"Don't. Scream," Octavia whispered, hoarsely.
"Okay," Coco squeaked.
A lady's scream is a call of duty to gallant chivalry. A gentleman's scream, on the other hand, is either a call of surrender, a mating call, or sometimes both. Hence why gentlemen generally do not scream, at least not openly. We merely object, loudly and passionately if truly necessary, while keeping firm leashes upon our bladders. "A plan most capital. Keep a stiff upper lip, or have a rather stiff afternoon," I agreed.
"What I do with my upper lip is my business and mine alone," Octavia groused. Now she's just being contrary for the sake of it.
"Flock, I was supposed to do that!" Lightning Dust complained, giving Gilda's horror-stricken body a shove. "How'd it make her scream anyhow? Chip her nail or something?"
"It shapeshifted into her worst fear," Lyra answered in a soft whisper.
"So there's another me running around in the dark somewhere?" Lightning squinted into the gloom, seemingly ready to challenge herself to a fight if need be.
"Celestia forbid." Red Heart rolled her eyes.
"So, everypony, don't think of your worst fear," Lyra reiterated in a low whisper. "We don't want a runaway train crashing inside the runaway train. That'd be, like, weird."
I am not thinking of... no, do not think about her.
Hmm.
To my profound surprise, I quickly found that my mind had all the obedience and discipline of my lady before an all-you-can-eat cake buffet.
"Well, that's really easy now that you've told us not to!" Octavia gave a defeated sigh. It would appear I am not alone there.
"Ooops," Lyra chuckled, nervously. "Say, what are you scared of?" She asked Coco.
"Heartstrings, don't you dare!" Octavia growled.
"E-everything," Coco squeaked.
"That's alright then, dear. This train can't fit all that," Red Heart said, reassuringly. "I hope..."
"Dinky has an in-van-shun that can help." Ditzy's little daughter suddenly spoke up, much to our surprise. The little unicorn filly held up her solution, a roll of scotch tape, in one hoof. With her other she gestured at her demonstration model, Spitfire. The Wonderbolt captain wore an unimpressed look and a length of scotch tape wrapped about her muzzle like a very short maypole. "Dinky calls it the 'Shutter Upper'," Dinky proclaimed with a touch of pride. I suppose with an accident-prone mother like Ditzy, her daughter must have become quite the inventive little repair-filly, if a little overzealous.
"Mmmph." Spitfire gave her candid opinion of Dinky's solution.
"So if we can't scream, we can't lose. How absolutely clever, dear." Red Heart gave the little filly a nod of approval.
"You fixed her. Impressive," Octavia droned in mock-awe.
"MMMMMPPPPHH!!" Spitfire repeated, a touch louder. If we didn't know any better, we'd probably think she was screaming as she gazed out into the darkness, eyes wide in... ah, that is unmistakably horror. And without further ado, she keeled over sideways, face frozen in a rictus of terror.
Red Heart's ears drooped as she leaned down close to the pegasus, checking her over. "Scared stiff," she diagnosed, biting her lip.
"Great. Now there's more of me out there," Lightning sighed.
"I'll pass on the scotch, thanks," Lyra said to the rather-horrified Dinky. "Watch out, I can just about see it. It's reforming into something new!" She warned, taking a step back, taking her horn's golden glow with her.
"Who's the fool still thinking?!" Iron Will demanded. "Iron Will will fix that!"
"Not me. Empty brain, remember?" Lightning said quickly, obviously not a subscriber to the Iron Will school of reparation skills.
"Alright," Lyra grumbled, squinting into the gloom. A faint sickly yellow pool of light glowed amidst the sea of darkness just a few feet away. "Fess up. Who's afraid of Princess Celestia?" She demanded.
By all that is adorable and pony, it cannot be...
But denial was denied of me. There, rising out of the murkiness, was the splitting image of my lady, half of her lower body shrouded by darkness. Like death itself she approached, silently but surely.
"That...doesn't look like me," Lightning said. "But I am a tough act to follow."
"Why... why would anypony be afraid of me?" Sunrise whispered in disbelief.
"Why indeed?" Dark Side muttered.
I agree, why indeed. Unless of course... it was my greatest fear.
The apparition's eyes, glowing an ominous gold, locked with my own. Ghostly rivulets of pearly tears streamed down her cheeks. Her face, as soft and gentle as ever, was torn by that familiar expression of pain stoically borne.
It was a sight from a nightmare I knew all too well. It left no more doubts in my heart, only dread. This was indeed my own greatest fear.
I sighed as I straightened up. It was no easy feat with how heavy my heart weighed down upon my very being. But bear it I must, for it was my own folly to face. I slowly stepped forth towards the very incarnation of my worst nightmares.
"Hey, Blanks!" Lyra gasped, ears twitching with worry as she threw out a golden magic leash about my wrist. "What are you doing?!"
"It's alright," I said with considerable effort. The confidence in my voice felt alien to me with how far removed I felt from the very notion. "You see, this is my worst fear." And with a quiver, I reached a hand out for the ghostly apparition.
Just like the very horrors that haunt my sleep, that plague my very waking life, my dearest Celestia simply disappeared just inches beyond my grasp. My hand closed upon nothingness, leaving me just as empty and hollow. Just as I was before. Before she arrived in my life.
No. I was wrong. It's not alright. My lady! Celestia! NO! Please, not again!
Deepest, darkest memories surfaced against all rationality. My bastion of cold logic was helpless in shoring the storm of horrors that struck me to my core. I clawed desperately for even a pittance of sanity; This was base trickery, a mind game, just a hallucination, just a...
My lady... Celestia... is gone.
Just like Luna, she disappeared.
I knew it.
Ever since I lost Luna, I knew my lady, my Celestia, my dearest Tia, would be next.
And I would be powerless to stop it. Again.
It was but a matter of time. I knew I would not be able to bear it when it finally happened. We had already lost Lulu. If one of us were to lose the other, that would be the end.
And so I kept my distance. Even as she sat alone at night, raising Lulu’s prison into the sky, I kept my distance. She was afraid I blamed her for Lulu. I was afraid to lose her as we lost Lulu. And so we kept our distance.
And now she's gone.
And I did nothing.
No!
Don't take Tia away!
Take me instead!
Don't leave me alone!
Please don't!
Please!
The scream welled up.
I had to.
I must call for her. Before she's lost. Like Lulu.
My lungs swelled. My throat burned. I had to let it out. I must cry out for her, lest I explode.
I...
"I'm here."
A soft, sweet voice whispered in my ear, stifling my own.
No. It was too good to be true. She's gone. Just like Lulu. She's....
"I'm right here." The voice whispered again, soft as the dawn but with all the certainty of the rising sun.
Could it be? Dare I hope?
But she's gone. I'm alone again. She's in a place beyond my reach. And I'll never...
A pair of soft little hooves clasped about my shoulders like a solid anchor in my storm of despair.
"I'll always be here." Her voice reached out to me like a guiding hand in the dark.
"T-Tia...?" I whispered, calling out to her breathlessly.
"Yes, I'm with you," she whispered reassuringly. "So stay with me."
She hasn't been taken away. She's here. She's alright.
I'm alright.
A soft, peaceful warmth rose within me like my lady rising into the sky on Summer Sun’s Eve. A new sun enkindled within me, filling the bleak darkness with a comforting glow. A familiar old tune bloomed in my heart. I felt my very spirit sing the words to it. ’The Fire of Friendship lives in our hearts’.
A feeble flicker enkindled in the dark.
A solitary cherry-red flame burned, small yet strong,
Then, as suddenly as it appeared, it erupted across the entire room.
I was almost blinded by the sudden spark of light. Thick sinister vines that once curled about the walls and lanterns were consumed by the cheery blaze. The newly-liberated lanterns bathed the cargo compartment with light once more. All at once, the oppressive air about us lifted.
Luna once attempted to grow a sunflower with her moonlight alone, arguing that it would produce a 'moonflower' instead. The large dark flower at the centre of the thick lattice of thorny vines was probably what it would have looked like, except perhaps without the fangs and skeletal writhing petals. It gave a soft, frail screech as it withered and crumbled away in the soothing flames.
And that is why we do not walk on the grass.
And just as suddenly as it came to our rescue, the flames dissolved away into soft motes of light.
“Was...that supposed to happen?” Octavia whispered, gaping in awe at the soft shower of tinkling embers.
“I dunno. Never seen Black Joke defeated before.” Lyra whispered back, similarly awestruck.
I had an odd, nagging feeling that was not quite the orthodox way of weeding Black Joke. But then what do I know? My senses were only just returning from whatever hole they had crawled into, tut-tutting with disapproval like a nagging in-law. If I were anything but a gentleman I would have, colloquially speaking, given them the bird for abandoning me in my time of need. Instead, I simply accused them of the heinous crime of sanity. They retaliated by pulling my legs out from under me, sending me sinking slowly to my knees.
I found a little pegasus filly holding onto my front, little hooves wrapped in a tight embrace about my neck like her life depended on it. Or, rather, like mine depended on it.
Oh by all that is adorable and pony, my lady saw that, didn't she? She saw for herself my greatest fear, and it was an adorable pony princess with command over all things rainbow and glitter. Do I even have any face left to show at the gentleman's club at the Savoy ever again? More importantly, do I have any left for my lady?
"Are you alright?" She asked, her small, fluffy wings and tiny ears twitching apprehensively as she slowly peeked up at me, her brilliant lilac eyes brimming with concern. Her face broke into a furious blush as her eyes locked with mine. She struggled to look away, except all she really had was a choice between my irresistible visage or my broad unyielding chest. It would appear the awkwardness was not one sided.
Her question, however, demanded pause. Am I alright? I feel like I had left 'alright' at home, a deathly train ride away. But my lady, thoughtful as always, packed me all the 'alright' I needed, and then some.
"U-uh, Butl-... uh... d-daddy, what are you doing?" The little filly demanded as I pulled her into a tight hug.
"Becoming alright." I replied, simply. Mr. Winston Churchill, god rest his Great British soul, once said that there is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man. He may have been closer to the meaning of life than most. "Drag coefficient of fur exactly two point seven five mini-Apples. Softness measuring exactly five Apples per hoof squared. Adorability over nine thousand HNGs," I ascertained with Sparkle-esque precision, reassuring myself this was indeed the genuine article. I accept no substitute.
"Help, Lu-... uh, Dark Side! I am being narrated in numbers! Very scary numbers!" Sunrise squeaked for help.
"Too late, sister mine," Dark Side sighed in mock despair. She had gotten snared in a hug the moment she entered my absolute hugging field from which no adorable may escape. "I too am lost."
Luna had questions, I'm sure. My lady too, no doubt. They did not voice it, but I could feel it in their gazes. But there will be time for that, even if I must throw my gloves at the train to make it. We all shared a brief glance. A silent agreement was reached; We would talk when this is all over.
Lyra gave the ashened vines on the floor a bop with a hoof. Seemingly satisfied that her foe was thoroughly trampled and dead, she turned a look of admiration towards me. "Wow. You actually defeated it," she said. Upon realizing her tone, though, she quickly added, "Not that I ever doubted you, of course.”
"Well done, matador. Iron Will would have faced it down himself, except it was already crowded enough without having a second train in here," Iron Will said, giving me a nod of approval.
"Butler, what would we do without you?" Octavia said, off-hoofedly.
"I haven't the foggiest idea," I replied, absentmindedly, most of my considerable faculties invested in the cognition-intensive activity of hugging the most adorable goddesses this side of the universe.
"I do. Get to the engine and stop this train, if you don't hurry and get up." Lightning huffed, helpfully. "I hate this train so much. Which madpony invented trains anyway?"
"The first model to achieve 100 hooves without exploding too violently was credited to Miss Chew Chew Puff in Hoofington in 942 C.E. I believe." I took refuge in good, solid facts to secure my sanity.
"Too late to do anything about it now, dear." Red Heart shrugged as she carefully examined Gilda and Spitfire.
"The ponies!" Coco cried as the scared stiff ponies around us all suddenly collapsed onto the floor, freed from their statuesque state. "Are they alright?" She quickly approached the nearest one.
"They'll wake up a little later," Red Heart said. "With luck in this lifetime."
"Her too?" Lightning asked, giving Gilda a little poke with a hoof.
"I expect our two darlings will wake up sooner rather than later, seeing as they haven't been under its spell for too long."
As if on cue, Gilda began to stir. "Ugh... am I in heaven...?" She groaned, wings flapping languidly. The first thing her eyes focused upon was, unfortunately, Lightning Dust's own, looking down at her. "Nope," she concluded with a huff. "I'm in dweebsville."
"I can send you to heaven. Maybe in one piece too." Lightning Dust muttered. I may have imagined it in the half-light, but I may have seen a sliver of relief on Lightning’s face.
A dark look overtook the dazed griffin. "You didn't give me mouth-to-mouth, did you, dweeb?" She demanded, half from confusion, half from dread.
"No. I didn’t," Lightning retorted, cooly, leaving the unsaid hanging in the air like a tombstone.
"Don't worry, dear. I'm the only one qualified to do that here." Red Heart gave the griffin a wink. Whatever reassurance was intended, it was lost upon the horrified griffin. “Not to suggest you might need one, but are you alright, darling?” She asked with proffesional concern.
“M-Mind your own business!” Gilda snapped, quickly looking away. “I-I’m fine. I’m always fine! I’m no crychicky!” She stomped off. “Not anymore.” I heard her mutter under her breath.
“I wonder what’s eating her.” Lyra mused.
“Whatever it is, it’s probably feeling really sick.” Lightning shrugged.
"Bwuuh..." Spitfire moaned as she came to. "Did I miss the musical number?" She asked, muzzily, shaking her head as if trying to dislodge something ringing in her ears. Coco was quick to offer the captain a hoof up.
"The only thing we'll have is a funeral dirge if we don't hurry." Octavia bucked the last door open. It was, again, surprisingly, not enchanted. Light and wind flooded the tight cargo compartment as she opened the door to reveal the coal wagon and the engine up ahead. "Let's go."
"Be careful. It's unlikely but the culprit might still be at the engine," I called after them. But they quickly filed out into the sunlight regardless. I didn't blame them for being eager to leave the stifling cargo hold, their impatience getting the better of them. I could only hope nothing else does.
I released the two little pegasus fillies rather reluctantly as I got to my feet. "I would appreciate it if you two could stay close, please,” I said.
As I prepared to follow through the door I was distracted for a moment by something familiar. A nearby packing crate bore a family crest I quickly recognized. Being the Butler to the royal family, I made it my business to know the particulars of all the noble families. This one in particular was the coat of arms of house Fancy Pants, one of my lady's closest supporters. Was this just a coincidence?
"That one doesn't contain alicorns. Come now. The engine is just ahead. I want to blow the horn!" Dark Side called to me. She made a surprisingly good point, on both accounts. I quickly followed, sparing the crate no further thought.
The thick smell of burning coal and the sharp ocean-scented headwind whipped at our faces as we stepped out of the cargo hold and into the open air. The ocean glimmered in the distance beyond the seaside city's forest of characteristic bright red rooftops. I just about recognized the tall white spire of Harmony Hall housing the Unity Bell towering high above the rest of the quaint town. And ahead of us, just an elbow nudge away, the sleek, fiery red Harmony locomotive chugged ever onwards towards its doom and ours.
I walked out to find Coco huddled with Lyra and Iron Will by the coupling connecting the carriage to the coal wagon in front of us. "How is it? Can you separate the engine?" Coco asked, hopefully.
"The coupling lever's broken and the thingy itself is more magic-proof than the lock on Bon Bon's diary." Lyra frowned. "Good thing we have our Sweets Army knife minotaur." She gave Iron Will an expectant look.
"There is Iron Will, and then there is impossible." Iron Will shrugged. Looks like there are things even minotaurs can't break.
"Coco, you're a Sunday cop, right? What do cops do with runaway trains?" Lyra asked.
"Um, call for backup?" Coco suggested.
They were about to aim their expectations my way when I was saved by a commotion from further ahead. "We got'em!" It was Lightning Dust's voice. "We got the baddies!"
I cursed myself. I had sent Garnet and Ditzy ahead to the engine, knowing there was that very slight chance the culprit may still be there. Just the thought that I had put the two in harm's way sickened me.
My thoughts must have shown on my face for Dark Side was quick to give me some reassurance. "You realize one of them is a fire-breathing dragon? The other a walking avatar of destruction?" She pointed out to me. "We'll be lucky to have anything left to catch."
Did... did this really just appear as I refreshed?! xD You champion.
Poor butler and poor editor. They suffer under your tyrannical fist.
Well... The Butler certainly have a tale to be told if he was alive when the banishment happen.
assets.diylol.com/hfs/00a/bc0/6e3/resized/spiderman-meme-generator-wat-up-bitches-i-m-back-f21c44.jpg
5237340
ALL THE YES! EVERYWHERE! FOREVER!
If I may put forward a request most urgent?
Please stop making references to the Butler pissing himself. It is most undignified, not funny, rather disgusting, and drags down this otherwise wonderful story. Not even children would find it funny.
Aw, a touching moment between butler and princess. Loved it.
5342747
I dunno, I kinda appreciated Butler's humorously euphemistic approach to it.
Just read the description, and I know for a fact that I'm reading this one next!
Hold up, just looked at the other story's you've written, and I can say for a fact that I have read all of them exept for one XD
Chew Chew Puff.
Chew Chew Puff.
Chew Chew Puff!!!
So does she have a relative, possibly a brother named Puff Puff Pass?
Good But are you saying that Butler has been around for over a thousand years?
5342880
This, this is what confused me. If he was there when Luna was banished and around for the years of Celestia raising the moon then what the F is he and why is he a butler? And how does he know about all the human history and customs and sayings and whatnot if he's been in Equestria for at least a thousand years?
5342747
It appears to me, sir, that you are attempting to pass off your subjective opinion of Butler's pants-wetting as fact. If I may, and I may, I would ask you to be aggressive in your use of the retcon on further comment. Your request is most unkind, not helpful, rather demeaning, and drags down what may have otherwise been a useful comment.
Good day.
5342735 I assume the magic in the atmosphere of Equis, as well as the higher amounts of oxygen and lack of pollutants that exist in our world lead to longer life for our butler. I actually have scientific facts for this, too. Way back in prehistoric times, there was one point when the oxygen level was at least 200% higher than now. The result? Giant-ass millipedes. My worst nightmare, but that's a different point. See, the more oxygen in the air, the easier it is for certain species (i.e: us) to live longer. If there's no pollutants in the air, even easier. That, combined with Equis magic, is likely to bless living beings with exceptionally extended lifespans. Think about it, maybe that's how humans react to magic: by absorbing it and using it to metabolize. Or to slow down certain bodily processes, like aging. Perhaps this explains how Butler is so efficient, and yet so old: his physical form is strengthened by magic.
For those who say TL:DR, lemme sum it up: Butler took to Equis like Superman to Earth.
That is a nasty piece of work that plant. Something you can see growing in the deepest parts of the Everfree, confined by bare rock and distance, and regular torchngs by dragon migrations.
Pinkie might have used a Twicannon, but Butler used Schwaartz The Flamethrower. The Kids Love It.
Coming up next time on Catastrophy Training. End Of The Line, Kid.
5342861
No. Chew Chew Puff was Coco Pommel's great-great-great-grandmother (cousin to Fluttershy's dragon skin smoking ancestor named Puff Puff Pass). A few centuries later, Coco's name was introduced to the Puff family when Coco Puff was born. Coco Puff was eventually drowned in milk and eaten by a large orange bird, but not before giving birth to a filly who would marry into the Pommel family, and name their daughter Coco in loving memory of her rather dark brown colored grandmother.
5343378 wow. That was... how long did it take you to come up with that?
5343378 This had me rolling.
5343028 And why are the nobles trying to get rid of him all of a sudden because he is 'unsuitable' to be her butler if he has been her butler longer than their families can remember? Luna was forgotten after 1000 years proving that 1000 years exceeds 'living memory', it's like suddenly saying that Celestia is not capable enough to handle the sun on her own.
Wait... how long has he known Celestia if he knows of Luna's Banishment during it, and it's implied he's been with them before it happened?
This is bugging me.
I love how at least two times during this chapter someone pointed out they should hurry, only to be sidetracked by something else.
Hello again everyone! Apologies that I'm not answering all the comments as I normally do. As mentioned, been ludicrously busy. Thankfully, today's the closing date of my applications so I should be relatively free for a little while after work.
Just to mass-answer the questions regarding the Butler's age from the most recent chapter, here's a little excerpt from something I've been writing on the side.
Yay! Update!
5343063 Huh, I cannot find any reason to argue with that logic, or find a reason to care to argue in the first place.
I have to say, this train sure is taking a while to crash, despite the apparent rush.
Oh boy. Things are getting even worse for them it seems. Clock's ticking...
5344077
Instant racism. Also, this creates more questions than it answers.
Not that that's a bad thing.
5343985 I know right if he was there for Luna's banishment he would be over a 1000 years old Makes me wonder if he really is that demon butler from the anime black butler lol
5344077
So is he a summon? Perhaps he is a golem with a human soul attached.
5344077 So is he the princesses' legal guardian? Or just their friend?
The first one might throw wrenches in the relationship Celly wants.
5345340 Earth ponies = slaves
Everyone knows this!
5345832
Er, I meant I'm against racism >_>
5347175 Oh pshaw! Everyone loves some good racism! Especially against those filthy mud ponies!
As a wise man said "good things come to tholse who wait." like this story!
5349192
No.
5350941 Eyup.
5345446
Maybe he's a familiar. Because he hasn't been released of contract and the only other way to end the contract (from what I've heard) is for the owner to die (and considering Tia is immortal, fat chance of that option) he is forced to be immortal as well until such a time as the contract has been terminated.
5344489
A good writer can make one minute feel like three hours if he must.
It seems strange that they've been on a train for months.
As much as I love this story, the little blurb you put in the comments bugs me, mostly because it falls into the trap of implying that somehow, the human is suddenly responsible for good things in Equestria beyond just the butlering thing. And it is always bad when an OC begins getting credit for good things that by all reason should belong to canon characters. Plus, if Butler is at least a pony generation older than the alicorns and has practically been their guardians, then I am suddenly uncomfortable with how I have read Celestia and Luna so far.
Still, fun chapter. Now, get off the train already.
5343063
Most animals evolved lungs to or some other means of extracting oxygen from the air that is efficient enough to support the needs of our larger bodies. Insects have a different method to get oxygen that does not scale well but the overabundance of oxygen during that time meant they could grow bigger without it being a problem.
5355926 But you get the general idea, right?
5356391
I get what you're going for, but I doubt the oxygen would contribute significantly to increased longevity of that caliber in humans. At this point there is only theories to explain ageing in humans, and depending on which one you adhere to there could be a number of factors besides magic (which is all too convenient) that could affect life expectancy if someone were to be transported to Equestria.
Personally I think that Equestria lacking any bacteria or virus that would have evolved to affect humans would greatly reduce the risk of organ damage and premature ageing due to illness. Also, the universe in which Equestria exists may not contain any of the typical radiation that our sun, stars and certain elements emit therefor eliminating the DNA damage we take from those. Combine that with the largely vegetarian diet and more active lifestyle you'd expect from living with technicolor ponies and you get a significantly longer lifespan. Just how much longer is up for debate, but I doubt it could reach 1000 years or more without magic.
5352468
You know what?
Bye.
5358023 And the racist barn achieves yet another victory by default!
Somewhere I'd not enjoy going.
I see nothing wrong with this arc. Introducing the cast, getting a bit of character development with Butler, and the Black Joke have kept it interesting.
>>Pen Mightier you know what? I get the feeling that the ponies of old would have been ROYALLY screwed if the earth ponies just decided to leave. Just been "We're done with this!" And left the country or founded their own city.