Princess Celestia is in your bed, and you don't know why: what do?

Cute, funny, and short. Have fun reading!

Proofreading by RaylanKrios.
Now with audio reading by CaptainBron3y
Second audio reading by MeloncholyIguana.

Based on this story:
Princess Celestia is (still) in your Bed
Princess Celestia Has Stolen All Your Bed Sheets
Drunk CelestAI Is In Your Bed
Fimfic Authors Are In Your Bed
Princess Celestia is in Your Washing Machine

The princesses want to share a rare honor with Twilight and her friends. They will all journey to an ancient monastery where they can get in touch with new powers gifted to them by the Tree of Harmony. Unfortunately, to attend the monastery, Twilight and her friends must shave their manes and tails. Rarity cannot perform such an dreadful act without spending an evening saying her final farewells.

Inspired By: Meditation

Warning: Silliness inbound.

By order of the high lords of Terra themselves, a lone soldier from the Death Korps of Krieg has been sent to the planet Epona to wipe out its Xeno population. Starting with Equestria, the Korpsman has sworn not to leave the planet until he falls or completes his mission.

However, no Korpsman should fight without setting up a proper trench first, and so the Korpsman must dig...and dig...and dig.

Destroying Equestria is going to take a while.

A human finds himself in Equestria under very unpleasant circumstances with no explanation.
His reaction: get the heck out of Dodge and start a new life where Equestria and her ponies can't reach him.
But an alicorn's reach is long and the events which brought him here and his treatment in Canterlot are not so easily forgotten by those who did it. How does one say 'go away' to an immortal goddess?

Yay! Featured, thank you all.
A TV Tropes page
Revised 08/31/14 for clarity and grammatical issues, no events changed. I am working on a sequel, but it will be from Fancy's POV.
P.S. Green is NOT Lyra. There are other green unicorns.

[Second-Person] [Human in Equestria] [I know the image is human, but the ponies are anthro.]
After five months of living in Equestria, more specifically in Canterlot Castle, it finally feels like the constant staring is long gone. You've gotten acquainted with a handful of guards, and even had a good friendship with two civilians. Life is starting to become a lot better, until somepony makes an off-hand comment about Nurse Redheart's paper on your health.

Rated Teen for: Language
An asterisk next to the chapter name means that it has been edited.

A huge thank you to HumanSVD for the proofreading, editing, and creative input!

Celestia, the ever regal and gentle princess...

Celestia, who along her sister, rules over the land for eons...

Celestia, holder of unlimited knowledge and the power over the sun itself...

Is still a mare. And a very lonely mare.

She always wanted a foal to call her son, but she was a princess. Something desirable by many, approachable by none.
So what happens when Celestia finds a young colt?

Why she will adopt him of course. And she will love him forever.

Despite his cursing, senseless mumbling and apparent delirious mind.
Yes, she will love him, even if appearances can be deceiving...

Adam, the ever lazy and impulsive teen...

Adam, who wants nothing more than some peace and quiet, even if he's doing jack-shit to achieve anything...

Adam, holder of limited knowledge and power over his own laptop...

Is a pony. Or a colt, more precisely.

He was not always like that, though it doesn't change the fact that he is now. So, what will our human do in a foreign world, trapped in a foreign body?

Why he gets adopted of course.

And despite his cursing, senseless mumbling and apparent childish mind.
His adoptive 'Mother' will love him.

And why does her sister looks at him that way?

Earth's final downfall is imminent. Celestia and several other ponies watch with bated breath, as the final few acres of tainted land are swallowed. The last remaining humans are cornered in, no way of resisting their conversion.

But, just before Celestia orders the potion to be applied, the humans unite in an act that will haunt Celestia forever.

Warning! This story was written in fifteen minutes, and was not proofread before publish. It is easily my worst story. If you do not enjoy TCB or ACB stories, you will most likely not enjoy this story. Tags are accurate. There is no happy ending here. Viewer discretion is advised.

Life's hard when you're small, especially if you're a breezie. The ponies keep trying to knock down your tree-home, steal all your fruit, and now they're about to bring back winter and doom your hive to a frozen fate.

Misty has had enough. She's going to leave her tree, stop the Summer Shutdown, and save the world.

After all, someone's got to do it.

Written for Equestria Daily's Outside Insight Summer Fanfic Contest

This story is a sequel to 64 vs. Equestria

Featured: 7/27/14
Now in the employ of Princess Celestia, Project 64 must come to terms with his new life and what it will bring, but how will he do that with the visions and memories of the past coming to haunt him at every corner? What new enemies will he face? With his new abilities he will embark on a new adventure, this time with friends and allies alongside him.

This is obviously a sequel to 64 vs Equestria, so any constructive criticism is incredibly encouraged.

[img]http://s33.postimg.org/7bfqvgx33/Butler.png[/img]

"My lady once wrote in her very personal and very secret diary that I have problems appreciating personal space. I beg to differ on that sentiment." - A Butler commenting on Professional Discretion -

I'm a Butler. My friends, the imaginary ones at least, call me Butler. My job, looking after my lady, can be...challenging at times, but rewarding. Lately the job's become a little more difficult, especially after my lady's sister returned from the moon and the parliament decided to try and pass an entire bill just to be able to legally get rid of me. But managing the chaos is part of the job description, even if it means I must secretly become my lady's knight captain of her personal bodyguards in order to keep my job. Though even I could never have anticipated having to train knights cunningly disguised as maids to stay one step ahead of the nobles. Ah, the things I do for my princess.

Featured 9 - 12 August 2014. Many many thanks to everyone who kindly made this possible! You guys have doubled the fun!

Now featuring the editing talents of our resident editor Dumbgamer99. Be sure to thank him by checking out his page and giving him a follow!

Butler tag kindly made by undead003. Many thanks! (You'll find it actually works if you click on it.)

Cover Art: This picture totally contains ninjas. You just can't see them, cause they're that good.