• Member Since 19th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Sunday

Dan_s Comments

Story teller at heart. I like to examine the unusual. I spend too much time being 'reasonable'. I write to play, and hope others enjoy the results.



This story is a sequel to Drawn With the Night

Sequel to Drawn With the Night. Fancy Thunder and a small team go to Canterlot to fulfill a commission.
She decided to ask a few 'innocent' questions and toss a few stones in the placid waters to see what is stirred up. Specifically, how will the Princesses react to a pony who doesn't need them, and thus doesn't worship them?

A TV Tropes page

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 551 )

This you getting your mad out again? Cause last time was a wonderful read when you did that.

Please keep up the great story telling!

*Evil happy laugh*
We are please to see this, we shall wait for you to take your time to make another. All hail Dan.

Side note: Cadence is truly the wisest of them all.

Gooooood stuff. Hopefully we'll see some more!

This is as entertaining and interesting as the last. It's also nice to know what happened last time as well. Keep up the good work.

Personally, I really like your Cadence. She really seems to understand things. And I love how Fancy is shaking them up so much while staying so polite.

Yes. Ye-e-e-e-ssssss.

Rrrrrustle their jimmies.



I never let myself believe this day might come but here it is anyway. The continuation of one of the best one-shots I've ever read. I sincerely thank you, good sir, for taking the effort (or joy?) of bringing this marvellous piece of art into our midst. Our hunger has been sated.

For now.


I must say I'm Impressed on the way how fancy obtains her information from all four princesses, how she manages on making them truly think about their actions towards Klein (which is a good name by the way Klein bottle great in my book) I also like how you show how much Klein means to fancy heck it got me thinking she was talking about someone or some pony else, but what I don't like is how you left us at the end I thought the story didn't view completely but to my dismay that where it ended and now I hunger for more so I (like many others) are waiting for the next chapter of this story and hoping it's just as good as the last

5059195 Take heart my friend. The story lists itself as incomplete. We may yet find the answers to our questions in the future

5057399 This is more like my usual stories. Fancy has a mission, and if she has a little fun with the people who dashed her hopes so callously, and terrified her greatest friend, too bad for them.

5057580 5057821 5057695 5057891 5057927 Glad you're enjoying it and I didn't disappoint. Cadence isn't the wisest, Cadence does have some grace about her. (She also is the only one of the four not looking for the Piano of Damocles overhead. [can't use swords in a children's cartoon])

5058186 5058424 Working.

5058446 No, this one flowed much more naturally. Klein's story is essentially told, but Fancy still has business in Equestria.
Actually I've got a TCB fic inspired by this:

5059104 5059195 Second chapter is underway. Fancy doesn't have all the answers yet, so she's going to be asking some more 'innocent questions', and meeting with a few old 'friends'.

I am also glad to see this storyline continue. :twilightsmile:

Brilliant! Stick it to those princesses! Stick to them hard and repeatedly. STAB STAB STAB!

Cadence appears to be the smart one of the four here. Just accept the fact that he doesn't like you and move on. Stop trying to force yourself on him. Not everyone is going to want your friendship. Fuck off.

Also, Twilight is really closeminded here. If ponies didn't come up with it, it must be aliens. Fancy made excellent points. Twilight is just swimming in culture bias.

"If he were a pony, you could help him with that," Fancy said brightly, then frowned, "No, as scared as he is of you, it would make them worse. Forget I said anything your Highness, that was stupid."

Do not mess with Fancy's family, because no matter who you are, she'll find a way to stick the knife in, and twist it. :twilightoops:


I think you mean The Sword of Dame Oak Leaves

5059334 I see, it would make sense to use a piano since everybody will understand what you just reference right now from the episode pinkie sense

Good work! Can't wait to see more!

"He's forgiven you, now you have to forgive yourself for what was done in your name."

Has he really forgiven her or them? He certainly didn't seem to, or is this just Fancy's own interpretation? Also, you raise questions about the suicide bomber. Transported there deliberately or accidentally? Inquiring minds want to know.

Normally I avoid HiM stories but I decided to give the previous one-shot and this story a try and they did not disappoint. I thought they were both great.

I especially liked how Fancy is written. She knows how to get to everyone without feeling like she's in that "chess master" trope.

As I always say to a good story, BRAVO!!!!! I love the first story but I never thought there would be a second one! This is very very very good! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

5059753 He said he couldn't use a sword. It's a children's show for pie's sake

I don't see with him having nightmares and refusing to go into the country and all this other stuff means that the guys forgives them. They rooted into his mind and tried to kill him (intentionally of not). I don't know about you, but to me that looks like one of those life-long grudge/ hate things.

5059686 Actually it's slide it in without them feeling it, and then yank it out real hard. In this case though, Twilight's right, he is an alien, so the justifiable accusation of cultural bias is wrong. Which is precisely why Fancy did it, she wanted to throw the accusation in Twilight's face, and see how she reacted since the rumor was that Klein actually was a monster from another world/alien.
:twilightoops: But it really is aliens this time! I have a sworn affidavit!
Sure Twilight. :facehoof:

5059692 Don't forget the poison.

5059753 5060166 5059833 It could be a great big section of Dame Oak Leaves' grass, then it would be a sward.

5059947 Ironically, that very belief is what made me so angry in the first place. Forgiveness is you not being consumed by someone's actions. To wit, a friend steals from you, and steals from other people. If you forgive them, you are putting aside that they betrayed your trust and stole from you, you are not ignoring that they are a thief. Just because you forgive someone, you are not required to give them a chance to hurt you again. In this case, Klein could have destroyed Celestia, Luna and Twilight at that meeting, he instead made them uncomfortable, and then said 'stay out of my life.'

5059931 5060020 Chapter two is in work.

5060014 Glad you gave it a chance and it didn't disappoint. Fancy knew Celestia, Twilight and probably Cadence. Luna required a bit of study.

5060178 As I mentioned above, forgiving somebody doesn't change who they are, it changes if you take who they are personally. He doesn't trust the alicorns as far as he can throw the sun, but he isn't going to trust them or get within reach of them.
The wounds they inflicted on him are still there (the nightmares), but he realizes there's nothing he can do without him and the people he cares about suffering disproportionate retribution. So he's going to let it go and get on with his life.

5060490 Side effect of Twilight's and Green's mind sifting spells. They weren't careful about leave their 'hoofprints' all over his mind. That trauma is what's causing the nightmares, there are probably not specialists for reversing a mind rape. Luna was also very forcefully altering his dreams. That also caused damage which won't heal easily.
They never figured they'd have to fix what they did, and later they figured they'd have plenty of time.

"Luna and Twilight were certain it was an active participant in that world's plan to attack me," Celestia said, "I think you can guess why it, he, would want to avoid all contact with Equestrian Royalty."

Cadence looked at the shame-filled Lunar Diarch and nodded. "Yes, I can imagine.

That exchange right there, between Celestia and Cadance, feels out of place, like they're saying they expect no better from Twilight and Luna.

Granted, they should be pissed off at those two. After all the carefully laid plans, and all the gambles taken, to get Luna back on the throne, and to guide Twilight to becoming a princess, the first time those two get left in charge, during a crisis, they go into evil dictator mode.

Still, that exchange just feels really cold.

To be fair, "evil dictator mode" was spurned by an attack not just on one of the rulers but on Luna's only sister and on Twilight's precious teacher. So it was incredibly personal for them.

Yet they also deserve that shame considering they acknowledge they kidnapped a random person from another world and subjected him to terrible treatment simply because he was from that world/of the same race as the attacker.

Oh really now, if a mad pony went in and tried to blow Celestia up while rambling about how the masses desired to rise against her would they just drag some other pony off the street and start interrogating them? Leave that to Communist dictatorships, not Oligarchies. This story elaborates on many of the points that I found so clouded in the last tale, although I still don't understand why they fed him food that I KNOW is poisonous to horses as well as humans.


When one's actions represent an entire nation, possibly an entire world, taking things personally is an unaffordable luxury.

5060938 Considering Twilight decided it was better to mind-rape the CMC rather than run the risk that Celestia wouldn't love her (or love her as much), Twilight going off the deep end for anything involving Celestia isn't too far a stretch.
Luna allowed an omnicidal spirit to possess her because she was jealous of Celestia and the attention she was getting.
I don't think most of the ponies around Celestia are wrapped too tight.

5061070 Would Celestia? No. Would Twilight, maybe. She does get locked into an idea and has difficulty changing her strongly held beliefs.
As for the food, they often eat food which would sicken or kill terrestrial horses. Ponies can also vomit, which horses cannot. Horses eat meat which ponies don't. There's lots of differences between ponies and terrestrial horses. The fact he didn't die gives their point of view some credence.

5061081 I don't think Twilight can live up to Captain Carrot's 'Personal isn't the same as Important'.

Thanks again for putting the time and effort into a new chapter! I enjoyed this one and will be looking forward to the next. Also, Clever Girl

Thinking about it, handing (hoofing?) Dipper off on Discord is the ultimate personal security, given Fancy Thunder's comments about her family shipping the foal off to an orphanage without telling her.

Sure, just try and take her from Discord...

5061279 Random ponies pass out when there are bunny stampedes.

Can we say that ANY ponies are wound very well?

They all possess the Madness of the Kishin... :pinkiecrazy:

Considering this entire story and the previous one is based on the postulate that the Princesses want ponies to worship them, which is manifestly not the case given the lengths to which human rulers have gone to have their subjects worship them in the past, I find the entire thing based on a false pretense from the get-go.

Give Discord a child to protect thats from a good friend and take said child? not even god can help you now:pinkiecrazy:

I like this chapter. It's amazing how the most innocuous statements are the most provocative, made all the poignant because they are innocuous, and not planned with an intended purpose beyond getting ahead in a conservation. "Reconciliation doesn't always happen after a mistake, at least when you want it to," is a lesson that is hardly touched upon, but is important in order to understand that we must treat each other fairly. I hope a sequel will be made, to see how well this lesson will go over for the four princess ponies.

PS: There is a question I meant to ask on the first story, so I'll ask it right now:

Did it ever occur to Mr. Klein to ask for better food, or mention that it could kill him, rather than act quiet?

Consider this possible theory:
You're the leader of a minotaur nation. Your people have been raised to follow the warrior code and, thus, are very militaristic. Conquest is the greatest accomplishment you can achieve for your people, but... One of your neighboring countries is ruled by two of the most powerful magic-wielders in the world, have a third as their citizen and are allied with a fourth in another nation. They can easily destroy your country and your people both economically (no sun for you, good luck figuring out where you're getting your food) and militarily and would be inclined to do so to keep the peace. But they're benevolent, non-expansionistic and are willing to leave you to your own devices if you behave. Unless you're foolish, you're going to behave. So is everyone else. And the world remains at peace.

Now you learn that there's a new, unknown power on the field that is willing to openly challenge these rulers and the Princesses have not been able to swiftly defeat them like they did with the changeling invasion. Having to defend against them leaves Equestria less able to adequately respond to your actions. Not only that, but you find yourself questioning their benevolence when it gets out that they're kidnapping, interrogating and torturing random civilians. How long until they start doing that to your people? Maybe they already have and it just hadn't been discovered yet. Your people grow restless from this potential threat and you've been contacted by the griffon ambassador about drawing up a mutual protection pact in case relations with the Equestrian Diarchy go south. What do you do? Suddenly the world is on the brink of war.

tl;dr I don't think it's about worship. I think it's about world peace achieved through others' perceptions of the Princesses and Equestrian power and possible outcome of that perception being damaged.

5062360 Well, having read the other story, I never really understood why the ponies were being so cruel and the minotaurs so understanding of this alien until I realized it was just a pony-bashing story.

Frankly, it was nothing more than the standard, 'everything the ponies do is bad and the other races would be much better'.

Which is completely impossible to conclude from any viewpoint other than a staunch bias.

Who's to say the minotaurs wouldn't capture and torment him as well? Or the griffons? We know far less about them than the ponies, and yet the gentle ponies of the show are reduced to savage tormentors, while the others are placed on a pedestal.

Given what information?

This is good, since it reminds me of the interlude chapters from I am not Spartacus, showing that even the main characters don't have the full picture.

While it doesn't excuse their actions, it certainly explains their behavior. I think that the most disturbing thing for the Princesses is how fast they turned back the clock and started to brave like Pre-heartswarming ponies.

>given the lengths to which human rulers have gone to have their subjects worship them in the past

While human rulers could be not loved, many of them were centers of some sorts of belief systems, connecting them to their land, up to and including *requirement* of a ruler for the land to give reasonable harvest. Given archaism of pony society and very real magic it may be the case in Equestria, so ponies (and other races) worshiping their rulers is not any significant stretch at all.

>Frankly, it was nothing more than the standard, 'everything the ponies do is bad and the other races would be much better'.

1) where did you got it?
2) Then again, any established society expects some specific behavior from its members and guests and usually is well structured. Surprising enough, the most democratic societies are usually found between outlaws and on frontiers, where no established structured societies is present. Pony society is obviously very old, well established and have clear class structure that demonstrated in the show. Belonging to no class in such society usually puts one into position below the lowest.

>Who's to say the minotaurs wouldn't capture and torment him as well? Or the griffons?
Because this is against their honor. Both cultures are likely to be savage and based on personal honor and personal strength. Torment damages reputation, toleration of such thing is an achievement of civilized world. Frankly, main character could end at subservient position, how he avoided it could be an interesting story on its own, but it would require huge amount of worldbuilding with little base in current canon.


They didn´t even consider asking the human about his diet?! :twilightoops: Any expert in animals like Fluttershy would only need to take a look at our teeth to say "Yup, omnivore. Meat, fish and fruits for the big guy. No daisies or grass."

5062481 I think the big difference between the races is who they met first. The princesses met a suicide bomber who put Celestia in the hospital and died telling them his conspiracy theories. The gryphons and minotaurs met an airship mechanic who was just trying to keep his head down.

this was very very good.

5063533 well that raises a whole bunch of questions then. why did the suicide bomber show up to begin with? How does Discord know about Darwin and Newbury awards? Does Klein expect more trouble coming to Multicursal?

5063659 Yeah, I'm particularly interested in the first question. Did he come willingly or was he brought there by someone?

I cant understand. Why do they care about his emotions?

According to the author, some of their mind sifting techniques and Luna's dream diving had considerable side effects. Ones they didn't care about at first. And after Celestia recovered and the interrogators had a collective "OH SHIT!" moment, they waited till Klein Bottle (that name has to be a joke) recovered physically for the no doubt rather grueling attempts to repair the damage done.

Too bad Klein escaped when he was recovered enough to move, but before the ponies could try. And is in no mood to let them back in his head regardless. Which might have been a good thing, given how wrong they were running on assumptions before, what could they have decided that was 'broken' that was actually supposed to be that way?

He is just alien without any kin or country - no one to protect or avenge him. Why not to throw it away and be done with it?

Did anyone else realize that Fancy effectively countered Luna's dream watching ability with gratuitous amounts of sarsaparilla? :rainbowkiss:


Because Celestia has a conscience, Twilight craves Celestia's approval, and Luna wants to prove she's not a monster anymore?

Login or register to comment