• Member Since 11th Jul, 2012
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Lucky Seven


Former Halo 2 Pro Player, current Horsefiction Writer.

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Sunset Shimmer is coming back to Equestria. Unbeknownst to her, Twilight Sparkle has a new pupil, one that she hopes she'll become fast friends with.

Unfortunately, Starlight and Sunset have a better idea.


A collab with the amazing Flutterpriest. You should definitely go check out his other work, he's amazing!

Take this story seriously at your own risk.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 27 )

This was so fun to write. :twilightsmile:
First.

Not the kind of story I was expecting with Starlight and Sunset interaction, but it was kinda funny though.

“Well, it was a little hard not to, considering you stole an element of harmony and tried to lock Twilight out of Equestria forever. Honestly, I’m not sure why we don’t reference that more often,”

I understand that this is a joke but so many people do not get that Sunset is not cannon to the show. She is a movie-exclusive character.

Good story by the way.

Very, very nice story. Great comedy, and you nailed the differences between Starlight and Sunset... also, is anyone going to save Nurse Redheart? Will she be trapped in that bush with Trixie and possibly Fluttershy for a few hours until one of them wakes up? That'd be great.

“Nopony said that KIDNAPPING counted as making a making a friend.”

This seems wrong

Also this was funny

Kooky and funny. I like it.:pinkiehappy:

This is hilarious! I couldn't help but laugh each time Sunset tried making a friend.

This definitely gets a like and fave. :rainbowlaugh:

Sunset was pretty OOC here, but the story was so funny I don't care. :pinkiecrazy:

Ooookay so there are some problems here.

First of all, this feels really rushed. A couple more proofreading and editing passes could have helped smooth out the rough edges.

Now, on to more detailed concerns:

- Sunset isn't Twilight's student.
- Why is Sunset arriving from outside the castle? The mirror portal is in Twilight's castle. Which leads me to this:

Twilight’s head perked up from the piece of parchment she held in her hooves.

“Sunset Shimmer is coming back to Equestria!” she cried happily.

Why would Twilight be receiving a letter on a piece of parchment about Sunset Shimmer? Wouldn't Sunset have written to her through the journal?

- Tiara shouldn't be capitalized.

“See! I just knew you two would get along!” Twilight said. “Both of you are such talented unicorns that I’m sure you two would be able to learn from each other.”

Nearby, the door to the kitchen swings open, as a baby purple dragon waddles out, carrying a massive bowl of different flavors of ice cream.

“Is that… Spike?” asked Sunset.

You kinda switched verb tenses there from one paragraph to the next. Big no-no.

Kinda skimmed it past the intro scene...gonna be honest here:

You started off with a good idea. I mean, this could've been a great story if you'd put more time, effort, and attention into it and shopped it around by a few more prereaders.

But the execution is absolutely terrible. The pacing is bad, there are inconsistencies, errors, and so forth. This needs to be stretched out, slowed down, paced better, error-checked, you need to deal with the major inconsistencies like the location of the portal and the whole "Sunset being Twilight's student" thing.

Really, seriously, just...this wasn't ready to come out of the oven yet.

Where did this Glim Glam name come from? It's been pestering me for quite a while.

7311346 It was originally used on /mlp/ as a joke reference to Mark Zimmerman or whatever his name is.

Can't flim flam the glim glam

Jesus... Well I guess I know who wrote what segments here... :twilightoops:

So my main takeaway from this story is that Roseluck is a racist, believing that Unicorns can never befriend Earth Ponies.

I kid, this was a super fun read.

Sunset had no chill! Straight knocking bitches out xD loved it...this is why I want these two to be friends they are hilarious together

This was stupid. For a bit I almost stopped reading, but I persevered.
And I'm glad I did, it turned out gloriously stupid later on :rainbowlaugh:

love the half unsure half amused look on Sunsets face in the photo above and the really "what the heck are you doing Twilight' look on glimmers face. Thought it was really cute.

Moral of the story:
Never open a can of whoopass.

One of these days, I swear I'll find that fic where Twilight throws her friends through the portal for a slumber party in the human world or something.

In any case, I love this fic. It's awesome. It's fun. It's delicious.

Sunset's 'punch first, friends later' policy is spectacular. I do say that is how I met two of my best friends myself. The real question is... what did Sunset do to Harry?

The two mares approached the doors of the castle and opened the doors wide.

This line could have been done a bit better. Maybe something like "The two mares approached the doors to the castle, opening them."

Overall it was a fun read, though a bit clumsy at times.

Dammit, I really wanted to write this concept first. :( :(

Back to the drawing board! Thanks a lot Seventh and Flutterpriest! How will I beat Brownee now?

Anyway good stuff. I love these three characters, so when I saw this was written I just had to give it an insta-read.

why was this so enjoyable to read? it feels like it shouldn't be.

Bahahahahahaha:rainbowlaugh: I was laughing though out the story. Love the ending. Starlight and Sunset sound like sisters fighting over their mom's attention. Love it.:rainbowlaugh::pinkiehappy:

“Well, she used to be one of Celestia’s students, but then went through a magical mirror to a world of humans. Then, she came back to Equestria to steal my Tiara after I became a Princess. Long story short, we’re friends now and she’s my student that lives in a far away land that I rarely talk about,” she said in one long breath.

She stole Pinkie Pie's thing!!! But its okay. Just another adorkable Twilight moment! The story is awesome!! Made me smile and laugh!!! Keep writing!!!

“Yeah, especially since they’re both your students. Just be sure not to pick a favorite between the one who trapped you in a time paradox until she surrendered and the one you were only able to beat because the Elements were still a thing.”

Spike turned around without a second thought and waddled deeper into the castle to enjoy his sundae as Twilight turned back to her students with sudden horror.

Just then, the door to the kitchen slammed open and Spike waltzed in carrying what looked like a septuple-decker sandwich. “Hey, girls, what’s—”

“MINE!” Starlight yelled out, managing to break free of Twilight’s grasp and jump on top of the unsuspecting drake.

“QUIET! DON’T LISTEN TO HER LIES,” Sunset shouted back. “HE’S MINE!”

“NO HE’S NOT, HE’S MINE!” Starlight caught Sunset off-guard with a bite to her foreleg. “LET GO OF HIM!”

“NOT UNTIL I WIN THE CONTEST!”

:twilightsheepish: That's what you get for opening your big mouth, Spike.

Alright. This story was fantastic. I found the humor to be spot on, the premise solid, and the pacing perfect. I laughed out loud many times, and found it to be a lot of fun.

I can see your influence in this story, but can tell that it wasn't only your work. In general, I think I prefer the writing style of your other stories over this one. I also see that Starlight and Sunset are wildly out of character, but it's a Random story and the good jokes and zany plot were so enjoyable that I can effortlessly overlook it. And within the story, there is consistency.

This story has problems in terms of grammar. The story will commonly switch to present tense, only to return to past tense shortly thereafter. The first instance is early on ("Nearby, the door to the kitchen swings open, as a baby purple dragon waddles out,") and there are several more throughout. However, those issues are more than made up for by the quality of the story.

This, too, has earned a Favorite from me. Well done to you and FlutterPriest.

This was some silly shenanigans by Sunset and Starlight. Thanks for writing this.

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