• Member Since 24th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 52 minutes ago

Winston


The original Sunburst!

E

Twilight Sparkle unwittingly makes her first prank phone call. It's... an experience.

I don't know where this came from. It was a stupid random idea, but one that just begged to be written, so I did, and it turned out pretty alright for my first comedy. :pinkiehappy:


Now with a reading on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LK_V6pjzcUA
Thanks, Agent Fluffy! :raritystarry:

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 47 )

"If you wanna have a good time, JUST GIVE ME A CALL!" - Freddie Mercury, Don't Stop Me Now.

:rainbowlaugh:

Naivety + princess from an alternate world = hilarity. Love it.

(Funny how none of the members of that band can agree on where the heck that number came from, but the 555 trope really took off after that whole mess blew up...)

This was a fun quick read, I liked it.

As soon as I saw the number I cracked up. Thanks for the laugh!

6701627 Hey, you're welcome. :pinkiehappy:

6701538 Glad you liked it. :twilightsmile:

Ah-haha, that was great! :rainbowlaugh:
s6.postimg.org/5pzpmopep/Pirate_Approved2.jpg

If we're going to bring up epic crank calls, there's one that's my personal favorite (WARNING: potentially horribly offensive to anyone who is of Asian descent in any way, shape, or form, :twilightoops:)

Never called that. I do like calling 634 5789.

6701755
It's not in English, but one of my favourite telephone misunderstandings is of an immigrant who called an escort service because his Ford Escort broke down.

Aw, that was cute, great story. The first movie had plenty of culture clash with Twilight in human world, and Sunset would be the one to really understand the awkwardness. That combined with Twilight's adorkableness make for a pretty happy story.

6701837

Never called that. I do like calling 634 5789.

I smell a sequel! :pinkiehappy:
...Maybe. If I (or anyone else, feel free to brainstorm, everyone) can think of something good.

I thought this was an SCP crossover...

6701902
My best guess is that Twilight mistakes Wilson Pickett for that world's Element of Kindness and recruits him to bring harmony, when the song is really just about playing tiddlywinks in your birthday suit.

6701943 Sorry. Just a plain EqG / MLP story.

That song probably wouldn't be as popular in Equestria :P

Y'know... Jenny.

asspirinacres.com/reference/Andi07a.jpg

6701997 Ha! I didn't even think of that, but yeah, probably not. :rainbowlaugh:

6701982 Because there was an SCP entry named "For A Good Time, Call..." It's basically a phone number that appears at random places and it can summon an alien who helps you plan and pay for the perfect night of fun.

Totally saw where this was going to be going. Loved the song reference, and the wonderful memories of when phone pranking was more fun (before Caller ID).

6701837
Interesting that he uses a similar number to the Marvelettes (BEechwood 4-5789) Never really noticed that before.

6701997
Or maybe lots of ponies go for forbidden love and all that jazz. If Hinny of the Hills is a popular musical. . . .

6702347 I don't know how forbidden that kind of love would be, really. It's how mules get made, after all. :raritywink:

6702357
True, but the ponies don't exactly seem to treat mules like first-class citizens.

6702365 I don't know if we've seen enough mules to really know how they treat them. Twilight did also apologize to one after she let a mule stereotype slip one time, too, so there seems to be at least some awareness of "mules are people too".

... Hmm, but then, the fact that there was a stereotype in the first place sort of suggests disreputable status. Oh well. I guess it's debatable.

Your puns earned you my like.:raritywink:

6702283 Was the number ever mentioned or did the Foundation redact it?

That was a fun little story, and the ending was adorable. :twilightsmile:

Thank you for submitting this to my group.

Unlike some folks, I happen to like Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, and so on. Twilight best pony. So this does seem like it would be right up my alley, and I did click into this story with expectations that I'd enjoy it. On the other hand, I've grown incredibly leery of "stories" that attempt to get in past the minimum wordcount for the site. Pieces of work that are less than 5k words often stretch the definition of story, I feel.

On to the spoiler-filled review.

So, the "main conflict" of the story is that Twilight is running afoul of some cultural differences between the two worlds. Fair enough. She runs across a phone number while listening to a song, calls it, and has a conversation with the person on the other side. All told from Sunset's perspective, so we only get half of the conversation. All design choices that seem like they could result in some laughs, and judging by the rest of the comments it seems to have succeeded in that for at least a few others. Didn't really do it for me. I like the song, but just didn't find a lot of humor value in "character encounters this popular thing, think about that old popular thing and be happy." I like the song well enough on its own, I expect the story itself to make me laugh or enjoy it.

On to what the story itself does. While this is all told from Sunset's perspective, nearly 100% of the dialogue and content of the story is Twilight's character. In our initial setup, we're presented with information that, for me at least, provoked a lot more questions than this story ever intended to address. Twilight is on some sort of vacation. I could see that being an interesting story, indeed it sounds like something that might make a good episode. Twilight encounters a period of peace, and frets about the next threat and has to be forcibly made to take a vacation by her friends/other princesses. Maybe Big Mac shows her Smartie Pants to remind her what happened last time she worried too much about no problems to fix being around. Instead, we know nothing about the circumstances of her getting to the human world this time, but I was distracted by all that musing and wondering, which made the rest of the story feel all the less interesting. Because it wasn't about what the story got me thinking about.

Further, we're expected to believe, based on the "Twilight" in this story, that she is complaining about the constant problems, and is happy to be away from it all. Now, I could be convinced of this, if the story spent some time showing me how her stress was building, how she was convinced to take a vacation, and how she was enjoying the relief from stress. Instead, it feels like this character is just generally bitter about constantly having to save Equestria.

The other oddity that stood out to me was that Twilight's reaction to the song was strange. They have music in Equestria. Twilight herself sings rather often. Twilight also reads a lot. Fiction and non-fiction. The concept of taking something literally at face value doesn't seem like something Twilight would be prone to doing. That she was a bit curious about the song seems to fit, but I doubt she'd immediately assume "Jenny" was a real person. Asking Sunset about the song, or looking up information about the song seem like things she'd do as a fun project on her vacation. If calling the number was something she decided to try and do, I imagine she would be much more forthcoming with the fact that she was investigating the song, rather than the confused and naive interaction we saw.

Further, I know that after that song became popular, phone companies stopped issuing that number. A lot of customers with the number requested their number be changed, and so on. Some businesses were eager to acquire the number for marketing reasons. While it is possible that in CHS's area code, this particular person still has the number, it seems odd that he'd not have taken the easy steps needed to get it changed. I'm sure his provider probably offered it to him. Yet another oddity that stands out, isn't really explained or satisfactorily dealt with in the scope of the story, but suggests a far more interesting story than the one we did get.

The one thing that comes slightly close to being funny for me, is the idea that this mysterious person Twilight called has enough of a sense of humor to prank Twilight back. Twilight falling for the "is your refrigerator running?" isn't something I'd immediately expect to happen, but wasn't so difficult to accept that it felt out of character. Her slip-up with magic did sell it for me decently well. The rest of the story distracts from this moment though, and a one-joke story doesn't really do it for me.

In the end, the "conflict" is resolved when Sunset and Twilight talk. As mentioned before, this seems like it would be the far easier source of answers Twilight would go to from the beginning. It is a bit of a stretch of credibility that we didn't just see Twilight ask Sunset about the song from the get-go, other than that we'd have no story at all. Which goes to further illustrate the lack of satisfaction in what we did get.

Once again we run into a problem. Technically, this counts as a story. It's really more of a scene in a larger story. This happens so often that I'm genuinely surprised when I read something anywhere near this short, and it feels like it is a complete story within a small wordcount. If I was reading some larger story, and was enjoying myself reading along, and this story happened as a scene within one of its chapters, it could be done well. It could be a cute little bit of interaction that makes me smile, perhaps even laugh, then I'd keep going, and see the next interesting or funny thing that happens in the story. Instead, as a stand-alone story, this feels awkward and out of place. Like telling a joke at a funeral. The mood isn't set.

haven't read yet, but...
EIGHT SIX SEVEN FIVE THREE OH NIIIIIIINE

I can see how poor Twilight could make that mistake. It is not exactly unprecedented.
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6701997

That song probably wouldn't be as popular in Equestria :P

Y'know... Jenny.

Twilight gets even more confused when "Jenny" claims they never heard of Cranky Doodle...

Oh, mane. I did not see that coming from the title. That's the kind of short fun fic that deserves front page. Admittedly I couldn't get into Equestria Girls, but each to their own.

6705597 You do realize that "Jenny" means female donkey, right? Like Jack is a male donkey? Kinda like Mare and Stallion?

Cranky's wife is named Matilda.

6704732 Did you have fun typing all this out?

6705855

You do realize that "Jenny" means female donkey, right?

Eyup.

For a good time, call *69.

6704732 Thanks for the review! Yes, this was short, and no, it's not rigorously thought-out and intended to wrap up every loose end and have airtight logic, so anyone who demands that is probably going to find this story lacking in that way, I'll agree.

I think this story needs to be taken for what it was intended to be, however, which is something quick and fun that doesn't need to be overthought. Certainly, I wasn't aiming for this to be one of my deeper stories. I don't think that would have worked out all that well for a piece that basically revolves around one random, silly idea based on an old pop song. :rainbowlaugh:

6702666 For a good time, call: 092-791-697-518-6

6723364 That sure doesn't look like a number that one can call on ones cell phone.

6723374 It's an alien number, so...

6723407 And according to the wiki...Only women can now call the number.

6723419 The SCP Foundation: Traumatizing everything innocent and disappointing everything dangerous since the Stone Age.

You are very welcome! I have enjoyed your story very much. You can watch the fanfic read if you like and you can tell me what you think of it. :pinkiehappy:

At least she didn't dial 602-1023 and ask for Avogadro.

Really fun read, love it!

I like the refrigerator prank:twilightsmile:

This comment was removed due to the issue it addressed being made non-relevant.

I really liked the story. I listened to the audio reading.

This is hilarious and ngl you could make a series of this with twilight prank calling people

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