• Member Since 15th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 24th, 2019

Fire Gazer the Alchemist

The pen is mightier than the sword, but the nuclear bomb's got them both beat.

Comments ( 103 )

No. Just... no.

Sorry, but seriously, no.

A bright pair of violet eyes widened at the outburst and their owner backed up. Twilight Sparkle bit her lip, looking regretful for all the knocking. “I, uh… hello, Applejack. Were you sleeping?”

The Princess of Friendship, everyone.
You have magic, Twilight. Use it! :rainbowlaugh:

6594187 One could say the same thing about this whole fandom. One could say the same thing about your avatar and name. Life's no fun if you don't act on stupidly funny ideas.

6594187 Care to explain what it was in the story you didn't like? I'm always open to constructive criticism.

6594189 What kind of spell would even let her know her friend was still sleeping?

6594284 Idk, maybe common sense? I mean, it exists in real life, so there's that. Or maybe, she could make soundwaves louder to eavesdrop? Eavesdropping is wrong, sure, but we know Twilight isn't afraid to do that with the Pinkie Sense episode. She practically eavesdropped on Pinkie all day.
Plus, it was 4 in the morning :pinkiecrazy:
I'm not insulting you as an author, I'm insulting Twilight as a character, a character you portrayed well.

6594291 I know you weren't trying to insult me, don't worry. :twilightsmile: Though, in Twilight's defense she was a tad sleep deprived.

6594306 To each his own, I suppose. Though I wasn't really aware that there was all that much sensuality in this one. It's rated T after all.

6594350 Sorry. I'd thought... Never mind. I may have criticized without really thinking about it, and I apologize for that.

I still don't like the idea of someone looking at another's rear end for a day or so, That sounds... :twilightoops:

With all that muscle from a lifetime of farm labor, and a healthy layer of fat from a steady diet of apple-based desserts, Applejack's butt would make an optimal control group.

Dat science.

Fire Gazer, more like Flank Gazer.

Oh wow, this story has such a ridiculous premise. So naturally I had to read it... for science.

“Of course. After all, what’s weird about me staring at your butt?”

Well, nothing of course! Ehehehe!

“So what you’re saying is, ya want my permission for exclusive butt-staring rights?”

That's not weird right? Totally not... right?

hehehe, in actuallity, this was a great one shot and I loved it, so awesome job man, awesome job!
Love it! :yay:

I think the most interesting part is the EDA wasn't a lie! :pinkiegasp:
What a twist :moustache:

This story in emojis:
:applejackconfused: Plot?
:applejackunsure: Okay?
:twilightsmile: Science!
:ajbemused: Science.
:twilightblush: ...plot.

6594892 Would you say it's a... plot twist?

6594941 :eeyup: Eeyup

6594969 SON OF A BITCH :rainbowlaugh:
...I would :trixieshiftright:

6594969 I read it for the plot I swear!

Suddenly, Twilight was able to breath again.


6595124 No prob. Sorry, it's just a pet peeve of mine. I can't help but notice it... :twilightblush:

Suddenly, a vendor cart rolls into the comments section pushed by Strange Phantasm. A large sign on the cart depicts an ear being plugged. "Earplugs, get your free earplugs!" He shouts, much to the confusion of passerbys. A short while later, he looks at the magic marker drawn watch on his wrist, because watches are awful and he refuses to wear them. At which point, he pulls an enormous megaphone from inside the cart. A piercing shriek fills the air as he presses the button and takes a deep breath.


I could go on, but at this point it would pretty much be synonyms.

Quite possibly one of the most romantic things I've ever read. :moustache:

Sorry, I just couldn't resist. :derpytongue2:

If I may be allowed to do a fan-fic of your fan-fic? It'll be a mini-fic, promise.
A month had gone by since that first awkward but enjoyable day at Sweet Apple Acres. Bumper Crop, the head of the EDA, sat in her office's chair and looked over Twilight's notes. Her expression grew more and more confused as she read and occasionally, her eyes would peer above the paper to the report's nervous author. After half an hour, the final page was read and all of the notes were set down on Bumper's desk.

"W-what did you think," Twilight asked, causing Bumper to sigh and lean back.

"...I realize that doing this sort of study isn't your forte," she began with a strained calmness. "But this information, a term I use loosely here, is entirely useless."

"What!? But I did what I was supposed to," Twilight said. "I-I observed a farmer in action!"

"Oh, I gathered. Let me quote a few of your notes." Bumper cleared her throat and began reading. "'Applejack's plot is so fine. Sweet princesses, it is just so, so fine.'" She flipped to another page. "'That butt, though. For real. That butt.' Good to see the new princess keeping it classy. Oh, and this one is just bursting with good data." Bumper picked up another sheet of paper, this one containing a detailed drawing of Applejack's hindquarters with an arrow pointing to it from the words "I'mma touch it!!", and showed it to Twilight. She winced. "Frankly, princess, this was a waste of time and money. There's not one iota of worthwhile information in any of the notes. For my single, teenage son, maybe, but not for this organization. I'm starting to think you may not be the best choice for the follow-up study regarding the supposed correlation between skill at magical sewing and skill at kissing."

"Why would a department of agriculture care about that," Twilight asked.

"Because we do," Bumper answered, defensively. "It's relevant to stuff!"

6594969 I'm not sure it's a plot twist. Apple Jack's plot looks absolutely amazing pretty good fairly straight and untwisted to me. At least I'm... uh... pretty sure it doesn't have a twist in it. If it did have a twist... maybe I could... untwist it? With my hands? Uhh... I mean for science... yeah that's it... science!


Not to sound angry or anything, but...just...


Prepare for wing boning in 3, 2, 1........

Not gonna lie, had to do a double take on every instance of "but"

Lifting up the pages, Applejack chose one at random and read.

If you're going to random, random. The reason for the case study was flimsier than 90's porn.

Last thing, Twilight wastes a lot of paper. A small paragraph per sheet?

Put a 'Random' tag and it'll be easier to swallow.

So, the study actually existing makes me curious. It sounds suspiciously like someone from the EDA wanted an excuse to stare at pony butts - so why are they asking in outside help from ponies like Twilight? The plot thickens.

Well, not Applejack's, it's thick enough already.

So now we need a sequel where Twilight reports her findings to the agency, but submits the wrong paperwork and they get all the stuff she wrote about how she wants to use AJ's plot as a pillow. Which leads to her having to go there personally to explain her research. Which leads to her being suspected of having a bias. Which leads to... oh man, I am thinking about this too much.

I liked this story. A lot. :heart:

And AJ has the best flank, fo sho.

This is really important research. Applejack's butt is a thing of wonder. It's hypnotic. It flexes muscles and twitches in inviting ways. Even gay stallions can't help but feel confused when she passes by, ain't no one mare should have a booty dat fine. It's unnatural. It's... Applejack's butt.

This, is Twilight "Butt-ologist" Sparkle. And Today, we're going to stare at Applejack's butt to answer all these questions and many more. Oh so very much more.

I liked the ending. Makes it more relatable. Just reading this story you could feel Twilight's blushes radiating off the words and heating up my home. Heh, she can save a lot on heating bills with all the blushing she does. lol

Cute story. It's been *way* too long since I've read any Twijack or possibly Twijack stories. Loved how AJ wasn't given the idiot ball in this, nice work.

As long as she didn’t start declaring herself to be random breakfast foods, Applejack saw no reason to be concerned.

A reference to this one?

Sure, why not? Might as well just get a camera while you’re at it.

Better don't say this out loud.

“So what you’re saying is, ya want my permission for exclusive butt-staring rights?”

... I'm at loss for words.

:facehoof:: “I. Am. An. Idiot.”

:moustache:: At least she recognize the problem.

At least that meant there was no way her situation could get any worse.

Never say this sentence. Never. The universe seems to love to prove you wrong.

Good story!

6595515 Go right ahead. :twilightsmile:


Last thing, Twilight wastes a lot of paper. A small paragraph per sheet?

It wasn't just those paragraphs. Applejack just moved on before reading the entire page. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

Put a 'Random' tag and it'll be easier to swallow.

I debated putting one on, but I see Random tags as something to use for crack-fics. This was just a goofy idea.


A reference to this one?

No, a reference to this one

Glad you all enjoyed it.

That was actually my reaction when I had first had the idea.

Ugh. Applejack wants to stare at Twilight's butt all day? What a stupid plot device.


This story wasn't for me, but I did like when Applejack found and read the notes.

This is adorable. I don't know how you made several hours of staring at pony butts (just the one butt really) adorable, but you did. My hat is off to you sir :moustache:

6596450 Welcome!
I loved it~


Unfortunate you think the 'Random' tag is just for crack-fics.

Absolutely Fantastically adorable, darling!

Comment posted by RarityEQM deleted Nov 3rd, 2015

Never been a fan of muscly 'donk myself but damned if thinking about Twi and AJ like that wasn't funny as hell

This was way better than I tougth it would be. So cute. :twilightsmile:


So... Initially... I was a bit weary and once I started reading it... I got really into it...

Then the resolution rolled around... And guess what? It was great! You didn't make AJ have, "feelings," the whole time so that was amazing. Don't follow the trope, because this is so much better.

I do have to say this though... I really have to applaud the way you play Applejack. Every line was spot on and she was on point in the end, which is where the room for error was at its peak. But, you played her really, really, really well.

I have some critiques if you want to hear them but they don't compare to the amount of goood. So, great job!

6597865 I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'd love to hear any critiques you have to offer.



Ok, when I say critique... It's not professional by any means because, I, myself am still growning as an author and I have a good ways to go so yeah. Here's what I have though:

Great... I can't find it after a few quick skims, oh well. First of all, it's a bit of a critique to the description which, by the way, was done very, very, very well. The description was done very well and painted a beautiful picture. So, kudos to you on that, really knocked that portion out of the park.


I think you didn't believe in your descirption enough for it to stand alone. (That's kind of the feeling I got) Is it true? Probably not, I'm sure you were very confident in it and you should of been since it was done very well. But there were some points where you didn't let it stand alone and it kind of, in a way, assasinated what you just did. Hold on... I'm actually going to go back and find the one point...

It was the first time anypony had ever really watched her buck an apple tree, which only served to make Applejack a little self-conscious about her own butt. Not helping was the near-fixation Twilight currently had on her flank.
Needless to say, it was already making her uncomfortable.

There it is... ok. So, this line disengaged me... From your description you made it clear as crystal that she was uncomfortable. It was very apparent and I understood that. Then you went ahead and told me it. Just, flat out, told me it. And it lost it's effect. Or to me at least. It's kind of like... why give me a metaphor if you could just say it? Well... because in writing, the description is more appealing and enthralling to a reader than it is to tell the reader. Yes, you can tell them and there is nothing wrong with doing that... but you made me stop and wonder, "Wait? You just told me that... why repeat it?" That's kind of how i felt. You did it a few other times...

I know the point of it too; it's to create emphasis, correct? Well, you did that and did it in manner that it was actually good. Like, really good. :rainbowwild: Here:

Dead silence.

That was great ^

So, what's the difference? I'm sure you already know but I'll say it just in case: The difference is one is emphasizing and one is redundant. While it's not a giant thing, I recommed looking out for it because it disengages the reader. Or, it did me.

Besides that and minor grammar errors, it was a great fic. I really enjoyed reading it. I'm sure if I went through looking for flaws then I could find some... but why would i do that? No one reads to find flaws... They read to enjoy it and that I did.

So, I hope I'm not coming off as: "THIS IS WRONG." Or anything, it's just simply advice from a subjective standpoint. No facts besides other authors statements. So yeah. That's about it.

Anyhow, like I said. Great Story! Can't wait for more :derpytongue2:

God Bless you!

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