• Member Since 18th Nov, 2012
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Dan_s Comments


Story teller at heart. I like to examine the unusual. I spend too much time being 'reasonable'. I write to play, and hope others enjoy the results.

Sequels1

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A human finds himself in Equestria under very unpleasant circumstances with no explanation.
His reaction: get the heck out of Dodge and start a new life where Equestria and her ponies can't reach him.
But an alicorn's reach is long and the events which brought him here and his treatment in Canterlot are not so easily forgotten by those who did it. How does one say 'go away' to an immortal goddess?

Yay! Featured, thank you all.
A TV Tropes page
Revised 08/31/14 for clarity and grammatical issues, no events changed. I am working on a sequel, but it will be from Fancy's POV.
P.S. Green is NOT Lyra. There are other green unicorns.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 380 )

First chapter and on hiatus?

yeah was wondering that myself

4887308 4887360 Don't know whether it's done or I have another chapter. I often write as a matter of mood, and I was extremely angry and frustrated when I wrote this. Now, I'm not angry.

4887363 that begs the question, what mood makes you update the mlp/bolo crossovers? Haven't read pony bolo, but kenny was shaping up to be awesome.

Tis story is really interesting. The guy is quite intelligent if he managed to politically outsmart the Primcesses and resist interrogations. I hope the next chapter comes soon.

This is amazing, I hope this continues soon.

4887407 Reading The Conversion Bureau The Other Side of the Spectrum after a Bolo binge. I'm trying to get further in it now, and the second chapter was about 80% done when I started.

Which princess is pointy princess again?

I love it.
human is pulled into Equestria=check
Human is mental tortured and loses trust with Equestrians=check
Equestria's leaders try to make amends but the human will have nothing to do with it=Check
Written like a one-shot but readers want more (The why's and what for's)=Check

A+ work again, Dan.

I LIKE IT!!!!!!! :raritystarry:

More story to the tenth power please. :moustache:

4887547 princess Luna.

That, that was beautiful... :fluttercry:
And the moral of the story... fuck you ponies :trollestia:

I love this story I can't wait for... (reads hiatus) :raritycry::raritydespair::fluttercry:

Who was green?

This is a very good story.
I wouldn’t mind if this stayed as a one-shot because it ended perfectly, however if I’m being honest I would like to see a chapter showing the ponies point of view. Partly because it would explain how he got there and what they wanted from him, but mostly because it would be nice to see how they come to grips with what they did to him and how they handle the fact that sometimes you wont get the chance to makeup for the mistakes that you make.

I have to say that I'm very impressed with this, and I hope you write more in the future.

Also, if you need to be angry to get in the mood, I can insult you and your family over PMs, if you wish. :derpytongue2: (I jest, I jest!). :twilightsmile:

4888153 Agreed, because the ponies come off as very OOC due to his very (understandably) biased POV. Also his line to Celestia at the end isnt the whole truth ... readers care to know as much as historians and nobles.

This is amazingly well written. Reminds me of classical Russian literature in some ways, but without as much density which makes it extremely enjoyable. I hope you continue this. Liked and favorited.

I think the mark of a well done story is its capacity to make me feel something, be it positive or negative (so long as the negative is mostly on purpose.) This made me angry and frustrated :twilightangry2: and I love it :pinkiesmile:. I am angry at the aparant reasonless treatment of the human, moreso because reading between the lines imply a massive misunderstanding on the ponies' part that is in no way aided by the human's defensivness. I am frustrated by his actions/reactions after his escape, while his meek and political behavior is both intellegent and a valid reaction to his treatment, part of me wants him to rage and shout at the princesses (mostly because that would be what I would do because I am admittedly not as smart as he is.)

Like others (including myself) have said I want more, I want answers. However while I would wholeheartedly enjoy a sequal (or better yet a pony POV of this chapter as I am unsure there is further to go in this story, he is banished and has won his small victory) part of me wonders if that would break the spell, like revealing a magicians trick.

Whatever your actions regarding this fic it has earned my fav and thumb up, now I will continue my shift at work happily angry and frustrated.:derpytongue2:

This is awesome you need to continue this

This story alone has earned a follower for you sir, as far as I'm concerned.

It flows well, carries its points across, and does a wonderful job of setting the scene. The way it was described, I could almost picture myself sitting in that room, tied to a chair, and getting grilled for information. Not to mention the way you talk about even something as the hunger strike: how he knows if they offered anything worth eating that he wouldn't be able to resist so well, and how he suspects they are trying to drug him.

Please tell me this story doesn't end here.

I would love to see more in the future, and if you'd like I'd be willing to help with things such as pre-reading or editing if you need somebody in that department.

4888134 ????? realy?:rainbowhuh: Lyra Heartstrings

well thats a fav and a up thumb and a hoping for more cuz this... this is awesome

4888224
I wouldn't call their behavior OOC; when confronted with a strange creature of unknown capability's and intentions, keeping it in quarantine and trying to learn about it is a sensible course of action. Admittedly this doesn't entirely hold water as they already seemed to know some basics about humans.
There is a good story on this site called The Missionary that deals with something like this. thou things do work out better in that story

4888400 That would be my guess but then why not tag her?
4888423 I see your point, but their treatment of him is worse than just a simple quarantine of a tight lipped alien. Maybe "OOC" is a bit harsh, but its not very in character either. Like you say they appear to have some foreknowlege of humans so the lack of edible food (or questioning what was edible/why was he not eating) and the lack of bathing aside from a light hose off support his interpretation of events. I would think ponies who have dealt with omnivorous sophonts before would be more acomidating and compasionate than depicted.

Humans i would understand because we are not used to the idea of somthing that isnt us but thinks the way ponies, minotaurs etc are.

Genjen #28 · Aug 22nd, 2014 · · 2 ·

This had a lot of interesting ideas and was pretty well written save a few things that simply did it in for me. Though his "escape" brought this story to the edge of just being an obvious outlet for frustration/anger venting victimization writing on an author's part, what tipped it over was how the story made the assumption that Celestia somehow wouldn't remember how to speak in the old language her own laws had saying he was exiled from their country just so he could have the joy of being exiled with a smirk. I was waffling around on whether I should not vote, up-vote or down-vote but those two things made my choice for me. It was just poor story telling and ruined my suspension of disbelief in this scenario actually happening with the characters.

I mention his 'escape' in that the story skipping any relevant or interesting details in lieu of getting to the more "fun" stuff for the author was painfully obvious to me as a reader. Why didn't the ship of minotaurs and Griffons question the origins of a creature that they hadn't known existed before? Why didn't news of his escaping on the transport get back to the nation after the workers went back another time and possibly heard about a fugitive creature? How and why did he pick that specific ship instead of others? The city state he's in is filled with unpersons, so how does that tie into his royal commission request and him turning it down? Actually, how did he manage to get away from a likely guarded door to his infirmary and get a laundry basket and pants to die or the tea he used to begin with. The whole story was essentially "You hurt me and now I'm too good for you to touch anymore. Nener nener *sticks out tongue*" which would be fine if it were less obvious.

I realize this can be seen as pretty harsh and to that I apologize. In part, it's due to frustration as a reader since this story had some extremely interesting ideas to introduce and had a lot of potential that seeing such things get overlooked in the polishing stage was greatly saddening. I also didn't see anyone else pointing this out so felt perhaps one negative review could act as an informative representation for your downvotes amidst the sea of "It's great!" comments.

4888423 4888465
"when confronted with a strange creature of unknown capability's and intentions"
Actually, recall near the end of his first interrogation? Direct quote:

They have a surprising knowledge of Earth's cities, commerce, infantry weapons, and other assorted data, but nothing concrete, and some of it laughably wrong. Green was driven half crazy when she gave a detailed description of the NATO alliance, and I responded with 'I'm not part of the warrior caste', or a breakdown of East and West Germany, and I responded that Germany was only a legend I'd heard of, I'd never been there. All absolutely confirmed by her handy-dandy magic.

So something else must be going on here. Else they wouldn't know anything about humans. (unless for some reason this Twilight came back from a war torn Equestrian Girls world that instilled terror in her heart or something)

Primitive interrogation style, you don't get information from someone by making them hate you. You get it by making them like you.

I really hope that you write another chapter the next time you're feeling anger. Liked and faved.

:moustache:You Sir, are gentleman and a scholar. It would be much appreciated if you would continue on this very entertaining piece of literature.

I feel that the beginning is quite their, their actions odd. I didn't like it. The rest was good and I did like it quite a bit. I feel like he is only stopping himself and them from healing however. The end was also a little confusing.

Will you have segments with the princesses point of view? Because that would be great :pinkiehappy:

Thats just my oppinion though:fluttershysad:

I very much enjoyed this story, even though there were a few minor problems. As one person pointed out, it gets hard to remember who the "pointy one" is. I only remember it's Luna because the pointy one is neither Celestia or Twilight, leaving Luna. The transition into his escape is very confusing. The first line makes it sound like he's planning his escape with the way it's phrased and then I realized that it IS his escape that's being written down. It's minor but I still like what you did. The use of the letter of the law to embarrass and demean the Princesses is perfect.

4887363 YOU PIECE OF SHIT CONTINUE THIS FUCK YOU ILL MAKE YOU FUCKING ANGRY GO NOW SHIT PISS FUCK!

are you angry now?:pinkiesmile:

are you gonna continue it?:twilightsmile:

dude just read one or 2 chapters of rape and grim dark fics, that'll get the steam boiling:rainbowlaugh:

First half of the chapter makes NO sense. No desire to read further. "But it explains why later on!" Well, sorry, but the 'hook' is one I've seen a thousand times before: "Look, the ponies are behaving BADLY! It seems out of character! But it's Noooo-oot, and you gotta figger out why!" Have fun writing, but this is already either stale or cliche.

I really, really hope this continues

devas #38 · Aug 22nd, 2014 · · 2 ·

4889245

Ahh, but in this case, there seems to be a consistent narrative explaining why all this has happened-and the ponies are portrayed as people, not as monsters.
You can see it in Twilight meekly trying to get her Rubik's cube autographed, that despite the vast gulf between the show's universe and this fic's universe, the author has taken pains to bridge the gap as much as possible.

And to be honest, if you think the ponies cannot do harm, consider the fact that social mores change with time, and it's those which inform our morality; racism and homophobia today are socially frowned upon, but even just a hundred or even 30 (!!) years ago, things were very, very different (and the future will probably look at us in disgust for something else we're doing that horrible (maybe the treatment of mentally ill people? who knows)).
You can see it in the fact cows, sheep and donkeys are "unpersons": if the ponies really are so good, why do they use "mule" as a slight insult, when there are actual mules around?

4889224 unless less thats your thing. in which case go read about a mary sue. now THOSE will get some blood boiling as a writer.:twilightangry2:

I'm afraid I don't quite follow this. How did he escape exactly? Why were they so determined to summon him back to Equestria, was it business competition or recapturing him? Why were the ponies so self-righteous about the whole thing at the end? Why were they so ignorant and aggressive at the beginning? And who on earth is Green (It's not Lyra is it)? I won't say this isn't a good story, because frankly it's excellent, but I would appreciate a bit more flesh on the bone.

Edit: As someone who used to keep horses, I know that at least 4 out of 7 of the things you listed are poisonous to horses as well, so they can't eat them can they?

4888499

So something else must be going on here. Else they wouldn't know anything about humans. (unless for some reason this Twilight came back from a war torn Equestrian Girls world that instilled terror in her heart or something)

Which isn't possible either since she had no wings when he first met her, only much later at the gala he found out she had wings.

But I agree on this:

"Do you not want to know our side?" Pointy Princess asks, unconsciously falling into the interrogator's role we played long ago.

and he denied her with a quote, pulled out a 0815 standard reason for her to have acted this way.

But that wasn't very wise.

He should never pass up a chance to gain information about their real motivations for their behavior, as you said it was pretty strange they even knew half-truths about humanity even though they were pretty inaccurate.

On the other hand, I can't understand how he can be unstable in his resolve.
First he seems like he doesn't care and becomes suicidal by eating food poisonous to him, then he suddenly tries to make a break for it, escaping from equestria.
Since he ate the food, and starved himself anyway, he showed signs of paranoia and suicidal mentality, which led to his attempted suicide (he could have just said he can't eat it, cuz it's poisonous to him).

But in no time whatsoever after he was saved, he thinks about escaping again? No more suicidal intentions?

That's a pretty random mentality. He could have gone with his original idea to starve himself again.
Instead that all was just forgotten, he even managed to escape and build up a very fortunate business with knowledge and tactics to overcome concurrence. Everything someone would expect from an expert on economy policy and management.

It was so very easy for him to pull through.

If he was so clever to outwit his political enemies, why didn't he use that wittiness to exploit the ponies trust while he was a prisoner? I bet he could have managed to get out of there much faster and differently.

Instead he just say's "fuck it I kill myself", but then later after he was unfortunately saved, simply revises himself with "fuck killing myself, I rather make a break for it, oh that window looks good".

... not very believable honestly.

His motivations and reservations are pretty inconsistent if you ask me.

4889453 professionally it will but im no professional

the words "conversion bureau" makes my blood boil with the emperor's righteous fury

rape, especially from a character i hate(eg blueblood, or a character the author design to hate) could almost make my top blow :twilightangry2:

and there's anything related to college homework

Damn, now that was some grand-master level politeness judo.

Glad to see a HIE story where the main-character is not a doormat, or the ponies basically perfect elves in equine bodies. Props.

I really like this! please continue it :twilightsmile:

Please, continue...

Should I inflict this on Equestria Daily? Up vote this comment for yes, down vote this comment for no?

i love verbal judo, it is so much fun. love this story and can't wait for it to continue

4889567

Well, hunger makes people go loopy though...and after more than a week of starving, he'd probably gone into "obey whatever they tell you in the most inconvenient way possible", which is what he has retreated to when confronted with them again.

Plus the fact that every day he was confronted with food that would kill him, coupled with the fact he was already suicidal (and thinking of dying by starving himself, which is...a really, really unpleasant way to go)...he may have simply cracked under the pressure, and after that wandered around in a daze, nearly hallucinating. There are huge gaps there, I'll admit, but still; maybe once he found an apple or something he started to think more clearly (or maybe the doctors pumped his stomach full of broth or whatever).

Come to think of it, didn't Twilight and Lyra already know that what they were offering was poison to him? As in, he actually explained it to them?

Well I hope this gets continued.

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