Uh, well... *sigh* I've got nothing. Wait- I got something... How about the shock from the episode downstairs de-highed him? I'm getting really tired of people saying that he's high, so he can do anything.
You start to feel yourself sobering up. Partly due to the sudden shock and then relief of what happened downstairs. (It seriously scared the crap out of you, you were that close to being caught), partly due to all the running you've been doing, and partly due to the fact that you're trying to keep your composure up right now.
That's good. It means that you have the ability to ask Rarity here actual legitimate questions that you actually want to know the answer to.
You decide to ask the most logical one first.
Mentally remember that you have to be able to run at any moment and be prepared to do so. Do whatever you need for the cloths though if you have to get naked make sure your old ones are within reach so you can bolt with them.
Ask her about the world and what she knows of humans.
Forget your modesty temporarily and follow her instructions.( for the cloths, no sex)
Ask about twilight.
After you get the cloths consider a fallback point ( the forest?)
Attempt to do some chores to pay for cloths.
After all of the above ask Rarity to check on bon bon and lyra.
that is all.
Get as much information about Twilight as possible and hope Solid Snake, Jesus, and Discord don't tell her where you are.
"So, who is Twilight Sparkle anyway?" you ask her. If nothing else, you at least want to know who is chasing you and why.
"Oh, she runs the local library here in Ponyville," Rarity explain to you as she looks back and forth between her sketches and several fabrics that she pulls out via magic. "We've been good friends ever since she moved here from Canterlot. She's a little socially awkward sometimes, but nevertheless she's one of the nicest ponies I know." It takes all of your willpower to keep yourself from bursting out laughing as you hear that. "And if I do say so myself, she's also one of the most talented magic users in all of Equestria." And all your laughter goes away upon hearing that. Great, you're being chased by the most powerful mage in this world. "Next to The Princesses of course." Rarity add as she turns back to you and holds up a piece of fabric. She looks between it and you for a moment before going back to her sketches.
Okay, now that that's out of the way, now onto the important question.
You ask, "So, does Twilight often kidnap beings from different dimension so she can have her way with them?"
¿Do you know why does Twillight have a strange fetish with humans?
Ask her, whats wrong with all the apperent problem with Twilight?
You try to ask polity as possible if rarity has the SLIGHTEST clue of why twilight it trying to kill you.
Now as gentlemanly as possible you ask her if she knows If it is a regular occurrence for random unicorns to summon beings from a different dimension and try to molest in a violent and crazy homicidal fashion?
Ask "Is there a logical reason the purple unicorn wants to rape me? Oh and by the way... I don't have any money... I left all of it in another pair of pants... In another universe..."
Would you have any Idea Twilight wanted to have sexual intercourse with me? And how she even got me here in the first place?
"Is she always crazy?"
"Hypothetically, is there any reason why Twilight would be trying to inflict harm upon others all for the sole purpose of placing me in a position of forced intercourse?"
Might as well be professional with your question, right?
Ask her, in the most gentlemanly and dapper way possible, why is Twilight trying to molest you? Was she always like this? Is she in heat?
"Um... Do you have any idea why..." You begin to ask in the most gentlemanly and dapper way possible. You need to be careful how you phrase this question. "Why Twilight is trying to have her way with me?" Rarity doesn't respond. "I mean, is she always this crazy? Does she have a fetish for humans or something?"
"Hmm..." Rarity says aloud as she levitates a sheet of burgundy fabric to herself. "I'm sorry but I'm afraid I can't help you with that one." She replies as she turns around and walks over to you with the fabric sheet floating next to her. "Hold still for a moment please," she says as she pushes the fabric up against you. She looks on with intrigue as she does. "I know I've told her before that she needs to get out more often, but this is just ridiculous." She then pulls the fabric away and the measuring tape returns. You spread your arms out again for her as she takes several measurements of your torso seemingly at once. Seeming satisfied, she turns back and heads back over to her workbench with her measuring tape and fabric in tow. "In all honesty, I don't think I can tell you what's wrong with Twilight or what's gotten into her."
"So this isn't a normal occurrence for her then?" You suddenly regret asking that question as you say it. The instant Rarity reaches her workbench, she drops everything from her telekinetic grasp and turns back around to face you. The look on her face is one of absolute shock.
"WHAT!" She says. "No! By Celestia no! Of course its not. She would never...!!!"
"Okay okay!" you say as you put your hands up. "I'm sorry I asked." The look of shock drops from Rarity's face as she lets out a sigh.
"I suppose I shouldn't blame you," she says as she turns back around to face her workbench. You see her set the fabric on the table and begin to cut it with a pair of scissors. "You only just got here and that's the greeting you get from her. Simply abysmal." You let out a small sigh at the relief that this unicorn is so understanding. You wait a moment before asking your next question.
"You wouldn't happen to know how she got me here would you? Or how I can get back?"
"I'm sorry darling, but I'm afraid not," she says as she's still focused on her work. "Twilight's the powerful magic user, I'm just a fashionista." She stops for a moment to look back and flick her hair at you. "And the best there is, if I do say so myself." She says with a smile on her face before she continues her work.
Suddenly, a realization dawns on you.
"Umm..." you begin to say to her. "I'm sorry but uh, I don't have any money to pay for those clothes you're making." You try to explain. "I mean my wallet's back in..."
"Oh its quite all right darling," Rarity says to you as she turns back around to face you. "When one shows up in a strange new place without clothes the least I can do is make you something decent when you clearly need it." She says in a not at all condescending tone, and then waves her hoof. "Don't worry about the money darling, just remember me when everypony ask you where you acquired such fabulous clothes."
"Thanks," you say to her. My god, you can't believe how generous this pony is. "I owe you one. I really do." You say to her. After all you are still a gentlemen. She lets out a giggle before returning to her work.
With the mood restored, you feel free to ask more questions. You still wait a moment before asking another question just to be safe, and this time you try not to make it sound so possibly insulting. To her or to Twilight.
Ask her what the purple unicorn has been doing lately to get her to summon a badass like you for?
Has Twilight been acting weird before today? As in "can't find a boyfriend worth jack crack" kind of a way?
"How was Twilight acting before I suddenly popped up here?" (To help figure out the motive behind all the chasing)
"How was Twilight acting before I suddenly popped up here?" you ask her. If she doesn't know Twilight's reasoning behind this, then at least she can help you figure it out.
"Hmm..." she lifts her head in thought as she ponders the question. "Well, she has been locking herself in her library for the past few days. She hardly ever comes out unless she needs something, and even then she usually just sends Spike out for those."
"Spike?" you ask curiously.
"Her assistant," she replies to you. Great, one more person you have to watch out for.
"Was she acting weird at all before that?" You ask her. "Like in any specific way?" You would go further, but you don't wanna nearly fuck this up again.
"No, not really. She was acting just fine until a week ago. Then out of nowhere she just shut herself in her library and wouldn't come out." She explains. "She said she was researching something important, but we never found out what it was. Even Spike said he wasn't sure what she was doing."
Okay that makes a little bit of sense. About a week before you showed up, everything was apparently normal, then something happened which drove Twilight mad enough to research something with obviously led to you getting here. Now if you could only find out the details of that, everything would be good. Still, there is kind of one minor thing that's been on your mind since this all started.
WHAT THE FUCK IS IN PONY SUTRA AND WHY DID TWILIGHT TRY TO RAPE ME AND LEEEERRROOOYYYY JEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNKINS!
¡¿AND WHAT IN THE FUCKING WORLD DOES PONY SUTRA MEANS?!
"Umm... this might seem like a strange question," you say to her as calmly as possible. "But just what the fuck is the Pony Sutra?" At that, Rarity stops what she is doing (which is setting up a sewing machine) and immediately turns to face you. You swear she has on the most perfect poker face you've ever seen.
"The what?" She asks you. You calmly explain to her how Twilight had that on her when you first woke up. You leave out the detail that you ripped a page from it by accident, though. Though to be fair that was entirely Twilight's fault.
"Oh..." she says to you, though she still keeps her poker face up. "Well... its...." You can see her face begin to blush now. "Its essentially what you saw. Its a book that describes many different ways in which a mare can..... satisfy.... a stallion." You can swear her face is completely red by this point. "She does work in a library so of course she would have a copy of it somewhere, but why she had that when she found you... I'm sorry darling but I'm afraid I'm of no help there either." She throws on the most sheepish smile you've ever seen as she finishes that explanation.
At this you decide to change the subject. You at least think to before another sudden realization hits you.
"So, um... If twilight is friends with you, and she wants to Rap-erm... find me. WHY ARE YOU HELPING ME? AND WHY IS SHE TRYING TO RAP-erm... FIND ME?!"
"Wait..." you say to her. "So, um... If Twilight is friends with you, and she wants to.... rap-erm... find me. Then WHY ARE YOU HELPING ME?" The blush on Rarity's face dies down for a bit as those words hit her ears.
"Wha wha wha..." Rarity says as she moves back a little, only for her rump to hit her workstation. "Oh no no no no no no no... I'm not... I'm not..." she's obviously more than a little nervous at the moment. "And I'm helping you because its the right thing to do." She adds with a smile.
"It is?" you ask in response.
"Why, of course," she replies. "This is hardly the first time Twilight has well.... gone crazy, as you put it." You can see the blush on her face begin to fade as she says this. "Usually its over little things like forgotten assignments or somepony is pressuring her, or when she can't explain something... or when she has to save the world, but nevertheless. Clearly I could see that she was not in her right mind, so I thought it best that until she calms herself back down and acts like a reasonable pony, it would be in both of your best interests to keep you away from her. Its really that simple darling." She adds with a sheepish smile.
"Okay..." you say, you really have no choice but to believe her at this point.
how do I protect myself from that insane unicorn?
Ask Rarity if there is any way to defend yourself from the Purple molester, in case she finds you again.
"By any chance is there some way I can protect myself from her in case she comes back?" you ask her, even though you know you're more than likely not going to get much of an answer.
"Not that I know of," Rarity responds. "I'm sorry."
"It's all right," you assure her.
Ask her what authority you could appeal to in order to have twilight arrested for harassment, assault, and attempted rape.
"Is there any kind of authority I could appeal to in order to have her arrested for harassment, assault, and attempted rape if worst comes to worst?" You ask. Rarity seems kind of shocked that you would even suggest that, but given the circumstances, she kind of understands.
"Well...." she says. "I suppose you could write a letter to Princess Celestia, but I'm not sure that would even do anything. Twilight would likely be able to explain what she is doing and why to her." That name rings a bell.
"Uh... Rarity? Who is this 'Celestia' person everybody- I mean, pony, talks about?"
"Yeah, about that. Just who is this 'Celestia' person everybody..." You stop a moment to correct yourself. "I mean, pony, talks about?"
"Princess Celestia is our leader," Rarity responds without a second's delay. "She rules over the nation of Equestria with kindness and fairness for everypony." Well that at least sounds nice. "Twilight is also her personal student." Rarity adds. Suddenly you are less enthused about the prospect of contacting her.
"Yeah, she mentioned that earlier," you bring up. At that, Rarity falls silent. She looks at you with a mixture of confusion and a hint of worry. Whether its for yourself or for Twilight you aren't sure, though given that she is Twilight's friend, you think you can understand what is going through your head.
Roll with it! Be her bestest best human friend EVAR! Scratch her behind her ears!
Play nice with the helpful one?
"Hey," you say to her as you walk on up to her and put your left hand on her head. She just looks up at you with the same look in her eyes. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna do anything I don't have to." You say to her as you begin scratching behind her ears. It worked on Lyra, might as well try it on her. "If we can talk this out I will, but for now, I'm just considering what to do," you say to her as you keep scratching.
She doesn't respond, not with words anyway. You see her close her eyes and watch as the look on her face changes from one of worry to something pleasant. She smiles pleasantly and leans into your hand as you scratch her head. Apparently she likes it. She then starts humming a tune to herself as you move around her head to her other ear, which she also leans into. If you didn't know any better you could swear she was humming the tune to Poker Face by Lady Gaga.
Still... she doesn't appear to be worried anymore, and she's definitely enjoying your petting.
Start scratching her behind her ears and ask in the most seductive voice possible: "How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie pop?"
"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?" you ask her in a sensual voice as you pet her. You're not sure why. She just giggles to herself at that (you have to admit the sound of her giggle is a lot cuter than some of the other ponies you've heard so far).
"Oh, that doesn't even make any sense," she replies as she opens her eyes back up to look at you. You ponder for a moment why the hell that wouldn't make sense, but then you realize that tootsie pops probably don't exist here. Still, you can't help but smile to yourself at that.
You realize that you're still hungry, so you ask Rarity if she has any steak you can eat. Some nice, juicy, bloody steak. Preferably still relatively fresh. She seems high class so she must have some high class food around, right?
She doesn't have any steak, but she does serve you up a nice salad. Given that ponies would obviously be vegetarians you obviously should have seen this coming. Still, it wasn't a bad salad by any means. Hell it even had avocados in it. AVOCADOS!!! By god and all that is holy YOU LOVE AVOCADOS (even if you say you don't, you're wrong you definitely do).
Eventually Rarity finishes up the suit she was making for you. You gotta admit you're surprised that she managed to get it done so damn fast, especially with what she came up with. Still, looking at yourself in the mirror, you have to admit, you look pretty damn boss. Now this is the kind of suit that a bawller boss like you would wear. Seriously this thing has so much swag you can feel it. Rarity even made a pair of shoes to go with it. This is awesome, hell its beyond awesome.
THE SWAG IS OFF THE WALLS WITH THIS SUIT!!!
Like the gentleman that you are, you thank Rarity for it, and she only responds by saying that its only nothing. Only nothing your ass, this is the finest suit you've ever been in, and to her its only nothing. Hell, you gotta see what she can do if you actually pay her for something.
Eventually, from the window you see the sun goes down, it will be dark soon. How you got lucky enough to hide here for that long is beyond you. Hell, Rarity even insists that you spend the night so you can keep hiding from Twilight. You must have gotten lucky with this house.... INCREDIBLY LUCKY!!! Still, there is still one issue.
"Um... Where..." you begin to ask. "Where will I sleep?"
"Why in the bed of course." Rarity replies as she points over to the bed in her room, which you are now in. Since she is of higher class, she does own a pretty large bed, large enough for you, but still.
"In your bed?" you ask.
"Of course," she replies. "What other bed would I mean?"
"In your bed...?
"Yes...."
"With.... yo..."
"Oh no no no no no," she says, much to your relief. "I wouldn't do that to you, not after what Twilight's been putting you through." You feel a sense of relief come over you at that, but still...
"Then where will you sleep?" you ask her.
"Why on the couch of course," just as Rarity says that, she suddenly levitates a large, rather fancy looking couch out of nowhere and then falls on it. You stare for a moment. "What?" she says. "You didn't expect me to sleep on the floor did you?"
"Wha... ah no, no of course not." You say as you call onto the bed. You're not wearing your suit anymore. Its god damn nice obviously you aren't gonna sleep in it.
"Good night," you say to Rarity as you pull the covers over you.
"Good night," Rarity replies in a kind of strange way as she shuts off all the lights and closes the blinds with a quick application of magic. For the first time since you got here (apart from being high), you don't feel worried, and you soon find yourself drifting off to sleep.
You declare that this cannot go wrong.
You awake to the sensation of what you think is something tugging at your leg. Slowly, you open your eyes. Its still dark so you can't see what's going on. What you do see however, is a silhouette of what is obviously Rarity at the foot of the bed with her horn glowing the same color it always does. The same glow is around your ankle.
Its at this moment that several realizations come to you all at once.
1.) The covers are missing.
2.) So are your clothes (all of them)
3.) Your hands and feet are bound by... by... well you can't really tell, its too dark.
Either way though, its obvious that Rarity has tied you to the bed.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" You scream at the top of your lungs as all this hits you at once. You try to move, but your bonds hold you tightly in place. You're not going anywhere.
"Ahh, you're awake." Rarity says as she hops up onto the bed with you. With your vision adjusted to the darkness of the room, you can see that Rarity has the same lascivious look in her eyes that Twilight did when you first got here.
What do you do?
Confirm she is trying to have her way with you.
lie and say she is more appealing than Twilight.( in truth neither is appealing.)
say you want to help but cant with your arms tied down.
if this works be momentary shocked
escape
If all else fails... well there are worse things then being raped by a mare.
It could be a stallion.
scream at the top of your lungs "NO NOT AGAIN! HELP HELP! ANYBODY! OR er..ANYPONY! YOU PONIES ARE ALL CRAZY OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!!!!!!!!!SLJFAJDFKLJSDKJF"
Saddle up and prepare for the ride of your life!
OR Plan B:
Step 1- You MUST keep yourself from getting aroused. Think of old nuns and and sad kittens
Step 2- Frustrated Rarity will understand that her advances are completely falling short. She will become un confident and sad.
Step 3- Emo Rarity has been activated. Slowly push her over the edge until she curls up into a ball and cries.
Step 4- Rarity is distracted, allowing you to look around for a way to free yourself.
Step 5- laugh at Rarity , while you put your clothes back on in GLORIOUS VICTORY!
Step 6- CHOOOOOCOLATE!!!!!!!
Plan C-
Execute Protocol Alpha- Every man has a unnatural reserve of strength, buried deep within their souls. UNLEASH IT! FREE THE BEAST!
Is... Is that a hind helicopter you hear?
Out of nowhere, shout loudly (in RCV), "THIS HOOKER'S STEALING MY WINNEBAGO!!!"
Submit and find out what it's like to be raped by a pony. After all, she gave the the SWAG INDUCED COMA suit. Plus, you did say that you 'Owed her one'. Make this the 'One'. Plus, You're in the most insane place you've seen, and I AM YOUR MOST INSANE PART OF YOUR CONSCIENCE! Fitting, is it not?
Completely flip the fuck out. Then, pray that Snake doesn't hate you that much and is willing to make a improper entrance via hind helicopter.
Call your brain for a plan!
If that doesn't work headbutt the crap out of her.
If she likes that kinda stuff then you are doomed mate.
Shout out "OH JESUS NO"
At that moment The Lord saviour appears and says in a sort of stoner voice "don't worry bra, I got you coverd" and promptly clicks his fingers and undoes the bonds on you.
Being the smart, resourceful person you are (and also a total badass, no matter what Solid Snake says) you calm yourself and use your singular advantage in this situation: her complete lack of knowledge of your species. You look at her with the BEST POKER FACE IN THE GODDAMN UNIVERSE and say "Look, I can't really resist right now, so you can do whatever you'd like to me. But I'd just like to warn you, you know how some spiders kill their mates after sex? Human males are like that. Sex with one will literally blow your mind, and not in the fun way, more in the 'your brain matter is all over the walls' way. That's why 90% of human women are strictly lesbian. And I'm more potent than most. Why just last week I sex'd three girls to death at the same time. It was a tragedy. So go ahead, but you better make it the best night of your life, cause you're only going to get to do this once."
you try to get out of the ropes as best you can, but only find your stuck.
"Please rarity! Don't-Don't do it! Please! I-I didn't think you would do something like this!" You hold back tears hoping she doesn't notice
"Please! I JUST WANT TO GO HOME" You shout at the top of your lungs
try and call god for a saviour in exchange for chocolate
Three Options: Yell out you have the worse STD you can think at this moment and hope she believes you, scream and hope somepony hears you and if all else fails, claim you are gay and try not to be attracted to her by thinking of anything non sexually.
Twilight runs and says:
"HI! WHAT'S UP RARITY!??!? So what’re you doing?!?"
Rarity: "What’m I doing?"
"What’re you doing?!"
"Nothin’ much!"
"Thwarting my plans?!"
"Thwarting your plans?"
"Are you!?"
"…yes."
"I’M GONNA F*CKING KILL YOU!"
I missed this for a few days. I don't like Rarity, but she's ok in this story.
Obviously, your human pheromones drive ponies crazy with sexual lust. You noticed how good her voice sounded before and it's dark. She has the same sexual organs as a female, just close your eyes, pretend it's a woman and go with it. You're no longer high and you don't have your pants, so there's no way you can break your bonds and get away. Plus, she has magic and a lot of sharp implements to throw at you.
Seriously. JUST. GO. WITH. IT. One night with her is probably going to be a lot better in the long run than a life as Twilights sex slave.
Whip out the ultimate mood-killer line.
"Hey, what's that scent you're wearing? I think my grandma wears that one."
Quick ask for an adult that usually works.
Embrace the bondage and let Rarity have her way. You've always wanted to be tied up, after all.
In a quick flash, you remember avocados make you gassier than a fat guy who just ate a pallet's worth of baked beans. When released, the stank is so severe that it could kill a small dog, sadly rarity is bigger than that so nature settles on a K.O. When she hits the floor you gnaw at the ropes to freedom, grab your striped cloths, and run like slender man wants your butt-hole.
".... Wait a second. Do ponies go into heat? Oh, god. My scent or something makes you guys go into heat! Rarity concentrate, think about this for a sec-. You're too horny to listen to reason aren't you."
... scream TWILIGHT IM IN HERE she will battle rarity use that distraction the flee if it doesnt work*shrugs* THREE WAY
I thought we were cool Rarity! Your in cahoots With Twilight!
*Try to headbutt her but end up Kissing her instead*
Scream like a little girl!
Due to the trauma caused by the first encounter of that look, you began to panic, and screw up everything that you try to do. Stutter with your words, use the wrong order of steps, think of most illogical solutions, ect. However, the only glimmer hope is, well, Rarity's glowing horn. Quickly exhausting your options to buy yourself time to calm down, you thought of a decent solution: Headbutt Rarity. That way, she won't be able to use her magic. Be careful where you aim though, her horn would hurt, so aim for the eyes. If you really are under binds, and if it's made of cloth, then face towards the nearest cloth (the bed), tear it with your mouth with all your might! The the sound that it produces would give an effect. Finally, to add to the effect, yell a fake victory shout of freedom and make it distant. Rarity would think that you escaped and leave the room without even bothering to light up her horn. The fashionate has a serious eye of detail, sadly. She could possibly see through the dark without using her horn, so you pray to lady luck herself, even though she was one of the reasons why your here. Why you of all humans?
Have a spaz attack on her.
Flip out!
Start flailing your arms everywhere and kick her off.
But first you should ask her a needed question.
WTF?!?!?!?
Concentrating really hard, a chocolate milkshake appears beside you. "Oh it's just a dream," you mutter.
"No it's not," Rarity says, sipping on the milkshake. "I just get thirsty before I rape someone." The roof starts spinning and flies off into the sky and a dark blue alicorn floats down. "Yeah, it's a dream." She says. "I've see a lot, but wow... just wow..." She shakes her head as the world blurs and swirls. Suddenly, you're on Applejack's Apple stand. Except you're still naked, and it's floating in the middle of a lake. Purple finned sharks are circling you.
Call for help, and the Kool Aid Man burst through the wall.
Wooooah woooah woaah, wait!...... No flowers?
Talk about how Zebras aren't people.
you actually like rarity (pleeeeeeeeaaase!) so you go with it! she is amazing!so yeah, you lose your virginity to the most lusted after mare in ponyville! and you promise that you will come back for her once twi isnt trying to kill you but for now you must run away to hid from twi!
sadle up for the ride of your life!
pretend that shes a woman and roll with it! its the only way to survive!
you do her really, really good then spike walks in and is so enraged that it creats a huge sceen so you use that as a distraction to get away
Channel your inner badass, of course! You try to summon it, feeling the energy build up inside you, it's growing, IT'S GROWING!!! You burp, sneeze, and fart all at once. Fancy people HATE that!
(Probably shouldn't have eaten 3 extra-spicy burritos before you went to bed!)
you could claim to be female
..... Scratch her behind her ears! At the very least, you can come up with a viable plan while she is mildly sedated.
Or until she passes out! Either way is good!
.....As well as find out if The Crazy Purple One put some sort of 'Sexy to Ponies' spell on yous, 'cause it ain't helping!
"You start trying to come up with plans some of them telling you to let her have her way with you, others telling you to scream like a girl, and others saying- that's it I'm getting out of here" *You hear your brain running down the stairs as it leaves your head*.
alright, this has gotten too crazy now, you've been torn from your world by a horny purple unicorn (all puns aside), chased after said unicorn with her orange earth pony companion by her side, and now after seemingly getting asylum from that crazy ass twilight, you get screwed over and now rarity is going to rape you?
no, I say HELL NO!!!. The anger that has been starting to fester within you cannot be contained any longer, so with strength you didn't know you had at all, you break free of your bindings, headbutt rarity hard enough so she's knocked out (avoiding the horn of course), restrain her with whatever materials are around you, and after she wakes up, you tell her "I've had enough of this shit; all I wanted was to get back home, and yet I get chased after by a crazy ass unicorn who wants to bone me after she somehow summoned me here. I'm only going to ask this once, as nicely as I can" By now you brandish a blunt instrument threateningly to get your point across " tell me, why are YOU trying to rape me, because at this point, im tired of this shit"
1. Say the only reason you don't want to have sex is cause you have an STD
2. Ask is she in some kind of heat
3. Say if there is anyway you will have sex it will NOT be tied to a bed
If all else fails, wait ... what is that song [youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IhnUgAaea4M]
1) calm down
2) take a deep breath
3) Look at Rarity and say, " but I'm married"
4) if that doesn't work, press teh self-destruct button
5) if ti doesn't exist, go with it
6) when completed, DO THE HARLEM SHAKE!
BITCH SLAP TO DA FACE!!!!!!
And scream/yelp like a girl while doing so.
Beg for the divine intervention of the all mighty Morgan freeman aka god to save you.
Robo Ninja George Bush appears out of fucking nowhere and saves your ass... only to have his ass completely handed back to him by Rarity.
Why didn't you DOOOOOODGE?!
Number 1: Quick! Tickle her with your foot to distract you and try to undo the straps!
Number 2: Afterwards proceed to continue to tickle her until she is breathless and run down stairs where you will quickly open the front door as a distraction as you hind behind her cloths racks like a Ninja.
Number 3: After she has left the building in a miss-guided search for you run back up stairs and retrieve your new cloths afterwards exiting the sew-shop to relative freedom were you will walk into the sun rise like the badass you are!
Remember your human ingenuity flows threw your vanes when humans have a problem we solve it our blow it up since you have no c-4 you began to plan...
tell her you didn't mean to be so damn sexy it just happened and she should really try to control herself around your unbridled sexiness.
Explain to her that while you would love to engage in intercourse with a mare as attractive, generous, fashionable (any other compliments you can think of) BDSM is a huge no-no for you due to your acute anatidaephobia (irrational fear that you're being watched by a duck. Something you shouldn't explain, relying on the complicated name to 'wow' her.)
Well this is it, you're super intelligent and incredibly handsome brain has finally run out of steam. All of your futile attempts into persuading, deceiving and even begging the dressmaker has failed. Now unable to move from your restraints, the white mare approaches you as you wait for the impending doom.
Suddenly you here something in the distance. "Hinds" you muttered out loud.
Not only that you're going to be raped by a pony, the Snake Eater has finally decided to kick your already frail worthless butt.
With those two thoughts in your mind, you struggled even more then before. After nearly a minute of trying to expel the throbbing bonds, you realized something. Rarity isn't trying to plunder you. She just sat there wondering what is making that noise. She than walked to the window to figure out what is causing the commotion.
Suddenly, the dressmaker jumps away from the window. You tried to figure why she did that but was quickly shut when a loud crash can be heard throughout the building and smoke filled the room. When the smoke finally died down what you saw next just simply astonishes you.
The hind helicopter was right there, in the freaking room. Laying behind the chopper was a large gaping hole and debris that used to be dresses and manikins. In the pilot seat was Jesus playing Angry Birds on his Iphone but the co-pilot seat was empty so that means-
Solid Snake kicked the door that lead you to this room and was holding a much even smaller white pony in his arms. You and Rarity just stared at him speechless. Solid Snake then does a back flip into the helicopter with the small pony in hand and made rude hands gestures at both of you.
The hind literally backed up while making a reversing truck beeping noise and flew off into the distance. Rarity then trots to the ledge of the gaping hole and screamed "GIVE BACK MY SWEETIE BELL YOU RUFFIANS!!!" before jumping off the room through the hole and miraculously kept running to the same direction the hind went.
With your bonds keeping you tied to the bed, you can only sit there until someone shows up and rescue you. Well at least you can peacefully sleep without the threat of somebody taking your virginity.