Real
Real
“Princess Celestia, who are my parents? I asked Twilight, but she didn’t know.”
The white alicorn regarded the speaker with a small feeling of dread. Her flanks heaved slightly as she exhaled, preparing herself. Her kind gaze swept over her most faithful student, and her draconian companion. She had promised herself that she would tell the truth, the whole truth.
“Spike, you don’t have parents. Wait,” a golden clad hoof was held up, forestalling the questions on the tips of the unicorn and dragon’s tongues. “Let me finish explaining. Twilight, my amazing student, you weren’t supposed to pass the egg hatching test. That test; it was designed to be unpassable.”
“But Princess, that makes no sense. I clearly passed it; I hatched Spike…and made him fully grown…and turned my parents into potted plants…”
“Yes you did Twilight. It was one of the most amazing feats I have ever witnessed in my lifetime.” Twilight, ever eager to please her Princess, beamed at praise. Her purple cheeks gained a lovely rose color.
“It is made more impressive by the fact that it should not have been possible. The test was not to hatch the egg, but to deal with failure in a proper way. In some ways, you failed the test. You pushed yourself until you preformed a miracle, and it is because of that miracle that I took you to be my faithful student.”
The young unicorn began heave. She had failed a test! A test; her first test for Princess Celestia! Should she fail her next test on purpose to make up for not failing the egg test? No, wait, that would be failing that test! What should she do-
“Twilight, calm down. I am not going to ask you to fail a test. Just understand this my student; there will come times when you will fail. What is important is that you recognize that you have failed, that you stop repeating the action that is causing you to fail, and that you learn from it. And remember this, everyone fails. Even I have made mistakes, and I have failed at tasks.” Outside, the full moon, complete with its mare, hung low in the starry sky.
Calming down, the purple filly nodded with great enthusiasm. One would think she would hurt herself by nodding so hard. She would not let down her Princess!
“However, this conversation is not about failures, or tests. It is about Spike. Twilight, Spike, I would never take an egg, or any child, from its parents. That is one of the highest cruelties that can be committed.”
The firelight from Celestia’s private fireplace reflected in the growing moisture of the purple and green dragon. Despite just coming out of infancy, the clever dragon had already leapt to a horrendous conclusion.
“My parents…they’re dead, aren’t they?” Crystal clear water ran down his face. The water complied onto his slightly pointed chin, and dripped down to the tile floor with a barely audible plop.
Twilight Sparkle moved to comfort Spike, only to be silenced by a word from her mentor. “No.” The two younger beings snapped their heads toward the ancient one in the room. The fire crackled slightly.
“Spike, you never had any parents. That egg that was hatched that day had been constructed out of wood and painted over to mimic a real egg. It was a fake egg. The miracle that Twilight preformed that fateful day was the giving of life to something that never had it.”
Twilight gasped. Spike’s reaction was far stronger. “YOU’RE WRONG! YOU ARE LYING! I AM REAL!” That crystal clear liquid poured freely as the young drake roared at the ancient alicorn. Her rainbow hair, ever waving in the unseen breeze, was pushed back slightly.
Spike spun quickly, facing the exit of room. Tears formed perfect spheres as they were flung across the room. One landed directly on Celestia’s cheek. “I AM REAL!” He ran out of the room, slamming the door open to the alarm of the two guards outside. A trail of the clear liquid was flowing behind him.
“Spike!” Twilight galloped out of the room without a glance at her mentor. The white alicorn remained seated, a single tear gathering in her right eye. It slid out, slowly tracing her hair, and came in contact with another glob of water.
Larger, faster now, it flowed downwards, gaining momentum. It launched itself from the virginal snow-white hair, and landed with a ringing ping on the ground.
She stood up, and walked out with the grace and dignity her position demanded. The crown weighted heavily on her head, forcing it down slightly. The guards fell into formation behind her.
“Please do not follow. This remains a private affair.” The one on the left saluted, and they returned to the door. The Princess of the Sun continued to walk regally, following the trail. Behind her, the fire began to dim.
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Twilight, a young purple prodigy, found her friend and companion in his room. Comic books of colorful heroes were thrown on the ground. The sleeping basket was overturned, and the young drake was wailing with his clawed fists on a wall.
“I am real. I am real. I am real.” The chant was soft, yet clear; the voice was a higher pitch than normal. Purple forelegs wrapped around the dragon in a tender embrace.
“You are real Spike.” Sobbing, the dragon spun and hugged the unicorn as much as his tiny body could. A tearstained face pressed itself into a shoulder; scales clouding from the moisture.
“You heard her. She said…she said my egg…it was fake. It was not real. If it was not real…how can I be real? I feel real…”
The forelegs squeezed slightly harder. A hitched breath. “You feel this Spike?” The spiked head nodded in the shoulder. “This is real. All of this is tangible and real. You think, you feel, and therefore you are. Never doubt that Spike.”
“I am real?” His voice was lower now.
“You are real.”
A warm feeling entered the two young beings. And then an external warmth also enveloped them as wings wrapped around the two. Each were held by a single gold covered foreleg that gently held the two.
“You are real Spike. Though the egg may have been fake, Twilight's miracle created you. And you are real. This feeling is real, all feelings are real. Hold onto that Spike, and you will find yourself.”
The love and pain had never felt so real to the young dragon; Spike felt more alive than ever.
He was real.
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THE FEELS!
Just personal choice here but I'd have had it be carved stone. Aside from that, Damn man way to bring the feels. I like this concept and enjoyed the work. Keep writing and striving.
AWSOME STORY
Very heartwarming, and with a great explanation for Spike's backstory!
Though I don't know what made of this story it is kind of beautiful so I add my like. Also added it to Spilight Library under Mother/Son relationship for Spike and Twilight as I assumed they are kind like that in this story (although it's hard to tell really...).
Beautiful story. It just felt like it could be longer. But it's still great.
i'm trying to find a way to express my feelings towards this story but i cant, its too moving for words
ah, the imagination used to fill the gaps of the unknown... it's always a grand example of why trust should still be held in humanity...
small resemblance to another fic. good job.
It's funny because I made a story with the same picture.
This is reallu good for a first story! Keep on writing, good sir/madam!
I didn't realize it at first, but the entire story is written in-
[violent coughing, followed by choking]
...Comic Sans...
The Velveteen Dragon.
Weird, random, completely out of no where..................
And I LOVED IT!!!!!
Hmm. I liked what this was doing but it seems a little short to me? Idk it just seems like events happened really really quickly and then it just ended abruptly. Still, this is your first fic, which is more than I've ever finished, and I think it's pretty good!
I liked it.
i.imgur.com/0EoKi3M.gif
So basically, Twilight was pitted with the "Kobyashi Maru" of Equestria and just went beyond known capabilities.
Not a bad concept, but way too rushed. Slow down a bit, mind the pace.
I liked this story, but I have no clue why this is on the featured list. I feel like it was very rushed and I had no time at all to really feel Spike's emotions. It was essentially "Who are my parents?" "You have no parents, you came from a block of wood" "NOOOOOO" "But you're real so its coo'" "Oh"
A quick and interesting thought of a story. Well done.
4181293 I love it!
Woot! I am the 100th up vote!
But all in all a sweet and cute short tale. Very nice.
4182182 I concur this feels like it need 3 times the amount of words.
4182365 I just realized how short the description actually is too xD
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Not to me. Are you sure your settings aren't defaulted to comic sans?
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Boy is my face red.
Constructed of wood doesn't really work. To pull off the smooth solid exterior of an egg it really needs to be carved from a single piece of, pretty much any solid material.
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I've sculpted with wood before. Not only could you craft an egg out of a solid piece of wood, but paint can easily produce a smooth surface on any number of joined pieces. All you have to do is apply a coat of paint, sand it down, and repeat until you have the desired smoothness.
hi hi
This is kinda, sorta my headcanon already. Since you asked for constructive criticism though, I might suggest having the characters go through a progression of feelings, from beginning to end. As it is currently written, their emotional states go from neutral to extreme very quickly. Spike is worried that he's not real, which is interesting, but it could be expanded upon to make it seem like a more multi-dimensional concern. You could relate his worry to some anecdotal experience he's had, to make the worry seem more personal. How might being not real ruin his daily life? Don't be afraid to branch out and give them more than one angle to worry about.
A neat concept, but this was executed rather poorly, unfortunately.
I love what you're doing in this story, but I think this is too short to really delve into the characters and their emotions. It seemed more focused on Twilight than Spike, really.
Although I do think that this is my favorite Twilight-Spike-egg-test theory now. I used to believe in the unfertilized egg explanation for the test, but Twilight creating life is even more impressive than that. And a unicorn that touched onto the domains of gods is definitely something the alicorn of the sun would want to keep an eye on.
I do admin this is a interesting concept and is very heartwarming to say the least.
I guess my advice is that the story does feel a bit rushed (especially the beginning) and it would be more emotional with more details and buildup
But it is a pretty good first effort to say the least.
Well, it has all the basics of a story. It has a decent plot, it's paced a bit fast, and it's short, but for a first story it's pretty good.
This premise has potential though, so I hope we see a long and epic tale of how Spike rejected that nugget that he was born from a fake egg and went off on a search for his parents. :p
Well built but not enough written I know its a one-shot but still this story could use more.
It could use a little rewriting, but above all, excellent!
Dealing with failure was the TEST?!?
Poor Spike...
It's always good to know that you have somepony to cheer you up.
So sweet! This also means Twilight officially his mom! Some of your phrasing can get a little awkward, and it's best not to repeat the same word over and over, but otherwise, really good!
I dunno, Spike seems to have made a logical leap that would shame Evel Knievel. The sheer abruptness, not to mention magnitude of the freakout just kinda threw me for a loop.
This is great! I feel that maybe they could've gone more into the mushy poetic stuff about being 'real' but otherwise there's nothing wrong with it! Great first story!
That was adorable
MAKE MORE
For a first time story you've done very well for yourself, the twist of a wooden egg in the entrance exam was fairly genius
I liked this...wooden egg,creative
i love this. Great for your first time.
Wow, just wow. When I first published this story, I figured it would get decent reviews and numbers. Then I find out I was featured, if briefly, and a lot of people really enjoy my work. I thank you all for your kind comments, and for taking the time to read my story, and to build up my confidence.
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Thank you especially for your constructive criticism, so I can see what I need to improve, and not just what I did well. In general it all seemed to be the same thing: I had a good plot and idea, but I need to expand and write more. I will take this into consideration the next time I write, which probably won't be for a while.
Thank you all again.
4185347 No problem! People who thank their readers for simply helping better their work a little bit deserve it! :3
It was nice, it just felt like the freakout was kind of abrupt. A freakout could be warranted, but the sudden jump from "Spike, you are alive" to "Are you implying I'm not real!?" kind of ruined it for me.
Also
The image wouldn't leave my head. Lol
Unpassable test? Like Star Trek's Kobayashi Maru?
for a first timer, this wasn't too bad but I would suggest dragging out the drama a little more in stories like these(especially these) a good balance of drama and comfort is key to extending a story along. I'm not saying drag it out for 3k words but another 1k words, possibly more with spike attempting to run off somewhere else or whatnot, either way, not half bad for a first time.
4185347 hey no problem! :) it's always good to see folks who are willing to do better and accept some criticism. There's so many people out there who can't handle even the slightest of comments that aren't gushing and raving, and those people always end up in ruts and don't improve.
You'll do even better next time I know it! And this really was great for a first fic.