aduck
Joined 7th Feb, 2014 ·
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THE FEELS!
Just personal choice here but I'd have had it be carved stone. Aside from that, Damn man way to bring the feels. I like this concept and enjoyed the work. Keep writing and striving.
AWSOME STORY
Very heartwarming, and with a great explanation for Spike's backstory!
Though I don't know what made of this story it is kind of beautiful so I add my like. Also added it to Spilight Library under Mother/Son relationship for Spike and Twilight as I assumed they are kind like that in this story (although it's hard to tell really...).
Beautiful story. It just felt like it could be longer. But it's still great.
i'm trying to find a way to express my feelings towards this story but i cant, its too moving for words
ah, the imagination used to fill the gaps of the unknown... it's always a grand example of why trust should still be held in humanity...
small resemblance to another fic. good job.
It's funny because I made a story with the same picture.
This is reallu good for a first story! Keep on writing, good sir/madam!
I didn't realize it at first, but the entire story is written in-
[violent coughing, followed by choking]
...Comic Sans...
The Velveteen Dragon.
Weird, random, completely out of no where..................
And I LOVED IT!!!!!
Hmm. I liked what this was doing but it seems a little short to me? Idk it just seems like events happened really really quickly and then it just ended abruptly. Still, this is your first fic, which is more than I've ever finished, and I think it's pretty good!
I liked it.
i.imgur.com/0EoKi3M.gif
So basically, Twilight was pitted with the "Kobyashi Maru" of Equestria and just went beyond known capabilities.
Not a bad concept, but way too rushed. Slow down a bit, mind the pace.
I liked this story, but I have no clue why this is on the featured list. I feel like it was very rushed and I had no time at all to really feel Spike's emotions. It was essentially "Who are my parents?" "You have no parents, you came from a block of wood" "NOOOOOO" "But you're real so its coo'" "Oh"
A quick and interesting thought of a story. Well done.
4181293 I love it!
Woot! I am the 100th up vote!
But all in all a sweet and cute short tale. Very nice.
4182182 I concur this feels like it need 3 times the amount of words.
4182365 I just realized how short the description actually is too xD
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Not to me. Are you sure your settings aren't defaulted to comic sans?
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Boy is my face red.
Constructed of wood doesn't really work. To pull off the smooth solid exterior of an egg it really needs to be carved from a single piece of, pretty much any solid material.
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I've sculpted with wood before. Not only could you craft an egg out of a solid piece of wood, but paint can easily produce a smooth surface on any number of joined pieces. All you have to do is apply a coat of paint, sand it down, and repeat until you have the desired smoothness.
hi hi
This is kinda, sorta my headcanon already. Since you asked for constructive criticism though, I might suggest having the characters go through a progression of feelings, from beginning to end. As it is currently written, their emotional states go from neutral to extreme very quickly. Spike is worried that he's not real, which is interesting, but it could be expanded upon to make it seem like a more multi-dimensional concern. You could relate his worry to some anecdotal experience he's had, to make the worry seem more personal. How might being not real ruin his daily life? Don't be afraid to branch out and give them more than one angle to worry about.
A neat concept, but this was executed rather poorly, unfortunately.
I love what you're doing in this story, but I think this is too short to really delve into the characters and their emotions. It seemed more focused on Twilight than Spike, really.
Although I do think that this is my favorite Twilight-Spike-egg-test theory now. I used to believe in the unfertilized egg explanation for the test, but Twilight creating life is even more impressive than that. And a unicorn that touched onto the domains of gods is definitely something the alicorn of the sun would want to keep an eye on.
I do admin this is a interesting concept and is very heartwarming to say the least.
I guess my advice is that the story does feel a bit rushed (especially the beginning) and it would be more emotional with more details and buildup
But it is a pretty good first effort to say the least.
Well, it has all the basics of a story. It has a decent plot, it's paced a bit fast, and it's short, but for a first story it's pretty good.
This premise has potential though, so I hope we see a long and epic tale of how Spike rejected that nugget that he was born from a fake egg and went off on a search for his parents. :p
Well built but not enough written I know its a one-shot but still this story could use more.
It could use a little rewriting, but above all, excellent!
Dealing with failure was the TEST?!?
Poor Spike...
It's always good to know that you have somepony to cheer you up.
So sweet! This also means Twilight officially his mom! Some of your phrasing can get a little awkward, and it's best not to repeat the same word over and over, but otherwise, really good!
I dunno, Spike seems to have made a logical leap that would shame Evel Knievel. The sheer abruptness, not to mention magnitude of the freakout just kinda threw me for a loop.
This is great! I feel that maybe they could've gone more into the mushy poetic stuff about being 'real' but otherwise there's nothing wrong with it! Great first story!
That was adorable
MAKE MORE
For a first time story you've done very well for yourself, the twist of a wooden egg in the entrance exam was fairly genius
I liked this...wooden egg,creative
i love this. Great for your first time.
Wow, just wow. When I first published this story, I figured it would get decent reviews and numbers. Then I find out I was featured, if briefly, and a lot of people really enjoy my work. I thank you all for your kind comments, and for taking the time to read my story, and to build up my confidence.
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Thank you especially for your constructive criticism, so I can see what I need to improve, and not just what I did well. In general it all seemed to be the same thing: I had a good plot and idea, but I need to expand and write more. I will take this into consideration the next time I write, which probably won't be for a while.
Thank you all again.
4185347 No problem! People who thank their readers for simply helping better their work a little bit deserve it! :3
It was nice, it just felt like the freakout was kind of abrupt. A freakout could be warranted, but the sudden jump from "Spike, you are alive" to "Are you implying I'm not real!?" kind of ruined it for me.
Also
The image wouldn't leave my head. Lol
Unpassable test? Like Star Trek's Kobayashi Maru?
for a first timer, this wasn't too bad but I would suggest dragging out the drama a little more in stories like these(especially these) a good balance of drama and comfort is key to extending a story along. I'm not saying drag it out for 3k words but another 1k words, possibly more with spike attempting to run off somewhere else or whatnot, either way, not half bad for a first time.
4185347 hey no problem! :) it's always good to see folks who are willing to do better and accept some criticism. There's so many people out there who can't handle even the slightest of comments that aren't gushing and raving, and those people always end up in ruts and don't improve.
You'll do even better next time I know it! And this really was great for a first fic.