//------------------------------//
// In Times of Trouble, My Lady 
// Story: All Butlers are Gentlemen, But... 
// by Pen Mightier 
//------------------------------//

            "Don't. Scream," Octavia whispered, hoarsely.
 
                "Okay," Coco squeaked.
 
                A lady's scream is a call of duty to gallant chivalry. A gentleman's scream, on the other hand, is either a call of surrender, a mating call, or sometimes both. Hence why gentlemen generally do not scream, at least not openly. We merely object, loudly and passionately if truly necessary, while keeping firm leashes upon our bladders. "A plan most capital. Keep a stiff upper lip, or have a rather stiff afternoon," I agreed.
 
                "What I do with my upper lip is my business and mine alone," Octavia groused. Now she's just being contrary for the sake of it.
 
                "Flock, I was supposed to do that!" Lightning Dust complained, giving Gilda's horror-stricken body a shove. "How'd it make her scream anyhow? Chip her nail or something?"
 
                "It shapeshifted into her worst fear," Lyra answered in a soft whisper.
 
                "So there's another me running around in the dark somewhere?" Lightning squinted into the gloom, seemingly ready to challenge herself to a fight if need be.
 
                "Celestia forbid." Red Heart rolled her eyes.
 
                "So, everypony, don't think of your worst fear," Lyra reiterated in a low whisper. "We don't want a runaway train crashing inside the runaway train. That'd be, like, weird."
 
                I am not thinking of... no, do not think about her.
 
                Hmm.
 
                To my profound surprise, I quickly found that my mind had all the obedience and discipline of my lady before an all-you-can-eat cake buffet. 
 
                "Well, that's really easy now that you've told us not to!" Octavia gave a defeated sigh. It would appear I am not alone there.
 
                "Ooops," Lyra chuckled, nervously. "Say, what are you scared of?" She asked Coco.
 
                "Heartstrings, don't you dare!" Octavia growled.
 
                "E-everything," Coco squeaked.
 
                "That's alright then, dear. This train can't fit all that," Red Heart said, reassuringly. "I hope..."
 
                "Dinky has an in-van-shun that can help." Ditzy's little daughter suddenly spoke up, much to our surprise. The little unicorn filly held up her solution, a roll of scotch tape, in one hoof. With her other she gestured at her demonstration model, Spitfire. The Wonderbolt captain wore an unimpressed look and a length of scotch tape wrapped about her muzzle like a very short maypole. "Dinky calls it the 'Shutter Upper'," Dinky proclaimed with a touch of pride. I suppose with an accident-prone mother like Ditzy, her daughter must have become quite the inventive little repair-filly, if a little overzealous.
 
                "Mmmph." Spitfire gave her candid opinion of Dinky's solution.
 
"So if we can't scream, we can't lose. How absolutely clever, dear." Red Heart gave the little filly a nod of approval.
 
                "You fixed her. Impressive," Octavia droned in mock-awe.
 
                "MMMMMPPPPHH!!" Spitfire repeated, a touch louder. If we didn't know any better, we'd probably think she was screaming as she gazed out into the darkness, eyes wide in... ah, that is unmistakably horror. And without further ado, she keeled over sideways, face frozen in a rictus of terror.            
 
                Red Heart's ears drooped as she leaned down close to the pegasus, checking her over. "Scared stiff," she diagnosed, biting her lip.
 
                "Great. Now there's more of me out there," Lightning sighed.
 
                "I'll pass on the scotch, thanks," Lyra said to the rather-horrified Dinky. "Watch out, I can just about see it. It's reforming into something new!" She warned, taking a step back, taking her horn's golden glow with her.
 
                "Who's the fool still thinking?!" Iron Will demanded. "Iron Will will fix that!"
 
                "Not me. Empty brain, remember?" Lightning said quickly, obviously not a subscriber to the Iron Will school of reparation skills.
 
                "Alright," Lyra grumbled, squinting into the gloom. A faint sickly yellow pool of light glowed amidst the sea of darkness just a few feet away. "Fess up. Who's afraid of Princess Celestia?" She demanded.
 
                By all that is adorable and pony, it cannot be...
 
                But denial was denied of me. There, rising out of the murkiness, was the splitting image of my lady, half of her lower body shrouded by darkness. Like death itself she approached, silently but surely.
 
                "That...doesn't look like me," Lightning said. "But I am a tough act to follow."
 
                "Why... why would anypony be afraid of me?" Sunrise whispered in disbelief.
 
                "Why indeed?" Dark Side muttered.
 
                I agree, why indeed. Unless of course... it was my greatest fear.
 
                The apparition's eyes, glowing an ominous gold, locked with my own. Ghostly rivulets of pearly tears streamed down her cheeks. Her face, as soft and gentle as ever, was torn by that familiar expression of pain stoically borne.
 
                It was a sight from a nightmare I knew all too well. It left no more doubts in my heart, only dread. This was indeed my own greatest fear.
 
                I sighed as I straightened up. It was no easy feat with how heavy my heart weighed down upon my very being. But bear it I must, for it was my own folly to face. I slowly stepped forth towards the very incarnation of my worst nightmares.
 
                "Hey, Blanks!" Lyra gasped, ears twitching with worry as she threw out a golden magic leash about my wrist. "What are you doing?!"
 
                "It's alright," I said with considerable effort. The confidence in my voice felt alien to me with how far removed I felt from the very notion. "You see, this is my worst fear." And with a quiver, I reached a hand out for the ghostly apparition.
 
                Just like the very horrors that haunt my sleep, that plague my very waking life, my dearest Celestia simply disappeared just inches beyond my grasp. My hand closed upon nothingness, leaving me just as empty and hollow. Just as I was before. Before she arrived in my life.
 
                No. I was wrong. It's not alright. My lady! Celestia! NO! Please, not again!
 
                Deepest, darkest memories surfaced against all rationality. My bastion of cold logic was helpless in shoring the storm of horrors that struck me to my core. I clawed desperately for even a pittance of sanity; This was base trickery, a mind game, just a hallucination, just a... 

My lady... Celestia... is gone.

Just like Luna, she disappeared. 

I knew it. 

Ever since I lost Luna, I knew my lady, my Celestia, my dearest Tia, would be next.
 
                And I would be powerless to stop it. Again.

      		It was but a matter of time. I knew I would not be able to bear it when it finally happened. We had already lost Lulu. If one of us were to lose the other, that would be the end. 

And so I kept my distance. Even as she sat alone at night, raising Lulu’s prison into the sky, I kept my distance. She was afraid I blamed her for Lulu. I was afraid to lose her as we lost Lulu. And so we kept our distance.
 
                And now she's gone.
 
                And I did nothing.
 
                No! 

Don't take Tia away!
 
                Take me instead!
 
                Don't leave me alone!
 
                Please don't!
 
                Please!
 
                The scream welled up.
 
                I had to.
 
                I must call for her. Before she's lost. Like Lulu.
 
                My lungs swelled. My throat burned. I had to let it out. I must cry out for her, lest I explode.
 
                I...
 
                "I'm here."
 
                A soft, sweet voice whispered in my ear, stifling my own.
 
                No. It was too good to be true. She's gone. Just like Lulu. She's....
                
                "I'm right here." The voice whispered again, soft as the dawn but with all the certainty of the rising sun.
 
                Could it be? Dare I hope?

But she's gone. I'm alone again. She's in a place beyond my reach. And I'll never...
 
                A pair of soft little hooves clasped about my shoulders like a solid anchor in my storm of despair.
 
                "I'll always be here." Her voice reached out to me like a guiding hand in the dark.
 
                "T-Tia...?" I whispered, calling out to her breathlessly.
 
                "Yes, I'm with you," she whispered reassuringly. "So stay with me."
 
                She hasn't been taken away. She's here. She's alright.
 
                I'm alright.

        	A soft, peaceful warmth rose within me like my lady rising into the sky on Summer Sun’s Eve. A new sun enkindled within me, filling the bleak darkness with a comforting glow. A familiar old tune bloomed in my heart. I felt my very spirit sing the words to it. ’The Fire of Friendship lives in our hearts’. 

       		A feeble flicker enkindled in the dark. 

        	A solitary cherry-red flame burned, small yet strong, 

Then, as suddenly as it appeared, it erupted across the entire room. 

I was almost blinded by the sudden spark of light. Thick sinister vines that once curled about the walls and lanterns were consumed by the cheery blaze. The newly-liberated lanterns bathed the cargo compartment with light once more. All at once, the oppressive air about us lifted. 
 
                Luna once attempted to grow a sunflower with her moonlight alone, arguing that it would produce a 'moonflower' instead. The large dark flower at the centre of the thick lattice of thorny vines was probably what it would have looked like, except perhaps without the fangs and skeletal writhing petals. It gave a soft, frail screech as it withered and crumbled away in the soothing flames. 

        	And that is why we do not walk on the grass.

        	And just as suddenly as it came to our rescue, the flames dissolved away into soft motes of light.

        	“Was...that supposed to happen?” Octavia whispered, gaping in awe at the soft shower of tinkling embers.

        	“I dunno. Never seen Black Joke defeated before.” Lyra whispered back, similarly awestruck.

        	I had an odd, nagging feeling that was not quite the orthodox way of weeding Black Joke. But then what do I know? My senses were only just returning from whatever hole they had crawled into, tut-tutting with disapproval like a nagging in-law. If I were anything but a gentleman I would have, colloquially speaking, given them the bird for abandoning me in my time of need. Instead, I simply accused them of the heinous crime of sanity. They retaliated by pulling my legs out from under me, sending me sinking slowly to my knees.
 
                I found a little pegasus filly holding onto my front, little hooves wrapped in a tight embrace about my neck like her life depended on it. Or, rather, like mine depended on it.
 
                Oh by all that is adorable and pony, my lady saw that, didn't she? She saw for herself my greatest fear, and it was an adorable pony princess with command over all things rainbow and glitter. Do I even have any face left to show at the gentleman's club at the Savoy ever again? More importantly, do I have any left for my lady?
 
                "Are you alright?" She asked, her small, fluffy wings and tiny ears twitching apprehensively as she slowly peeked up at me, her brilliant lilac eyes brimming with concern. Her face broke into a furious blush as her eyes locked with mine. She struggled to look away, except all she really had was a choice between my irresistible visage or my broad unyielding chest. It would appear the awkwardness was not one sided.
 
                Her question, however, demanded pause. Am I alright? I feel like I had left 'alright' at home, a deathly train ride away. But my lady, thoughtful as always, packed me all the 'alright' I needed, and then some. 
 
                "U-uh, Butl-... uh... d-daddy, what are you doing?" The little filly demanded as I pulled her into a tight hug.
 
                "Becoming alright." I replied, simply. Mr. Winston Churchill, god rest his Great British soul, once said that there is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man. He may have been closer to the meaning of life than most. "Drag coefficient of fur exactly two point seven five mini-Apples. Softness measuring exactly five Apples per hoof squared. Adorability over nine thousand HNGs," I ascertained with Sparkle-esque precision, reassuring myself this was indeed the genuine article. I accept no substitute.
 
                "Help, Lu-... uh, Dark Side! I am being narrated in numbers! Very scary numbers!" Sunrise squeaked for help.
 
                "Too late, sister mine," Dark Side sighed in mock despair. She had gotten snared in a hug the moment she entered my absolute hugging field from which no adorable may escape. "I too am lost."
 
                Luna had questions, I'm sure. My lady too, no doubt. They did not voice it, but I could feel it in their gazes. But there will be time for that, even if I must throw my gloves at the train to make it. We all shared a brief glance. A silent agreement was reached; We would talk when this is all over.
 
                Lyra gave the ashened vines on the floor a bop with a hoof. Seemingly satisfied that her foe was thoroughly trampled and dead, she turned a look of admiration towards me. "Wow. You actually defeated it," she said. Upon realizing her tone, though, she quickly added, "Not that I ever doubted you, of course.”
 
                "Well done, matador. Iron Will would have faced it down himself, except it was already crowded enough without having a second train in here," Iron Will said, giving me a nod of approval.
 
                "Butler, what would we do without you?" Octavia said, off-hoofedly.
 
                "I haven't the foggiest idea," I replied, absentmindedly, most of my considerable faculties invested in the cognition-intensive activity of hugging the most adorable goddesses this side of the universe.
 
                "I do. Get to the engine and stop this train, if you don't hurry and get up." Lightning huffed, helpfully. "I hate this train so much. Which madpony invented trains anyway?"
 
                "The first model to achieve 100 hooves without exploding too violently was credited to Miss Chew Chew Puff in Hoofington in 942 C.E. I believe." I took refuge in good, solid facts to secure my sanity.
 
                "Too late to do anything about it now, dear." Red Heart shrugged as she carefully examined Gilda and Spitfire.
 
                "The ponies!" Coco cried as the scared stiff ponies around us all suddenly collapsed onto the floor, freed from their statuesque state. "Are they alright?" She quickly approached the nearest one.
 
                "They'll wake up a little later," Red Heart said. "With luck in this lifetime."
 
                "Her too?" Lightning asked, giving Gilda a little poke with a hoof.
 
                "I expect our two darlings will wake up sooner rather than later, seeing as they haven't been under its spell for too long."
 
                As if on cue, Gilda began to stir. "Ugh... am I in heaven...?" She groaned, wings flapping languidly. The first thing her eyes focused upon was, unfortunately, Lightning Dust's own, looking down at her. "Nope," she concluded with a huff. "I'm in dweebsville."
 
                "I can send you to heaven. Maybe in one piece too." Lightning Dust muttered. I may have imagined it in the half-light, but I may have seen a sliver of relief on Lightning’s face. 
 
                A dark look overtook the dazed griffin. "You didn't give me mouth-to-mouth, did you, dweeb?" She demanded, half from confusion, half from dread.
 
                "No. I didn’t," Lightning retorted, cooly, leaving the unsaid hanging in the air like a tombstone.
 
                "Don't worry, dear. I'm the only one qualified to do that here." Red Heart gave the griffin a wink. Whatever reassurance was intended, it was lost upon the horrified griffin. “Not to suggest you might need one, but are you alright, darling?” She asked with proffesional concern. 

        	“M-Mind your own business!” Gilda snapped, quickly looking away. “I-I’m fine. I’m always fine! I’m no crychicky!” She stomped off. “Not anymore.” I heard her mutter under her breath.

       	 	“I wonder what’s eating her.” Lyra mused. 

        	“Whatever it is, it’s probably feeling really sick.” Lightning shrugged.
 
                "Bwuuh..." Spitfire moaned as she came to. "Did I miss the musical number?" She asked, muzzily, shaking her head as if trying to dislodge something ringing in her ears. Coco was quick to offer the captain a hoof up. 
 
                "The only thing we'll have is a funeral dirge if we don't hurry." Octavia bucked the last door open. It was, again, surprisingly, not enchanted. Light and wind flooded the tight cargo compartment as she opened the door to reveal the coal wagon and the engine up ahead. "Let's go."
 
                "Be careful. It's unlikely but the culprit might still be at the engine," I called after them. But they quickly filed out into the sunlight regardless. I didn't blame them for being eager to leave the stifling cargo hold, their impatience getting the better of them. I could only hope nothing else does.
 
                I released the two little pegasus fillies rather reluctantly as I got to my feet. "I would appreciate it if you two could stay close, please,” I said.
 
                As I prepared to follow through the door I was distracted for a moment by something familiar. A nearby packing crate bore a family crest I quickly recognized. Being the Butler to the royal family, I made it my business to know the particulars of all the noble families. This one in particular was the coat of arms of house Fancy Pants, one of my lady's closest supporters. Was this just a coincidence?
 
                "That one doesn't contain alicorns. Come now. The engine is just ahead. I want to blow the horn!" Dark Side called to me. She made a surprisingly good point, on both accounts. I quickly followed, sparing the crate no further thought.
 
                The thick smell of burning coal and the sharp ocean-scented headwind whipped at our faces as we stepped out of the cargo hold and into the open air. The ocean glimmered in the distance beyond the seaside city's forest of characteristic bright red rooftops. I just about recognized the tall white spire of Harmony Hall housing the Unity Bell towering high above the rest of the quaint town. And ahead of us, just an elbow nudge away, the sleek, fiery red Harmony locomotive chugged ever onwards towards its doom and ours.
 
                I walked out to find Coco huddled with Lyra and Iron Will by the coupling connecting the carriage to the coal wagon in front of us. "How is it? Can you separate the engine?" Coco asked, hopefully.
 
                "The coupling lever's broken and the thingy itself is more magic-proof than the lock on Bon Bon's diary." Lyra frowned. "Good thing we have our Sweets Army knife minotaur." She gave Iron Will an expectant look.
 
                "There is Iron Will, and then there is impossible." Iron Will shrugged. Looks like there are things even minotaurs can't break.
 
                "Coco, you're a Sunday cop, right? What do cops do with runaway trains?" Lyra asked.
 
                "Um, call for backup?" Coco suggested.
 
                They were about to aim their expectations my way when I was saved by a commotion from further ahead. "We got'em!" It was Lightning Dust's voice. "We got the baddies!"
 
                I cursed myself. I had sent Garnet and Ditzy ahead to the engine, knowing there was that very slight chance the culprit may still be there. Just the thought that I had put the two in harm's way sickened me.
 
                My thoughts must have shown on my face for Dark Side was quick to give me some reassurance. "You realize one of them is a fire-breathing dragon? The other a walking avatar of destruction?" She pointed out to me. "We'll be lucky to have anything left to catch."