending to be a productive member of society. In the middle of that I had a close family member die, so uh, not a correct frame of mind for any creative work. :pinkiecrazy:

9043742
Aww man, hope you feel better soon.

9043742
that coming from a fellow mlp fic writer. Nerds of a feather, eh?

I demand Sequel's!!!!!

Alondro #35 · July 16th · · 2 ·

9043742 Yes, I am a nerd. (infects you) YOU WILL BECOME LIKE US.

memegenerator.net/img/instances/29783051.jpg

This was pleasant to read. Good job.

this is interesting,weird, and ridiculous at the same time yet i still read it

The question is, can you amass the virtual currency as credit?

My only complaint is that they have yet to adopt the Cuddle as standard currency. I know its a tad unorthodox and can easily be misconstrued and... overvalued by the uninformed, but it is still a worthwhile unit of measure!

So good I want more :)

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