• Member Since 12th Feb, 2019
  • offline last seen Jul 1st, 2019


Hand it over. That thing, your dark soul.


Thanks to Twilight Sparkle and her friends, Equestria has known its longest period of peace! Except for the reoccurring existential threats. And if you ignore that thousand years when the Elements of Harmony weren't needed.

Well, that time is over. A new villain has come to tame the mythical land of magical horses. Or, well, he's there at least. Equestria has a way of taming itself.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 121 )

I don't even know what to say to this. You've strung together some remarkable prose and yet nothing about what transpires in this story makes any sense.

...This story reminds me of when I wake some mornings, decide to check my phone, see it's 100% battery charge... only for five seconds to pass and the 100% goes from that to 1% then dead... My phone sucks; this story has been a good quick read

This is my first comment ever on this site and I want to tell you: MORE!

And then his phone dies

No period, comma or any other. This is a cliffhanger! It means a continuation is near! :pinkiecrazy:

Yes, that happend

Ah yes, Fate always trips over an untied shoelace when one of the pristinely ungifted wanders a magic-rich land.

And then his phone dies

To this day, nocreature knows what, exactly happened afterwards. Celestia and Luna, the only ones aside from Anonymous to survive the Event with their minds intact, refuse to speak of it. What is known is that his howl of rage was heard the world over, and many creatures were overcome with the same anger that filled his heart in that moment.

And then... Alondro appears.

The world instantly blows up to spare itself the agony.


It was in my other pants pocket.

In his dismal, impotent despair, Anon discovers the healing properties of scritching pone ears. Much joy was had that day.

Well, that was a thing.

I almost want to see what happens next.

Luna: "So what will you demand of us, of Equestria, or conqueror?"
Anonymous: "I dunno. You got any pancakes? I smelled some earlier and I'm kinda hungry."
Celestia: "Of course, I'll go make you some."
Anon: "That's a good girl. I'll give you some ear scritches when you're done."
Luna: "...Maybe this won't be so bad?"
Celestia: "He said those scritches are for me! Earn some yourself!"
Luna: "Dare you hoard our new master's favor? Fie on thee! I call upon thee to a contest of strength and cunning in the realm of the material, as all good mares must do!"
Anon: "...Did you just tell her to fight you IRL?"
Luna: "...Maybe? What is this eyearell?"
Anon: "You guys really do need to get some wifi installed."


Rated E for 'Ehh'

This was great. I had a nice laugh at the end, with a few chuckles throughout. Keep it up.

I need a 10 chapter, 100k word sequel, and at least 3 spinoffs. :D

Hilarious especially the ending

i always liked this kinda story where anon just accidentally conquers equestria

I know this is probably the end of this story. But in the off chance you decide to do a little more with it, I will give it a follow.

When a max level player joins your server

And now chapter two, where the terror incarnate must unleash his new evil and heinous act of terrorism upon Equestria:

The search for a charger and outlet.



Ok, that just happened. Amusingly facehoofy for the ponies' behavior and Anon's nonchalantness.

I was eating, and accidentally sprayed my monitor with food because the amount of hilarity this have.

That tickled my fancy so. Good work, I laughed my ass off at that ending.

fun thought that just occurred to me, mane six return from a friendship mission abroad to find equestria conquered and attempt to use the elements of harmony to defeat anon it fails but recharges his phone

I love this and I wish there was more

Do you really need a charger? Build a chain of makeshift batteries. iPhones charge at like 5 volts, so if you charge it at more than 5 volts bad things happen but if you charge it at less than 5 volts I don’t think bad things will happen. So... lightning strike, problem solved.

Well, this anon is not about being diplomatic or a problem solver. Anon wants something, and simply does it- without over thinking it. Thus, this Anon wouldn't think "I need batteries, where get?" it would be "Outlet, where get?" He would most likely have his own charger. Most people nowadays carry their charger and adapter around and just need an outlet.

Mind pointing me to the others?

Ok...so that was really good. But also what the fuck was that?

Truly a tale for the ages.
It's subtlety belies not just a tale of the end of times and the coming of the Anonpocalypse, but also of true, meaningful characters and their deepest plights.
The tale, on its surface demonstrates pony kind's war against a terrible beast. A monster of legend.
I'm benownst to them, this beast faces a truer evil yet. Boredom, and yet, as it attains victory, it is snatched away by the eldrich horror known only as 'low battery'.

Very clearly a tale to be regaled in hallowed halls and late-night parlors alike for aeons to come.

And then his phone dies.

Welp of to concer another kingdome in search of a power outlet




And then his phone dies.

Tis a tale of woe as old as time.

And then his phone dies.

Equestria: ah shit, here we go again

More please!

We must continue praise of our new lord and master!

Oh no! He had it! He had his happiness! And then lost it right after. Jeezus do I know THAT feeling.

This played in my head reading the title:

Not enough people carry a good stab stopping measure in their coat. Especially rare are the ones where it could produce a substance that could charitably be confused for blood.

He looks at the clock on the wall: Half-past squiggle. Equestrian writing is not like English, possibly because two-thirds of Equestrians write with their mouths.

I don't know why this is what finally got me, but it is.

“Equus,” Celestia says.

I died. this killed me.

I honestly wasn’t ACTUALLY expecting a second chapter, but I’m not complaining.

“Sic sempra… Sic siempe… Sic… Screw it. Die!” She plunges her dagger into him.

Somepony panic here
Ahahaha :rainbowlaugh:

And, oh yeah, Twilight showed up. She seems agitated.

Yea that sounds about right.

That night, the would-be assassins’ seventeen conspirators are rounded up and executed.

No. Pony is not for execution. Pony is for non-consentual snuggles and extrajudicial boops; in this way pony learns the joy of service to the new order.

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