Encounter
Break the fourth wall.
Who do you think you are, Deadpool? You don't possess the ability to break the fourth wall. Hell, you're not even sure that there even is a fourth wall with which to break. Besides, even if there was, everybody knows that it never works when you know about it.
Ok NOW Summon the Shagohod and begin the chase scene, ride atop of it and play epic music with a guitar.
Okay, for multiple reasons you KNOW you cannot do that. You've played Metal Gear Solid 3 enough, you know that even if you could, you can't do this. Only one Shagohod was ever built and Big Boss destroyed it when he killed his mentor the Boss. No other prototypes were ever built and they were eventually replaced by the vastly superior Metal Gear, which Solid Snake dealt with. Besides, you've already committed yourself to not worrying about any Metal Gears until you finish worrying about the hind helicopter, which given that you've seen it while sober now, you probably should start worrying about it a little more.
You can see the rainbow pegasus' eyes shrink even more. They're almost the size of pinpricks.
Pull her into the box with you and hope to god she understands your situation when you explain it to her.
Invite her to join you under the box. Be polite, you know?
Unfortunately that is not going to work. You see, while the box is just big enough to fit you inside it, there isn't enough room for two in here, even if the other person happens to be a pony. Besides, you don't think that's a good idea at the moment.
The rainbow maned pegasus hasn't blinked since she saw you. She still isn't blinking.
"Hiii."
say hello in the most casual and non-suspisious way possible
while shes confused
RUN
Awkwardly say, "Hello."
Introduce yourself and ask her for her name. Being in a difficult situation is no reason for being impolite.
Say in all the calm and majesty of the universe...
"'Sup."
"Hiii...." you say to her kind of awkwardly to try and break the ice. She isn't saying anything so you might as well.
As you speak you notice her wings slowly begin to unfurl. You have no idea what this means, but you're assuming its not good.
"So... nice weather we're having."
"So... nice weather we're having," you say to her. She still doesn't respond. You notice behind her head that her wings are now standing straight up. Like they are at attention for something.
Okay talking to her isn't doing anything, you need to think of something else.
Kiss her and use the opportune time of shock from the blue pony to make a break for it.
Do what they do on loony toons, Full on kiss her on the lips, smash the box on her head then run away Laughing like a maniac while shes still stunned.
Like a baws.
Kiss her to see if she tastes like skittles, THEN MOONWALK OUT OF THERE!
Kiss her and while she's in a state of shock run as fast as your legs can carry you
Okay while you will admit that your life has seemed more like a cartoon since you got here (no it hasn't... not at all), you're not about to do that. Nope.... just no.
Your mind flashes back to last night when Rarity kissed you. Oh God, if only she had been a human. Then that would have been enjoyable.
You also make a note to do the moonwalk at some point. You're not sure why. And remember to do the dinosaur. Hmm... maybe there's a way you can combine to two.... You'll figure that out later, preferably when you're not being chased or being hunted down by insane ponies.
You notice the rainbow maned pegasus slowly turn her head and begin to open your mouth. You need to act fast.
And if this doesn't work you 'beep' her nose and run like hell.
Guess this is it. This is your final stand. If you are going down you might as go down as manly as fucking possible, you then reach down deep within you and pull out your inner...
And then with all your might and manliness you then... BOOP THE EVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF THIS CYAN PONY'S NOSE! All the while yelling out "The Art of Booping has been passed down through the*insert family's name here* family for generations!"
Boop her on the nose and run away screaming for applejack.
Boop her on the nose.
Boop her nose, quickly shove the box on top of her, then run away flailing your arms screaming "APPLEJACK!!!"
boop boop boop her nose and run away!!!(to the tune of row row row your boat)
(Okay I'm going to give you this one warning. If you post multiple comments in a row about what to do I am going to be less inclined to pick them. So just pick one and stop spamming the comment section. If you don't stop this I am never going to pick yours ever again. Deal?)
She randomly freaks out at seeing a weird new species and runs away.
...After you boop her nose.
Okay THAT IS IT!!!! The time for being a coward is over. You are tired of running away. You're tired of letting these small pastel colored ponies get the best of you. Sure, you may be working for Applejack right now but you will admit that was legitimately your fault. BUT THIS IS NOT APPLEJACK, AND YOU ARE NOT ABOUT TO LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN!!!!
You may not be Solid Snake, but you are still a badass, and badasses DO NOT LET ONE LOSS GET THEM DOWN!!! You channel your inner Alex Louis Armstrong and put your plan into action, cause if your inner Solid Snake isn't going to help you than maybe your inner Alex Louis Armstrong will.
Quickly before she can turn her head more than a few degrees. You reach thrust your right hand forward, your index finger pointed out, right for her face, and you 'boop' her on the nose.
"Boop!" You say in your manliest possible voice.
"Huh?" the rainbow maned pegasus says as she turns her head back to look at you, her eyes now suddenly wide again with confusion.
HUG HER DAMNIT! SHE IS BEST PONY!
Take the initiative. Tackle Rainbow Dash and pin her down. Cover her mouth so she can't call for backup. Explain to her that you are tired of getting chased around and want answers. Ask, "Who are you working for?" Take her wing into your hand and threaten to break it if she shouts. Slowly uncover her mouth to let her answer you.
A classic Snake Interrogation.
Why don't you just talk to her? As epic as a stare-down between RD sounds, you can't do so forever. Plus, your eyes ought to be sore by now from all the staring that you've been doing.
First of all. Why so many comments about hurting RD?
That would just get her mad.
Arent we trying to make friends? Lol
I think he should just talk to her.
And i think my avatar is what twilight looks like. Heh
Quickly, jump towards her, pinning her on her back with your knee on her chest, each hand grabbing a forehoof.
"Ok," you ask her,"I've had a really bad day, but I need some answers. Before I let go, are you going to rape me?"
She convinces you that she is not,infact out to rape you. You let go slowly.
As she gets to her feet, explain to her"Sorry about that, Ive had a really bad last 24 hours (cue PTSD-like flashback)... Really bad. Can you just answer these for me?
1) Do you know Twilight & Rarity?
2) Why were they trying to rape me?
3) How did you find me?
4) You seen Lyra and Bon-Bon anywhere?
Plan 1. Tackle her to the ground, ask if she works for the purple rapist. If no, then let her go and apologize, if yes continue to restrain until Applejack or Bic Mac arrives.
With her momentarily distracted, you throw the box off of you, jump out, and with one quick and fast motion, grab the rainbow maned pegasus in a hug like embrace, then you knock her on her back and pin her to the ground.
Praise the town of Southampton, and in the confusion, leap onto Rainbow Dash's back and fly off into the sunset with Jesus and Solid Snake.
For whatever reason you decide to praise the little town of Southhampton while you do this. God knows why.
You have your right leg holding both her rear hooves down, your left hand on her right forehoof, your right arm is leaning on her left, and your right hand is covering her mouth. Not only that, but since she's on her back her wings aren't gonna be taking her anywhere. Luckily since you're bigger than she is (if only by a little) you're able to do this pretty easily. You have her pinned.
Wow, in retrospect, given your previous luck you did not expect this to work at all. Perhaps your inner Solid Snake is helping you out after all. Then again, that could just be your inner Alex Louis Armstrong as well.
The look of apparent, indistinguishable shock that the rainbow maned pegasus had on her before is suddenly gone, and she's staring up at you now with what you can only guess is abstract horror, at least you're guessing its abstract horror, she looks somewhat afraid. More surprised really.
"Okay," you begin to say to her. "I've had a really bad day, but I need some answers. So answer my questions and I'll let you go. Got it?"
She nods at you (at least she tries to with her head on the ground) in response.
Okay, you've got this rainbow maned pegasus where you want her. You got questions, and you got a pretty good feeling that this pegasus will be able to answer them.
What do you ask her?
What do you do?
I know many of you out there think that RD is the best pony and you're probably mad at me for doing this, but don't worry. Her moment of badassery will come soon. 
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Alright we are going to play a game called who is your daddy and what does he do
first :what is your name?
Second :what is your favorite color?
third: what is the air speed velocity of a swallow?
It looks like she is going to be honest. Ask why everybody is following you.
Is that your real color?
"How the heck can you fly with those wings?"
DO YOU WORK FOR TWILIGHT DO YOU!!!! and do you have a strainge human fetish i shuld know about?
Why did you come down to see me and why are your wings so extended as we will say?
Are you females in heat?
Why are you so damn adorable?
"Why is that nutter of a unicorn chasing me like I'm a piece of meat?"
You decide to ask her 4 questions, which she should be able to answer
1st question: what is your name and did a purple unicorn send you to try and capture me?
2nd question: Are you going to try and rape me, because I nearly got raped by a purple unicorn who looked like she was on meth, and a white unicorn who almost did the same......uh, twilight sparkle and rarity respectively, I believe their names were
3rd question: Do you even lift bruh?
Last question: .........wanna arm/hoof wrestle?
ask if she knows twilight sparkle
1. are you a SPY?
2. (if she says no) Then why were you looking for me.
Let's play a game....
Punch some pussy.
You recall a particularly difficult question that had been on your homework before you wound up underneath Twilight. So, you ask "If I have a glass of water at seventy degrees Celsius, what is the wind speed five miles north?"
Yeah, those math questions were just plain ridiculous.
Ask her if Ponies have developed the technology necessary to produce Hind Helicopters yet
"Twilight's been trying to rape me, did she sent you to look for me? She's dangerous!"
Ask how you get home?
"What...is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
1) Are you working for Twilight, Rarity, or yourself in an attempt to rape me?
2) Do you know Lyra & BonBon and are they ok?
3) Is there any way I can stay low for a few weeks?
4) Who is best pony?
5) Can you walk da dinosaur?
what is your name?
did that purple rapist pony send you?
is that your original hair color?
why are you ponies after me?
what is the meaning of life?
Are you fast flier?
could you distract Twilight and/or Rarity so long that i get to Applejacks house?
In your best British accent ask "Are you my mummy?"
What makes me so damm attractive to ponies?
Where can I get me some of that pony pot?
Ok first question then! Do you know who Twilight Sparkle is?
Second question! If so did she send you to find me?
Third question! How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll© center of a Tootsie Pop©!?
Ok maybe that last question was not really helpful so onto question four! Are you female ponies in heat or something!?
How do you like them apples, Rainbow? (You say this as if you think that's her name.) Also, if you scream, I will rape the everloving shit out of you while making a child watch.
Do you has?
HARVEY DENT, CAN WE TRUST HIM
*in Pink Celestia voice* I'm a badass, are you a badass too?
Smell her, see if she smells like skittles.
"Do you know twilight sparkle?" She nods
Did she send you? she says no
Why the hell is every pony i've meet so fucking adorible? she blushes
are all the mares in heat or something? she blushes deeper
..
...
....
....
What to have a foursome with lyra and bon-bon? she grins
Can't resist, my profile pic works perfectly with this.
Where did you hide the Rinnegan?
1. "Why is there a purple pony out to get me?"
2. "Are you working for/against her?"
3. "What have you been smoking and where can I get some?"
4. Uh... I don't know. Make something up here.
5. "If an apple tree fell in the orchard while a random rabbit ate three carrots in one sitting, how many clouds would it take to cover the hole in that roof over there?"
6. "Am I asking too many questions?"
1. Did Twilight ask you to look for me?
2. Your wings... They straightened when you saw me... Elaborate.
3.*after she answers question 2* You're not going to rape me... RIGHT?!
1 can you explain why i've been assaulted by every mare in town.
2 helicopters, talk.
"Are you a spy?"
"Do you intend to bring about a coupling of our external reproductive organs in a forceful manner, or assist another in doing so?" (The word 'rape' gets thrown around much too casually.)
"You wouldn't happen to know Lyra or Bon Bon, would you?"
"How does one 'Moonwalk the Dinosaur'?"
Step 1: Pull out the Pony Sutra
Step 2: Smile like a creep.
Step 3:
Pull out twin swords and put on a red and black mask.
¿Do you taste like rainbow?
.
.
.
I'm gonna find it out
*taste her*
#1 Is it OK if i do THIS? (Boop her nose repeatedly, like a god)
#2 Where do you keep the chocolat pudding TELL MEEEEE!
#3 Why are you looking in other peoples boxes?
i agree with most of you guys. definitely ask "do you know twilight', Do you know why she is chasing me" etc. after she answers your questions, explain your situation, apologizing for attacking her (because you didn't know if she was freindly or not), and enlisting her help against twilight, promising to teach her an ancient arcane technique. if she agrees, yell "DO A BARREL ROLL" and teach her the aileron roll instead.
because barrel/aileron rolls deflect projectiles plus look really cool.
...
that is all.
p.s. sorry for the run on sentence
what is the anser to life?
What is your name
As you talk to her, the cardboard box randomly explodes into pieces. For some reason nobody other than you particularly notices, or cares.
Ask her these questions:
where am I?
Who are you?
And why is there a crazy purple unicorn trying to rape me?
"I need an aerial recon of Snake, Jesus and Discord's current position! Understand, PRIVATE?!?!"
First, calm her down first before asking her questions. Seriously, with you crouched over her like that in the middle of a secluded spot in an apple orchard might give off the wrong idea...
TELL ME WHO YOU'RE WORKING FOR!
Ask if her name is skittles, if not then too bad.
What where you looking for?
She can fly, ask if shes seen a hind helicopter
If she doesnt know what that is, then say its a giant flying dragonfly that goes thupthupthupthupthupthupthup.
Dont forget to boop the ever loving shit out of her nose.
Ask, "WHERE IS SHE?!?" In your best Batman impression