• Published 27th Sep 2015
  • 1,539 Views, 68 Comments

This Is Not An Adventure Clyde Adventure: A Story About Twilight Sparkle - horizon



Spike writes disturbing stories about an alicorn stalker. Twilight Sparkle's cheeks occasionally burst into flames.

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2. The chapter ALSO about Twilight Sparkle and Spike

EPILOGUE TIME
The Epilogue Place

◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠◠

It was the day of the restraining order trial! Again. But this time the trial was not going to be delayed by lack of supremely delicious snacks! Clyde had already adventured for the lemon cakes!

He entered the courthouse and walked through the corridor alongside Twilight Sparkle, staying at least 500 feet away at all times so she couldn't see him, avoiding eye contact because he didn't want to overwhelm her with his sexiness. And lemon cakes.

Lemon cakes were pretty overwhelming. Oranges were better.

Clyde suddenly gasped. GASP!

He should have gotten ORANGE cakes!

Now everything was going to go wrong!

In the background, Inaction Dave cackled evilly, flapping his wings which were totally red and black alicorn OC wings and not some sort of quetzalcoatl wings because that, uniquely among every single possible thing about Adventure Clyde, would be stupid.

"Nyah hah HAH!" he said.

Adventure Clyde fell to his tonsils.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he wailed, his scream shaking the heavens in a breathtaking animated GIF which was really just the same picture being moved back and forth by a few pixels.

◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡◡

O

o

.

Twilight pulled back from looking over Spike's shoulder as he set the quill down, then patted him on the head and smiled. "So that's what 'Adventure Clyde' was up to yesterday when I went to the courthouse to file my 321/B, huh?"

Spike smiled back. "Yep. I even asked him to do the shout again, so I could double-check that I got the number of O's right." His smile wavered a bit. "You're ... not going to start arguing that he doesn't exist again, are you?"

"No, I'm over that now," Twilight said, waving a hoof. "I mean, obviously, Discord was right, Clyde's just a metaphor for the internal issues we all struggle with and the way we push ourselves to reach outside of our comfort zones to address them, despite being held back by our own laziness and distracted by our tendencies to overdramatize our lives." She rubbed a hoof on Spike's headcrest. "But then I stopped to think about it, and I realized: I'm a lot more comfortable with the idea that you yourself assign external agency to these feelings and can handle yourself at an emotional remove from them, rather than forcing you to internalize everything and struggle with sublimated issues you don't have the life experience nor intimate vocabulary to resolve."

"Huh?"

"... We'll talk about Clyde when you're older."

"If you say so." Spike glanced down at his story, then back up into Twilight's eyes. "But I'm still trying to help him get better! I mean, I know Clyde has his problems, but look. If you just give him a chance, he really is trying to set things right, and work with you to get the restraining order resolved."

"Well," Twilight said, curling her neck to Spike's in a hug, "let's be clear, I don't want you modeling his behavior as appropriate. Adventure Clyde is still weird and creepy and reprehensible. But …" She chuckled. "I think you get that, and you really want to fix 'Clyde,' even if you don't know how just yet. Foal steps. Thank you, Spike."

Spike threw his arms around Twilight's neck and hugged back. "Foal steps."


JUST THEN
153 paces from her writing desk

Adventure Clyde stared through Twilight's window, pressing his nose to the glass. A single tear rolled down his cheek as he watched the ultimate alicorn of all of creation demonstrate for him the love she felt even for inferior beings like her little fire-breathing toad.

"Awww," he said.

Next to him, Plot Twist Pete hopped up and down, trying to see through the window.

"Dun," Pete said, and hopped again. "Dun." Hop. "DUN."

Comments ( 54 )

I REGRET NOTHING

AND/OR EVERYTHING


Edited to add: Thank you to 8950083 for the dramatic reading!

6465506
The only thing to regret is regret itself?

Dude I love you.

I AM IN AWE!!!

(Which is a little town just a short drive from Columbus, Ohio and is pronounced ah-way.)

This is magical, also why have you not published this?

6465806
It is currently queued up for moderator rejection and/or derision!

Or maybe they will even pass it! Adventure Clyde currently has a 0-for-2 record, but as the title clearly indicates, This Is Not An Adventure Clyde Adventure.

This is a masterwork. After reading this I can close my writing career, weeping as I have looked at perfection (or an acceptable off-label version of it).

6466325
Better love story than Twilight My Harshwhinnial y/n

6465605
That, and not writing the epilogue correctly the first time.

6465673 6465766 6465806
Reread Chapter 2, Twilight and Spike's arc is properly closed now. :twilightsheepish: :moustache:

THIS WAS A TALE OF GREATNESS

and also Clyde.

But let's not forget the TRUE hero.

horizon The Clyde in all of us.

It was full of TWISTS and TURNS.

AND DUNS!
i.imgur.com/tx8uvpz.jpg
also this is "Filling in for Beaker Pete"

6466593

horizon The Clyde in all of us.

I disagree. The more I think about it, the more sure I get that horizon is really Inaction Dave. They even look similar.

6466082

Your story failed moderation. The reason given was: This story contains profanity in the title/description. Please either remove this or change your story’s rating to ‘Mature’. Have a nice day.

tomorrowlands.org/images/pony/twilight-facehoof-x2.jpg
tomorrowlands.org/images/pony/spike-shout-dubs.jpg
tomorrowlands.org/images/pony/futurama-pinkie-pie-clyde.jpg

Resubmitting with self-inflicted error removed.

But that does mean that Clyde is now 0 for 3 on first pass, I guess :V

Oh lawd you made it even BETTER!

My name is Skeeter, and by god do I approve of this!

~Skeeter The Lurker

I'm scared.

Hold me.

6467663
:D :D :D

(I even got the pony eyes right today! It is a good day!)

6467684
MS Paint is, despite its name, a very difficult tool to paint with. Just sayin'.

I thought I was a sort of decent crack fic writer. but i bow down to you, oh master of the meta humor-filled crack fic.

All it needed was more DiscoLight. I rate it -q/29 1/2.

Crickets.....I am so done with crickets.....:pinkiecrazy:

I have no idea what the hell this fic is referencing and I still found it funny as all heck. I realize that link up there takes me to the thing presumably being referenced here. I fear for my well-being were I to actually start reading it.

Pull quote for 6465669! Pull quote for 6466325! Pull quote for 6467378!

PULL QUOTE FOR EVERYONE! :pinkiecrazy:

Thank you all for the story blurbs!

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

This is the greatest thing I have ever read.

Top stars.

You missed your calling, sir.

6468331

BEST. DAY. EVER.

~Skeeter The Lurker

This should be top story on the feature box for Expos-pigeon alone.

6469105
If you let him, Adventure Clyde can be top of the featurebox in your heart.

Except he won't love you back. His love is reserved for Twilight Sparkle.

yesno
please
I lovehate it
I want morenoneall of it
Thank you for nothingthisgem
Sincerely

But then paranoia ate at her for days, and she went to desperate measures that were, of course, completely unnecessary and wouldn't possibly have any effect on the world other than to prove to herself that Adventure Clyde was just a figment of Spike's mother complex.

And so, when Clyde's amazing vision told him that Twilight had fallen asleep, he used his Best Pony Stalking Teleportation Spell (tm) to relocate himself into her closet, where he spent three hours happily watching her sleep and... things.

But then, after an arbitrary period of time, a time-based antimagic field settled around Twilight's house for but a brief moment. This had several effects;

It ended the sleep spell she had cast on herself.
It prevented the activation of the spell Clyde had linked to teleport him away the instant she awoke.
The detection of a non-magic zone activated a trigger-based anti-teleportation ward surrounding the area of the antimagic field right before the field ended.

Adventure Clyde was understandably surprised at the failed teleportation attempt, but not afraid! Well, he was, but only because he was about to get accused of violating that pesky restraining order and of breaking and entering (he had teleported, thank you very much! The police didn't seem to care much about that, however), which would likely make him stay even further away from Best Pone! It sucked that he wasn't a Prince. Srsly, why's Twilight a Princess and he wasn't? This law crap would be so much easier when he was exempt from 2/3rds of them.

Except then Twilight cast a portal spell into her closet. Being as how dimensional travel was very different from mere travel through space/time, the field did nothing. Clyde felt like laughing, but didn't (because he was a good guy and Twilight was a good guy--er, gal--and that would be rude). He was alicorn of adventuring! Throw him to another dimension, and he'd just come back!

However, it was not a portal to send him away. It was a portal to bring something to him. It's not much of an adventure if there's no traveling, is there? And it's rather hard for alicorn magic to manifest outside of that alicorn's domain.

When the magically-hardened walls of Twilight's closet stopped shaking, she dispelled the dozens of defense wards between herself and the door that she had spent the past minutes setting up. Carefully pulling open her doors from the other side of the room, she peeked inside.

It was empty. No, dude, like, really empty. There weren't any clothes anymore, or carpet, or jewelry, nor any of the books she had foolishly not removed. Deep scratches and burn marks marred the insides of the closet, and the Ohgodwhatisthatthing monster had gone back through the portal when it couldn't escape (which was, fortunately, the trigger to close the portal).

Twilight went back to bed and convinced herself that somepony had obviously tried to burgle her at a particularly inconvenient time and that Clyde hadn't been--wasn't--real, and that she wasn't a murderer (and legally speaking, she wasn't!).
_______________________________
Rainbow Dash floated over Spike's head as she did Rainbow Dash-things, such as sipping from a hayshake while flying in circles around a tiny table when there's a chair right there Rainbow Dash--seriously, are you trying to just find some excuse to be in the air or something? Because I know you've been on the ground in the show.

"How's it doin' Spike? You know, I don't think I've seen Clyde lately. Think he finally gave up on being such a creepo?"

Spike sighed into his claws. He slumped over the table. "I guess so. I just hoped he'd say goodbye or something."

"Hey, don't worry, buddy! It's not like he was brutally ripped apart by extradimensional horrors or anything."

"Thank you, Dash. I feel sooo much better now."

"Anytime, Spike. Anytime."

I choose to believe that Adventure Clyde is Spike's own personal Tyler Durden, and his Freudian issues with Twilight (don't forget he falls in love with an organized unicorn with a purple mane the second he sees her) are her fault for never formally adopting him.


6471298 Do you write comments like this so other people will read them and go "wow, this person is a great writer, I should check out their stories?" Because if so, it worked.

6471654
No, no! I'm not nearly so manipulative.
Probably.

But really, it just occasionally comes to me when I read something. I just really thought Clyde needed to die in a fire.

What. The actual. Fuck. I mean, really, what the fuck.

Why did I enjoy this??

I give it 20/10, this was fucking magical.

Good job, man.

I'm clearly going to need to read some Adventure Clyde stories to properly appreciate this. As is, it's fun, but I don't think I have the necessary context to enjoy it on all available levels.

This is absolutely demented and makes me wish I could write absurdity instead of just having to read it all the time.

Fantastic execution and just hilarious all around.

this is the greatest story I have ever read

6477784
It is too late for you Cyne

You are now one of us.

Please let Adventure Clyde into your tendrils.

6477887 I have witnessed his passing and now he is my tendrils

Comment posted by horizon deleted Oct 6th, 2015

6499183 A thousand thanks!

I'm an adventure sphere.

Comment posted by horizon deleted Sep 1st, 2016

7529892
Ooh, neat. I'll be sure to give that a look. I love little visual tricks like that in a story. It makes it so much more fun to read than plain text. I had no idea there were any more of them, so that'll be neat. Of the <one> stories I've read so far, this one is definitely holding the top spot, though.

You just broke me. Congratulations, I guess?

7955166
People keep saying that when I write crackfics.

It's a pretty bizarre coincidence. :trixieshiftright:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Hi, I did you a thing.

8950083
This was enlightening. I wish I didn't overlook this fic back when it was released, thinking it was just some random comedy.

9886027
But my dorm has more adventurous patterns in it :(
Surely the great Adventure Clyde would appreciate that?
also haha bold of you to assume i still have money

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