• Member Since 28th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Narlepoax III


Abacadooby.

T

Earth's final downfall is imminent. Celestia and several other ponies watch with bated breath, as the final few acres of tainted land are swallowed. The last remaining humans are cornered in, no way of resisting their conversion.

But, just before Celestia orders the potion to be applied, the humans unite in an act that will haunt Celestia forever.


Warning! This story was written in fifteen minutes, and was not proofread before publish. It is easily my worst story. If you do not enjoy TCB or ACB stories, you will most likely not enjoy this story. Tags are accurate. There is no happy ending here. Viewer discretion is advised.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 183 )

Good god...WRITE MORE.

hs0003 #2 · Jan 13th, 2014 · · 8 ·

I regret thinking that reading this story could have any other result than a downvote.
This story concept is so utterly disgusting that it gives me nausea.

those 18 likes are probably people who like the CB shit

Ummm how is this story bad?

3781959 Wow. That sounds so incredibly insightful now that I've read it.
3782048 Who else could it be?

hs0003 #6 · Jan 13th, 2014 · · 6 ·

3782131 A whole story concept dedicated entirely to the hatred of humans and worship of ponies, made by humans.
This sounds like a deeply perverted version of a certain German chancellor/dictator's view on a certain other group.

The thing about TCB is that it requires Celestia and Luna, and indeed, every single canon character, to act so horribly OOC that you might as well make them all original characters and save yourself some time. I have no idea where you guys get "Celestia has a hard-on for Genocide/Rape" from the show.

3782255
Did you read? :trixieshiftright:

I agree with you fully, but it almost sounds like you're lumping me in with TCB fans.

3782163 You would think a story such as this would be used to point out humanities faults. Help us focus on what we must improve on as a species. But sadly this is not the case. It's just illogical and focuses on pony superiority. It's just a bunch of racist fics that, if I had my way, I would ban from this site.

3782270 They just need their own separate tag that is hidden by default. Like the "Maturity" tag.
Btw, I am sorry but I thought you were employing sarcasm in your first comment.

3782305 3782270
Neither of you actually read this story.

3782350 I read this story. The choice of song was well enough, but the result was still the same sickening result as most other stories of this twisted "genre".

ZAKARI #13 · Jan 13th, 2014 · · 14 ·

Would you people shut the fuck up!

It's a story! A made up story for christ's sake!

Either read it or don't then move on!

3782350 There you are wrong my dear sir. It was horrible and that last line made it all the worse.

Bah! Hope and doubt are just emotions. If you feel that what you did was wrong, chances are, you shouldn't have done it... It just might bite you in the ass in the worst of ways.

"And they'll sing, and they'll sing, and they'll sing sing sing SING!"
The more Tia thought about the humans that sing,
The more Tia thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"

3782416
:rainbowlaugh: Oh, you magnificent mother fucker! :rainbowlaugh:

3782404
Well, good sir, you missed the point then. It was a satire of the misanthropic TCBs.

You decry them, and then decry me for decrying them.

Your logic is faulty.

3782449 Well killing(Conversion is good as murder if not worse) off the humans really helped show that.

Eagle #20 · Jan 13th, 2014 · · 3 ·

I was hoping you of all people could pull something like this off; even after I saw the like/dislike, I had some hope. But God, this is just...horrible. Not in terms of grammar or something, but what you're writing.

I really don't know what's going on here; this seems like the most Tyrant Celestia worship story I've ever read. Heck, others I've seen at least give the humans a chance, show some way of keeping their culture and lives; this is just killing without any hope whatsoever.

The general amount of misanthropy is incredibly heavy here. Celestia's 'enlightenment' is nothing more than saying 'I won't kill you, just convert you'. Really? Forced conversion is the basic tactic of every Alt-TCB story; saying she's just murdering all the humans is even worse. And the ending, it's still terrible; forcing them to get converted, hell I'd rather die than lose what make me me.

It's only about 1,000 words. Maybe it would've been more interesting if you'd written more on what happened instead of just mentioning everything in passing sentences. Everything's just so short, passive, and focused on this one scene, with little actually in it other than 'Imagine'.

The idea that this Celestia (Who seems worse than most TCB Tias) is completely turned around at this single last instant by hearing this song feels a bit hard to believe. Like really, this is a whole new kind of Celestia. This isn't TCB Celestia; with her killing everyone, it's so much worse. This is less like The Conversion Bureau and more like The Holocaust Bureau.

Adding Imagine was supposed to make everyone feel enlightened, I guess? But Lennon's message of peace through it's lyrics seem horribly out of place; if they're defiant, they should sing a defiant song (though since you're worshiping the ponies basically, I guess any kind of defiance is out of the question). I'm sure normal Tia would love the song, but this one, who's bent on getting rid of all humans via killing or converting, is starkly contrasting to Lennon's view of coexistence and acceptance; to me personally, it's a tad insulting.

I'm not liking this, but I'm not disliking it either; I'm going to put some more thought into it.

Comment posted by Sneaky Breeze deleted Jan 13th, 2014

3782449
This was supposed to be a satire?

For some reason, that just makes me feel worse. As compared to other satires I've seen...I just don't know what to say. All I know is that I feel as though I have to downvote this one. I'm sorry, but this didn't make me laugh like Colbert's satire or enlighten me like Animal Farm or some other satires. All it did was remind me of some bad Holocaust pictures; I know that wasn't your intention, but that's all I got from it.

Oddly enough, I support Narlepoax. I read the story and liked it

Despite the fact that I still hate you

3782483
It was not meant to be a humans go to war fic. It's a testament of the human spirit, not our fighting prowess.

3782521
Satires don't need to be funny.

3782486
Well, that's the point.

It was first person narrative, told from Tyrantlestia's point of view. Of course it was going to make you ill.

The protagonist was not where the charm of the story was, it was in the humans' reaction to futility, and Tyrantlestia's possible redemption.

Hmm.

I'm not sure what to say. I have a feeling that this might be a satire of misanthropic TCB stories but the problem is that the misanthropic elements are played straighter than a laser level, which makes it hard to tell.

As for Lennon's "Imagine" well, at least it made Xenocidestia doubt her motivations.

In truth, your summary made me think that the remaining Humans would give a "You Suck Speech" to Celestia and the Ponies before committing mass suicide in front of them.

3782590
Thanks. I'll take it as a compliment.

3782615 I wasn't talking about our fighting prowess. What we just read was a horrible genocide. One that Celestia just dragged out so she could have one final laugh in the very end.

3782617

or enlighten me like Animal Farm or some other satires

I didn't say they had to be. Colbert/The Simpsons/You Natzy Spy are funny, Animal Farm enlightened me, 1984 scared me, Canterbury Tales/Huckleberry Finn/Dante's Inferno/Dr. Strangelove fascinated me.

What you wrote didn't do any of those.

3782642
I put down that she begins doubting herself.

How did you get a final laugh out of that?

3782652 Whoop de doo. She began doubting herself. For all the good that it did us.

3782641

It was a compliment.

Ok...maybe I don't hate as much as I used to.

....But the hate is still there!

3782659
If you're going to be immature and contrary, I'm going to cut this conversation here.

Okay, what the heck is up with these comments? Are they just on autopilot?

This looks like a (relatively standard) TCB world where (a) Celestia has no control over the barrier, and (b) she's force-converting them as a last resort because otherwise they'll die. She assumes they're being disintegrated because they were evil, but at the end she doubts whether that interpretation is correct.

So it's not a tyrant-Celestia story where she's on a crusade to wipe out humanity, and it's not a misanthropic story like most of the anti-TCB stories where humans are defined by evil, or even one of the stories they call misanthropic because in it ponies are superior.

3782627
Maybe if you bothered to write more than 1,000 words it would've felt more likely.

There are ways of doing these kinds of things. Schindler's List made me sick to my stomach, but I saw how he changed and saved people over the course of the movie and at the end, I felt him to be redeemed. You tried to do something slightly akin to this, shoved down into the minimum words for submission; it's way to complex a story for 1000 words.

This is basically: *Kill/ Convert almost everyone* 'You should give up' *Sing Imagine* 'Hm, nice music. Ok, I won't kill you, I'll just forcibly convert you'.

It's like you tried to redeem Hitler in 5 minutes worth or reading and in the end he says 'Ok, you Jews won't die; but your still going to concentration camps.'

My hatred for Schindler disappeared, my hatred for whatever version of Tia you made for this is strong as ever.

3782664 All I'm saying is that this wasn't as satirical as you are saying it to be. You just left it at "She felt doubt." That tells us nothing and sounds like all she needs is a good night's rest to be back on her hooves.

3782674
Good.

You should hate her. She's evil.

3782681
It's open to your interpretation. All I did was tell a story.

3782659

Thusly, why the story has the tragedy tag, generally tragedy means that the ending is sad or that the good guys don't win, or even that there weren't any good guys to begin with. Going in to a story with a tragedy tag and being surprised that it all ends badly is kind of pointless. Especially in a TCB story that basically states in the summary that humanity loses.

As for the story itself, meh it's too short for me to say much, I get the sentiment you were going for, but I find the whole concept of twisting TCB to make anti-TCB fics to be kind of strange at best, and downright petty and pointless at worst. I use to hate the TCB stories for twisting the canon characters into weird caricatures and the contrived nature of portraying the whole scenario as a good thing with little to no negatives, and being little more than blatant wish fulfillment. Lately I've come to hate the anti-TCB stories more for twisting the canon characters into mockeries of characters that were already parodies of the actual show characters, and basically turning humans into walking action movie cliches that in the worst examples of the genre, actually make me want both sides to lose, or just for the more rational humans and ponies just decide to fuck off to their own planet.

Your story isn't anywhere near that bad, sure it's short, tragic, and ultimately you have to wonder if it ever had any point, but I'll take tragic and introspective over the crap that makes up 99% of anti-TCB fics any day of the week.

3782697 Hitler > tCB Celestia.

3782688

Ok, in your message to 3782681 you said it's open to interpretation and opinion. But you told me I should hate her.

So which is it? Can I read and see as I want, or should I hate her?

I already hate her, many people already hate her; it's like your trying to inform us (once again back to this comparison) why we should hate Hitler, we already do. You just wrote something that felt like you were praising her. If anything, it didn't change my already low view of her; all it did was disappoint me in your story premises.


3782697
Ah, I really shouldn't...

Humans getting wiped out without hope for survival as a race? Only Chatoyance would approve of this sick image.

I didn't think you had an interest in TCB. Or is it more of a one-time thing where you go against the defining trait of TCB Celestia and shows that even she can feel doubt, even with her god complex towards non-ponies?

3782738
Unterganger's Dolfy > all other dictators.

3782751
I have more anti-TCB stories.

More hands-on, more fulfilling.

But, after this one's reception... I'm not sure I want to write them.

3782751

I didn't think you had an interest in TCB. Or is it more of a one-time thing where you go against the defining trait of TCB Celestia and shows that even she can feel doubt, even with her god complex towards non-ponies?

..Looks like someone finally got it.

I think the author just wanted to make the readers think.

3782751 Don't you dare utter that name! That waste of all resources that she has ever consumed should not be hinted at without censor.

3782771 Interesting turn of events.
I'm sorry that it wasn't very well received.


3782778 He did. Messages are sadly overshadowed by the general hate for TCB, though.

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