Wake up. See this. What Do you do?
by RazortheAwesome
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
SECOND DISCLAIMER:
I REGRET NOTHING! I’VE LIVED AS FEW MEN DARE TO DREAM!!!
Anyway let us begin
As you start to wake up several realizations come to you. First off, you aren’t in your bed anymore. You can tell this because you can you can feel what is obviously grass beneath you as opposed to your bed sheets. Also you can feel the warmth of sunlight on your face as well as the rest of your body. Given the circumstances you are forced to conclude that you are outside. Miraculously though, you still have all your clothes on. Were you even wearing clothes when you went to sleep? You have no idea.
With all of these things filling your brain you slowly open your eyes. Your vision is blurry at first due to morning drowsiness (or is it afternoon drowsiness) but you blink a few times to clear it up. What you see in front of you, you cannot explain for the life of you.
Now that your eyes are open you can indeed confirm that you are outside, as you can see the clear blue sky above you. There are few clouds in the sky, but otherwise it appears to be a beautiful day. More or less it does look like the sky. That’s not what gets your attention though.
Standing above you looking straight down at you is a lavender unicorn with a dark purple mane that has a magenta stripe running through it. Her horn is glowing with a sort of magenta... glow, and floating next to her you can see a book that is enveloped by the same magenta glow. On its cover is the image of a pot with two large hearts floating above it. Why you take the time to actually look at the book you have no idea. Also for whatever reason you don’t take the time to wonder just why the hell its floating.
She’s standing above you with her forehooves out past your shoulders, in fact they are right next to your shoulders, you can feel them touching you. That’s not important though. What is important though, is that her face is mere inches away from yours. Seriously you can feel her breath on you, which actually kind of smells minty fresh despite it being horse breath.
The look on the unicorn’s face however, is one that you never expected to see. She’s looking down right at you smiling and her eyes are half closed. The only word you can think of to describe the way she is looking at you right now is “lascivious.” Which is odd considering its a unicorn that’s looking at you and not a pretty lady.
Basically what you are seeing right now is this picture.
She’s not saying anything to you, hell you aren’t even sure if she is breathing. Or at least you wouldn’t be sure if she was breathing if you didn’t feel her breath on your face. It’s kind of weird like that. She’s just standing there.... looking at you... with those huge magenta eyes. Its just staring... staring.... staring....
And its still staring...
For whatever reason all you can do is stare up back at her. You don’t know why but you just do. If you could explain it you would but right now you can’t. So you just stare up at her. You just do... you look up at those huge magenta eyes. By Jove they remind you of anime eyes.
Neither your arms nor your legs aren’t pinned in any conceivable way so you could get up and run if you want to. Then again you aren’t entirely sure what good that will do. You don’t even know where the hell you are right now, much less why a purple horse is looking down at you. Plus, the fact that there is a unicorn on top of you kind of makes things awkward. Its about the same size as ponies are from your world, so yeah, its not small.
With enough cards thrown onto the table for them to suddenly jump up and cut somebody’s eye out lets back up.... Hours ago (At this point you aren’t entirely sure how many) you went to sleep after doing what it is you always do. Yeah you gotta admit its awesome, being you... doing stuff... not being in a situation where a purple unicorn is on top of you.
Anyway, you were doing stuff like a boss like you always do every day like a boss. Then at the end of the day you were just chillaxin in your room like a bawller (you think you can remember being on fimfiction.net before you went to sleep), when eventually you remember that even an awesome boss bawller like you needs sleep. So like the bawller boss that you are you went to sleep, and when you woke up. Well, here we are now.
You don’t really feel the need to elaborate more on how awesome the things you were doing were or exactly what you were doing. As you figure the people reading this don’t care. How the hell you even know that people are reading this is beyond you. Why yes this story did just break the fourth wall. You got a problem with that?
So basically you were just being you when you suddenly woke up to find yourself inexplicably transported outside somewhere (okay its obviously Equestria but you don’t know that yet) with a purple unicorn looking down at you with a look on her face that suggests that she wants you to ride her off into the sunset.
What do you do?
What do you do?
I grab the book and start reading, totally ignoring her.
Poke her belly.
Well, that's all the incentive I need.
You suddenly see out of the corner of your vision Jesus Christ, yeah, the one and only, playing a game of checkers with Discord. The Chaos God was in deep thought over his next move, while Jesus was simply texting holy messages of awesome on his iPhone and playing the latest Angry Birds game.
Also, Twilight inexplicably got a wing boner, and wings for that manner. Jesus simply rolls his eyes while Discord flips the checkerboard in anger for not coming up with a good move.
2145272
I agree. Might learn some magic.
You try to escape but she magically summons up tree roots to hold you down where you are laying. In a futile attempt to rise up, the branches start to pull you into the ground as Twilight opens up the book and begins to read aloud. As it turns out, the book she is reading from is none other than the Necronomicon Ex Mortis. While you find the earth closing in around you, she is deep in the process of opening up the gates to the Howling Abyss and letting in all of the unholy relatives and kin of Great Cthulhu.
And then Lyra shows up. She becomes interested in you, and now her and Twi are fighting over you.
Meanwhile, Bon Bon is determined to destroy you for stealing Lyra's affection.
ask if there are communist ponies
and what the hell is going on?
В России, конечно.
NOOOOOPE , just chuck testa and stand beside her while she is still pinning down the taxadermied version of you, apon which you turn into batman and start beating Luna in an epic rap battle of history about how she isn't the night but you are because your batman!!! and then you magically get the horse from the old spice commercial and go "I'm on a horse", all the while as Herobrine is bitch slapping Discord.
You look to you left and see celestia, glance to your right and see Luna, twilight then opens her mouth "dance" she says. You know now that you must utilize your amazing dance moons to distract them long enough for you to escape.
Grab her horn.
There is no escaping My fate.
Twilight has me captive.
Those eyes locked on mine,
I am under her spell(metaphorically)
caress cheek
Entwine fingers in mane.
Go in for the kill.
A kiss, that is.
2145331
well, that escalated quickly
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw7468-swagggg.jpg
you sloowly, veeery slowly reach a hand towards her head and begin scratching behind her ears. You see her eyes close half way and her mouth hanging open as she lets out a relaxed breath. You continue this and While she is distracted by the pleasure you're giving her, you slide your other hand in your pocket to reach for your trusty multipurpose pocket knife. with your multipurpose pocket knife in your grip, you swiftly pull your hand from her ear and place the arm under her head lifting it a bit, exposing her neck, then you bring your other hand thats holding the knife to her throat and press the blade against the exposed flesh all in one fluid motion. At first she panics and tries to squirm from your hold, but you press the blade a little bit deeper to remind her of her current situation. Once she has calmed, you ask where your gas powered internet enabled blow dryer and your nuclear-powered SMS messaging bowling ball was.
yea, i dont know what the hell I'm doing
Buy beer
Punch her to check if your dreaming.Also make sure your wearing pants.
How the heck was this accepted with less than 1000 words?(Edit: Nevermind.)
...
Meh, whatever. I'll play along.
"What do you do?"
Answer: Assume the party escort position.
Alternatively, use Shin Shin Shoryuken.
Step One: Tuck legs up against chest.
Step Two: Wrap arms tightly around legs.
Step Three: Roll away.
Step Final: Hope you're fast enough to escape.
Simultaneously attempt to distract her and gather information on how you got into this insane predicament by baiting her into a conversation about intoxicants and hallucinogens. After all, despite the look on her face, she's also "carrying" a book. Sexually repressed nerd type perhaps? Let's find out (and hope that our investigation sheds some light on this situation which is already threatening a stroke, psychotic breakdown, or unpleasant combination of the two).
About to panic when suddenly Erhan Smith slapped Sparky in the face "GTFO Sparky, you're making me late for my game of bingo with Nurgle and Vaas!" and he used his awesomness to teleport in another dimention. Wondering WTF just happened to tried to get up, but you get tackled by the Shamwow guy, who then said "BRO!! Do you even OLD SPICE?!" he then proceeded to pull an iPhone out of his butt and rubbing it in my face. There was aloud bang before Shamwow guy's head blew up into a fountain of Pipbiys. In a bush 2 meters away, Capatin Price complemented on his sniping skeelz. But not long after, a BLU Spy backstab him and yelled "I'm drunk, YEW DUNT HAVE AN EXCEWSE." who then proceeded to take a swig of Nikolai's vodka. Price's Teen Titans communicator rang as Simone who is currently piloting MEGAS is losing a Pokebattle to Handsome Jack and his level 1337 Butt Stallion. Simone had no other choice, so he activated the MEGAS's spiral drive. IT FEHLED DA EMPRAH, so it burst into warpfalmes. The recent disurbance of the Force caused the TARDIS to crash in front of you. Hoping the Doctor will take you home from this world of WTFness, you hopes turned into mush as Doc Brown stuck his head out. Brown proclaimed "FER TEH EMPRAH" before activating his trap card and summoning Boreale. They died suddenly because of Boreale's deep strikes had landed on the wrong place. Kane jumped out of nowhere, stroking a shard of Blue Tiberium, whispering "My precious...
And then I woke up and decided to stop doing drugs.
I'd just wait and see what she does.
That's it. :P
Ok i got an idea
Kick twilight off
Moon walk backwards
Grab crouch
Throw fedora
Fedora decapitates twilight
Fedora flies back
Catch that shit like a fuckin boss
Triple backflip followed by a barrel roll while on fire
Hit dead twilight with a dildo bat
Hide in cardboard box
Wats-his-face, the black dude who loves blocking other peoples shots, pops up,smacks her in the face and says: "Not in my house" with a smile and a laugh.
What to do?
Kiss her. Rape her.
So glad I found this. It looks amazing. Also, I love any story where I am a total bawller bauss.
Let's see...funny, but not obscenely random...
"Can I help you?" you ask, hoping for a response.
2146007
alanly.ca/memes/why-not-both.jpg
pray that it doesn't go where i think its (it's) going
Do gaming references. Go for chair mode it always works.
2146037 hehe good one
Ask her how do ponies hold things with their hooves. It drove her crazy in Griffin the Griffin, so it might do so here.
Flick her horn and run away!
Talk to her like a sensible person.
I would suggest asking where you are, and why are you looking at me like that
Hit her with a cinnamon roll. While she is incapacitated make a hasty retreat. Turns out that the main character was accualy Pinkie all along.
As Ed would say from Ed, Edd, n' Eddy;
RUUUUUUUUUUNNNN AAAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Run away.
As 4chan says...
>rape
begin to brutally assault with spaghetti
Poke her horn.
I say, "Excuse me, but do you happen to speak English?"
Touch her plot and run away giggling.
2145667
This.
Was.
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!
Coming to, I realize I'm not in my own bed, a local is standing over me, and she(I hope) has a. . . look on her face. Again. I close my eyes for a second before mentally shouting ZEEEELLLLLREEEETTCHHHH!!! at the top of my non-existant lungs which was as per the norm for the last seventy times this happened.
I open my eyes, snap my fingers, and short-warp a little distance away.
I straighten my tie, cast a glance at her and raise an eyebrow before saying-
"Greetings."
Say, "sup" then just go with the flow
Well, this gut is a brony or a troll, if he was on FiMFic. I find it more likely that he is a troll, if he doesn't know that he's in Equestria. But, of course, there are many variables.
2145280 lolz were had
I REGRET NOTHING! I’VE LIVED AS FEW MEN DARE TO DREAM!!! is reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy CORNY
>What do you do?
I scream internally at your errors
2145711
oh lord that made my night.