Chapter 17: Interludes, Aren't They Convenient?
“Well, dear sister, I think you’re finally at the end of your ropes,” Luna said.
Celestia lifted her head out of the pile of empty bottles of various alcoholic variety, her breath stinking more than the bottom of a barrel of liquor. “Huzza-what?”
“This is the third time this week I found you passed out, incredibly drunk, in a pile of bottles and your own self-pity.” Luna grimaced and waved a hoof before her muzzle. “Plus, the stink reeking from your self-pity is turning grotesque.”
Celestia stared glumly at her sister, blinking slowly as her head tilthed side to side. “So… wait, what’d you say?” Celestia asked, her eyes going cross. “I wasn’t payin’ much… uh, attention.”
“Tia, you can’t let yourself go like this. Falling further into this slippery slope to alcoholism and downright patheticness is no way for a princess or even a normal pony to end up.” Luna picked up an errant bottle off the floor and read its label. “For heaven’s sake, sister, you drank an entire bottle of foal’s cough syrup!”
“Is there any left?”
Luna sighed. “Celestia, I realize that me pushing you into dating may have had side effects I did not think through as best I should have.”
“Like Deadpool moving into the guest room?” Celestia said.
“That, and you turning into, well… this.”
Celestia rolled over on her back and burped, completely unlady-like in every shape and form. “You know, I don’t need this. I don’t need your pity. I have enough money to pay someone for theirs.”
“Sister, please, just take a break from the dating game and relax for once,” Luna implored her. “You can’t keep this up!”
“Hey now, I ran Equestria for over a thousand years by myself with no help because a certain somepony had to get corrupted by pure darkness and then banished to the moon.” Celestia stuck her tongue out at her sister, while Luna herself groaned and rolled her eyes. “So I think I can handle any date I go on, thank you very much.”
“I was guessing you’d be stubborn about this,” Luna said, turning her head to Celestia’s open door. Luna nodded her head, and in walked Twilight into Celestia’s room. “Which is why I brought professional help.”
“But Twilight is the Princess of Friendship, not how to get some!” Celestia called out.
Twilight winced, hesitant to approach closer. “Is this a bad time, or should I return later?”
“No, no, Twilight, it’s alright. Celestia’s just…” Luna glanced at her sister and sighed, “hammered out of her mind.”
“She hit the nail on the head right there!” Celestia laughed, only to start moaning in pain from the first telltale signs of her hangover kicking in.
“Yes, well, the reason I’ve brought Twilight here is because she’s an expert on statistics, data, and lists. With her help, she can correctly configure an appropriate approximation of the most likely to be successful dates for you to go on.” Luna glanced over her shoulder to Twilight and asked, “Did I say that right?”
“The gist of it, yes,” Twilight agreed. Holding up a scroll of paper where numbers, names, and other jotted down notes could be seen scrawled down on its surface, Twilight smiled wide. “I’ve already calculated the best formula to find your perfect match!”
Celestia narrowed her eyes, but not at Twilight, but at Luna. “You actually got my student to set me up on dates now? I thought you trying to not make me seem so pathetic?”
“Desperate times call for desperate measures, sister,” Luna reminded her.
Celestia’s face broke out into a scowl, but was quickly replaced with a rather mischievous smirk instead. “Actually, you’re right, sister. They do. And since I’m so desperate, it’s only right that my own flesh and blood help me out in my time of need.”
“Whatever do you mean, Tia?” Luna asked, a cold bead of sweat traveling down the back of her neck.
Turning her attention to Twilight, Celestia said, “Twilight, I want Luna matched up with a date as well. If I have to do it, she has to as well!”
“What?” Luna demanded.
“You heard me.” Celestia got up, grabbing ahold of Luna for support. Moving her lips to Luna’s ear, Celestia whispered, “Now you’ll know the hell I have to go through every night. Every. Single. Night.”
“Oh boy, this is going to be so educational!” Twilight cheered, while Luna gulped as an icy chill passed up her spine.
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Oh, shit...
Is it weird I'm picturing Luna's date going swimmingly while Tia's crashes and burns?
...mental image of Celestia with Paladin Alexander Anderson (his regeneration makes him immortal, I think) while Luna's date is Alucard. They end up fighting in the middle of the date.
*A new challenger approaches! Luna joins the frey!*
Hmm, my second guest chapter might not fit perfectly with this, what with it being Celestia and Discord on a double date, not both royal sisters.
~The lizardman shall proceed regardless
Man, I wanted to suggest Byuk from Death Note, but with Twilight here, she'd probably say something along the lines of 'Oh HELLLLL NO!'
How about Achmed the Dead Terrorist or Ernie the Giant Chicken from Family Guy?
(Back at the Ponyville Tree Castle...aka...Golden Oaks Library MK II...)
Spike: (stands straight up after hearing shaking) Pinkie Pie, did you just have a doozy?
Pinkie Pie: (shaking voice) Yeah, but I don't know why.
Spike: (cringes) This might have something to do with Luna's request to borrow Twilight. Or maybe it has something to do with that frat party at Fluttershy's.
Pinkie Pie: (blinks) Now I KNOW I missed something.
DEAR LORD, YES! Wait, does that mean Deadpool and Luna aren't gonna be an item, then? Aw, they were so cute together! Oh, well, it's your story!
artemis luna gaming date?
Double date. Are there any twin immortals?
Hmmm Hypnos lived next to his twin brother, Thanatos (Θάνατος, "death personified") in the underworld.
Hypnos' mother was Nyx (Νύξ, "Night"), the deity of Night, and his father was Erebus, the deity of Darkness. Nyx was a dreadful and powerful goddess, and even Zeus feared entering her realm.
For tia maybe ichigo kurosaki
For luna Ulquiorra Cifer
4417323 All of my yes, just...take them. TAKE THEM ALL!
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I'm feeling so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
I'm so sorry it just sorta happened you know?
This is gonna be juicy!
4417420
Oh god, I have the song in my music library, and I can't stop playing it now!
('Ahem'. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUNNNN!!!! ... So, that aside, I generally approve of how this is going. Twilight trying to play matchmaker, and Luna getting into the dating game along with her dear older sister... Should be fun.)
4417460 In accordance with The Far East Movement, I must now commit sudoku to avenge this great crime.
I REALLY hope that somehow Twiluna comes out of this and they're like, whelp, the dates your your problem again now.
It's been twenty four chapters, Luna, karma was going to reach out and touch you eventually.
4417521
Luna, can you tell us where the karma touched you? It's okay, you're among friends. We're gonna make sure karma never touches you again.
4417323 Even Twilight would realize that those two get along like a house on fire.
But I thought Luna and Deadpool had something good going on.
so does that mean that all guest chapters have to include Luna now?
Kratos from god of war... Or Arkanthos from age of mythology
Bob, you are a monster. 0-0
4417334
I, too, have another guest chapter in the works that won't align with this. However, RainbowBob has specified that they are "non-canon", so in theory they could be flash-backs to previous dates. Or a different leg in the Trousers of Time; or it's all just a big ball of wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey stuff.
4417634 You, good sir, win the internet.
~The lizardman shall mail you a gold star as an added bonus
I'm interested...
4417410
Jack. Harkness.
Both Princesses.
And the Prince.
And all of Equestria.
i then proceeded to breaking her wings and horn off and kicking her into a well yelling "THIS IS EQUESTRIAAAAAAAAAAAA! WE DO NOT LEARN ON THIS COUNTRY, OTHERWISE WE WOULD NOT HAVE SO MANY PROBLEMS TO DEAL WITH EVERY SINGLE DAY OF OUR LIVES"
Also, add war from darksiders, he's everybody's favourite emo! (Other than death)
Oh, oh, have war and death go on a double date with Luna and celestia!
(Warxcelestia &deathxluna)
4417460 If you didn't see my previous comment (you never responded) I sent you the chapter via PM. Even if you don't want to use it, could you at least give constructive criticism?
Celestia/Luna should date Jack Harkness!
Yay, double date!
dude do the devil may cry twins that would be epic
I will be quite miffed, now that Luna is joining in the "fun", if at least one date isn't Princest, with Twilight defending it on the grounds of it being a "statistically good match".
Luna was overdue for a taste of her own medicine
At least Celestia's burden will be lessened.
Hell, why not start her off sloppy with Shuma-Gorath? Add a little continuity to the Chaotic immortal running gag
Well, Luna...looks like the fun has been...doubled.
*YEEEAAAAHH!!*
hehehhahahahaa *RRRRRUUUUMBLE* 
AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHHHH!!! *KRAKA-BOOOOM!!!!* 
Hehe....eheheheheh...*rrrrruuummble*
*ahem*
I still suggest Asura, Yasha, or Adam Frankenstein.
4417541
Except she's running independent statistics on who would be good matches for each Princess.
Going by Celestia's requirements and Anderson's qualities:
No past attachments
No current romantic attachments
immortal
honorable (his own skewed definition due to insanity, but he is honorable)
Has a beard.
This.. just got worlds better, and that's saying something.
How long has this one been featured?
4417643
I'm just a guy who reads the descriptions...
Actually, I think I see where this story is headed in about another 20 chapter's time: Princesses Celestia and Luna in therapy and/or family relationship counselling, with Princess Cadance as therapist/counsellor.
A couple double-date ideas:
- Connor MacCleod and the Kurgan. Naturally, they try to behead each other during the date.
- Jack Harkness and the Face of Boe.
An idea: Dr. Manhattan...dating BOTH princesses via copies of himself! Oh, and meanwhile, he's ALSO helping Twilight with her experiments!
Do a chapter with them dating anybody from homestuck who has reached god-tier.
Janus! Two faced god of choices, beginnings, doorways... two heads... one body... double date... get it?
Helios. Or Apollo. Or both +_+
I have this sudden vision of Celestia dating Galactus (the origin of Galacta, Daughter of Galactus!) and Luna dating Unicron. :P
Luna and a baku. She hits it off with him perfectly on the very first date and they're sickeningly sweetly in love.
After all, she's the princess of dreams... and baku love to eat dreams.
PLEEEEEAASE tell me Celestia's match is Sleipnir! She needs some renewed hope, and he could provide it. Strong, handsome, equine, a bit strange, but regal and polite. Please, I NEED to see Sleipnir in Equestria at least once, even if he can't make it work for more than a night or two every now and then.