• Member Since 6th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

CosmicAlchemist24


As my favorite Entertainment Duelist always says: "The fun....HAS JUST BEGUN!!"

T

Kicked out of her Brother's wedding and betrayed by her friends, Twilight Sparkle is offered a chance by Arceus to go to the world of pokemon and start her life over. As she arrives, she is found by Ash Ketchum and his partner Pikachu and together they will travel through the Hoenn Region to become the very best like no one ever was.

This story will be based on both the anime and Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. So there will be Mega Evolution and some Pokémon from all the regions will be shown.

Cover Art created by: Mr Tech

Chapters (14)
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Comments ( 796 )

Very best like no one ever was. I like what you did there I can already tell I'm going to like this story

can't wait to see more

7620328 I hope you do like it, I have big plans for his little adventure.

7620331 Thanks I’m glad you enjoyed it.

7620343 thank -_- now I'm going to be singing the Pokemon theme song all day

7620381 You're acting as if that's a bad thing.

Hey cool story i like where this is going

Oh my god you completely stole my idea.
Hahaha
No, it's good! You wrote it better than I would have


There are a few little noggles here and there, sorry to be the critic but the grammar is atrocious. But that's fine, it's a good story :)

cant help but notice this is similar to another story on here 'the best of friends the greatest of betrayals' also badlyneed an editor but not as much as you need to slow your roll feels incredibly rushed

7620401 I didn’t mean too and Thanks lol I don't mind a little criticism, I'm a critic myself.

7620409 Ah I see and I'll slow it down in the next chapter I don’t want to rush anything, like I said I have big plans for this story.

7620416 it was mainly the flash back that was rushed the most it laked emotion

7620450 Oh I understand, to be honest I was in the mindset that everyone already knew about this and would mind it.

7620343

While the idea is nice, you are in dear need of a proofreader/editor.

The whole idea of Arceus being in love with Celestia... kind of awkward. I feel like it was just unnecessary for the main, much less, that he just outright TELLS her this. "Show, don't tell" exists for a reason.

I find this as a different take on how the Chrysalis verse basically happened, and that's interesting.

There needs to be some build-up to Arceus actually being there. From how it's currently read, he just pops out of nowhere, and then they literally have a jarring conversation about pokemon. Then he asks her for some quest, and she just accepts. We don''t get a look into the characters' thoughts about the situation. Just pretty much, pokemon Game dialogue.

7620473 *Facepalm* Now I feel like an idiot, I need to rewrite this. Someone already told me this was rushed, Ugh Ok rewrite time.

I like what you have so far and hope to read more soon. Also I was wondering will Twilight still be able to use her magic??? Because there are people who do have powers in the world of Pokemon and back when Misty was still travailing with Ash they did meat a witch who calls herself a magician that turns him into a Pikachu.

I had following this story idea on fanfiction.net more than once so please keep writing and double check before you upload so that way we won't to read the rewrites.

I love the chapter so far. But I have to agree with the others when I say this does feel a bit rushed. Arceus being in love with Celestia does make a bit of sense. (Given they're both "Gods" I can see Celestia meeting other gods.) But make it to where Arceus was either never noticed or rejected him. A show don't tell deal. All in all I look forward to the future chapters.

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Ok it's official I'm rewriting this after the next Chapter and I promise to meet each of your expectations with it.

7620625 You sir have earned yourself a follower. I hope to see many updates.

7620456 while tht is true and can be a relief sometimes it lowers the quality of your story if you want to recap it quickly instead of a flashback sequence where they talk have her relive the emotions

For example

Twilight sat on her haunches as the memories played before her. She felt the joy of finding out her brother was marrying her favorite foal-sitter, the confusion she felt when time after time her old friend acted so differently from what she remembered,the anger when none of her friends would listen to her in regards to her concerns, the utter horror she felt when she witnessed her bewitching her big brother, the feeling of her heartbreaking as her friends abandoned her, the despair she felt as her BBBFF disowned her and stripped her of her title, feeling her world shattering at the look of disappointment and sadness on her mentors face before walking away from her.

This entails everything you covered in your flashback sequence without making it seem so rushed and i'm pretty sure the word count is close to

Feel free to use this if you have trouble i would just like to state that in no way am i a professional writer (heck im not even a novice) and this is purely advice to be used at your discretion

7620649 No I appreciate it really, I've been so confident in my story telling lately since my other 3 stories are doing awesome. Ugh I got so lazy with this one well time to make up for it.

7620625 naawww
You don't have to do that!
But you are getting a follow!

7620404 hey where is it, I can't find this story
Thanks

So wil we get a chapter showing what happened to e wedding like Cadance managed to escape anyway and they performed their spell
Then Cadance asks the question "where's twilight"

Does Twilight stay in her pony form as she lands in the Pokemons' world?

Personally I would enjoy this more without Ash in it, but thats simply because I think Ash is a whiny wuss and there is a ton of more interesting characters to choose from that Twi could be hanging out with. But meh thats just my opinion. :raritywink:

There's a lot that can be criticised here, but I'll be holding back for now. I personally always have trouble writing the "establishing chapters" and rush them out. I'll keep it on my tracker for now, but what I will say is Twilight should have been way more freaked out upon meeting a new race.

This has a lot of potential.

Okay, you've got my interest. :twilightsmile:

I like where this is going

Awesome story so far! I like it. Please update this again soon. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter and what awaits Twilight.

A good start. Can i recomend a scene with arcius telling celestia and the elements what happened and being somewhat cold to them?

This is a great start. This will be my first Pokemon Pony fanfic.

well this gonna be interesting to see how Equestria gonna be since now Twilight is in the Pokemon world.

also i wonder how Twilight would react when she sees a Rapidash (wild or captured)

It was a good and more detail than a the original. I hope there will be not one of those "love at first sight" for Ash because it will messed the flow of the story and out of character and I don't like it to be honest. I'm okay with other characters, but this your story and your choice, so it is your decision and keep up the good work.

Nice Chapter I hope to read more very soon.

Klhan: Never been to Hoenn yet.. Mabe I should go right Totodile
Tota

I liked the chapter hope to read more soon

WHOAAAA! Twilight has arrived! Yay! What'll happen next? Also, will Team Rocket be more serious in this? Just wondering.

Keep this up.

Was wondering when twilight was going to show in this chapter.

Is it wrong for me to imagine Pikachu with an aloof personality?

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