An engineer loses his family, and finds himself as a colt in Canterlot, beside Discord's statue. When he realizes he knows the means to defeat Discord, he must do little to disrupt those events. But the rise of the New Lunar Republic demands his action. And the knowledge he can share to help everypony, demands he do something to help. He must do what he can to help his new friends, yet must carefully avoid changing things too much to let the actions to defeat Discord still work.
The Princesses and the buearcracy also realize his usefulness in forwarding their own schemes.
A look into the politics and psychology of the capital, and its people. And theory on the rise of the New Lunar Republic. Celestia faces Luna, and the NLR leadership , alone.
I haven't read that far, but it's great on the parts I have read!
Only one piece of advice: Proofread or get a proofreader. Mistakes in your writing are common.
I expect more! Keep up the good work!
Will read, Tomorrow...
A story about me or based on me? lol
1776611
Unless you're a widower aerospace engineer, then no.
12/15/12 - I added the remaining chapters, and reuploaded the chapters which had actually been proofread. IMPORTANT NOTE: To all authors. When you've spent days making corrections. Save the file under the correct name!
Will read after done studying for math exam......
Great story, it is really well made I wish you could make more scenes for epilogue because i have feeling that there is more story even if main character died. Let the story continue in our hearts. I wonder if you could somehow made a sequel or alternative to give the reader more story, even side stories would be a good news. Well even if you somehow made a continuation you would need a new critical point where you could end it but I don't any situation where it could be ended.
LOVE IT!!
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Great story, it is really well made I wish you could make more scenes for epilogue because i have feeling that there is more story even if main character died. Let the story continue in our hearts. I wonder if you could somehow made a sequel or alternative to give the reader more story, even side stories would be a good news.
I actually had three continuations in works: 1) Since Barnum 'challenged' Discord, guess who gets to be Equestria's new Draconequus; 2) Barnum, now effectively an Earth pony (his horn and magic completely shattered) returns with a mysterious girl friend just in time for the Changling invasion, for some reason Dr. Hooves has a real problem with her, and Barnum tells the Doctor 'I turn bad TV shows off' (being told that be the guy who tried to eat Discord convinced Dr. Hooves to back off); 3) Glory and Barnum return after some months with a 'adult' son, similar to item 2, said son being an Expy of Jon Pertwee's Doctor.
The problem with all of those is that they definitely take the story into AU territory, and a big part of this story was how do you introduce such a disruptive character, and touch the many stories we've seen on the screen only lightly.
Well even if you somehow made a continuation you would need a new critical point where you could end it but I don't any situation where it could be ended.
I have some ideas about using some of the ideas in other stories.
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Well to the 1) But if he is a new Draconequus , will they think of him as a villain? also as a new godlike creature he will need a new opponent who can fight with him or new great evil genius.2) mysterious girl as a friend or as girlfriend, and will she create problem with mares that around him? will it add the romance tag? 3) well i can't imagine how will you make it work or i missed something when i read our story tath can make that alternative work. As for AU for me there is not any problem with that.
First off, I would like to say that this is a wonderful story. In saying that, there is only one issue I had with it...
. Personally Dan_sComments I think you could add on a prologue to add a little context as to the circumstance of who the main character was, and why his family is so important to him.
The beginning is very vague, and most of the introductions lack depth (not to say that this is not made up later). In fact I spent the first two or three chapters puzzling out what was going on. After that, the story improved exponentially
NOTE TO ANY PROSPECTIVE READERS: You may read the first chapter and be turned off by the confusing intro. I will get better as the story goes on. Just keep with it!
Edit. Holy **** I've read it again after about 3 years. Still good. Very good.
1841187 I'll keep that in mind bro.
This story shouts for a "random" tag.
Welcome to the comments! cdn.chud.com/7/74/749a109f_173815d1307539885-mass-grave-uncovered-east-texas-lemme-guess-shrub-aiming-get-elected-again-tumbleweed.gif
Wow this story's vibe went from gloomy, to a dreamland weird, to a relative meh feeling. Then took it into something feeling like it was out of Shakespeare, and back to the common storyline vibe all in one chapter!
....Well done, really liking this. 
(mostly saying stuff because this place's comments are non existent through most of this, but I still mean it!)
I'm surprised this story hasn't been as noticed as your other one. I greatly enjoyed this one and I'm looking forward to more from the other. Your brand of crazy humor is a pleasure to read and frequently inflicts fits of laughter. I'm looking forward to more of your writing, whatever you choose to write.
Is there going to be a sequal?
2060378 Probably not, but I may use the ideas spawned else where.
Neigh
Well this was one of the most interesting stories I read in recent memory. Overall a great ride that has left me thoroughly impressed with the places you took it to. I can see lots of parallels with Cultural Artifacts in terms in concepts and humor, which is a good think as far as I'm concerned. Somehow this one also makes for an easier read that had me lost as to what was happening less often. That might just be because I'm used to your habit of jumping from scenes with little transition and providing context mostly through dialogue and character actions.
The ending is as bitter sweet as can be but still has a thin sliver of hope to that just maybe Barnum made it and Equestria hasn't seen the last of him. I applaud your skill at grafting such a fitting closure to this story.
The one thing that had me a bit confused though was the attempted trial. What exactly did they want to charge him for? That he played them all by accomplishing exactly what they wanted or was it just because he played them with the help of both princesses? I can't even see what they'd need him as a scapegoat for.
2587788 Revolutionary courts rarely need a charge other than being insufficiently revolutionary or unorthodox (even unorthodoxly revolutionary). A big part of it was Discord's influence on the locals.
Meta Info: I never intended for the trial to happen, so I never decided on charges.
This was one awesome story. And it does not feel like HiE story. But .... but ... it was good, good, good and then it was AWESOME (that fight with Discord) and then liquid pride ...
I salute you, because this was one good story. 4.5/5 internets.
Good lord this is some heavy reading.
you sir are a talented writer and you whit is exemplary. however (at least if the first 4 chapters I've read so far) your writing is disjointed and sporadic in flow. It felt like I had a point of view shift every five paragraphs or so. and half the time it was just because the subject of conversation jumped with no connection.
Don't get me wrong I'm enjoying this story, and when compared to the other well written stores on this site and indeed many published authors your writing is VERY good. But the combination of the verbose writing style, your extraordinary vocabulary, and the admit-ably engaging whit displayed the flow gets hard to follow and the story gets lost,
Most of it from my point of view at least is easy to fix. a sentence here a phrase there. a few conjunctive clauses and most problems can be avoided. One of the easier things to fix is that you tend to let the dialog push the story with out providing any contextual actions to allow the scene to be visualized. All it would take is the addition of a few selective details and actions taken and noticed by the characters to tie it all together.
I have not the time necessary to pull out and definitive examples as provide proper guidance (it's 2 in the morning for me) but I felt it necessary to voice my thoughts now as I see so much potential and I would have forgotten in the morning.
I'll certainly read the rest of this story and re visit my thoughts at the end but in the mean time you've earned a follower.
Why is there no coments, this is exelent. Now i ll go to sleep i need t elat 3 hours of sleep a day least i go crazy
Well, it makes me happy seeing coments in this superb history.
i really liked this, you are an incredible talented author and your confusing yet hypnotizing (or however the hell that is written) prose is quite addictive
*scratches head* ...wtf is going on???
And here I was thinking that it was a basket of figs and some mice.
Really liked this story, would you ever do a sequel?
4891086 Problem is the main character is dead, that limits the sequel opportunities.
4891218 actually, his death is kinda only implied. i'm not saying you have to do a sequel, but you left yourself an opening with the epilogue. maybe he IS frozen in stone, gradually healing in stasis. maybe after a while he'll be healed and eventually break free or be set free.
having said that, i think this is a good ending to the story, if a bit sad. greatly enjoyed this, though at times it was a little hard to follow.
I still come back and reread this on occasion. I always get mad at Barnum by the end because he seems to want to die.
When he tells Glory to go so she won't be wondering, "what if I was there?" and then promptly puts her in that situation. Was that on purpose, or did it just work out that way?
4929664 4974766 He finished what he had arrived in Equestria to do (in his own mind). And to a certain extent, he still hasn't gotten over the loss of his wife and family.
He wasn't trying to die, he just wasn't going to cross that off the list of options as long as it bought time for Twilight and the others to defeat Discord.
Poor protag. Tortured soul didnt found a salvation.
5143708 Yes, but he will always be remembered. This was before Discord's redemption, so the implication is that Discord is going to spend the rest of his existence looking over his shoulder for Barnum.
What is the Human-turned-colt's name, when being refered to by 'said tags'? Changing from first person perspective to third, is somewhat disorienting, I think.
Nothing to comment on, except that I've been enjoying the story so far. This seems to be a regular thing when reading stories by this author (to be enjoying the story I mean).
Tarnation! It's over already. I'm glad that I know you have other writing projects though. I'm quite fond of both "Cultural Artifacts" and "Dark Lords and Ring Lords" (among the still on-going stories).
While reading this story, I was reminded of the Wizard of Oz, due to Barnum's ability with machines. But it doesn't really fit this story perfectly, nor does it fit Cultural Artifacts, because neither of the humans really act as Oz did. Mind you that I haven't watched the movie in a long time, and have never read the book. It was based on a book, right?
Anyway, I got thinking that a kind of Wizard of Oz inspired story would be right up your alley. I could imagined you writing a story where a modern human wizard sets up a new country or something, using the modern human methods, knowledge, and technologies that he brings with him, all the while acting like a mysterious "Wizard" of the race of humans. I imagine there could be many ways to do such a story. To make things interesting, I wonder what would have happened if the actual original human who would later become "The Wizard of Oz" in the work of fiction of the same name, had actually arrived on the planet where Equestria resides, instead of where he would have originally. What would be his motives to set up a new country, if that is what he decided to do? What would he think of the existence of immortal, or comparatively so, beings, and of the existence of working, practical magic?
I don't remember many details of the Movie, but from what I remember, I think the 'Wizard's' arrival happened a bit like the legends and myths you hear about the Bermuda Triangle's freak disappearances and paranormal activity. (I had been wanting to write my own 'worlds collide' fanfiction at one point I time, that was to use the Burmuda Triangle and the Lost City of Atlantis (as well as plenty of Greek and earlier mythology) as important back-story, but it hasn't happened.) (I do have some notes typed up though.)
Just incase your did feel inspired to use the Wizard of Oz in Equestria idea, that's okay with me. As much (or as little) as my permission counts, you have it to use this idea as a story, no acknowledgement asked or required, or deserved, or wanted... I don't expect anything to come of this, and I don't allow myself to hope, so it won't hurt my any if no one makes this into a story.
5344948 The colt is generally called Barnum.
5348365 It was based on one of my heroes: Vice Admiral Charles B. Momsen inventor of the Momsen lung, the McCann rescue chamber, who fixed the USNavy's early war torpedo problem, and was a driving force behind the U.S.S. Albacore, by tricking the 'carrier admirals' into letting him build a target for their ASW teams to practice against. (It was a bust because nothing could touch it, but the 'carrier admirals' ordered Momsen's Albacore hull teamed with Rickover's nuclear reactor to give the modern attack subs, as escorts to carriers),
To get your intractable masters to order you to do exactly what you want, that's the epitome of a guile hero.
5348487
I was just reading that page about Charles Momsen, and the part that says he did some work on debugging dud torpedoes reminded me that I saw a war movie once, that featured, among other things, a project to figure out why the torpedoes weren't working (I think something about hydrogen peroxide was mentioned as important to this). So anyway, now I wonder if that movie may have been based partly on an event that Charles B. Momsen was a major participant in. I'm fairly sure that the events of the movie were based in and around Pearl Harbor, and I quite sure it was during the Second World War.
These story leaves me confused, head spinning, reflective and desperately wanting more... Is this what being an addict feels like?
5348649 The WW2 torpedo problem was in the igniters.
5546207 Possibly.
Seriously? No comments about that epic ball game? Alicorn Shaolin Soccer. A mite upset that Luna didn't make any shots in though.
5344948 glad I wasn't that only one having trouble following what was going on.
3399217 Mathematician's answer; stuff. Second time reading, still good.
5546207
I can't remember the name of the story, but a few months ago I came across a story where after about 3 chapters I'm pretty sure the author decided to only write after dropping acid. The story was nearly indecipherable, but still somehow really good once you got the hang of it.
An odd but good ending. A sequel would be even better.
5838729 This was written before Discord's redemption, so the assumed 'sequel' would be after the death of the existing Elements and the escape by Discord. Now that Discord's a 'good guy', it completely changes what the dynamic would be.
Although Discord releasing Barnum to deal with Tirek would be possible, but Barnum died, although Celestia didn't tell Discord that.
5838804
That's too bad. As the author, you could always use the "magic" excuse to bring him back or some other plot device, but if it's over it's over. Still an enjoyable story.