• Member Since 4th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen Aug 9th, 2016

Skyguy626


Its some guy who loves to write stories.

T

A group of teenagers with extraordinary abilities are transported to an unknown land, on an unknown planet. Together they must forge bonds with six ponies and stand against the forces that would dare to oppose them.

Chapters (88)
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Comments ( 108 )

Hahah! The opening made me chuckle. Great hook! I enjoyed the narrator's comments - especially the "I can already smell the irony," since we know how things are going down and are watching them unfold with knowing grins. The dual descriptions of Nightmare Moon's mane when she's on the moon ("as if held by wind, which is weird") vs. when she arrives in Ponyville ("as if held by magic... which makes sense now"). Silly narrator! However, when it begins to deviate is when things really gets interesting! I like the idea of ponies being paired with characters that have superpowers. It almost makes talking, magic-wielding, flying ponies seem... normaly by comparison.

So far, of our human cast, I think Phoenix is my favorite with his actions/reactions/interactions. :twilightsmile: Though Griffifth is pretty funny with his constant sarcasm!

Keep up the good work!

Glad you liked it. :twilightblush:
Don't worry, after the Nightmare Moon arc, things will go differently than what happens in the show.

Luz

Oh hey there, thanks for clicking this story! This is one of the first fan fics I wrote during high school, it was originally a birthday present for a friend of mine, but I decided to upload it to see how bad it actually is.

Because apparently authors' notes aren't longer a thing anymore.

5504609 Well duh, this is how all the cool kids post their notes, you just don't get it yo <jk
In all honesty though, I had no idea what to write for the Story Description.

Luz

5508085

What you already have as description.

Oh hey there, thanks for clicking this story! This is one of the first fan fics I wrote during high school, it was originally a birthday present for a friend of mine, but I decided to upload it to see how bad it actually is.

Quote this as author's notes below the actual description, seeing as it has no sense being on top of the real description.

5508783 Okay than.
On a side note, love your avatar pic.

5476371 I hope you realize that what you just said is more damaging to this budding author and their talent than just flat-out explaining why their writing is shit. Hugbox pls go

Anyways, now that that's out of the way

So a long ass time ago, in a galaxy far far away.

A starting sentence that steals a reference joke straight from Family Goy and establishes the main character as a rebellious, edgy individual divided from the petty and conformitive masses?!

[youtube=pD_imYhNoQ4]

But the younger sister, who is way cooler than the older one but we will get to that later,

The stereotypes really are all true, aren't they?

Because nobody was ever awake during her half of the day,

Nighttime is the exact opposite of daytime, IE not half of the day. For comparison, some other examples would be ice-cream and dogshit, starving African children and busty porn stars, and this story and Shakespeare.

she was like "screw this! I'll make it night all the time!" and the other sister was like "Haha no!" and uses a bunch of MacGuffins, who will have NO relevance to the plot,

Okay, are you referring to either Twilight and her friends or the literal Elements? Because last time I checked the Elements of Harmony aren't sentient, and the cover art throws away the possibility of this not being about the Mane Six and Ponyville for once... which might have actually made this a worthwhile read.

The older sister took full control and all ponies worshiped her, for fear of being locked away into something more degrading. That's my theory on it and I'm stick to it!

Highlighting this for when the ponies inevitably accept him and his friends with open arms and they reward it with assholery because the author thinks it makes them look totally badass and not like dickwads.

In the skies above Equestria, a young man, not much older than sixteen

"Consult the Idea Machine!"

Yeah, he totally has no importance to the story.

i.imgur.com/7gMsPtW.png

The boy slowly opens his amber colored eyes as he regains consciousness, sitting straight up as he gives out a yawn before noticing that he is sitting on a freaking cloud. "This is new." the boy said to himself as he scans his surroundings, but as he looks around he notice he's missing something.

A perfectly normal reaction to waking up not only not where you last were, but in the motherfucking sky on a seemingly solid cloud.

"Wait, where are my friends?" raises to his feet. "McGrath! Griffifth! Phoenix! Sutakira! Anyone!?"

All common and socially acceptable names in modern Western society. Also, the implication that this teenage boy was sleeping with his teenage boy friends...

[youtube=twQlpFrm5iM]

... :trollestia:

"Are you okay mister?" a female voice asked. The boy turned around to see who the voice belonged, and to his shock its a blue winged horse with mane with all the colors of the rainbow.

And Rainbow's reaction to seeing a tall, hairless monkey monster (in a town that frequently comes under siege by monsters, demons, and evil gods) isn't to challenge it, or try to sneak up on it, or even go tell Twilight, but to calmly land on the same cloud and politely address it, while she is still unable to tell how dangerous it is or if it is even capable of understanding her. This is a problem with terrible HiE in general, so I'm only giving half points for this one.

The young man scratch the back of his head "...Now I have seen everything. A blue horse, with rainbow mane and the ability to talk... AWESOME!"

And of course ponies just naturally speak English, because who needs opportunities for worldbuilding, character development, and even the beginnings of a possibly romantic relationship when we can just easily jump straight into horsefucking?

"Your in Ponyville, the perfect place for earth ponies, pegesus and unicorns." the pony answered.

"But none of those filthy ziggers!... Weird monsters that can perfectly speak my language are fine, though."

Skywalker dropped his head in disappointment before looking up again "That's too bad." thinking about what do to next, he jumps off the cloud, making Rainbow look shocked as she looks over the cloud and sees Skywalker standing unharmed on the ground.

"Thanks anyways! I'm going to check out Ponyville! See you around, Rainbow!" Skywalker shouted to her before running off, leaving a trail of dust behind him.

Wait, what?! Why isn't he questioning why in God's name he's still in a running state after that fall, much more even ali

If your wondering, Skywalker (and his friends by extend) already had superpowers before entering Equestria. How they got here and why will be answered in later chapters.

If your wondering, Skywalker (and his friends by extend) already had superpowers before entering Equestria. How they got here and why will be answered in later chapters.

Skywalker (and his friends by extend) already had superpowers before entering Equestria.

SKYWALKER (AND HIS FRIENDS BY EXTEND) ALREADY HAD SUPERPOWERS BEFORE ENTERING EQUESTRIA.

no

fuck this

5521341 :rainbowderp:


HAHAHAHAHAAHA your one funny person! Your hate is delicious! :rainbowlaugh:
Seriously though, you are entitled to your own opinion and I respect that. And by all means, correct me if I'm wrong, but I doubt you have read all the chapters currently available. But fear not! Sit down and let your big bro Skyguy tell you just whats up.

So a long ass time ago, in a galaxy far far away.
A starting sentence that steals a reference joke straight from Family Goy and establishes the main character as a rebellious, edgy individual divided from the petty and conformitive masses?!

Uh that sentence is a reference to the opening crawl from Star Wars and who says the main character is narrating the opening? And as the opening tells of the Tale Of The Two Sisters, it did happened at least a 1000 year ago (Which is a long ass time). Also my joke's are way funnier that Family Guy! They're at least as funny as American Dad thank you very much.

But the younger sister, who is way cooler than the older one but we will get to that later,
The stereotypes really are all true, aren't they?

What stereotypes do you mean by that? In my opinion I found Luna cooler than Celestia (Though Celestia is hotter), Get it? It's because Celestia controls the sun?:twilightsmile:

Because nobody was ever awake during her half of the day,
Nighttime is the exact opposite of daytime, IE not half of the day. For comparison, some other examples would be ice-cream and dogshit, starving African children and busty porn stars, and this story and Shakespeare.

The day has a daytime and a nighttime, I was referring to the nighttime portion of the day.

she was like "screw this! I'll make it night all the time!" and the other sister was like "Haha no!" and uses a bunch of MacGuffins, who will have NO relevance to the plot,
Okay, are you referring to either Twilight and her friends or the literal Elements? Because last time I checked the Elements of Harmony aren't sentient, and the cover art throws away the possibility of this not being about the Mane Six and Ponyville for once... which might have actually made this a worthwhile read.

Who says the Elements of Harmony aren't sentient, and as for the MacGuffins allow me to explain what a MacGuffin actually is:
"MacGuffin (a.k.a. McGuffin or maguffin) is a term for a motivating element in a story that is used to drive the plot.", seeing as Narrator is still telling his view on the TOTS (Tale Of Two Sisters) he is referring to the time Celestia sealed Nightmare Moon.

The older sister took full control and all ponies worshiped her, for fear of being locked away into something more degrading. That's my theory on it and I'm stick to it!
Highlighting this for when the ponies inevitably accept him and his friends with open arms and they reward it with assholery because the author thinks it makes them look totally badass and not like dickwads.

Again, that is the Narrator's observation, if you had continued reading you would have seen that they are very nice guys, though I admit they can be dicks to each other (Their guys! What did you expect!).

In the skies above Equestria, a young man, not much older than sixteen
"Consult the Idea Machine!"

Actually its a little foreshadowing for things to come.

Yeah, he totally has no importance to the story.
//i.imgur.com/7gMsPtW.png

Narrator being sarcastic, because a human suddenly appearing in Equestria, that happens every other Friday! :rainbowhuh:

The boy slowly opens his amber colored eyes as he regains consciousness, sitting straight up as he gives out a yawn before noticing that he is sitting on a freaking cloud. "This is new." the boy said to himself as he scans his surroundings, but as he looks around he notice he's missing something.
A perfectly normal reaction to waking up not only not where you last were, but in the motherfucking sky on a seemingly solid cloud

Maybe strange things happen to him on a daily basis.

"Wait, where are my friends?" raises to his feet. "McGrath! Griffifth! Phoenix! Sutakira! Anyone!?"
All common and socially acceptable names in modern Western society. Also, the implication that this teenage boy was sleeping with his teenage boy friends...

If you had used the gray mass inside that noggin of yours, you could have deducted that those are obviously are their Surname, seriously who would name their child McGrath!? (Dicks that's who.) Maybe he was knocked out, hey being teleported to a different planet can be pretty rough. Though JasonxMcGrath... You have a kinky mind my friend! :trollestia:

"Are you okay mister?" a female voice asked. The boy turned around to see who the voice belonged, and to his shock its a blue winged horse with mane with all the colors of the rainbow.
And Rainbow's reaction to seeing a tall, hairless monkey monster (in a town that frequently comes under siege by monsters, demons, and evil gods) isn't to challenge it, or try to sneak up on it, or even go tell Twilight, but to calmly land on the same cloud and politely address it, while she is still unable to tell how dangerous it is or if it is even capable of understanding her. This is a problem with terrible HiE in general, so I'm only giving half points for this one.

Pfff, do you think Rainbow Motherbucking Dash is scared by a hairless monkey? And I always assumed that the citizens of Equestria are more accepting than those on our own blue planet, Jason looked sapient, speaks the same language and shows no signs of hostility.

The young man scratch the back of his head "...Now I have seen everything. A blue horse, with rainbow mane and the ability to talk... AWESOME!"
And of course ponies just naturally speak English, because who needs opportunities for worldbuilding, character development, and even the beginnings of a possibly romantic relationship when we can just easily jump straight into horsefucking?

Same as Rainbow's reaction to Jason, also Jason is barely surprised by anything anymore, and they were just meeting, why would they need do develop their character already? Though that Rainwalker shipping, I like the way you think :twilightblush:

"Your in Ponyville, the perfect place for earth ponies, pegesus and unicorns." the pony answered.
"But none of those filthy ziggers!... Weird monsters that can perfectly speak my language are fine, though."

She gave a pretty accurate description of Ponyville, I don't see what your problem is with her trying to be friendly?

Skywalker dropped his head in disappointment before looking up again "That's too bad." thinking about what do to next, he jumps off the cloud, making Rainbow look shocked as she looks over the cloud and sees Skywalker standing unharmed on the ground.
"Thanks anyways! I'm going to check out Ponyville! See you around, Rainbow!" Skywalker shouted to her before running off, leaving a trail of dust behind him.
Wait, what?! Why isn't he questioning why in God's name he's still in a running state after that fall, much more even ali

Again if you had continued reading, you would have found out why.

If your wondering, Skywalker (and his friends by extend) already had superpowers before entering Equestria. How they got here and why will be answered in later chapters.
If your wondering, Skywalker (and his friends by extend) already had superpowers before entering Equestria. How they got here and why will be answered in later chapters.
Skywalker (and his friends by extend) already had superpowers before entering Equestria.
SKYWALKER (AND HIS FRIENDS BY EXTEND) ALREADY HAD SUPERPOWERS BEFORE ENTERING EQUESTRIA.
no
fuck this

Wow wow, easy there friend! You'll give yourself a heart attack! We wouldn't want that, now would we? :rainbowderp:
This is the only thing you said I had a hard time processing, why is it so bad that they already had Superpowers before coming to Equestria?
Anyway, that's the few things I wanted to say to you, I hope you have a good day (or night) and keep reading, :rainbowlaugh:

5524274

Oh, these comments sections sometimes...

A group of teenagers with extraordinary abilities are transported to an unknown land, on an unknown planet. Together they must forge bonds with six ponies and stand against the forces that would dare to oppose them.

media.tumblr.com/325b7d6ed2bf68cf167106e444fb4afd/tumblr_inline_mnozzbmGdy1qz4rgp.png

5548380 Ayup, your right on the money on that.
I had no idea what to put there. :twilightsmile:

McGrath and Phoenix are my favorite charecters so far, also Griffith and guy whos name i cant spell are pretty much background characters who you tend to forget exist...

5591690 Glad you like it. :twilightblush:
And don't worry, Griffifth and Sutakira (it's Japanese) are gonna play bigger parts later in the story.

5591915 Why the ':L' emoticon (or what ever kids call them these days.).
Also, if I may ask, what made McGrath and Phoenix your favorites?

5591947 i just made the :L face for lolz , and what makes them my favorites? well i like Phoenix's humor and i like how McGrath reacts to it i also like how McGrath is more blunt with things but can also be nice :P

5591967 Oh, okay. Anyways thanks for reading :twilightsheepish:

You know while I was reading this at the beginning you would put McGrath with Rarity but now you do that and make it obvious

5599088 that you are putting him with Pinkie

5600081 First off, thank you for reading my story.:twilightsmile:
Secondly, may I point out that currently Pinkie herself has a developing crush on McGrath?

5602861 eh good point don't assume anything that like rule number one on fimfic

5602907 Though just between you and me, I was REALLY tempted at pairing those two together.:twilightsheepish:

its not ogre is it

5608294 I'm going to assume 'ogre' is a typo, and your question is "its not over is it?" (if it's not feel free to correct me).
If what I guested you asked was the question you intended to ask then your answer is no, it's far from over.

5612435 What did I just watch?:applejackconfused:
Anyways, thanks for reading.

>Guess the Musical
Does that only apply to Broadway?

Wait,wait,wait

Shoveitupyourass street?
Did they get to name it?

Nice input of "scott pilgrim vs the world"

Holy...
That's just
Damn,they got high.
That's hilarious.

5627456 That depends on the rule set. :twilightsmile:

5627620 Probably not... Else it would have been named Supermanstreet or Batmanstreet.

5627651 Glad you got the reference.:raritystarry:

5627677 What else was McGrath growing in the basement?:raritywink:

5628579
Well the dude could be Heisenburg incarnate. :ajsmug:

Big Mac's calm...cause he smokes some Dank?
Should've guessed.

5641587 Welp there goes the plot twist. :ajbemused:
Nay just kidding:rainbowlaugh:

5642130 The strange part is, I could picture McGrath doing most things that Walter White did...

5644128 Well that was a short comment...:rainbowhuh:

5767379 Glad to hear it, thanks for reading. :pinkiehappy:

I can Cry?, it's a dramatic hitory.

PD:Sorry for my english

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