Kick down the door of the tree house, after that you shout "I HAVE ARRIVED"
I got nothing... Just go with whatever the person under me said.
Time for the return of the "DYNAMIC ENTRY!"
Dynamic entry into the CMCs' clubhouse and attempt to convince them (if they are present to witness said entry) to help you hide from the other insane ponies in exchange for the chance that they may earn their cutie marks for hospitality/ kindness/ mercy, etc. It's a long shot but beggars can't be choosers.
Open the door while screaming 'I CAME' for no apearent reason, then procees to close the door. Inside you see three fillies sitting on what looks to you like a red and white ringed circle. Ask the three fillies if they have something you can use to get rid of that smell and if they can privode cover for an idefinite amount of time
Dynamic entry LIKE A BOSS then run away while getting chased by a pony that came out of a blue phone box that was inside the clubhouse in the middle of a pentagram.
Not one to be slowed down, and not one to turn down an opportunity to hide when you see it (not realizing what happened last time you tried that *cough Rarity *cough) you start running again and make your way towards the tree house.
Without slowing down, you run up the ramp to the front door, knowing fully well that for a bawller boss like you. A regular entry just will not do. NO SIR! NOT AT ALL!!!
Right as you are about to reach the door, you jump up and extend your leg. That's right, you are GOING TO DYNAMIC ENTRY THIS SHIT LIKE THE BOSS THAT YOU ARE!!!!
"I CAME!!!" You shout as you fly towards the door. You would have shouted "Dynamic entry" like Gai did, but for whatever reason you feel compelled to shout that instead. You aren't sure why.
Unfortunately you were so caught up in your dynamic entry that you fail to notice that the door is already open, so you fly right through the door and tumble onto the floor like an idiot. After almost hitting the back wall you stop and roll onto your back.
"I HAVE ARRIVED!!!" You shout as you stare up at the ceiling. You don't know why you were compelled to shout that either, you just do. You really shout stop shouting though, you don't want to give away your position.
Look around if you could find something helpful.(Like potions, weapons, armors etc. etc.)
Loot the tree house of valuables.
There are no ponies currently inside the treehouse.
Eat some stale cookies from the pantry.
Collect shuriken from Cutie Mark Crusaders Ninjas adventure.
Find some green and brown rolls of dumb fabric and make a Gillie suit.
Hide in the cupboard until the heat dies down, then sneak into the forest in gillie suit.
You get up and look around tree house. Ends up you were right. There are no ponies here, this tree house is completely empty... for now that is. You use this rare moment of being in a house with no one around to look around the tree house and loot it for valuables. If there is one thing that your videogames have taught you, its that there are always valuables around any house.
Unfortunately after thoroughly rummaging through the place (and putting back everything as you found it; you don't want to let anyone know you've been here obviously) you find nothing. Absolutely nothing useful or otherwise. There weren't even any stale cookies in the pantry you checked. There was a cookie jar there, but unfortunately there were no cookies in it. Guess someone must have gotten to them before you.
The only thing you find while rummaging through this place is a pack of crayons. Will that be useful? You really have no idea, so you put them in your pocket just to be safe.
You have acquired crayons.
Put on your Army helmet, get inside, and start barricading with HMGs and lots of ammo.
You also find an army helmet while looking around this place (oddly enough), but it is much too small for your head and is made of cheap plastic. The thought occurs to you to start barricading the treehouse just in case any ponies show up. Unfortunately you have no weapons with which to barricade the treehouse nor any ammo with which to supply them. Plus nobody in Ponyville owns a weapon, so getting one might be incredibly difficult.
Burn the clubhouse to the ground!
BURN IT!!! that should be enough of a distraction for you to plan to burn more stuff
The thought occurs to you to burn down the tree house, but you quickly shake your head free of those thoughts. You don't want to give away your position just yet, much less burn anything down. Even if you did, you have no objects on you with which to burn down this treehouse.
Just then, something hits you, and you realize something. You're in a place that's only one room. Nothing useful or otherwise can be found in it, and you're once again hiding...
...
...
...
...
There is only one thing you can do.
You opened the door (technically it was already open by hey, semantics)
You get on the floor
#1: Do the god damn dinosaur already; you put off doing it for too long, and even if you want an audience to see you do it, the nagging urge to do so can't be ignored.
Make the treehouse your hidey-hole! Then do the dinosaur on the floor! (Or the moonwalk, depending on how awesome you feel!)
Alternatively, realise how stupid this is. Hiding in a tree that is designed to stand out is a horrible idea as it is the most likely tree that will attract attention. You would be found almsot instantly.......
But hide in it anyway.
1. Go up to the tree house.
2. Open door to tree house.
3. Make said tree house your new base of operations.
4. Do the mother fucking dinosaur to celebrate your new base of operations.
YOUR INNER ALEX LOUIS ARMSTRONG COMMANDS IT!
1.) Enter treehouse
2.) Do the dinosaur
3.) ???
4.) Profit
AND YOU DO THE GOD DAMNED DINOSAUR!!!
YES, YES, YES. BY GOD YOU ABSOLUTELY NEEDED THIS!!!
You've had this unbelievably nagging itch to do this again since you did it in Lyra's house, and now that you're doing it again it feels so god damned good... And silly.
"Open the door, get on the floor
Everybody walk the dinosaur
Open the door, get on the floor
Everybody walk the dinosaur"
You sing aloud as you do it. My God you feel silly right now but you can't help it.
Oh great, a small house of sorts, that must mean there are more ponies. You don't want to just avoid civilization but you can't risk getting almost-raped again because of you're alluring stench (you knew you shouldn't have put on Axe body spray before dimension-hopping). As you ponder the conundrum you hear a sound that has so far meant nothing but trouble for you: the chopchopchop of helicopter blades. The Holy Hind once again flies over your head, but this time it stops and hovers in mid-air above your head. Solid Snake, once again in the co-pilot's seat, opens the hatch and takes out a bucket of sewer water and rotten fish. Snake leans out and pours the vile concoction over your head. He and Jesus then fly off as he gives you a thumbs up. Congratulations! You now smell like piss-water and dead fish instead of sex!
Your epic moment of doing the dinosaur is interrupted by a vaguely familiar sound.
It sounds like....
"Oh no no no no no no no no NO NO NO NO NO!!!" You scream to yourself as you get up and look around for a place to hide. Instinctively, you duck into one of the corners and get low. If nothing else, they won't be able to see you. Though the wooden frames of the house won't do jack against bullets, which you know for certain a hind helicopter would have.
"Oh god oh man oh god oh man oh god oh man oh god oh man oh god oh man," you silently say to yourself as the sound gets closer.
*This plays in the background*
~But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough.~
Look around in confusion wondering where that music is coming from.
Suddenly, as the sound get closer, it seems to change. It sounds more like a lawnmower than a helicopter. You're not about to look outside and check though.
Then suddenly you hear another sound.
"But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough."
It sounds like three little girls singing. Why they are singing that you have absolutely no idea, but they are getting closer.
Suddenly, you hear what sounds like a motorcycle skid to a halt. It skids for several seconds before everything falls silent. The singing oddly stops as well.
"So, what are we gonna do today Scootaloo?" you hear a rather squeaky voice ask outside.
"The same thing we do every day Sweetie," another, more boyish voice says. "Try to get our cutie marks!"
You're still hiding in the corner.
What do you do?
-Meanwhile back at the ranch-
"Again, I'm really sorry about that Applejack," Rainbow Dash said to Applejack as the two of them walked out of the orchard on the path back towards the farm. Blood and bruises still covering their bodies.
"Ah said it twas all right RD," Applejack responds as she walks next to her, a comforting smile on her face. "Ya'll didn't know any better. Ah probably would 'ave done tha same thing."
"Yeah," Rainbow Dash said, she hung her head low as she walked. "But Twilight just seemed really worried when she came to me. Like she needed to find that human thing or..."
"Yeah, Ah know," Applejack said in response. "Let's just be thankful that neither of us really got hurt."
"Yeah," Rainbow said as she looked back up at Applejack, a sheepish smiled adorned her face. Applejack couldn't help but smile as well. The two of them walked in silence the rest of the way towards the farm.
Right as they reached the farmhouse however.
"OH YES! OH BIG MAC YOU'RE SO GOOD AT THAT!!!"
"Uh... Applejack," Applejack didn't even respond as she kicked down the door and jumped inside, ready to beat the living apples out of anything in her house if need be. ESPECIALLY BIG MACINTOSH!!!
What she saw however made her do a double take.
Twilight was lying on her belly on the couch. Her solid snake outfit (eye patch included) was all off of her and folded on a nearby table, her sword at the top of the pile. Her limbs were all spread out and relaxed like she hadn't been all day. Big Macintosh sat on top of her, his forehooves on her back.
Both he and Twilight just looked dumbly at Applejack as she stood there at the entrance with a look of confusion on her face. Rainbow Dash stood behind her, just as confused as she was.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Big Macintosh was giving Twilight a back massage.
"What?" Twilight said to her two friends.
Oh god the HIND HELICOPTER HAS TRANSFORMED INTO A PONY! Throw crayons at it while shouting "Get back vile shapeshifting demon!!!"
Okay, you've got three ponies about to find you. When they come in, you tell them that you are the spirit of the cutie mark. After that, you convince them that you will give them cutie marks if they hide you. After they hide you, you draw random stuff on the place you saw every other pony's marks with your newly acquired crayons.
Jump out of the tree houses windows- or talk to the children ponies because its not like kids will harm you.
If the cutie mark crusaders see you yell out: "I'm not a suspicious person nor a rapist," as loud as you can.
Then ask them to help easy your frustrations that has been building up since you arrived...what I'm talking about you running away and hiding from that purple unicorn and she seams to always find you type of frustration what where you thinking, Pervert.
Last think if they start asking for an adult just tell them that you are an adult with the best poker face you have.
Wait, wait wait wait. Clearly you're in a badly written fanfic. You need to break the fourth wall and beat up the author. So your current goal?
Pinkimena. Diane. Pie.
Get her help. At all costs.
1. Dive out the window.
2. Run away.
-Meanwhile back with the mares-
(ether Rainbow dash or Applejack):So Twilight what happen to you, did you get any sleep last night
Twilight: Uhh… y-yesssss. I um… I… uh…
Ghost Sombra: You fell down some stairs.
Twilight: I fell down some stairs.
Big mac: No you didn’t! You-
Twilight: Shut up before I throw you down a flight!
you yell "convenient plot device" (Not that kinda of device you pervert. take your mind out of the gutter) and point the Pink maned, yellow coated pegasus mare behind them. When you yell and point her she turns to look at you and her eyes widen and her wings spring up.
they turn to look her and you can runaway.
when you run you turn to look back. you notice that the yellow pegasus has started to chase you with Disturbing look on her face. your eyes widen and you pick more speed. Suddenly Voice full of lust yells "You're going to love me" so loud that everything in 10 km radius hears it. this sends shivers through your back and all you can do is run and pray any god that listens.
Jump out the window and run
Curl up on the floor and act like you are asleep. Most likely they will be curious as to what you are, rather than screaming and running away, so you can play off of that and perhaps befriend them.
If all else fails throw a grenade before you jump out the nearest window.
Scare them off by saying "OOGABOOGABOOGA!" and running towards them.
If that doesn't work, snap their necks and hide their bodies in the branches.
Attack Big Mac.
Then declare Twilight as your waifu.
Their just kids... kids you thus realize you must be on your best behavior as to make a good example for the kids.. cuz that's what badass do.
Jump out the window like a BOWSS! Or better yet, a SOUCE BOWSS!
oh boy, you're in a tree-house that some-pony owns, what do now. Luckily there's an open window and it looks like there enough tree branches and leaves on top of the tree-house to give you good enough cover. You decide to do use your parkour skills to get on top of the tree-house and hide on top of it. Better than getting caught by whatever's coming inside, that's for sure
Cut of your genitalia, CANT RAPE YOU NOW
They don't know what you are. Make like a statue!
Kidnap the cmc and demand weapons for the safe return of them after getting the weapons rob a local bank hire your own private army to defend you
Remenber your agent 47 skills!
-Take something that breaks easy or made of metal.
-Toss it out of a window, the sound will distract the CMC.
-Once they go see what it was, sneak out 47 style.
-Head to the forest and do the moonwalk!
-Profit.
People react less to what appears to be sentient beings. Quick, take off your top (cause all sentient beings are topless) and move to the other end of the treehouse, face away from the door, and adopt a meditation stance, whilst humming gently.
upon arrival, engage conversation with them using a mixture of Mr Myiagi (dunno how to spell it :P) and Yoda quotes, about how you can grant them their 'cutie marks', all whilst you formulate an escape plan.
Grabe the lamp shade and pretend to be a lamp
Reconnaissance. Observe, but do not engage.
...
2245505 <--- I second this guy's idea.
You decide that these fillies are too young to be affected by your swag.
Attempt to befriend these girls. Give back the stolen crayons as a peace offering.
Do not mention rape in the presence of these innocents.
When they ask you to help them get their cutie marks, realize that Applejack has apples on her flank, Rarity has rare diamonds on hers, Rainbow Dash has a rainbow lightning bolt, and Twilight Sparkle's cutie mark is a sparkly star that comes out at twilight.
Tell them, "Apple Bloom, your cutie mark is going to be an blooming apple flower. Scootaloo, yours will be a scooter. Sweetie Belle, your cutie mark will be a bell, some sweets, or some weird combination thereof."
Realize that you have perfectly memorized the butts of several mares, and proceed to feel ashamed of yourself.
Yo girls! ¿Wanna do the dinosaur with me?
2246028
I second this idea.
Try and jump out of the window, only to get stuck mid-way. The CMC arrive and find your ass hanging there with squirming legs.
"What's that, Scootaloo?"
»Mike
Hahaha! Lawl, well played with the whole Big Mac scene. Most amusing. Alright, I think I've got a good one this time:
"Only one thing to do! BARRICADE THE ENTRANCE! You quickly run over to the door and slam it closed, pressing your body weight against it. Moments later, you hear hoofsteps just outside. A force begins to exert itself against the door, but you are a bawler bawss and easily hold it back. "Hey! What gives?" a rather brash young voice calls out. "The door's stuck!"
Suddenly, you get an idea. A wonderful idea. "Whooooo~" you begin to moan softly. "I am a ghoooost! WHOOOOO~ I have taken over your clubhooouse ooooooooo!!" You chuckle to yourself at the terrified screams from the other side of the door. "Iiif you eeever want your cluuubhouse baaack," you continue, "youuuu must briiiing meeee the smelliest thiiiings you can fiiind!" After all, you still have a scent problem to deal with. Might as well kill two birds with one stone! "Oh, and a shrubbery," you suddenly feel the need to add."
You look out the window of the club house down at the younger ponies and smirk slightly, "This tree house must be theirs"
you remember them mentioning something about looking for... sutie marks? no cutie marks, that was it.
"Are you all looking for something? your... cutie marks?"
Kick the door open, and weep as loudly as you can in front of the CMC. Hopefully, they will take pity on you and give you their ride so you can escape from Twilight.
you hear them say that they were looking for their cutie marks so when they come in tell them that if they hide you you will get them their cutie marks then cup your hands over the spot that every one elses cutie mark is then use the crayons hiden in your hands draw something random or somthing that will help you (such as beating up twi)
Disguise yourself as lamp post, quicky
ask them if you smell funny
Ask the fillies if they'd like to get a cutie mark in human hiding.
Quickly Dive out the window! Then realize diving out a tree-house window was probably a bad idea. Fortunately the window was too small for you to fit through so no headfirst plunge to the ground, unfortunately you are now stuck in the window frame.
Dive out the treehouse's window, then run like a deathclaw is after your ass.
Better gone then captured.
You then use your inner Alex Louis Armstrong to then blind these three ponies with your manliness...if that doesn't work run like a scared bitch.
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie breaks the 4th wall and slaps an octo-camo suit on you, including the face mask.
That's not just a backrub. That's a POST COITAL BACK RUB :D
Quick, turn on your invisibility cloak!
(I've ran out of epic comments today... so yeah)
Solid Snake out of the window as they enter! Then run off screaming "Can't catch me now, suckers!!!!!!!!"
Don on a tanuki costume from Mario bros 3 and turn into a statue.
If that doesnt work, throw shit at them in hopes they will run away. Even if that means your actual shit.
And if that doesnt work, simply go out the front door and walk away like nothing happened. Well they are just kids, not like they will rape you.
This...
"Cutie Mark"
Sounds important. And these voices sound too young to be full grown mares, so their hormones probably won't mess with their... You know... Needs...
Anyway, offer them some advice to get their cutie marks in exchange for a place to hide.
These "Cutie Marks" seem important, and they seem to want them from doing various activities. Help them get their "Smuggle a human to a safe place" Cutie mark.
You find the Crusaders' secret stash of aphrodisiacs.
...WTF??
offer to assist them in finding their cutie marks (whatever that is) if they will help hide you
Teach the girls the dinosaur
Obviously, there is only one thing to do:
You walk outside, strutin' your stuff like the bawler bawss you are.
As the three little fillies stare up at you, in awe of your masculinity, you raise your hands to the sky.
You draw in a deep breath, then scream out "I'M ON A MISSION FROM GOD!"
Take note of their amazed expressions as the line from the Blues Brothers has an effect:
a blinding light cast down from the heavens surrounds you, and there is what sounds like a choir of angels singing.
Looking up, you see Solid Snake pointing the spotlight down from the side of the hind, while Jesus and Discord are standing in the cockpit,
arms around each other, belting it. Unfortunately, this means no one is flying, and you know it can only end in disaster!
"JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!" you shout, snapping the sonuvagod from his revellry. The hind proceeds to careen around
randomly with Solid Snake holding on for dear life as Jesus fights for control. As they fly off into the distance, you gape
in the most manly way possible. Solid Snake seems to be giving you a thumbs up from miles away, but you can't be sure.
Is Solid Snake sctually a bro?
take off your clothes, and show your monster baller boss shlong to the crusaders. Then do the dongwave, and then the dongwalk, and then the dongasaur. Ass a hind of dongworm to that, with some dongisco and dong hustle. Do(ng)
thehustle. Dong dong dong dogndogndongdogndogndogndong ding.I meant add a hint