• Member Since 14th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 24th, 2019

Fire Gazer the Alchemist


The pen is mightier than the sword, but the nuclear bomb's got them both beat.

T

Twilight’s flying lessons have taken to a slow pace, but things quickly heat up when she gets her very first wingboner... right in front of Rainbow Dash.

Could her best friend be responsible for this?


Youtube reading by Doom Pie Network

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 107 )

This is fucking adorable. Great job.

Cute and concise, a perfect romance one-shot!

Very nice.

Did notice a couple spots with a grammar error or where the phrasing felt a tad awkward, but nothing major and didn't pull me out of the story.

Honestly, expected the last sentence to be, "So.. how do I get it to go away?"

This was adorable. Cute, adorable, and so sweet.

And I laughed at so many parts, too!

You actually worded the confession of attraction between Twilight and Rainbow very well, in my opinion. It wasn't too rushed, but you still concluded it rather quickly.

Congratulations on your first TwiDash fic! You did awesomely.~ :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Probably Minion deleted May 22nd, 2014

This was a little rough around the edges, but at the same time it was awkward, enjoyable, and a silly-fun premise that had me smiling enough to give it a like!

Only thing is the get-together scene at the end. Compared to the rest of the fic, it felt rushed and kinda forced. I think a more drawn-out ending would have done a better job here, as despite the fact that this was supposed to feel awkward, it felt a little too awkward to read (i.e. the pacing was a little off).

Good job for your first TwiDash fic!

So. Wingboner = wings locked in place?

Wingboners, leading cause of death amongst Pegasi. The Wonderbolts must be neutered.

I quite enjoyed myself while reading this. :twilightsmile: It was quirky in a fun sort of way, and was written really well. And I feel like you nailed Twi's confusion with why she had a wingboner in the first place.

If I ever had any doubt as to what colour Twilight is the matter is now settled.
She is a "Purple mare".:twilightsmile:

You sorta overuse that one, you are actually allowed to call her by name a few times.:twilightsheepish:

But other than that and the few things mentioned by others you did an absolutely terrific job.

Cute. Nailed the character personalities too

This has been done before. That being said, the chapter title gave me a chuckle and the writing was decent as well.

Wow, this was a really cute and adorable fic, love it.
For your first TwiDash, is awesome. :ajsmug:

:heart::twilightsmile::rainbowkiss::heart:

I really want this to keep going.

4427160 We do not advertise on other's stories, thank you :ajbemused:

The ending felt a tad rushed, but it was also a one shot soooo thumbs up and a :pinkiehappy:

This was brilliant. SIMPLY BRILLIANT!!!
Spike was written well. He was actually helpful and nice to have around
And that awkward, cute scene at the end with both of them, was just thew best!! I love it because it feels so natural for them to be so awkward about this since they're new to this. I simply love this!

That was so cute. I love TwiDash :rainbowkiss: :twilightblush:

Grammar point.

"Statement." She said

should be

Statement," she said.

This causes a prolonged jettison of the wings

I'm not certain, but I think "erection" or "extension" works better here, as "jettison" is normally used to refer to tossing something overboard.

Also, I think you mean "sexually mature" rather than "sexually active", unless you are implying certain backstory for Twilight.

Very cute well done sir/madam
TwiDash as 2nd best Twilight ship :rainbowkiss: :heart: :twilightsmile:
~Tobben

AND THEN THEY ALL FUCKED BECAUSE THAT IS HOW FANFICTION WORKS

4429463
I'd think you were being an ass if that weren't so true...

This story is simply adorable! :twilightsmile:

Needs a little editing, but otherwise a nice little story.

I liked it, it was adorable and yesh it need a bit of touching up, but nothing too bad. :twilightsmile:

My interpretation of Twilight's personality suggests she wouldn't use the term "wingboner", at least not more than she needed to to get the point across. The fact that she had to look up what it was here, suggests she might not even know the term, unless for some reason it is the technical term.

4427273
With effort, I'd guess that gliding is possible.

Let me know how I did

You did pretty well, them getting together from a wingboner, very entertaining.

Fantastic! Really enjoyed the adorkableness of Twilight. Looking forward to reading more of your work in the future!

You just earned yourself a favorite, and if I'm honest, I love it. Dash and Twilight. I don't know why any stallion wouldn't actually admit that she's beautiful, I think she is. She is adorable! javascript:smilie(':rainbowkiss:');

Definitely one of the funniest stories I've read in a while. And it was a very subtle humor in comparison to what I was expecting, which is a big bonus. Side story, one day at school, one of my friends guessed a correct answer. His reaction? He stood up, pumped his fist, and yelled "Boner!", and sat back down. He then stood back up, pumped his fist again, and yelled "I mean bonus!", and sat back down again.

Everything was perfect.

"MY WINGBONER IS BACK BECAUSE OF YOU!" Twilight suddenly screamed with a mix of her own panic and frustration

And the last line were both my favourite parts

A truly enjoyable story! Many huzzahs!!!!!!

"Come one Twilight, you can't tell me that's the best you can do!" Rainbow Dash accused.

I am shocked no one has corrected this obvious error. In the first sentence, no less.

"Yeah, that's… uh… better," The purple alicorn said. "You're hooves I mean. They aren't as cold."

Your*

A story about Twilight getting her first serious wingboner, induced by Rainbow Dash, no less?

"Get's" in the description.

The errors pointed out here: 4430928 4430947

Featured box, I am ashamed.

This was nice i guess... but i just don't like Dash being portrayed as gay that's all... It's just my opinion that it's too Stereotypical. Eh don't bother yourself with it... it's a good fic though. I just think the kiss part was... rushed a bit? Dunno... Maybe it fits Twilight's curiosity about stuff.

D'aaawww :pinkiesmile::twilightblush::rainbowkiss:
I LOVE IT!

4431016 It wasn't THAT bad. Just a few minor errors. And the pacing seemed a bit off, but nobody even knows what that means. :rainbowlaugh:

Quite enjoyable. Hope to see more from you.

When Wings Get Horny

But wings aren't horny. They're feathery :trollestia:
-bathroomstahl

Oh my god, this story was so adorable :rainbowkiss:

4431135
With a quick glance, I spotted seven problems in those sentences you quoted alone. That's a sure sign of sub-par prose. Poor writing will be poor writing, but it always pains me to see it make it into the spotlight when far more deserving stories are left by the wayside.

4431270 Okay...saying something is a "sure sign of sub-par prose" is rather...narrow-minded, don't you think? We don't come to this site for lectures from our English professors on how our "grammatical structure needs work" or our "sense of pacing and dramatic exposition requires more thought." We're here to read and write stories about Technicolor ponies. If it happens we improve our writing while we're here, great. But to make a blanket statement that a sentence with mistakes that are still seen in "professional writing," which the vast majority of this site is not, is indicative that the author is a bad writer isn't constructive criticism. It's someone deriving satisfaction from "proving" their "intellectual superiority" by insulting someone else's honest mistakes. More to the point, saying "poor writing will always be poor writing" is just shameful. Poor writing can get better and better, when provided positive feedback, and becomes good writing. Are there excellent stories that deserve the feature box and don't ever see it? Yes, you're absolutely right, and it is a shame they don't get the recognition they deserve. That is not an excuse to spit on works that, while less refined, still have great potential. An excellent author you may be, and I do enjoy your stories, but disparaging another's work in such a way is rather unbecoming.

4431407
Not really. There are two important things to consider. Firstly, I was not writing a review. I was lamenting the continued failure of the featured box system for spotlighting poor work while more deserving stories aren't. Remember, there are only so many places in the box. For every bad story in there, one good story is not. Secondly, this is published, "finished" work, not a workshop draft. By publishing a piece of work, you are declaring that it is your final draft, that the work is complete. The onus is on the author to take care of the "poor writing can get better and better, when provided positive feedback, and becomes good writing" process behind closed doors, before releasing the work. Any and all mistakes beyond the rare typos that slip through the cracks, especially ones born of a fundamental lack of understanding of the English language, can and will reflect poorly on your writing ability. Writing, even if it's just "fan" material, is an art form. It's incredibly difficult to do well and takes years of practice.

Unfortunately, if you think that what we learned in English class does not apply to creative writing, then you are sorely mistaken. Obviously creative writing is not nearly as stringent as academic writing, but they share many of the same rules and truisms. Writing is writing, like it or not. Attitudes like this are one of the reasons why fanfiction is looked down upon in "real" writers' circles. Just because it's fanfiction does not excuse it from the same scrutiny that non-fanfiction work is subject to. Regardless of place, subject, or medium, a comma splice will be a comma splice, burly detective syndrome will be burly detective syndrome, improper dialogue punctuation will be improper dialogue punctuation, and excessive bookisms will be excessive bookisms.

Look, we're all awful at writing when we start out. I made most of the same errors that others pointed out in previous comments. But I didn't publish my work with said errors. I workshopped it around, learned what I was doing wrong and how to fix it, rewrote it, then thought about publication.

Practically everyone and every story has potential. Precious few of us realize that potential. Will I be able to? Honestly, I don't know, but I'll sure try.

That's pretty darn adorable. I don't know what I was expecting, but it was a good read, nevertheless. I noticed this, mainly:

"Yeah, that's… uh… better," The purple alicorn said. "You're hooves I mean. They aren't as cold."

That should be "Your".
Besides that, good humor, adorableness, the characters seemed right (Spike's knowledge about wingboners seemed a bit off, though believable when you think about it a certain way...), and yeah. Good read!

4431580 I never said that what we learn in English isn't important, in any sort of writing. If not for my English teacher in high school, I wouldn't have gotten into the college I was aiming for. What I am saying is that the point of the site is for us to share the equally strange and wonderful plots populated predominantly by pastel ponies.
Does it mean that we are excused from those standards of good writing you mentioned? No. Does it make me want to slam my head into a hard surface with the quality of some of the stories I see? Yes. But, again, not everyone has the same grasp of those standards. Not everyone who writes on this site has received the same practice and education in the field of writing. Even if the grammar and structure of a story isn't the best, that doesn't bar it from being enjoyable.
What I was trying to make a point about, though, was the lament of the quality of stories in the feature box. As I already said, you made valid points. But to make the said lament in the comments of a story, as opposed to, say, a blog post, is a slap to the face for the author of that story.

4431016
Not just that, there's LUS EVERYWHERE here:

The purple alicorn panted

The cyan pegasus rolled her eyes

So far, the purple mare

the purple alicorn was able to recover

The cyan pegasus said

The reptile sluggishly blinked

AND THAT'S JUST THE FIRST PAGE!!!

4431580

That is not an excuse to spit on works that, while less refined, still have great potential

Secondly, this is published, "finished" work, not a workshop draft. By publishing a piece of work, you are declaring that it is your final draft, that the work is complete. The onus is on the author to take care of the "poor writing can get better and better, when provided positive feedback, and becomes good writing" process behind closed doors, before releasing the work.

Hmm...I gotta fall somewhere between these two opinions. On the one hand, there are many fics here that are, in my opinion, publication quality, and it is a detriment to the community as a whole when those of far less quality end up as the "featured" representative of the whole. Certainly, an author should do their best to ensure that the work they have written is worthy of general consumption, and that absolutely does require using "what we learned in English class". At the same time, it would be hypocritical of me to assert that a work should be "complete" before publication here. Quite the contrary, I've seen several stories on this site that have undergone substantial rewrite (or rewrites) after being published on this site, and are quite the better for it. But, as an amateur creative environment, though we might all be here to read "stories about Technicolor ponies", we are also here to provide support and assistance to those creating it. For less-developed writers, this includes pointing out where they can improve their skills. I know I always seek that kind of feedback, and appreciate when I get it. And, as a new author, it can be difficult to find the massive team of editors and prereaders that those more "professional" works usually have attached.

No, this is not up to "featured" quality, although it isn't the travesty that that Hellboy knockoff or the "TCB Ponies Invade Earth" stories that we've seen rotate through the featured box recently were. But that isn't the author's fault, and he/she doesn't need to be punished for it.

4431756

But to make the said lament in the comments of a story, as opposed to, say, a blog post, is a slap to the face for the author of that story.

I respectfully disagree. As I said above, I invite and encourage comments and especially criticism of my stories, since a large reason for doing this, at least for me, is to get better at it. If these concerns are buried in a blog post, how would the author ever know?

And besides, are you saying that the comments on a story should be all rainbows and sunshine, never pointing out any negatives? That's preposterous. If you're going to publish a work, whether traditionally or online, you should expect people to say things about it. Just like a product for sale will have comments reflecting individual views of its quality, so will stories on here. There are some very well-written stories on this site, stories deserving of praise. Most, as you point out, are not such "professional grade" works. This story would fall into that latter group. I feel that in such situations it is important to be honest, otherwise, how would any of us know what or how to improve? I do not criticize to tear down; I do it to build up. I want people to become better writers, improve their skills, and write more great stuff that I actually want to read.

I am sorry if that offends you.

I found it cute how Twilight just went straight from mutual attraction to affection. I like Twidash fics, but curiously the best ones are those where Twilight doesn't spend too much time panicking and just does some weird, Twiligty thing out of nowhere. :rainbowhuh::twilightblush:

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