• Published 14th Sep 2014
  • 4,017 Views, 357 Comments

Ponyville Public Access - Justice3442



The Ponyville Public Access channel is where any and all Ponyville residents can go to advertise whatever they want or force those with a T.V. to watch their antics.

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Speed Run’s Game Shop

Author's Note:

Today's little slice of crazy comes from TurboBlaze


Spike flips through the channels, not really expecting to find anything interesting. He is right, as always. Nothing but static permeates the tens of channels that the dragon flips through with the remote, a can of root beer on the couchside table. The reptile briefly entertains the thought of taking a quick walk over to Rarity’s to see if she needs his help, but remembers that the fashion designer is away in Manehattan collaborating with Coco Pommel on a design for Sapphire Shores. Spike frowns and gives the television a half-lidded glare, as if that would actually magically make programs start appearing. Well, he thinks, there’s only one channel to check, and usually it kind of deters ponies from actually going to those places. I’ll see what poor schmuck decided to give it a try this time.

He presses the buttons to take him to Channel 130, and then…

**********

Are you tired of mundane activities like playing ball and riding scooters? Footage shows three little fillies, one a yellow Earth Pony with a large pink bow in her red mane, one a white Unicorn with lilac and pink mane and tail, and the last an orange Pegasus with a magenta mane and tail, bouncing a ball on their heads. Then it shows one of the three fillies, the orange Pegasus, riding her scooter while buzzing her wings like a bumblebee. Do you long to save kingdoms, but can’t get out of your home? Do you want the excitement of taking on an army of aliens, or racing fellow heroes?

The footage is swapped out for a shot of an ice blue Earth Pony stallion with a lemon yellow mane and tail. His cutie mark is three horizontal lines which begin thick toward his barrel and fade to nothing near his tail. He wears a white collar with a blue bowtie and rimless glasses.

“Well, to all you ponies at home wondering what I could be talking about, I am Speed Run, and I can hook you up with the latest sensation in Equestrian entertainment, video games! Right in your own home! Here at Speed Run’s Game Shop!”

“If you love going to the arcade, but don’t feel like paying to play a game just for a few minutes at a time, and then having to pay again, this is the perfect opportunity for you to realize your dreams of digital glory!” Speed Run walks around his shop, presenting both consoles and handheld systems. “With this, the Fargame Family Entertainment System, you and your parents can enjoy the rush of racing together in Plumber Crack Racing, or the whole family can watch one player’s quest to defeat Lord Kappa in the Plumber Crack games themselves and save Mistress Cherry Pie, and so much more!”

Motioning to a smaller device, Speed run says, “Or, take your adventure everywhere with the JoyBoy portable game system! Catch all of the Crittermons, help Seras defeat the space dragon Raptor in Asterid, and even challenge yourself to a game of Quadruplex and aim for the high score! There’s no shortage of games to play here at Speed Run’s game Shop!”

**********

Spike thinks that this might be one of the better commercials and is genuinely entertained by these video games. Maybe he could even get Twilight to play one if he is good enough at convincing her. But as fate would have it, nothing on this channel ever goes 100% to plan.

**********

“But that’s not all! We also have board and tabletop games for foals and adults! Family games like Sweet Land, Slides and Ladders, and Greedy Greedy Griffons! The adventure epic of Caverns and Centaurs, where no two games are the same! We even have supplies such as books and dice for all your gaming needs! So come on down to—”

Dingadingading!

The front door to Speed Run’s Game Shop opens, and two Earth Ponies enter. One is a brown colt with an orange mane and a propeller beanie, and the other, his mother, is tan and has a mousy brown mane and tail, the mane tied in a side plait with a red ribbon. She has beige saddlebags on her back. Her blue eyes seem to sparkle with pride.

“Hello,” says the mother, “I’m here to look at your JoyBoy games. My Button Mash got a 100 on his test and I thought I’d reward his hard work.”

“Oh, yes, congratulations, my boy. I’m sorry, but could you wait a few minutes, Miss…?”

“Love Tap.”

Yes, Miss Love Tap. You see, I’m busy filming a commercial for Ponyville Public Access. And it’s live, so I must get back to filming.”

“Oh, well, I’ll let you get back to it then—”

“MOM!!! I FOUND IT!” Button Mash yells. Love Tap rushes over to her beloved son’s side and asks, “Which one, sweetie?”

“Crittermon: Red Edition! I’ve seen reviews and it’s supposed to be really good! I’ve been wanting to try it out, but I thought how could I wait for my birthday!? So I studied really hard for this test and I’m so glad it paid off because now I can discover every last Crittermon on the Lando Continent!”

“Okay, Button. Sir! I’m ready to make my purchase!” Love Tap says sweetly.

“Ma’am, I am in the middle of filming. Can’t you son wait just a couple more minutes?” says Speed Run.

“Tell you what?” says Love Tap, “You let me buy Crittermon: Red Edition, and I’ll spread the word on your shop, which should hypothetically drive business up, as well as having a happy customer on live TV! That shouldn’t hurt sales in any way.”

“Well,” says Speed Run nervously, “it certainly couldn’t hurt for publicity purposes.” Speed Run rings up Love Tap’s purchase and she pays the 25 bits for the Crittermon game.

“There you are, Miss Love Tap.” Speed Run gives the bag to the mother as Button Mash’s face is aglow with joy. “You see how happy this young colt is to play his new game? That could be you and your family!”

“Thank you, Speed Run,” says Love Tap. “Come along, Button. You can play Crittermon when you get home.”

“Okay, Mom!” says Button, as he pulls the box containing the game out to read the text on the back. The mother and son exit the shop.

“So stop on by Speed Run’s Game Shop. We have a large selection of games for family or a single player, video games or tabletop games! There’s sure to be a game you will love at—”

“AHWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

A shrill cry pierces the air of the street and Speed Run has to cover his ears to prevent hearing loss. As he recovers…

BANG!!!

Dingadingading….

Love Tap appears in the entrance to the shop, a look of distilled anger on her face. Poor Button is sniffling with his head hanging low. The bag containing the Crittermon game is in Love Tap’s mouth.

“Yes? Is there something I can help you with?” asks Speed Run nervously.

Love Tap marches up to the counter and places the game on it, face-down, dropping her saddlebags as well.

“What the hay is this!?!” she says harshly.

“Um, what?” Speed Run says dumbly.

“‘You can’t find all 200 Crittermon on your own, so trade with other players to collect them all!’ What kind of minotaur crap is this!?!”

“Ma’am, I don’t make the games, I just—”

“This is some plot to sell two games for the price of one, isn’t it? The Red Edition and the Green Edition are the same game, right!?!”

“Well, yes, but with a few—”

“Then why the hell are you selling them as two different games when they’re clearly the same thing!?! Why can’t you make a single game that you can get all 200 in!?! Maybe only trade for some really hard-to find Crittermon or something! But noooooooo!! You have to make two games that have exclusive Crittermon just to make more damn money!! Well I’m not having it!! I want the Green Edition, a blue JoyBoy, and a Link Cord, NOW!!!” shouts Love Tap.

“Yes, well, that will be 110 bits—”

“I AM NOT PAYING A SINGLE CELESTIA-DAMNED BIT FOR THIS EXTORTION!!! IT’S GIVE ME THE GAME STUFF OR I SHOVE FIREWORKS DOWN YOUR THROAT!!!”

“W-what?”

“AND THEN DETONATE THEM!!!!”

“Ma’am, you wouldn’t?”

“I ONCE RESCUED MY SON’S FILLYFRIEND FROM AN UNLAWFUL DETENTION BY BLOWING A HOLE IN THE SIDE OF THE SCHOOLHOUSE!!! DON’T THINK I WON’T SHOVE FIREWORKS UP YOUR FLANK FLANK AND LIGHT THEM!!! GREEN EDITION! BLUE JOYBOY!! LINK CORD! NOW!!!”

Speed Run fearfully retrieves the goods Love Tap demanded and gives them to her, no charge. Love Tap begins to walk out when Button says, “Mom?”

“Yes, dear?”

“This kinda feels like stealing, though…” Button says. Love Tap sighs, knowing her son is right, and walks back to the counter. She lays 125 bits on the counter.

“Ma’am, I-I thought you weren’t p-paying? And it’s only 110 b-bits,” says Speed Run.

“Yes, but I feel bad for scaring the daylights out of you, so I gave you some extra to compensate. My son can be my only moral compass sometimes,” says Love Tap sheepishly.

“Yes, well, you two enjoy your new games!” says Speed Run as Love Tap and Button Mash leave the shop. The shop owner throws himself across the counter, where he sees Love Tap’s saddlebags. He picks them up and begins to walk out, but stops as he hears a hissing sound.

His pupils shrink to pinpricks.

**********

“Mom?”

“Yes, Button?”

“Why did you give him fifteen bits extra?”

“Because he’s gonna need it for the repair work.”

“What?”

KAFWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

Button looks at the game store 100 feet behind him. Shattered glass litters the streets and smoke billows from the otherwise intact storefront.

“Oh.”

“Like I said, you can be my only moral compass, sometimes.”

**********

Speed Run stumbles out of the smoky building, coughing some smoke from his lungs. His camera handler, thankfully or not, captured every last bit of the explosion that rocked his shop, and is still recording.

“We need to remodel don’t we?” asks Speed Run.

“Yep,” says the stallion behind the camera.

“Well, we here at Speed Run’s Game shop are sorry to say that we will spend the next week or so remodeling, but we should be back open soon! Until then, play more games! Turn it off, Lens Focus! Turn! It! OFF!!!”

Speed Run tackles his camera-stallion.

**********

Spike watches on in boredom as the commercial ends and the screen once again plays the familiar sights and sounds of static.

“Eh, I prefer my comics, anyway.” He walks up to his room inside Friendship Castle and reads the Power Ponies series from the beginning.