Ponyville Public Access

by Justice3442

You scream, I scream, but seriously, Feather Bangs is screaming and someone needs to help the poor guy.

Author's Note:

MidnightFMare sends us across the portal to teach us that it's not just horses who are bad at the editing process and preventing terrible, terrible crimes.

"Hey, Sunset?" Wallflower calls, her phone in hand.

"What's up Flower?" Sunset asks, Looking up from her book.

"Look at this..." Wallflower says, passing her phone to Sunset, blushing more than is usual for her.

---

Three very beautiful ladies are fanning themselves in front of an old-style saloon, each wearing very delicate petticoats and corsets "I wish there was something... cold to eat, something..." the shortest of them, Fond Feather, says motioning with her fan trying to find the words.

"Tasteful?" the slightly taller, amused Swoon Song says with a tired smile.

"I agr-" Dear Darling pauses, lifting the large sunhat that didn't manage to conceal her bodiced green skin to hold a hand to her ear "Do you hear... bells?"

As both of her friends look up, a shiny, retro-styled ice cream truck rolls up next to them.

"Hello ladies!" a handsome, cream-skinned young man calls, his white and pink soda-parlor uniform pressed and crisp over his narrow shoulders "You three look like you could use a cool, tasty treat to beat this dreary heat."

Swoon blushes and hid behind her fan "What, pray tell, are you offering?"

Feather Bangs grinned "Ice cream! Ice cream unlike any that you've ever had, unique in style and taste! For you, my charming cherry cherub? I suggest 'Chocolate cherry cake swirl'. Slivers of cake and cherry filling swirled with a dark, bittersweet chocolate cream perfectly compliments you, in my opinion." he produces a clear glass bowl of brown, pink, and red ice cream, passing it to Swoon.

"Well now stranger," Fond purrs, smiling salaciously behind her own fan "I'm not so... easily pleased like my friend. What do you have to offer me?"

Oblivious to the flirting directed his way, Feather Bangs disappeared into the back of the truck and returned with a glittering bowl of ice cream "How about something a bit more delicate in taste, but no less enjoyable? I believe this 'Vine serenade' is up to the task. Blueberries from Bearlin, white grapes straight from Roaman vineyards, and blackberries from Maredrid are juiced, fermented and mixed with pure creams and whipped into this wonderfully complex bouquet. And before you fret, it's non-alcoholic." he passes it to her, her eyes gleaming.

"And before you think I've missed you, young lady with the wonderful headwear, I've got something especially nice for you. Something brand new and untried by any other creamery!" he proclaims, Darling touching her hat as a smile grew on her face. She nodded to her friends, who set her hat over the two bowls of ice cream they'd silently set down.

She made her way over to the window of the truck as Feather returned "For one of such obvious dignity, I give to you a mixture that is sure to change you." he set a bowl of dark and light green ice cream in front of her "'Warmth in cool', the gentle heat of chili peppers mixed with the cooling freshness of mint and the creamy texture of slow churned ice cream will not only blow your mind, but soothe your aches and chill your heat-sapped heart." Feather looks around "Where did your friends g-OH!"

Suddenly, the two back tires of the truck deflate, Swoon and Fond having slashed them with knives concealed in their dresses "We like the ice cream, but we want something... more." Darling coos, the back doors of the truck swinging open as Feather looks around nervously "L-ladies?"

"Stop talking handsome." Fond whispers, yanking Feather offscreen.

The camera zoomes out to a heliotrope hand picking up the hat and motioning to the bowls of ice cream "From our town to yours. 'Our town' brand ice cream." the camera moves up and standing with a smile is a slightly older-looking Starlight Glimmer in a suit "Hi, I'm Starlight Glimmer, owner and founder of 'Our town', and I would like to thank you for watching the video up to this point." she blinks and frowns "...And there was something else I was supposed to- Oh yeah!" she clicks her fingers in realization "I wanted to announce that we're accepting recipes for new flavors and styles! And by that, I mean that if you submit a flavor you'd like to see made, send it to us by using the link hopefully at the bottom of this video's description and if we like it or can make it, we just might make a limited run of it in your area! And if it sells enough, not only will your name and picture be put on the carton, but you'll also get a small percentage of the profits! Because when you help our town, it becomes your town too."

A very girlish scream startles Starlight "Are you okay in there?!"

"We're fine!" the three women call in unison.

"... Okay then." Starlight replies, facing the camera again "And from our town to yours, thank you."

---

The video ends and Sunset looks up from the phone and starts rubbing her forehead "STARLIGHT!!"

"IDIDNDONUTHIN!!" Starlight calls from another room, making her way to the two girls her arms stuck in a pair of jeans "Uh, Wallflower? I forgot how to pants."

"Ugh, not again." Sunset groans.

"Hey, Human clothing is weird, okay?" Starlight says as her arms are freed from the denim tubes "There are fancy hidden pants underneath your outer pants, you have these teat holders and all sort of other things! So excuse me for not knowing how to use all of them like you do!"

"Starlight." Wallflower calls, holding up her phone.

"Is there something on your mini television box thing?" Starlight asks as Sunset yanks her jeans up.

"Yes, I think we found the you that was born a human." Wallflower replies

"Really? That's great! Who am I?"

"It's better if you look for yourself." Sunset says, pulling out her own phone "I'm going to call Pinkie, see what she knows."

Starlight ignores her, completely entranced by the video.

"Ugh, Equestrians..." Sunset groans, unlocking her phone

Comments

[LEGION55]

.....This actually makes sense.

[Hopeful_Ink_Hoof]

"Vine Serenade" does not appeal to me in the slightest, but I never had much interest in alcohol either.
Although, Vine Serenade sounds like a great pony name.

The "Chocolate Cherry Cake Swirl" sounds like it could be a real thing. I could see it being made by Ben & Jerry or Blue Bell.

As for the "Warmth in Cool," it sounds... oddly tempting. I mean, a part of me feels like it would be bad, but another part wants to actually try it.

[Booster Spice]

I miss the old Gobstopper cones. They puilled them because kids were idiots and kept trying to swallow the things whole.

Poor Featherbangs there would probably try selling them as Down In One.

[howard035]

Human Starlight as a slightly malevolent Ben and Jerri's? That sounds fantastic.

[CosmosGalen]

9393387
Slightly? After their recent bull it's pretty spot on.

[meerkat8472]

9472650 Holy crap, I got a reply to a comment I posted more than four years ago! Don't see that every day. I do actually remember making this one though, and you could be right.

[meerkat8472]

Okay, non-American here, and I'm a bit confused. I get that Ben and Jerri's made a stupid political move recently, apparently going all anti-Trump, but this chapter seems to imply that they think male-rape is okay? Or something? I'm very puzzled.

[Justice3442]

9474294
I'm a canvas for other writers to do their thing in this case. You'd have to ask them.

[MidnightFMare]

9474294
No, it's more or less that I think that Feather Bangs being too charming and oblivious to the Bimbettes' advances short of sabotaging a commercial to trap him and smooch him for an indefinite amount of time to be funny.

Or that pretty boys are fun to put in strange situations.

Nothing political, just me messing with Feather Bangs and Starlight being out of her natural habitat.

[meerkat8472]

9483203 Ah, fair enough then. 'Binbettes', haven't heard that one before, I like it.

[MidnightFMare]

9483693
It's from Beauty and the beast, originally, referencing the three ladies who constantly fawn over Gaston (And are oblivious to his own fawning over Belle...

... Something just occured to me...

Sugar BELLE

BK!
I'm a bleedin' moron!
It was RIGHT THERE.

HOW DID I JUST NOTICE THIS?!

Feather Bangs is the Gaston of Equestria... ugh, why am I so stupid... it was RIGHT THERE.

LUNA DAMMIT HASBRO!

[meerkat8472]

9485962 OH GOD DAMN IT, YOU'RE RIGHT! For the love of Celestia, Hasbro!

[MidnightFMare]

9486698
I know right, I face-palmed when I realized it.
Even their dress colours are the same as their coats.

Ugh, they pulled one over on us, and I can't be too mad.

After all, it takes a LOT of thinking to realize.