And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Try and dig a tunnel away from Ponyville.
DIG A HOLE. DIG A HOLE TO HIDE IN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!!
And if you get caught, begin pelting every living being with apples! Lots and lots of apples!
umm put on a dwarf outfit and start to dig while whistling the diggy diggy hole song and say you name is honeydew
Plan A: Dig an escape tunnel
Unfortunately you have no objects with which to dig your way out of this place. Also you're quite certain that even if you did you wouldn't nearly be able to dig fast enough to escape the wrath of Twilight Sparkle. Its not like you spent your life digging holes for a living so yeah that option is out. Also there is no way in any hell that you are going to use your own hands to start digging. Not only would that be incredibly difficult to do and take an incredibly long time, but it will also hurt due to your fingernails coming off. Yes that does happen.
Your only option at this point is to reason with the orange horse running the apple stand.
Tell Applejack you help her with "bucking" later if she manages to get Twilight away.
OR
Tell AJ if she helps you, you in return will help her to the best of your abilities, which is not answering questions about your appearance.
"if you let me stay, i......i'll work for you, for cheap! seriously, i'll live off apples for a month if it means i can get away!" you're reduced to groveling at the hooves of a sentient orange pony. how undignified, and yet needed at the same time.
"Please just stay quiet!" You tell her as quietly yet as urgently as you possibly can in this situation. "I'll make it up to you. I'll do whatever you want. Just please let me hide here!"
"Who or for that matter what in the hay even are you?" She asks you not in any way quietly.
"if you let me stay, I......" You begin to say. "I'll work for you, for cheap! seriously, I'll live off apples for a month if it means i can get away!"
"I don't even know who or what ya'll are. Why would Ah..."
"APPLEJACK WHERE IS HE!!!???" You hear the voice of what is unmistakably Twilight Sparkle say. ""I KNOW HE CAME THROUGH HERE!!!" She sounds much closer than before.
Offer to buy every single last apple off her farm if she let's you hide there.
The thought occurs to you to try and bribe the orange pony by saying that you'll buy all her apples from her. Unfortunately, partly because of your lack of pants. You don't have any money on you. Hell you don't even know what money is in this world.
Plan B: offer knowledge and wisdom in exchange for you life and virginity
You tell Applejack that you know the secrets of the universe, and if she helps you, you will answer any one question. Except for why you aren't wearing any pants.
"PLEASE!" You say to her. "I'll tell you the secrets of the universe! Anything you want to know I-"
"Get the buck out of mah stand!" She replies, obvious frustration with this whole thing in her voice. Yeah you had no idea why that would work.
Hind Solid Snake style.
Unfortunately you don't know how to hind Solid Snake style. You're pretty sure that 'hind' is another term of a type of helicopter.
"Well it's obvious, isn't it? Here you are, seated behind a veritable plethora of ammunition! It's time to OPEN FIRE!! Grabbing as many apples as you can, you begin to hurl the fruits at high velocity towards your purple nemesis. 'Hah! Take that, ya purple freak!' you yell triumphantly as several red fruits hit their mark, causing Twilight to sputter and stumble."
With no other options left, and no help coming from the orange horse. You do the one thing that you've up to this point been saving as a last resort. Quickly you push her out of the way and get back up. Thinking quickly, you grab an apple and throw it at Twilight's face. Without wasting a second you grab as many of them as you can and start throwing them.
Unfortunately, you forgot that Twilight is a unicorn and in her apparent adrenaline rush she catches them all with what you can only assume is her magic. Since they all stop in mid air and get grabbed in this magenta glow right before they hit her. They all float in mid air for a second before the glow around them stops and they all falls towards the ground, revealing Twilight's "I am a destroyer of worlds" face. With you in her sight she runs right towards you.
Throw an apple at another nearby stand hopefully causing it to lose its supplies and cause a big enough distraction then run like hell and hide in one of the multiple alleys in town.
Thinking quickly, you look around at the other stands. When all hope seems lost you notice that one of them has stacked up its merchandise rather poorly. Taking careful aim, you grab one last apple and throw it at the pile. Time slows for you as you cross your fingers and hope this works.
It does, the apple hits the pile of merchandise causing all of it to fall over, which also causes the stand to fall over for some reason. At the sight of this, every technicolor horse in the area screams and starts to panic. From there they all start running rampantly through the streets screaming at the top of their lungs. You're also pretty sure you hear one of them scream "THE END IS NEIGH!!!"
Look at Applejack and mouth the words "Please forgive me." Then proceed to grab and flip the entire apple cart over to try and halt Twilight's charge towards you and make your dashing escape.
"I'm sorry," you say to the orange pony, whose just been staring at you this whole time, mouth agape. With Twilight still darting towards you through the crowd of panicking horses, you grab the apple stand with both hands and flip it over. You timed it perfectly, just as Twilight is about to reach you a basket of apples falls on her and stops her from moving.
And if all else fails, FUCKING RUN!
With her temporarily distracted. You bolt like you've never bolted before and run the fuck away from here.
The apple basket explodes as Twilight gets back up and looks around. The look on her face suggests that she is ready to end you and all that you know. Unfortunately for her, the technicolor horses all around her are running about in panic. As a result she can't see through the crowd. Even Applejack is having a hard time finding you and finding out what just happened.
Twilight just looks to her friend Applejack, who in turn just looks right back at her. Twilight calms herself down for a moment to catch her breath. Applejack on the other hand, puts a determined look on her face. Seeing this, Twilight nods at her, and Applejack nods right back.
-Elsewhere-
With the crowd of ponies as a distraction you run out of the market and back into the town proper. You run into an alleyway between two houses to stop and catch your breath. Luckily there is a box here you can hide behind. You seemed to have escaped Twilight for now. However, that still leaves the matter of where to go from here. In this place, you do kind of stand out. As much as a human without and pants would stand out in a world of technicolor ponies. You don't know why but you're gonna start calling them ponies now.
"Hey!" you hear another voice call out. Its not one you recognize. "Hey human!" You hear it call out again.
Your curiosity getting the better of you, you peek up over the box to see a mint green unicorn with a golden lyre on her rump standing in the doorway of one the houses directly across the street from you. She's looking right at you. Not only that but she's waving her hoof towards where she is in a manner that practically says 'Come on! Get inside!' without actually saying it.
What do you do?
Give her a running tackle hug inside the home and say 'Thank you' over and over again.
Can't possibly be worse than facing the lavender purple destroyer of worlds.
So go on inside!
I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
You remove the lid of the box, and place it over yourself. Now hidden, you slowly make your way towards the new unicorn.
I get my ass over there as fast as I can. Any port in a storm, right?
Again, the character would know who all of these ponies are, he was on fimfiction.net, he's obviously a brony.
Thus, he would know that Lyra is so obsessed with humans that inside her house he is likely to find a pair of pants that may or may not fit him.
He runs in, tackling her inside her home, shutting and locking the door behind her and says "I will give you 10 minutes to do whatever you want with my hands other than mutilating them or removing them from my body to put onto yours if you hide me from Twilight and Applejack and help me find a pair of pants. Or at the very least a stylish enough skirt to be able to pass it off as a kilt."
flip box, run tward giant gingerbread house
*realize what a spaz you've been*
*accept help from creepy-town because you don't know any better*
*flee creepy-town*
*find Twilight and point out that it was her magic that ripped the book (after talking her down from RAEG)*
*find Applejack and ask how much money you wasted in the preceding situation and work out a payment plan to reimburse her, preferably from home*
Step 1: Run into her house and begin kissing her hooves in thanks.
Step 2: Compliment her selection of wallpaper.
Step 3: While she says "thank you" in response grab a banana and demand that she tell you her name
Hey atleast you remembered your manners
well if you dont go in, twilight is likely to find you and rape you in which you lose both your virginity and dignity as a man.
Pony who knows what you are? Seems trustworthy. Go inside.
Find a random bush, hide in it, and slowly make your way over.
Where there's Lyra, there's Bon Bon. Ask where she is... you know that Bon Bon might be a good backup plan if Lyra turns out to be- err... inhumane.
Accept help if she assure me I'll live to see the sunshine.
Tackle her into a secluded, tell her to stay quiet, until Twilight passes, then follow her, keeping a close eye out for Twilight and anyone else conspicuous.
Assuming you still have apples you should go in with her. If push comes to shove use the fruit for self defense and/or as intimidation. Then use a cardboard box to solid snake away.
Run inside and ask for a pair of pants. Well, at least something that could pass off as pants. Hide until Twilight Sparkle leaves. Thank the pony for allowing you to hide. Then leave, hoping against hope himself that no one notices you.
run inside, and hope she doesn't plan on molesting you, although you're too worried to care at this moment, any shelter is better than none, right? right!?
NOPE
NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE KEEP RUNNING UNICORNS ARE THE REASON THIS IS HAPPENING IN THE FIRST PLACE
Run inside then show your appreciation
Run in, thank her, and inquire how long that Twilight will be after me.
Quickly Run inside and find some pants to put on. Lyra is bound to have some right?
Your inner Admiral Ackbar yells "ITS A TRAP!" But you ignore it and go inside anyway.
call spiderman memelocker.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/hay.jpg
Find the nearest heavy object and whack yourself in the head over and over until you wake up from this crazy dream your having
Run inside the house(seeing as she isnt outright enraged or out to get you) and begin inquies on the sods going on. try not to repeat getting itn othe same problem.
Run Inside and thank her for her troubles...
If it comes to 'bedroom affairs' than...
BLOWJOBS ARE BETTER THAN NO JOBS AMARITE???
I got nothing other than accept her offer.
Be afraid that THIS pony knows what a human is, run in a completely different direction and find what looks like an abandoned house and dive right in to hide until things calm down then try to sneak out of town to find a more suitable hiding place.
2163151,
Everything.
...
No, here's what you really do:
"Apply the handbrake, you dumb broad."
YES!! MY COMMENT GOT PICKED! I AM HAPPY!!
Forgot about magic though, oops. Oh, well. I am contribute. But I'm definitely WAY too late to offer anything original here. Whatever, here goes:
"The fact that this pony actually knows what you are speaks for itself; get into the safehouse!! Flee the oncoming storm! Graciously accept her hospitality, and if she is in fact trying to do something...unsavory to you, it can't POSSIBLY be worse than the combined wrath of Twilight Sparkle and Applejack."
Go inside Lyra's house. When Lyra inevitably starts going on a human obsessed rant, agree with all her requests and demands.
well it is lyra id say ok go inside ask her questions about what you know about what happened and hide your hands
2163763
Who the hell do you think you are? Bill Clinton?
2163151 as 4chan would say
>rape
I'm with the guy below me
Give her a running tackle hug inside the home and say 'Thank you' over and over again.
Do as she says, but keep your pistol's safety switch at off. Wait, you don't have a pistol, just ready your fists.
Step 1: run in her house.
Step 2: find clothes (she must have some human clothes in her house)
Step 3: run out her houses back door.
Step 4: ???
Step 5: find the doctor and get in his TARDIS
Go into the house and try to befriend the unicorn, when the inevitable happens you're going to need someone for backup.
2166896
First off, the doctor is one in three times associated with twilight
And I would sigh with relief at the first friendly face, and also kiss the pony on the horn to show my gratitude
You run straight to her house, barge inside while yelling thank you, let her get inside too, and NAIL ALL DOORS AND WINDOWS DOWN, FLIP THE COUCH ONTO ITS SIDE, AND GRAB A BUCKET AND PUT IT ON YOUR HEAD WHILE WIELDING A BROOM LIKE A WEAPON AND DUCK BEHIND THE COUCH SO YOU CAN PREPARE FOR WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also ask the pony if she has some pants.
1.open a tear in the universe to get back to earth
2.continue RUNNING FOR YOUR LIFE
I am become death, destroyer of worlds, for I have no mouth and I must scream,