The screen flicks slightly as it change to a scene of an irate gray earth pony with a short black mane. The pony sits on his haunches outside and stares at the camera. He gets up and starts walking, revealing a cutie mark that depicted three sticks of lit dynamite in a bundle.
“Alright Ponyville, you don’t like me and I despise you, so let’s dispense with the pleasantries and get down to business. Is there a do-it-yourself-project you need to get on? Somepony else’s do-it-yourself-project you want to ruin? Need to build a fence? Allergic to something in your neighbor’s garden? Against the idea of saddles on general principal?” The pony walked in front of a plain wooden building with a large sign that read ‘Dandy Rancorous’s Emporium of Hardware and Explosives’ with the pony’s cutie mark at the end of the sign. He continued, “Well here at Dandy Rancorous’s Emporium of Hardware and Explosives I have a number of tools that can be utilized to solve your problems… and explosives… Mostly explosives.”
With another flicker, Dandy is suddenly indoors sitting in front of wooden shelves full of tools and an assortment of other item with fuses. He levels a forehoof at the camera.
“Let’s face it. There comes a time, or several hundred times, in one’s life when a pony needs to take matters into their own hooves and solve their problem through liberal use of hammers and dynamite. And we have both those things. Also wood, nails, and anything else you may need to do your own home repairs… Or build a siege weapon to rain pain and death on any that might stand in your way!” The camera pans with the pony as he trots in front of a catapult. “Also… I sell catapults… So you can just buy one if you don’t feel like building it yourself…”
The screen flicks once more and Dandy is once again outside. This time in front of a red wall, he holds up what appears to be a fuse and lights it with a golden lighter. He lets go of the fuse as it hissed, the flaming end quickly consuming the fuse and heading towards the wall behind him.
“Why solve your problems through unreliable talk and reasoning when trusty explosives will make them go away in a puff of smoke…? And also fiery, loud explosion that leaves a crater with a server dozen foot diameter.”
The camera pans out revealing the wall belonged to the Ponyville schoolhouse, and the fuse runs up to a pile of explosives heaped below the schoolhouse’s bell.
Dandy turns and shakes his hoof at the bell. “Try waking me up at 8 a.m. NOW!”
‘KABOOOM!’
There was a large explosion as the top of the schoolhouse was torn apart in the blast. The large bell flew up into the sky.
“Huh…” Spike says as he stared at the T.V. “So that’s what happened to the old school bell…”
Haw.
Reminds me of the Saturday Morning Fun Pit.
you should make it so people can write their own bits for this and post them on here. that, or you should make a quills and sofas advertisement.
And of course, the (by now, obligatory) Dan Vs reference.
Hi Dan!
Dandy so needs to be friends with Love Tap after that.
This is relevant to my interests...
The Skull Knight approves!
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Looks like I'm doing just this (allowing others to post their own stories). I'll make a blog post on this so people can add their own insanity.
Two things:
First, is this continuity the same as Dan & Pinkie Vs, and/or SweetieMash Chronicles. I don't think All That Shimmers lines up with anything (except the obvious) I'm loosing track of what matches up. We already know that Alt Pinkie cursed Dan to meet her (even crazier) pony version, so that lines up. Its just what reverences what that throws me. I'll also assume the one with the zombies is a one-off.
Second, are you changing Dan's pony form to Unicorn? With the accompanying changes to Cutiemark and such?
An on an unrelated note, why in the wide world of Equestria would his parents name him Dandy? I refuse to believe that he was at all pleasant in the first few minutes. They had to know he was just gonna be trouble. Also, his family are probably the least pleasant members of their entire species.
5003189 Oh my God why did I not see that!? I freaking love Dan Vs!!!!
5019308 As far as I'm aware, he has said that everything not bearing a random tag take place in the same continuity, with SweetieMash being a few years before Wheel and Butterfly, and the Interplanetary Distress Signal from Wheel reaching Sunset's Hellish dreamscape in All That Shimmers. He mentioned liking to think all the Random tag stories are in the same universe, so there's that.
He sounds like Dan from Dan Vs. + I havent read the link yet and if its him im gonna freak
Im freaking!!! The guy who made this chap based dandy off an OC. And the OC was based off of dan!!!
I read that in mr torques voice
I'd shop there.
I read this and imagined Dandy having Sarge's voice from Red Vs Blue. Totally fits!
This is the best. Shop. Ever!!!
... Dan? How did you get back to equestria? And where’s Pinkie?
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Obviously pinkie is the one filming. Clearly this channel was her idea
Several.