• Member Since 30th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen January 19th



In a fit of pique, Twilight summons the Cutie Mark Inspector to Ponyville to conduct a cutie mark review of the townsfolk. When it transpires that every pony has been interpreting their cutie marks wrong, Ponyville is thrown into chaos. Has Twilight bitten off more than she can chew?

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 227 )

This pleases the Bob. :heart:

With that, the Cutie Mark Inspector left the castle, his laughter echoing around the now empty halls. It was time to get to work.


“No no no!” The inspector shook his head. “No, that’s clearly a baboon’s ass.”

This line surpasses anything else written on Fimfiction

Aaah not the bees! Not the bees!
On a more serious note, well done! This made me chuckle, and a lot of stories tagged as "comedy" do not. What made this excellent was this was written in the style of the show, but with your own personal twist on it. Twilight's personality and actions were a bit exaggerated, and there was language not in the spirit of the actual show, (very, VERY mild but not for TV-Y viewers) it worked in your favor, making this story your own. And to top it all off, an excellent moral. Unlike us, these (fictional) equines are told what they're good at when the time is right, but does that mean they must follow the picture on their flank, or consider it mere symbolism? Is destiny plotted out for us or do we choose our own paths? Is success simply handed to us or must we hunt success down? And the little twist ending was the icing on the cake.
Well done, dear author, well done.

I seem to recall that there was a cutie mark inspector in a story where Scootaloo got a cutie mark in farting.

Anyways, I liked this. Show evidence proves that cutie marks =/= destiny, and it's nice to see Princess Twilight taking her new duties seriously. Soon, Ponyville will be a model of friendship and harmony.

You may regret nothing, but I regret reading this.

Hahahaha my dickery knows no bounds.

This was so fantastically amazing that I have just poured a cup of Darjeeling with a slice of lemon down the front of my trousers. I did not mean to, that is just what this story does to a chap, it causes involuntary muscular convulsions leading to the ruination of smoking jackets and the serving of boiled meat and vegetables for dinner.
Oh yes.... You know what? This puts me in mind of this:

And on a lighter note, it puts me in mind of this:

This... this is beautiful

“It could be worse!” Sea Swirl shrugged. “Okay. Well, no. No it couldn’t.”

It really couldn't.


This was hilarious. I enclose five happy Pinkies out of five.

But but but... Rarity tried pulling the Inspector's mask off earlier in the story and he didn't have one, and then later in the story he *did* have a mask? How can I enjoy an awesome comedy like this if it's not excruciatingly consistent and nitpick-proof?

I must say, though, that the Tree of Harmony's shoddy engineering made up for everything. That was a great little detail to throw in there.

"Ah. Well..." Twilight gave a little shrug. "When the poster said 'Free Refreshments', what it actually meant was that my talk would refresh your minds. It's a metaphor."

You are the worst kind of people, Twilight.

Huh. Hmm...

No. Sorry, but no. It was funny, don't get me wrong, but this was far too vindictive a take on Twilight for my tastes. I just don't see her going to such lengths for something so petty.

You are cruel. Cruelty + distance = comedy.

Thanks for sharing that.

No really, that first one was pretty neat.

Ponyville: WHAT THE WHAT?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!?!??

Dammit, Blue, you have come out with another comedy. I must read it.


Okay! I got three to one odds on the Ponyville citizenry lynching the real cutie mark inspector!

That was fun, I kind of figured the whole thing was a sham, but it was still a satisfying ending because I had forgotten about Twilight's presentation. Also the sudden appearance of the real Cutie Mark Inspector was great... Is it awful that I would want to read more about that guy?

it deserves a follow up when the real inspector arrives to ponyville

I dunno, the idea is fun, but the whole thing was built on Twilight being wildly out of character, which made it really hard for me to enjoy.

Anybody attempting to reference the 2006 Wicker Man, even as a joke, must be punished. I sentence you to burn alive.

All i can say is well.... Fuck. That was extreme and edgy... Surely comedy and all but i... Didnt laugh as much as expected.

This makes me wonder how many ponies would just go "screw it, take my cutie mark. My life is more important."

She looked out across the audience and noticed Scootaloo, staring up entranced. "Well, almost all of you," she corrected herself.

Way to crush hopes and dreams.

"Did Ah make a mistake concentratin' on apples instead of magic, which is impossible for an earth pony anyhow?"

Earth ponies have magic too.

I'd probably be in the Wonderbolts right now!"

Actually I think you'd be too busy to join.

Twilight's face fell. "You too, Rainbow Dash?"

I'm hoping that's just the boredom talking! Cause I think Twilight's feelings are being hurt now.

Twilight! Just because your cutie mark is all about being the best at magic, guaranteeing you wings and a horn and a magic tree-castle, it doesn't mean the rest of us are somehow deficient!"

Trixie's cutie mark was for the same thing. She COULD HAVE Been a Princess, but she chose the easy way.

I've always thought of cutie marks of coming into being when the pony gains enough sense of self to decide what they want from life.

And Celestia rewarded Twilight for finishing Starswirl's spell and creating a new school of magic. NOT for the cutie mark swap disaster (which was incomplete anyway, since otherwise they'd have been FUNCTIONAL at their new jobs).

but you've gotta learn not to rub other's faces in your good fortune.

Except that wasn't what Twilight was trying to do at all.

SUNSET SHIMMER had the exact same destiny as Twilight, AND SHE SCREWED IT UP!!!!

Cutie Mark Destiny isn't a free meal!

Twilight slumped to the stage, clutching the podium tight as she watched everyone file out. Soon she was alone.

Surprised Twilight didn't break down in tears, and I'm surprised Spike didn't make a mad dash for it if LOYALTY ITSELF abandoned her!!!

they can blame it on their cutie marks not being as good as mine!"


Is it my fault that my destiny lay in creating beautiful dresses rather than being a princess?"

YOUR CUTIE MARK HAD TO DO WITH MINING! You CHOSE to become a dress-maker!

criticising us again for not being as successful as she is.

How was it criticizing? I'm lost.

. “Unless it’s a mist monster, of course! But that doesn’t mean you’re evil!” She covered her eyes. “Again, unless you’re a mist monster, as they’re always evil!”

Was that supposed to be self contradictory?

How do we know you’re the real Cutie Mark Inspector?”

After Harsh Whinny, a logical concern.

“Princess Celestia has empowered as the
“Princess Celestia has me empowered as the

, and if you want to mention how nice our little shop is in a letter to Princess Celestia, well…”

Celestia has visited your shop before and loved it remember?

Cakes are not balloons, young pony. Your cutie mark specifically states balloons!”

Doesn't he know the first thing about symbolism?!

Taking away Rarity's work as a dress maker? That would kill her. :-(

diamonds and at that moment I got my diamond cutie mark!”

No, she got it when she was overjoyed at seeing how well the stage costumes turned out.

Isn't the point of what Twilight was saying that ponies are MORE than their cutie marks?

please don’t move about much.”


And RD only now finds this out?

A giant pony made from wicker. Why does he want a wicker pony, Twilight? Why?”

That is a logical question.

Just you wait ‘til he comes for you, then we’ll see who’s laughing!”

I know this is meant to foreshadow Twilight getting zapped too, but personally I think Twilight is fulfilling her cutie mark perfectly (since it in fact CHANGED slightly when she became a princess).

“They’re all obvious, sugarplum!” Applejack tipped her hat.

No they're not.

Why hasn't Fluttershy been told her cutie mark is to kill and pin up innocent butterflies yet?

Imagine if an Apple went an’ started an orange farm!

Your mother was an Orange Applejack, and she happily lived on an Apple farm!

The D'jarras are out of whack like something else . . . what? Don't you watch Star Trek?

Princess Celestia’s divine plan!”

She doesn't control the cutie marks.

two dolphins swimming.”
two dolphins swimming.

“No no no!” The inspector shook his head. “No, that’s clearly a baboon’s ass.”

Okay. No offense. But that's an ex machina. Sorry. The jokes and the theme were all cool and fun, but this is kinda a cheat, sorry.

Uh, there are twigs on her apple cutie mark, sorry, but no, that doesn't make a lick of sense. Before his arguments while harsh were perfectly logical. This feels like an ex machina, sorry.

On the inspector’s flank were the words: “CUTIE MARK INSPECTOR.”

Nice subversion of the obvious cliches.

“There ain’t no such thing as cutie mark destiny!”

There is, but it's what you make it.

“Down with destiny!”

Alicorn of Fate, "You know what it's like going through eternity with everypony hating your guts for doing your job?" *sees Alicorn of Death* "Oh right."

I must say: I kinda had a GUESS about it being Twilight Sparkle, but it STILL feels satisfying!

With that, the inspector ripped off his mask to reveal the smug face of Twilight Sparkle.


And at least this explains things with Applejack and the CMI from before.

With that, the inspector ripped off his mask to reveal the smug face of Twilight Sparkle. “Now,” she continued, shuffling her cue cards. “Since we have got that little argument out of the way, where were we? Ah yes, section two. Point forty-three. My uncanny understanding of social situations…”


“It just went nowhere because there was nowhere for it to go.

It should have logically gone somewhere, nothing goes nowhere.

but surely she was carried towards the wicker pony.

Uh. WHAT WAS HER PLAN with that? I doubt she'd have put it there if it didn't have a part of her scheme.


I have to agree the mask thing is an annoying inconsistency, Rarity SHOULD HAVE brought up and have Twilight give a smug explanation.

I can see it now...
AJ: Cut it out, Twilight, we learned the lesson you wanted us to.
Inspector: Who? I've never met any "Twilight"!
Rainbow: Come on! Just give it up!
Rarity: Yes, it is rather uncouth of you to keep up with this!
Twilight: Oh, hey girls! Hey, pony I don't know! Anyone want coffee?
Other Mane Six: *jaw drop*
Inspector: No, but thanks. I'm more of a tea pony myself.

Was a decent read, definitely good for a chuckle. The whole cutie mark destiny concept was pretty interesting too, as it's always seemed kind of silly to me how some of the marks have nothing to do with their job like Pinkie Pie's balloons. Not even sure how they signify parties either, that just always seemed bizarre. I think a follow up with the actual cutie mark inspector would be interesting, it'd be funny if he ended up being a very reasonable pony and surprises them all.:eeyup:

I love what you did with the Cutiemark Inspector interpreting Applejack's mark, and I especially like the epilogue. Nice touch.

10/10 would read about pony butt tattoos again.

4411547 well it could be enchanted so only twilight could take it off, simple really it reacts to the magical field not force, a bit like a changeling disguise


Yes, that was the explanation, though I forgot to explicitly mention it. I just dislike info dumps, and well, Twilight has magic powers after all.

Twilight has now evolved into Nicolas Cage.:pinkiehappy::trollestia::pinkiehappy::trollestia::pinkiehappy::trollestia:

4413450 so the moral of the story is in a land of colorful talking ponies the answer is always magic? :trollestia:


That's fair enough. It was one of my concerns at first and why I spent some time rewriting it before release. Really though, my favourite ever episode is Lesson Zero, and so I tend to treat Twilight more in the 'adorable sociopath' mold.


Thanks for the corrections, fixed!

This story made me really hate Twilight.


Noooo she is best pony :twilightoops:

On the one hand it is mildly amusing in parts, and I give you points that unlike the Mare Do Well episode (which has some similarities with the whole disguise to teach a lesson thing) the ponies don't take being tricked just laying down. On the other Twilight is, from the very start to the very end, in every single scene she appears in, painfully out of character (and just plain unlikeable) in this story, and since the whole story is driven by her actions that really undermines the enjoyment factor for me. I will sometimes tolerate a character being ooc, or being a jerk for humor, but in this case it wasn't funny or entertaining enough and overall just left a bad taste in my mouth. The twist where she reveals herself to be the cutie mark inspector was the crowning moment of mistreatment of her character, as well as a fairly predictable twist. Also, the reveal that there's a real cutie mark inspector at the end seemed like a cheap twist given he plays no part in this and I don't expect you're planning on writing a sequel. To be honest I don't think the other members of the Mane 6 are really used all that well either, we get things like brief bits of Rarity complaining but no over the top melodramatic whining, no Pinkie craziness, no Fluttershy crying over being separated from the rest of her animals (in fact she's barely in it), no Rainbow Dash losing her temper and trying to thump the inspector with a lightning bolt and then claim she's just following her destiny. There's just so much humor and drama that could be mined from the characters in this situation, but this story only skims the surface. (though in fairness, Applejacks scenes were hilarious). Beyond that this story has some great ideas. The idea of a being who inspects cutie marks and guides/enforces destiny is interesting, the whole literal vs. symbolic meaning of cutie marks and the greater destiny vs. free thing is interesting, and hell the idea of someone tricking others to teach them a lesson could be interesting. But as is I think this story just does not hold up. None of the great ideas are used to their potential, the characters are either underused or horrifically mischaracterized, I doubt the humor would make me laugh a second time (although in fairness many comedy fics don't make me laugh the first time, so points on that front) and at the end I was left with an overwhelming impression of having just read something unpleasant.


The cutie marks AREN'T to be taken literally. And it's never said to be the ONLY thing they're good at or can be happy at.

It occurs to me that Rainbow Dash is entirely responsible for Twilight's cutie mark, what with the Rainboom and everything, and thus is responsible for all her subsequent success, and could therefore charge Twilight an agent's fee. A modest one of course....

Spike, what on Equus is the "Princess PR agency", and why is there a final demand from them on my desk for 10% of all my incomes, dividends, giftings, through-port outcomes, asset yield actualisations, mutualised shares tranches, actimised accruals and stipendiary roo ha ha's, why is it then backdated for the last 20 years, and why is it signed by Rainbow Dash, QC?!?!

Two things I have to say. 1, that is the most hilarious way to look at Applejack's cutie mark I've ever heard! 2, don't mine at night Rarity.

Can we have a sequel in which Twilight has the worst destiny ever and she goes from princess to janitor or something?

"Ah. Well..." Twilight gave a little shrug. "When the poster said 'Free Refreshments', what it actually meant was that my talk would refresh your minds. It's a metaphor.

You want regicide? Because this is how you get regicide.

Applejack just rocked back and forth on the spot. “Baboons…” she whispered to herself again, looking down longingly at her basket of apples. “Baboons…”

“It could be worse!” Sea Swirl shrugged. “Okay. Well, no. No it couldn’t.”

dolphins and baboons, dolphins and baboons whats a crazy party without dolphins and baboons:pinkiecrazy:

Applejack, execute order 66.:applejackunsure:

Wow.... somehow you made me hate Princess Twilight even more.

I'm hoping that she died by bees. She's such a douche. :twilightangry2:

And that's how Ponyville became the first democratic nation in Equis.

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