Chapter 2 : Arrival (part 1)
Equestria, Ponyville
In the magical world known as Equestria, lived a race of creatures that’s similar to humans in speech and society. But what makes them different was that they were not humans at all, they were ponies. Earth Ponies, Unicorns and Pegasi make up the different kinds of ponies. And they were all ruled by the most powerful type of pony of all, they were able to use advanced magic and some were capable of even moving the moon and the very sun itself. The Alicorns.
Deep inside the chambers of a giant crystal palace in Ponyville, a young dragon and hero of the Crystal Empire named Spike, was ticking off the checklist.
“Picnic basket, umbrella, quill and ink. Check, check and check. Is that everything Twilight?” Spike asked, looking across the room to the same pony who hatched and raised him.
Twilight Sparkle, once a Unicorn now turned into the fourth and newest Alicorn princess, was searching in her saddle bags to see if something was missing. Her lavender coloured fur and her purple mane and tail were instantly recognisable to anyone or anypony who knew her. As an Alicorn she has both wings and a horn. But what’s more important was that she was also the Princess of Friendship and the Element of Magic, which was one of the Elements of Harmony. Finally her cutiemark was that of a sparkle of magic that resembled a purple star.
She turned to her number one assistant and gave him a smile.
“Yep, guess that’s everything,” She said while using her magic to put on the saddle bags.
“You sure you can look after the place while I’m gone?” She asked Spike with a hint of uncertainty in her voice.
Spike gave her a reassuring thumbs up.
“Don’t worry Twi, I got this. Go and have fun.”
“I will Spike, see you later," Twilight said as she turned left down a corridor. The young dragon looked at her in confusion.
“Twilight, the exit is the other way!” Spike called out, correcting her mistake.
Twilight only blushed and smiled in embarrassment as she turned to the opposite direction towards the exit.
'Great, been living here for three months now and still don’t know my way around. Must have spent too much time in the library.' She thought to herself while walking towards the huge doors to her castle, only to be burst open buy a speeding pink blur that came to a halt only an inch from her face.
The blur turned out to be the sugar-fuelled hyperactive Earth Pony named Pinkie Pie. She had pink fur, pink poofy mane and tail, a cutiemark of three balloons, two blue and one yellow and she was the Element of Laughter.
Her sudden entry surprised Twilight, nearly giving the Alicorn a heart attack.
“AAHH! Pinkie, you surprised me!” Twilight shouted while trying to calm down.
“Oh really? Well surprise! Anyway, I’m just so excited about our picnic. I should turn it into a picnic party! With cake, balloons, confetti, ribbons, my cannon and…”
Pinkie Pie stopped rambling on when she realised she forgot something.
“Oh no, I forgot my party cannon!! I need to go and get it!!” She shouted with urgency in her voice. Just before she could bolt out the door, Twilight spoke to her.
“Don’t forget to meet us in the new clearing.”
“Okie dokie,” Pinkie Pie said before running back to her home, leaving a dust trail behind her.
After clearing her way through the dust, she closed the palace doors and begun her long walk towards her destination.
'Pinkie’s right about one thing, this is going to be exciting.' Twilight thought to herself.
………………………………………………………………………………………......
Sweet Apple Acres
Inside the barn of an apple farm, a white Unicorn named Rarity was waiting impatiently. She had purple mane and tail which ended in coiled curls, three blue diamonds as her cutiemark and she was the Element of Generosity.
“Oh, come on Applejack darling, we haven’t got all day,” She said while getting annoyed that she had to wait too long.
Across the barn, Applejack looked at Rarity with a confused look. She was an orange Earth Pony with blonde mane and tail that were both scruffy, a cowgirl hat, three red apples as her cutiemark and she was the Element of Honesty.
“Rarity, why’re you in that getup? We ain’t goin’ somewhere fancy,” She said while pointing her hoof at Rarity’s dress.
“Well nopony has ever been in the new clearing. Never know what you might find,” She replied.
“Huh, if we did find somthin’, you don’t want to frighten it with that,” Applejack joked, making the Unicorn glare at her.
“Well I think not. If we do find something, they would be blown away by my finest creation. I’ve certainly outdone myself,” She said while showing off her dress.
“Huh, more like overdone it,” Applejack said while snickering.
Rarity was about to resort back at her, but she began to think that Applejack was right.
“Well…perhaps the dress is too much. I should just go with a hat.”
“That’s more like it,” Applejack said while packing her saddle bag with apples and anything else she needed.
…………………………………………………………………………………………..
Fluttershy’s cottage
Inside the cottage that’s mostly inhabited by animals. A cyan blue Pegasus with rainbow coloured mane and tail was flying around impatiently, trying to pass the time. Her cutiemark was a cloud with a red, yellow and blur striped lightning bolt and she was the Element of Loyalty. Her name was Rainbow Dash. Apart from being famous for being awesome, she was also the fastest airborne pony in Equestria and can fly so fast, she can pull off a trick very few could do.
The Sonic Rainboom.
In fact, it was pulling off her very first Sonic Rainboom that she got her cutiemark and unintentionally led her five friends getting their cutiemarks too.
But now she’s bored out of her skull.
“Uh come on Fluttershy, what’s taking so long?” She complained.
Soon enough Fluttershy, a yellow Pegasus with long rosy pink mane and tail came out of her kitchen. She has three pink butterflies for her cutiemark and she was the Element of Kindness.
She currently has some animal feed stuck to her hooves, meaning she was feeding one of her animals.
“Sorry for keeping you waiting Rainbow Dash. It’s alright now, I finished feeding the birds,” She said in her usual soft voice.
“Good,” Rainbow Dash said while landing in front of Fluttershy. “Are we ready to go now?”
“Oh yes,” Fluttershy said as she turned her head to the dining room. “I’m going out now Angel, have fun,” She said to the little white rabbit who was stuffing his face with carrots. He quickly raised his head and waved his paw, saying goodbye.
Fluttershy smiled as she walked out of the front door with Rainbow Dash.
As the two Pegasi walked along the path they noticed other animals saying their goodbyes to Fluttershy as numerous birds flew over their heads. Most ponies knew that Fluttershy had her talent at understanding what animals say and she uses her gift to help them if they are in need. Because of her talent and the fact she has one of the most heavenly and most beautiful singing voices ever, that some of the animals choose to either live with her in the cottage or outside in homes that were ready made or they made themselves.
After the animals said their farewells, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash continued on their way. But the blue Pegasus was confused about one thing.
“Fluttershy, aren’t you afraid about this?” She asked her usually timid friend.
“Um…no. Why do you ask?” Fluttershy asked while looking at Rainbow Dash with a raised eyebrow.
“Because the new clearing is deep in the Everfree Forest,” Rainbow Dash answered as clearly as she can.
For a moment, Fluttershy’s eyes went wide, for she was scared of the forest for a number of reasons. But she calmed down when she remembered the reason why she wanted to go in the first place.
“Well…I am a little nervous, but as nopony has ever been there before, we might find something new. Maybe new species of animals,” She said with excitement in her voice.
“Oh I can’t wait!”
………………………………………………………………………………………......
Everfree Forest
There was only one reason why nopony goes to the Everfree Forest, it’s a very dangerous place. Trees can grow so big and so dense that sunlight hardly reaches the forest floor, so even with clear skies it’s always dark. The animals who live there rely on no one but themselves and some would kill anything that gets in their way, either out of hunger, anger or just because they can. If wildlife wasn’t enough, even the weather was different then what the ponies were used to. The Pegasi can control weather by moving clouds and summon rain, but in the Everfree the weather and seasons act all on their own. Very similar to the weather in the human world but to pony kind it’s unnatural.
It was only recently that a massive clearing was discovered by the Wonderbolts, deep in the forest. Afterword’s news of its existence had spread all over Equestria. Because of its whereabouts it was nicknamed the ‘Everfree Clearing’.
Nopony on record has ever been there, that’s why Twilight and her friends agreed to go there and be the first ponies to set hoof in the clearing. And what better way to celebrate it than a picnic.
Soon all six ponies met up and went in the presumed direction.
“So Twi, ya got everythin?”
“Yep, I got everything Applejack. You name it and I got it,” She said with a confident smile.
“Note pads?” Rainbow Dash asked with a smug grin on her face, knowing it might be the only thing Twilight had forgotten.
She was right.
Twilight gasped when she realised the note pads were not on the checklist.
“Great, of all the things I forget to bring it had to be the note pads,” Twilight said in a rather annoyed tone.
“Don’t worry darling, I’m sure you can remember the scenery when we get home,” Rarity said, trying to cheer her up.
Twilight was about to say something when Rainbow Dash interrupted.
“Is it me or there doesn’t seem to be as many trees as before?”
The rest of the group looked around and saw that Rainbow Dash was right. Twilight knew what it meant.
“Good, we must be getting close to the clearing.”
The others took note of what she said and continued on their way.
After some time they reached the end of the tree line, and couldn’t believe what they saw.
The clearing was more like a valley…a massive valley. Apart from a number of hedges and rocks it was mostly grassland, with all kinds of flowers growing, which were visited by lots and lots of butterflies.
“Wow,” Twilight said, wishing she had her note pad with her.
“Oh my gosh, this is so cool!” Rainbow Dash said while also looking up to the sky, knowing that this was the perfect place for flying.
“Sweet Celestia,” Rarity mentioned while taking in what she was seeing, might give her inspiration for future dress designs.
Fluttershy gasped when she saw a large blue butterfly in the distance.
“I’ve never seen that kind of butterfly before,” She said to herself.
“Well I’ll be. This place is beautiful,” Applejack said while looking at the vast open space of land.
Then Pinkie Pie gave them all a brief scare by jumping out of nowhere and shouting.
“Woohoo, best place to have a picnic EVER!!”
With her excitement reaching ever higher, she ran into the clearing with the other five following her.
Sometime had past and they had finally found a spot to have their picnic. While Twilight was setting up the umbrella, Rarity was laying out the picnic blanket, Applejack was preparing the food, Rainbow Dash was flying to stretch her wings, Pinkie Pie was just hopping all over the place and Fluttershy was being greeted by a large blue butterfly.
“Why hello there.”
After hearing her voice, the butterfly flew in close and landed on the tip of her nose. The tiny insect legs tickling her nose was making her giggle.
However she stopped giggling when she noticed the butterfly flying off in the distance, and rather in a hurry. Fluttershy was trying to figure out why her new friend left in such a hurry.
'Why did he leave so soon? Is it because he had to go somewhere? Because of my giggling?'
That’s when she and the others noticed the shy was darkening as black clouds circled above them.
'Because he can sense trouble and had to get away from it?!'
Twilight had a nervous look on her face, something was off about these clouds. But before she could think of a plan, Rainbow Dash flew straight for the swirling clouds.
“Don’t worry I got this!” She said with confidence on her face, thinking that the new weather pattern could be a start of a tornado.
Her plan was to fly into it while it’s forming and move the clouds somewhere else or just swat them away with her hooves. But her plan backfired, when a powerful gust of wind blew downwards from the clouds. So powerful in fact it literally pushed Rainbow Dash to the ground with a thud.
“Ooww, that hurt!” She said, thinking she may have landed on a stone.
“This isn’t normal, even for the Everfree!” Twilight shouted while she and her friends were taking cover from the winds.
Suddenly there was a massive flash and all six ponies looked up to see a swirling white light in the middle of the stormy clouds, lightning bolts escaping from them.
“Twilight, is that what I think it is?” Applejack asked her Alicorn friend.
“A PORTAL!! This can’t be good.”
Stats
Page generated in 0.031 seconds
Total duration
656 users online
755,153 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Good start, but you need to drop the colors when a character speaks. for one, it gets annoying real fast, and its also hard to read for a few colors. Also, do not do this for thoughts.
Italicize like so.
otherwise, good start.
I can't wait to find out how Black WarGreymon and the ponies are going to react to one another. I can see them thinking he's a dragon like Spike.
I agree with KaijinZero the color text does get annoying and kinda of hurts my eyes too, especially the yellow tone text.
But as for this chapter I think it was great, nice way to set up the first encounter even though I can predict the outcome given BWarGreymon's appearance and the Mane Six's personalities. In other not a very good one. I know Fluttershy will be afraid of him, that's given. Dash will be in his face about his 'motives' and such. Pinkie will want to throw him a party. Rarity will complain about his attire. Applejack will be wary since he has two uh, gauntlets? with three sharp blades on each one. And Twilight.... The Digital Gods help him once she gets past being afraid and wants to learn everything about the Digital World and Digimon as well as about himself.
The same for when he meets the CMC.
Anyway I look forward to the next chapter!
mah so far.... I give it a 3/5
Just to give you readers a heads up. I've read some comments and by the time I add a new chapter, I will make some changes to future and existing chapters. I will ditch the use of colours in speech and italicize thoughts. That's all for now!
6391752 6365299
This story is becoming very interesting so nice story so far man. And I'm curious to see what new abilities that Equestria have given Blackwargreymon maybe a Biomerge ability that will enable him to Biomerge with each of the mane 6 and Spike each Biomerge having different form and abilities similar to Megaman's cross fusions from the NT Warrior series like here a example: When he Biomerge with Rainbow Dash he gains some of her traits and abilities like her personality and speed with his body and armor is blue, Boy, I really don't want to see what would happen if Blackwargrey have Pinkie Pie's fourth wall breaking abilities.
And the latest chapter's ending reminds me of this pic:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/9/8/975045.png
So far so good.
6403008 BlackGreymon with Pinkie's abilities? I can imagine him with some pink on his body and a portion of Pinkie's personality at the cost of his sanity... or something. It would be cool if he could weaponize the Party Cannon as well.
My only gripe so far is that it feels like every description of an action is awkward, ie when one of the characters says something, you wrote that the others hears what they said and took note of it. Just saying that they said something is just fine on its own, but if you want to make an exception where one character doesn't, then you write that exception in. As of right now, I like the story, but the execution could use a little work. If it gets better later, great, but it would be helpful to new readers to correct these errors at some point.
Ehh... I love the premise, but like most fanfics the execution is lacking. There's just something cringy about the dialogue. It seems almost hollow, like listening to cardboard cutouts. I also noticed several examples where actions are repeated in dialogue (and vice versa) and the general error of "telling instead of showing".
That first line you can almost cut out entirely, or combine in with the line after the text. Good writing is like engineering. "What can I remove and still retain the desired function?" Try to convey the same meaning using fewer words and cut out superfluous text like describing RD's sonic rainbow being the catalyst of their destinies. Most, if not all, of your target audience already knows that, so unless there was some other point that furthers the plot it can be cut out.
Despite the blemishes, though, I shall keep reading. Digimon and MLP are two of my favorite cartoons of all time, and this may give me some inspiration for the DigimonxMLP crossover I may write in the future.
6391752
you mean fourth
7529794 what this man has said. Also remove the descriptions of the characters only rarity needs some as she is wearing a dress/hat. Everything else is just a wall of text that most know already.
7777391
7529794
Imagine a stranger to these cartoons reading this though. I imagine thats what the author is going for. I've read some realy good stories that went like this. Then to, I could be entirely wrong and be blabbing on like an idiot!!
Ok, basically what 7529794 Said
I would also like to add that I can tell that you originally wrote this in script format, or you are so used to writing script format that it blead throgh. The super short paragraphs, the dialogue, descriptive text all separate, it all points to script writing which in some cases, it can be interpreted as amateurish or bad writing
Hahahahahhah Nice
10551674
Wow. How did I miss that?
Why do people keep getting twilight's mane wrong? there is two stripes in it. a pink AND a PURPLE so her mane is clearly NOT purple. It's a dark blue the same as Luna's fur.
10552900
Oh yeah. Now that I look closely, I do see the blue. I never noticed that before.