Hand it over. That thing, your dark soul.
Following the Storm King's defeat, Tempest traveled the known world. She spread news of his downfall across formerly subjugated lands. Now there remains one creature to tell, and one more journey to make: The journey home.
Cover art by Shamanguli
My late entry in the Season 9 Bingo Contest
Still not done. Still rewriting.
Updates when I'm satisfied.
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This is nice! Very strong writing, very realistic. Showing Tempest as a former street-rat herself, using her old skills to try to fend off street-rats, is a great idea. And I'm guessing you're going to use working the forge as a reason for Tempest's unusual strength and buld for a unicorn? That works, it would be a reasonable and organic explanation, and a good intermediate step between the loss of her horn and when she meets up with the Storm King.
The one weak spot so far is in the confrontation with the Ursa: the actual breaking of her horn itself is almost completely glossed over, and it stands out because you've described the rest of the action so well. It really needs to be more of a shocking, debilitating moment, and a key focus of the flashback scene, since this is the event that defines her entire future path in life.
Otherwise, this is working well, and I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this!
9596134
Thanks for your feedback. I'll add that to the final draft fixes list.
This is a lovely story! I'm afraid I don't have very much time to talk a lot about it, but I am truly enjoying your interpretation of Tempest.
This is a lovely story! I'm afraid I don't have very much time to talk a lot about it, but I am truly enjoying your interpretation of Tempest.
9603170
Thanks, I appreciate that.
This is really good. I like what you're doing with Tempest and it reads quite well. I hope you continue on this story.
9680150
This story is hard to write. The prose has to be tighter than a bear hug in a straight jacket because of the way I imagine Tempest's thoughts: bare bones, no frills, efficient and direct.
It will continue. I just can't say how long it will take. The joke about Pascal rings true. He once said to a friend, "Je n’ai fait celle-ci plus longue que parce que je n’ai pas eu le loisir de la faire plus courte;" "I have made this longer than usual because I have not had time to make it shorter."
This entire story is a tale of me taking extra time to make it short.
That's a nice story you got there! My only complaint is that it took me a while to understand that the sectioning off was meant to represent memories—maybe consider italicizing it?
9696241
Thanks. I'll try that, or something similar at least. Was unsure how to handle it without a big signpost.
But maybe I'll just use a big signpost...