No. You must continue with this story. We must push the chapters
OVER 9000!!!!!!!!
Or at least push a hundred.Also:
Awkward moment alert! We need more small talk!
I'ma givin' 'er all we've got, cap'n, if I give her any more she'll blow!
Damnit that's an order! We need to do something!
Captain, is it not illogical to attempt to help one who has harmed us.
SHUT UP ALL OF YOU, NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO HEAR VOICES IN YOUR HEAD!
Even if the enterprise crew is in there, I need to help her. For some reason. I hate seeing people like this. And since when did I use the first person? No matter. I will change to second person again. Anyway, I need to say something."So, how about that weather?"
"I'm givin' 'er all we've got, cap'n!!!" Scotty shouted into the coms as he ran through the engine room. "If I give 'er anymore she'll blow!"
"Dammit that's an order!!!" Kirk shouted back into the com at him. "We need to do something!"
"Captain," Spock said as he walked over to Captain Kirk from whatever he was doing. "Is it not illogical to attempt to help one who has harmed us?"
Suddenly at this point, the author remembers that this is a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanfiction and not a Star Trek one.
So........ What where were we again?
*reads previous chapter*
Oh, right.
Channel your inner Sherlock Holmes and investigate the room and Twilight.Check for traps too.
There is a ringing in the back of your mind and you suddenly feel something in there "ding". What was that? And why do you feel like you know what to do? Deciding to not waste your brain cells, you focused your attention to Twilight.
Hidden Passive: Due to the similarities of your two channeled fictional characters, Batman and The Doctor, you subconsciously gain a certain trait and an understanding of their morality depending on the situation. You can feel a piece of their souls after all. But ONLY a grain-of-sand piece that's still growing.
Interrogation: With the detective skill's of crime-fighter and the Godly knowledge of a Timelord, you can see what makes one tick and mention subjects to unlock more interactions.
Sinner's Empathy: Thanks to Batman's unstable mental condition and The Doctor's moments of anger and sorrow, they made many regrettable choices. So, you can pretty much understand Twilight's pain.
While you are no longer channeling Sherlock Holmes, the two characters you are channeling (Batman and The Doctor) do both allow you a keen sense of observation. Since Batman is basically a modern version of Sherlock Holmes (think about it, he is), he should be able to allow you to search the room just as effectively as Sherlock.
Also, thanks to the similarities between the two characters, some other additional abilities are unlocked that could be of use here. Interrogation allows you to combine Batman's detective skills and The Doctor's time lord knowledge to see what makes a person (or pony in this case) tick and allow for best interactions. Sinners Empathy comes from the fact that both Batman and The Doctor have made regrettable choices in their lives (The Doctor killing his entire race for one thing), and finally, your hidden passive ability allows you to gain a sense of morality depending on the situation.
With these skills, you decide to first investigate the room you are in.
You quickly look around the room and check for traps or anything else that could be used against you. You don't find anything at like that, and in Twilight's current state, you don't really think she could have put any here even if she wanted to. Right now she looks like she couldn't even catch a snail much less you. Plus, you kind of doubt Spike would go through all the effort to do that right now, and even if he did, you've got Lyra, Bon Bon, and all of Twilight's friends in the next room over, and since they all saved your ass, you don't think they're about to double cross you. If they wanted to let Twilight have her way with you, then they would have let her in the forest, and if Spike wanted to he would have done the same thing, or if he REALLY wanted to do it now, he wouldn't have allowed all of them to come over. Your inner Doctor Who makes you a good judge of character. So you don't find any traps and the likelihood of there being any as far as you can assume, is very minimal.
(also, do you all really want this guy interacting with Twilight Sparkle right now?)
Fidget awkwardly then talk about SCIENCE!
Attempt to get twilight to talk, at the very least eat, if all else fails for 30 minutes, contact spike to contact the princess, see if that gets a reaction
Ok first off do a charisma level check. You are going to need a lot of it to get Twilight out of this slump.
Next proceed to talk to Twilight into eating something or at the very least begin talking a little. If that doesn't work after about the first ten minutes walk across over to her and cup her chin in your hands and stare into her eyes and proceed talking to her in this way. Gently mind you. And if this doesn't work tell her "I know you are a good being deep down Twilight, I really do. Just tell me why you... needed to have sex with me in the first place. We both need to move past this whole debacle. Some closure if you will."
... The Twilight who sits before you now is not the same monster that tried to rape you... And from the look of things, she's punished herself for more than you could have managed.
If you had to guess, guilt is ripping her apart from the inside, so... ... What she did wasn't okay, but... ... Try not to be accusational when speaking to her. It looks like it'll take a good amount of work to get her to open up enough to answer even the most basic questions... A good one to start with might be, why did you think that the fate of all Equestria hinged on me knocking you up to make a centaur?
Well, here you are. Sitting in front of the mare that tried to rape you... Where to start and what to say?
1.) look up, put on you're best smile, and start small talk. At least try to look like you forgive her. she seems like she's in a lot of pain right now...
But yeah, on to Twilight herself. She's still looking down at the food in front of her (but you know she's not really looking at the food) and not saying or doing anything. You can plainly see, even without your the observational skills of Batman and The Doctor, that the Twilight Sparkle who is sitting before you, is not the same insane, out of her mind, monster that tried to rape you before. Judging by the way she looks, she's punished herself a lot more than you originally thought.
Yeah, you expected something when Spike told you that she had fallen into depression because of what happened, but you didn't expect this. If you had to guess, you'd say that the guilt she must feel for what she did is tearing her apart from the inside out. She must know that what she did wasn't okay, and it shows by the way she's punishing herself.
Its kind of pathetic to see her like this. You have to admit, you feel a little sad for her right now. Not sorry, just sad.
You know that it will take some amount of effort to get her to open up and talk about even the most basic things, much less get her to answer some of the questions you want to ask her. You figure the best way to at least start at this is to make some small talk with her before you ask any serious questions. Also you don't want to be accusational in your line of questioning (even though you wanted to initially, but things have changed since then).
You do a quick charisma level check on yourself before you move forward. You know you'll need a lot for this. Since you've managed to get several ponies to help you run from her and held you out when you needed them (although some fell under the effect of the heat spell, but that can hardly be considered your fault), you figure that you've got enough charisma to handle this.
You do your best to put on your best smile and at least try to look like you've forgiven her before you say anything.
"So," you start as you pierce another bit of the salad with your fork before you take a bite. "How about that weather, huh?" Yeah, you know that was kind of a weak opener, but hey, you're just trying to at least get her to talk right now. Though your first attempt seems to be in vain, as Twilight completely ignores your question. She doesn't respond to you, and still doesn't even look up at you.
"Um..." you say as you attempt to think of something else to talk about. "What have you been doing today?" Still she gives no response. "Did you hear about that musical we had today?" You ask her as you push the pears in your salad off to the side. For some reason you feel a deep seeded hatred for them. You're not sure why. Still, she gives you no response. "Have you been practicing any kind of magic, or science. Oh, oh. You wanna talk about science?" Still no response, none at all. She doesn't even look up or move her eyes in the slightest. "Do you want to talk about... anything?" You ask her in one last ditch effort. Still nothing.
'Wow,' you think to yourself as you watch her ignore everything you say or do. You're kind of amazed, she really is beating herself up that bad.
Call The Watchmen!
NO! You are not about to call the Watchmen. That was a stupid video and an absolute disgrace to everything that Alan Moore tried to do in his epic graphic novel.
ok most important question
WHY DO YOU WANT A CENTAUR.
Well... this is awkward. Meh, might as well just get this over with. Ask why the f*ck this happened, and ask for a way home. It's nice and all, but you can't stay HERE! You're a HUMAN, their medications won't work on you. Besides, what about Earth? Your home? Football? For the love of Pete, YOU NEED TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES! Just... get this over with as quickly as possible. By the way, I'm sending a sudden wave of killing intent into your brain, so at the first sign of trouble... there will be blood... mwahahahaha- gahacough! Ack! Really hurts the throat nowadays!
2.) Get down to business, here's where you ask her the important questions. Why did she bring you here? what made her so worried and can she bring you back?
At the lack of any response, you let out a loud sigh.
"All right," you say to her as you put your fork down and take a moment to collect yourself. You need to think carefully about how you want to phrase this. You don't want to sound accusatory at all. "Why did you bring me here?" You ask her. You wanted to ask her about the whole Centaur thing, but right now, you think it would just be best to avoid that part of it. "Can you get me back home?" You then ask her. Now that is the question you wanted to ask, the important one. The reason you came over to begin with. She is the only one who can send you home, as far as you know at least, and now was supposed to be when you found out about that.
Instead, all you get is just her staring down at her food again. She doesn't even respond to that.
Urge her to eat something, poor mare.
Get her to eat some food, then ask her to kindly explain why the buck she wants to rape you!
OK, she officially looks like shit man, try to get her to eat at least it's almost too painful to look at her. If she don't use either the cookie cannon so she's forced to eat it or perhaps give her the cupcake Pinkie gave you. Then when she gets to looking like she's gain at least 5 pounds get to making her talk with some of that wonder weed till she's somewhat normal. That is if she's got a stash if not Fluttershy is in the kitchen.
Get Twilight to eat something, and figure out some TACTFUL way to find out her reasons for... ya know, everything. Find out why The Crawling Chaos is descending on Equestria, and let her know that you TENTATIVELY might forgive her, but that she is still on fairly thin ice. And be very, VERY careful not to push her over the edge. Not because she might snap and try to rape you again, but because her mind is still fragile, and she could very easily lose it... permanently. Personally, I suspect her insanity to be the work of the Crawling Chaos. Also, just adding more chapters to this story seems like a better idea to me. Splitting it up could get confusing.
Response: "Look! I know we have a history. But to put it bluntly, you Look terrible. Please eat something.
We can talk this out. Now, you brought me here for a reason. Maybe I can help you without the need of mating?
By the way, would you also know how to send me home after my adventures here in this world are done?
Try to make Twilight eat. if she doesn't eat take hold of her chin and force her to look in your eyes. then say. "Twiilight you have to eat, Your friends are worried." And after that you should smile.
Try to get Twilight to eat something.
If that fails, remind her her friends are worried.
If that fails, threaten to tell Princess Celestia what she did and how foalish (see what I did there?) she is acting.
(First off I just wanna say, I think I know exactly how the cupcake can be used in a situation as this, but I'll keep my mouth shut if I'm wrong.)
Okay, you got yourself in this situation, and you will get out of it satisfied with the decisions made. First, start by telling her, "You aren't going to make this any easier... are you?... You know you're friends are worried about you, right? Spike told me to come over and have a talk with you, and so here I am now, at a table set for two complete with dilectable salads fit for a pony like you and a human like me... and yet we haven't taken a single bit out of it." Jason then proceeds to lift up his fork off the table and stab at his food, successfully piercing a few vegitables and fruits and such, and biting it off the fork. "Twilight? Wouldn't you like to have some? From the looks of you, it seems like you haven't eaten in days." Then, Twilight finally speaks in a somewhat low, a bit raspy voice, "W-Well, it does seem good, a-and it'd be a waste of food for me not to eat it." Then you have her in your grasp, metaphorically of course.
Secondly, you ask her after a few moments of eating, "Twilight, tell me, why did you bring me here in the first place? I mean besides the fact of creating a centaur. What was you're real intentions? And secondly, why me? Was the spell at random? Or did you have some sort of choice?" And these are pretty much all the necessary steps as far as I know.
Get her to eat and drink, prefarbley by talking to her, but be prepared to force feed if nessacary.
Ask her why she didn't just find a world with centaurs, like Narnia (Shame that does not exist anymore.), and get one from there.
Wonder how many other mythical creatures exist here.
Okay, this is getting almost too painful to look at. She looks absolutely terrible and she won't even respond to the most basic questions. Its almost tearing you up to see her like this.
"You're not gonna make this any easier, are you?" you say to her as you pick up your fork again. You then bring it down and pierce a bit of your salad again, avoid all of the pears. Instead of eating it though, you reach across the table and hold the end of your fork in front of Twilight's face. "Here," you say to her. "Eat something. You'll feel better if you do." Still, she doesn't respond to you. She doesn't even look at it. Somehow, that tears you up even more to see her do that. "Please eat something." You say to her again as you push your fork a bit closer to her. "All of your friends are worried about you, Spike is worried about you, everyone is worried about you. So please, just eat something. You look like you haven't eaten in days."
Then, at that, you push the end of your fork up against her snout in a desperate attempt to try to get her to eat. That fails too, as she doesn't even acknowledge you poking her. She just sits there, almost unaware that you are even there.
That does it for you, you can't stand to look at her like this. The only thing that keeps you from going emotional is the fact that you still remember all to well what she tried to do to you. Anyone else... this would tear you up. Still, you aren't about to let this stand. The thought to force feed her comes to mind, but you aren't that kind of person, you're not about to do that. You sigh one more time as you bring the fork back to you and eat the bit of your salad that's on it. Once you're done, you set the fork down.
Give Twilight a hug.
Move her head around so she looks at you and stare intensely into her eyes, unblinking.
Well, it worked for Applejack, it should work for Twilight.
It's hug time.
Hug! Hug like you never have hugged before!If you're going to hug, hug to the heavens! Even if it's your own grave your digging, keep going! When you break through, it means you've won! Who in the hell do you think you are?! Your Hug is the hug that creates the heavens!
Believe! Believe in the hug the believe in us, ponies, humans, and the future!
GIIIIIGAAAAA HHHHUUUGGGG BREAKEEEERRRR!
Finish Him... err... I mean
Finish HER!FAT- I mean HUGTALITY!!!!
Your idea is better than mine. But only slightly! I SAY MORE HUGS NOW!!!! HUGS FOR ALL!!!
So, twilight is all sad, she looks almost half-dead, and she hasn't even lifted her head to look at you. I think at this point, it'd be wise to switch out batman with sherlock holmes once more. Batman is essentially a fusion of solid snake and sherlock holmes, but this has one flaw: batman would take a rough, near anti-hero like approach to situations and that isn't what would be preferable right now, plus, sherlock holmes's analytical prowess and the ability to be compassionate when he needs to without using much of a brutish tactile force would be needed. (also, any words in parentheses is jason slightly mumbling/speaking in a hushed tone with this comment)
Try saying this to her: "Twilight...........we've been through much of a crazy adventure, you summoned me here for whatever reason, and chased after me and nearly scared me to death a few times. While I was liking my time back in my world, it was......lacking, in a sense. I put myself in a rut: study, work, play games, sleep; this cycle happened for so long I was contemplating moving just to get some activity in my life, but what you did to me (while it was a burden) was also......a boon to me. You brought me here, gave me the opportunity to go on adventures (even if some of it was mostly running away from you), I met applejack, bon-bon, lyra, cherilee, more of lyra's friends, rarity, fluttershy, rainbow dash, pinkie pie, Big Mac [insert Mcdonalds BigMac song here] and from forming bonds with them (even if it didn't feel as cemented as a lifelong friendship bond), I grew as a person, I grew from your interference, and despite whatever you think right now, it doesn't mean you should beat yourself up because you failed or because of whatever reason remains" Get up from your chair and slowly walk towards twilight, making sure your hand is in a prime position to pull out your knife if needed, though you doubt you'll need it. After reaching where twilight is, gently put your hand on her shoulder, and try to turn her head towards you, seeing that her eyes look like they were dried out from numerous tears "twilight, while you did cause all this, and while I did hate you at first, with everything I learned and everything I know now (mostly limited info), I can't find myself to blame you, want to hurt you, or even talk mean about you anymore, I only feel pain at seeing you like this, I feel sadness for you, I feel compassion for you, please twilight, if you seek forgiveness for your actions, then don't do it as you look now, but for me and your friends, don't feel sad anymore, it hurts us, it hurts your friends, and it hurts me the most. A person from my world once said “You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.”. Sometimes, all it takes to be on the road of forgiveness is one simple action from you or another, this is my action twilight" Bring both of your hands to gently cradle her head, making sure you don't knock her horn cover off, and put your forehead against hers [avoiding her horn of course], then whisper "twilight......I forgive you, its alright now, everything is alright, please, for all of your friends, your family, your mentors, comeback to us, please." Then in one final act, maneuver your body, and give her the most compassionate and friendly hug with any love you can put into it [non-sexual, friendship only love], and pray to whatever deity that exists in this realm that it will be enough to help her.
She needs a Hug!
Explain to Twilight that what she tried to do to you was wrong and that she really scared you for a while. However, you are willing to forgive her on two conditions: 1.) She must promise not to try and force herself on you again and 2.) she must explain why she did what she did.
Attempt to use the same magic trick that you preformed on AppleJack when you tried to cheer her up!
Scratch behind her ear and when she's in total bliss from your scratching pull out a.......... Wtf is that?
Pat her on the head. Oh, and try to make her eat something. (Despite everything, you don't want her dying of starvation)
Isn't it obvious? Hug time. With your knife close by.
"Twilight," you say to her as you stand back up and begin to walk around the table towards her. As you do, you let your right hand grasp your knife, just in case, though you'll doubt you'll need it. While you do feel bad for her, that doesn't mean you're about to let your guard down just yet. You do feel a bit of a killing intent for if you need to do that though, but for the life of you know, you are hoping you don't have to. Once you reach her, you get down on your knees so that you are eye level with her. She of course doesn't acknowledge you, she's still looking down at her own food.
"I know we've both been through a lot. You brought me here, chased me around for several days, and nearly scared me half to death a couple dozen times, but," you say to her as you put your other hand on her shoulder. "To be completely honest, I think there is more to you than that. Yeah, what you did was wrong, and I think you know that. In fact, I know you know that, but you don't need to beat yourself up over it." You take another moment to let out another sigh before you continue. "Look, I'm not about to say that my life was quite fulfilling before I came here, because to tell you the truth it wasn't, and you bringing me here wasn't necessarily the best thing that happened to me, but that doesn't mean I have to stay mad at you." You say, your hand still on your knife in case you need it. "Deep down, I know you're a good pony Twilight. I really do. All your friends talk about you and say that you're one of the best ponies they know, so if they are willing to forgive you then well..." You stop right there for a moment. You stop talking and with your left hand, you gently grab her by her bottom jaw, and slowly turn her head so that she is facing you. You then push her chin up a little bit so that looking directly at you. You just stare into her eyes, which look like they've dried out from numerous tears, and she stares right back at you. She just stares back at you, unblinking.
"Twilight," you continue. "While you did cause all of this, and while I did hate you before. I can't bring myself to hate you anymore. I really don't." Yeah, you really didn't practice this speech, you're just sort of making it up at you go. "You were only doing what you thought you needed to," That is kind of incredibly difficult for you to believe, but to make her feel better, you leave that bit out. "So while I might not be able to understand why, I still can't bring myself to hate you, or want to hurt you right now." You pause for a moment to look at her. "Everyone is worried about you, and well, to be completely honest. Seeing you like this has made worry about you too. So please, don't hate yourself for this, don't feel sad anymore. You don't need to punish yourself like this. It hurts us, and well, its starting to hurt me too." She just stares back at you, unblinking. "You know, someone from my world once said. 'You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.' So Twilight..." You say as you lean in closer to her.
You can't believe what you are about to do, but hey, it worked on Applejack, so it might work on her. You might as well try. You lean forward, throw your left arm around her, and pull her into the most compassionate, friendly, and loving [not sexual, just friendship] hug you possibly can. You hug her with all you can, to heaven, beyond, and all things. You hug her like you've never hugged a pony before. Then, with your face close to hers, you say what you know you need to say. You aren't fully sure you can do it, but by your god and Zeus, you are willing to try.
"Twilight, I forgive you."
Up front, I'd offer her the knife, my forgiveness, and a hug as a first step, even if I hadn't fully forgiven her yet. That goes a long way to repairing a broken spirit.
And for all that is holy, let her cry as long as she needs.
Then, suddenly, the dam breaks. Out of nowhere, you hear what is unmistakable a sniffle from Twilight. Then, even more suddenly, she throws both of her hooves around you, pulls you close, buries her head into your chest, and starts crying. She lets loose and cries as hard as she can right into you. She cries you a river, she cries for her life. She's crying like she might as well have been hit with tear gas. She's crying like she's sorry. She's crying.
You're sure of it now. She knows what she did was wrong, and she really is sorry for it.
Slowly, you release the handle of your knife from your grasp, and bring your right arm around Twilight to bring her into the hug.
"I'm.... so.... sorry...." you think you can hear her say in between her sobs. You don't respond though, you just let her cry. You let her cry as long as she needs to.
this actually tends to work so please give it a go: sing to her very softly, simply sing about comfort and the beauty of the world and really uplifting stuff about things that she loves, kinda like a lullaby. it works whenever i do it and in the song, tell her to eat. so you dont have to do all the work i wrote something that can be edited to fit however you might play this or simply as inspiration
softly, softly the breeze comes through
softly, softly it wraps around you
my little purple pony, her mind full of words
and in the clear blue sky there are a million birds
warm little pony, curled up tight
warm little pony, troubles out of sight
full of thoughts and full of love
sad little pony needs a hug
*gives soft hug and holds for rest of song*
round tomato, nice and red
dont you worry you sweet head
*picks tomato of her plate and holds it near her face*
good little pony, much better now
good little pony, safe and sound
see the hope and caring friends
just know their friendship never endsyou can back away now. she should've eaten the tomato and her hunger catches up with her so you should ask her how shes feeling. keep your voice soft and caring because she is in a bad place right now and really needed that hug we gave her being sweet and gentle is the best way to coax her back to reality. i know that she did so bad stuff but its clear that she wasn't in her right mind and needs to be comforted before we can do anything about what she did
Softly, softly the breeze comes through,
softly, softly it wraps around you,
my little purple pony, her mind full of words,
and in the clear blue sky there are a million birds,
warm little pony, curled up tight,
warm little pony, troubles out of sight,
full of thoughts and full of love,
sad little pony needs a hug,
round tomato, nice and red,
dont you worry you sweet head,
good little pony, much better now,
good little pony, safe and sound,
see the hope and caring friends,
just know their friendship never ends.
You really have no idea where that came from or why you sang it to her, but you just did. You just thought it would make here feel better. Twilight either doesn't notice or wasn't paying attention, but she's still crying on your shoulder. You just hug her close and let her cry. You also sing the song again just for good measure. You just let her cry.
-Meanwhile, in the kitchen-
1. The macerena, since the Dinosaur is getting boring for now.
2. ENSURE THAT 1 IS DONE IN THE ACTUAL STORY CANON AND NOT A DREAM OR ALTERNATE UNIVERSE.
"Uh, Pinkie Pie, what are you doing?" Applejack asked as she watched her friend with a look on her face that suggested she had just watched the laws of physics being torn asunder (which given that Pinkie Pie was involved, could very well be the case).
"The macerena silly," Pinkie Pie replied as she kept dancing the macerena for seemingly no reason.
5. Suggest that waffles be loaded into the cookie cannon.
6. While Pinkie is loading waffles into the cookie cannon, steal the cookies and share them with Twilight.
7. ENSURE THAT 6 AND 7 ARE DONE IN THE ACTUAL STORY CANON AND NOT A DREAM OR ALTERNATE UNIVERSE.
"Hey Pinkie," Lyra said as she walked over to her, the cookie cannon in her telekinetic grasp.
"Yes Lyra," Pinkie replied as she kept doing the macerena.
"This might sound like an odd question, but could you load waffles into this thing?"
"No silly willy," Pinkie said as she stopped doing the macerena and snatched the cookie cannon from Lyra's grasp. "Waffles are much to big and the launching mechanism for this is oh so small." Pinkie said as she rubbed her hoof up and down the cookie cannon like it was the most precious thing. "The waffle launcher m.k. 2 is still in development and I'm having a bit of trouble getting some of the parts for it, but I'm sure it will work just fine for all your waffle shooting needs." Pinkie said with a huge grin.
"What about some of the frozen waffles that they sell at the store?" Lyra then asked. "They're about the same size as cookies, and they take less time to prepare than both cookies and regular waffles, since all you have to do is heat them up, so wouldn't they work just fine?" Pinkie Pie didn't respond. Instead, she instantly froze in place and kept her gaze fixed on Lyra and that same, incredibly wide smile on her face. It was, kind of creepy.
"Lyra," Pinkie Pie said again after what must have been a full minute of holding that pose and not even blinking.
"Yes, Pinkie Pie," Lyra responded.
"Shut up."
-Meanwhile, back in the library proper-
The rest of the night went by kind of quickly for you and Twilight, and you were very much relieved to see her eat. She even wanted some more, which Spike very eager to give her. After dinner, the two of you just sat together for a while and talked about a few things. You talked about magic, science, the books she liked to read, and a bunch of other things that she was interested in.
After that, she even showed you around the library for a while. She even picked out a book, which you read to her on the couch, and
3. Build a fort of pillows and books with Twilight Sparkle as prophesied by your daydream
4. ENSURE THAT 3 IS DONE IN THE ACTUAL STORY CANON AND NOT A DREAM OR ALTERNATE UNIVERSE.
the two of you even built a book fort out of many of the books in the library, complete with a roof from one of Twilight's sheets, as well as a blanket and some pillows. Its kind of weird to think that you would be doing something from your dream, but since you've been here, you've done weirder things.
After a while though, Twilight eventually falls asleep in the book fort, and you take that as your cue to leave. You think you can see a smile form on Twilight's face as you leave her there. You head into the kitchen and find everypony and Spike all there waiting for you there. Spike came forward first.
"So, did you do it?" He asked almost immediately. You're pretty sure he didn't mean have intercorse with her, so you answer appropriately.
"Yeah," you say. "Yeah I think I did. She's calm now. The next moment was kind of a blur for you, as you ended up in a massive group hug of all the ponies.
"I knew you could do it Jason!" Rarity says in the most dramatic way possible as she throws her hooves around your neck and brings your face closer to hers.
"Eh, I wasn't worried," Rainbow Dash said as she let go of you and hovered up to slightly higher than your eye level.
"Yeah, and good thing you didn't eat that cupcake," Pinkie Pie said as she bounced in front of you. You kind of completely forgot about that. Right before you can ask her anything about it, she just goes ahead and answers for you. "It was filled with viagra!" At that moment, every set of eyes in the room was on her, and you're pretty certain that everypony (and dragon) there had the exact same look on their face that you did. "What?" Pinkie said as she looked around at everyone there. "If he was going down I wanted to make sure that he would go down happy." And at that, you all silently agree to never mention that again. Now you're seriously doubting if Pinkie Pie is really on your side. Part of you still thinks she is... but yeah....
-A short while later-
A short while later, you all head outside the library and Spike bids farewell to all of you. You especially.
"Thanks again, really, for everything Jason," he says to you for the twentieth time.
"No problem man," you reply back for the twentieth time. "It's what I do."
"Yeah, I guess it is," he says back to you. "Well, I guess I'll be seeing you around."
"Yeah, I suppose we will," you reply. "Bye Spike." You say to him before you turn to leave with Lyra and Bon Bon.
"Wait, Jason!" Spike calls out right before you get anywhere.
"Yeah," you say as you turn back around.
"Um, I kind of forgot to mention this this morning but..." he pauses for a moment and fiddles with his hands (claws) a bit before he continues. "Princess Celestia wants to meet you tomorrow too. Since you're involved in all of this..."
Well f*ck you Ray Bradbury, that one made you suddenly more aware. You kind of freeze up at that one, you have no idea what to think. Though really, you suppose this shouldn't surprise you all that much. You do know that Twilight is her student after all, and if she is coming to see what is bothering her, then naturally she is going to want to see you too, since you were what was bothering her.
Though really, you suppose this isn't that bad. From what you've heard, she's really nice and understanding. Plus, she's pretty much a god, so if anyone other than Twilight can help you get back home, its her.
YOU DECLARE THAT THIS CANNOT GO WRONG!!!
"All right," you say to Spike. "Just tell her to come by Lyra and Bon Bon's. I'll be there."
"All right," Spike replies as he heads back inside. "And, thanks again Jason. Really, I can't thank you enough."
"Hey, like I said man. Its what I do." At that, Spike walks back inside and shuts the door behind him. Finally, after all of that, you let out the breath you didn't even realize that you'd been holding since you walked in.
"GASP!!!" You all turn to see Pinkie Pie in mid air, and in mid gasp.
"Pinkie, what's wrong?" Rainbow Dash asks her as she lands back on the ground. The moment she does, her eyes go narrow and the expression on her face changes. She looks suddenly serious for some reason.
"I'll be right back," she says. Suddenly, she's gone and all you all see of her is a pink line that suddenly disappears into nothingness. You all stare for a few moments before you realize that you probably shouldn't think about it.
You then say your farewells to all of the other ponies and thank them for helping you in your time of need right now. After that is done, you leave with Lyra and Bon Bon back to their house.
After a short walk, the three of you get back. You and Lyra throw yourselves back on the couch as you walk in.
"Congratulations, Jason," Bon Bon says as she plops herself down right next to you. "You did it."
"Yeah, I guess I did," you reply. You honest to god feel proud of yourself right now.
"So," Lyra then says in that tone of voice that means that she has something planned. "Since you finally faced down your arch nemesis and survived." While you're not sure if the term 'arch-nemesis' is appropriate right now, it does fit. "I'd say that calls for a little," she then brings her hoof up to her mouth and inhales deeply. "Celebration." Both you and Bon Bon instantly know what she means.
You both shout as you leap off of the couch.
The rest of the night was kind of hazy for you as you spent it 'celebrating' with Lyra and Bon Bon. Bon Bon even baked more cookies for you all, and you all did the dinosaur at least three different times in victory. Also at once point, while you all were super baked, Lyra even offered to let you watch her and Bon Bon have sex. An offer which you respectively declined, since after all you went through today, no amount of drugs is gonna get you to change your mind about that. So yeah, fun was had.
-The following morning-
The following morning, you were awoken by a knock on the door. You got up off of the couch and looked at the clock to see that the time was 10:00 am. Not much of a problem except that you were still a little sleepy. Then the knock on the door came back and woke you up again.
"I'm coming, I'm coming," you said as you groggily walked towards the door.
When you opened it, what you say on the other side... kind of freaked you out.
On the other side of the door, were two large, white, male ponies. They were't as large as Big Macintosh, but they were pretty huge by normal standards. Both of them were wearing matching gold, plated armor and carried spears with them. They way they were both looking at you suggested that you had just done something they didn't like.
"Are you Jason Morgan?" One of them asked.
You would have answered immediately, but your brain kind of shut down when you opened the door to what were obviously a pair of cops.
What do you do?
*CRACK!
OW!
"YOU DID IT AGAIN RAZOR!!!"
WHAT!?
*CRACK!
OW!!!
"YOU LOOPED AROUND MASTERWEAVER'S COMMENT AGAIN!!!"
*CRACK
*CRACK
YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIT ME!!!
*CRACK
"YOU PINKIE PROMISED!!!!!!!!"
*CRACK
*CRACK
*CRACK
"YOU PINKIE PROMISED YOU WOULD USE THEM NO MATTER WHAT THEY WERE!!!"
I DID!!!
*CRACK
"NO YOU DIDN'T!!!"
I DID WHAT HE SAID! I MADE THE F***ING BOOK FORT, I ASKED YOU ABOUT LOADING WAFFLES INTO THE COOKIE CANNON, AND I PUT IN THE MACERENA!!!
*CRACK
"YOU MADE ME DO THE MACERENA!!!"
You know you aren't actually hitting me Pinkie.
*CRACK
*CRACK
*CRACK
*CRACK
"I KNOW!!!!"
*CRACK
"IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF IT!!!"
*CRACK
"I KNOW I CAN'T HURT YOU, BUT IF I HIT YOU ENOUGH!!! THEN MAYBE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU DID-"
*CR- *grabs hoof
Pinkie....
"GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!"
Pinkie stop.
"GRRRR!!!!!
This isn't you Pinkie. You know that violence is not the answer.
*CR- *grabs other hoof
I didn't make you Pinkamena Diane Pie in this story Pinkie, so you aren't like this. Now calm down.
"GGGRRRRRR!!!!"
Calm. Down. Pinkie.
"GRRRRR!!!!!.......... -----"
*lowers hooves.
There, are we feeling better?
"*sniff* I'm sorry Razor."
Its all right Pinkie.
*hugs Pinkie Pie.
I understand. I know what I did. You don't need to cry about it.
"*sniff* Okay..."
So why don't we go and finish your waffle launcher m.k. 2 and get some cookie cake, and we can talk all about it.
"*sniff* Okay..."
*Leaves...
Note: No authors were actually harmed in this scene.
For the love of everything, tell your name, sex, age, virginity, and blood type if necessary.
So derp moment right here so...
"FUCK THE PO!" Followed by the slamming of door and then go find Lyra and Bon-Bon only to find they were in a cute ball rolled up in each other so you can not, REPEAT, CAN NOT wake them up but you do so anyway
Ask them why they are asking, and if they are unwilling to answer state that no one is available right now, and to leave a message after the beep, then make a beeping sound.
say "noooo im another random human twilight poofed up linneyville.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/megaroll.jpg.gif "
Faint from fear
Scream "Oh hells no!" And dive out a window dramatically.
Then get caught and go where you are wanted.
Say, "Officer, Problem?"
Quick! Make an impression by saying a Haiku.
Beautiful white light,
Such a majestic creature.
My morning brightens.
Now interrupt whatever they're trying to say as you go blind by shiny armor. "MY EYES!"
Then wish that you saved it for Celestia.
Ok take the time to think: Did you do anything wrong within the last couple of days? If you remember correctly you have not committed any crimes that you know of. Also keep in mind that Princess Celestia is going to be visiting you today so maybe these two guards are with her by chance.
With these ideas in mind you should respond by saying to them "I am Jason Morgan but now that I have answered your question can you answer one of my own? Are you two with Princess Celestia by chance?"
If they say yes follow them to her, if they say no then ask them why are they here, and if they say its confidential and they ask you to follow them be very careful around them cause if something smells fishy then something must be afoot.
All right my comment was used...
Moving on,
Raise a finger as if you we're about to say something, but right when you hold up the finger, you crack.. And everything else is a daze
You look over the two guards and see a very tall white pony with gold jewl encrusted regalia and a flowing multicolored mane. Now, you would be in complete aw at the sight, if it wasn't for that horrifying look she was giving you....
"My, my aren't you a tall one" she says as she licks her lips at you (trollestia for the win yo)
simple -- "FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!" Then dolphin dive out a window, but come back to them like nothing happened and say "Officers?"
Response: "I'm in trouble aren't I? *sigh* What did I do this time?"
Ask the two of them "Are either of you Princess Celestia?"
Also, if you do happen to meet Celestia, make sure you have an epic troll war with her.
So, you're partially high as superman in space right now, so the best thing to do is to crack a joke that makes them think you're a wise ass who won't respect THEIR AUTHORITAH!!! So, since I can;t think of a joke, try talking like Mr. Mackey from south park while making said joke, and transition to a boomhower like speech pattern after getting to the end of it
Sometime later after said joke, another pony with wings and a horn enters the abode, and despite STILL being baked like a good set of brownies, a mysterious and invisible wave exudes from her, slams into you, and you instantly sober up like you never done drugs in your life; after looking at her face, it seems despite her face set in a mask of peaceful stone, your "Batman" and "The Doctor" persona's make you recognize that one of your friends (bon-bon, lyra, applejack, etc...) told you that twilight sparkle was the protege of princess celestia, co-ruler of equestria, and if she IS celestia, then she's possibly leagues more powerful than twilight and therefore a being you should NOT fuck with, better play it safe for now.
(Alright, Jason, ahem... I know that you won't register this as this communication is taken in a roundabout way at best but, well... I'm proud of you. I do not forgive so easily and... your choosing of actions to engage in was most proper, and the forgiveness offered was... for the best. We can see that she is truly sorry for what she did to YOU, and... well, you can become better with her... So... bravo.
Ahem, now to the matter of the guards... For goodness sake man answer yes! Yes you are Jason Morgan! Go with them, see what they want, maybe ask Lyra and Bon Bon if they're legit guards, however do NOT get into more trouble at this stage! So, I know you're scared, but please, just tell the nice ponies your name.)
Ask Bon Bon and Lyra if they know any lawyer ponies.
Yell loud enough the entire town hears you "oh shit the fuzz!" Slam the door in there face grab the drugs flush it down the toilet and run like hell
Demand to see their Warrant!
They look serious, try to lighten up the mood a little:
Respond in an over the top fanciness: "Why yes, I am Jason Morgan. I am also known as the Human, the Hairless Ape, He Who Walks the Dinosaur, and the Running Man.
I am a picker of apples, friend to a dragon, and ally to many lesbian pony couples.
I have defeated both hostile Unicorn and Pegasi attacks and I seek only to return to my home world so very far away.
So If it's my presence you seek then I humbly give it to you without resistance."
Give a fancy bow to them, then look back up with a smile
Their faces haven't changed a bit, (you think "jeez what a bunch of hard asses")
but you do hear giggling from someone clearly female....
Well, since I've been used twice, I'll put out my opinion here to. Say, and I quote, "Uhh, yeah, that's me. Did I break a law or something? I'm sorry if I did, this week has been... Trying, to say the least. I'll help you guys with whatever it is you need though." This should make them a little more comfortable around you, as well as obviously play up your ignorance of Equestrian law. Also, try not to shit yourself or attack them if they point the spears at you. They probably won't want you dead. If they strike first, though, do not hesitate.
Answer: I... think so?
2627337
THIS.
Horn and wings? Clearly this is the result of inbreeding. Don't be too obvious about your suspicions though.
Actually,while you're telling Celestia everything that has ahppened, you should probably ask about the state of psychological medicine in Equestria. Heaven knows both you and Twilight are going to need lots of therapy and NO YOU DON'T HAVE ILLEGAL WEED that's.... culturally significant weed in you human culture! Hahaha. Anywho, you should probably explain that Twilight wanted to summon a centaur for some--
Wait---
Why the heck is Celestia freaking out? Aren't you-- Did she just run out through the wall?
So apparently insanity is learned. With this knowledge, quietly begin a campaign to overthrow the princess and replace her with a more stable personality.
Also for no apparent reason it rains bowling balls on Narylohtep for twenty four hours.
Realize you're naked. Cuz sleeping naked is just badass. And realize you actually don't give a damn. Acknowledge their question. As you do, one of the guards enters the house and "confiscates" some pot by smoking it before introducing her regal OSHITNESS (not his words, yours because you catch a glimpse over his shoulder at her and any other words he actually said are forgotten) Princess Celestia.
Asides:
Bon Bon is also sleeping in your pants... head buried in Lyra's crotch. Lyra is eating your shirt.
Both are in the middle of the living room floor.
...Did you watch them after getting stoned? You realize you actually can't remember.
When you finally find this "Celestia" pony, find one thing you don't like about her and punch her in the face for it.
Impulsively SLAM the door shut! Then immediately regret that you did that and apologize to the big... scary... police officers... Then- Ooh! There's a cat!
2627337
I CONCUR!
Put on your best poker face, and do nothing suspicious. (Which you fail at.)
realise your naked then piss on their faces
Well... if cops (or guards, you're in Equestria after all) appear in front of door, there is only one thing to do:
Scream like a little girl in panic and slam the door into their face. Then realize they must be with the princess and calm down to open the door again. Ask them what they want and hear Bon-Bon and Lyra have sex in the background while Pinkie races through the living room searching for her Cookie Cannon mk2 plans.
Oh, and while you are at it... GET DRESSED!
1. Panic and slam the door in their faces.
2. Wake up Lyra and Bon Bon.
3. Hide in Lyra's basement.
4. Find a corner, sit down, and wait.
Introduce yourself, then attempt to say something sophisticated to keep yourself in check.
Meanwhile, you think you hear helicopter blades... nah, it's probably just your imagination.
Have them wait a minute while you get cloths on, then go with them, they're probobley with Princess Celestia.
See Iron Will in the streets while enroute, panic slightley at seeing a real live Minotaur.
Say "NAAAAAWWWWWW I'M THE FUCKING TOOTH FAIRY!" while chuckling. Then proceed to clap your hands and say "Alright, my body is ready."
So many cop jokes, but in this case, I think I'll keep this a straight play.
1.) First thing's first, answer the good stallion.
2.) Your answer should likely consist of, "Yes, I am he. If this is about my meeting with Princess Celestia, I'll just need about 5 to 10 minutes to prepare, depending on if anypony is in the shower right now. I'd rather not show up looking less than respectable."
3A.) In the event the guards agree, head up to the shower...which SHOULD be free, and shower quickly. As Uncle Carlin liked to say, hit the three main spots: Mouth, Pits and Ass. After that, dry off and get into your Rarity-Best...that's the suit dear boy. Return to the stallions and tell them you're ready, while leaving a quick note for Lyra and Bon-Bon just in case.
3B.) In the event the stallions insist on coming quickly, change quickly in the other room, while telling them if he offends the princess by being smelly, he will site those two as the blame.
4.) Get to the meeting, and maintain as much decorum as possible in the presence of the princess.
5.) In the event Twilight finally goes into details about what happened and such, use those passive gifts from your fictional characters. Your intuition should be sharper after your adventures, it sure brought Twilight out before. Here on in, keep in mind something was the cause for the need for a Centaur. Odds are, whatever it is, is likely to be a problem. How big may vary, but keep your eyes and ears open. Until you're home and safe, best to keep your whits about you.
THEY KNOW YOU HAVE THE DRUGS! Quick enter the fetal position and fake a heart attack. If need be try to wet your pants and make it as convincing as possible. You don't know what they do to guys like you in jail. And by Zeus they probably don't know either to take advantage of the foreign visitor or make bets on how long you last before crying... OK, that is probably paranoia but you still have fun with the cops, oh hey maybe the Ghost of Pinkie knows what to do. If that fails... well you're shit out of luck, have fun being a prison... bitch... have fun with that.
"Pleased to meet you, I'm High. High Asfuck." Chuckle for a good minute then add. "But yeah seriously I'm Jason Morgan."
"Some peo- er, ponies call me that, but right now I'm tired." You sad and chucked
For some reason, the Spy from TF2 enters your thoughts...and you see him floating right next to you. (Probably still high as fuck...) He begins snorting uncontrollably and shortly after he finishes, you hear him say:
"May I make a Suggestion? RUN."
You then begin to run away screaming as if you were trying to get the fuck out of Dodge.
Like a Boss, of course.
Just before you answered the Po-Po's, you began to wonder what Celestia might be like. Then you dawn upon something. Something you should've noticed just as you declared that this could not go wrong. (Nice move.) Spike seemed worried about you meeting Celestia.
Worried about you meeting Celestia.
Co-Ruler of Equestria.
Lived for Thousands of Years.
Mentor of Twilight Sparkle.
Mentor.
Of.
Twilight.
Sparkle.
The pony who tried to Rape you.
Thousands of Years + Mentor of pony who tried to Rape you + Co-Ruler (Power over you, since you have been living in her kingdom.) =
Only Course of Action:
GET THE FUCK OUT OF DODGE.
2635147 What this guy said! In fact... DALEK ANTARES!
*Supreme (General) Dalek appears* I await orders!
Activate the teleported! GET THIS GUY OFF THE FRIGGIN PLANET! He's gone through TOO MUCH just to get raped by a sun god!
Dalek Antares: I OBEY! Locking onto Jason Morgan! Initiating teleportation module! Teleporting in five rels! Four, three, two, one! *machine explodes*
God damnit! GET A MECHANIC CREW IN HERE! The transporter's down! Well... just send in a handheld Dalek cannon!
Anatares: I obey! Teleporting modified Dalek weapon to human Jason Morgan in four rels!
As you see them you say fuck the police and channel your inner solid snake and run like the jokerbo
As you see them you say fuck the police and channel your inner solid snake and run like the jokerbo.
"Can I take a message?"
Alternatively,
you used my song YAY
2636502 Dafuq?