Thwartin My Plans
Is... Is that a hind helicopter you hear?
Unfortunately that sound is actually the sound of the bed shaking due to your fruitless struggles to get free from the bonds that Rarity placed you in. She was made them very tight. Not enough to cut off circulation, but enough so that you wouldn't get out of them. You think for a moment how cool it would be if a hind helicopter suddenly burst in here right now, but upon retrospect, that seems kind of unlikely. Last time you saw one was when you were running here and it was being piloted by Jesus and Solid Snake, both of whom don't seem to be on your good side right now.
Rarity just walks over to you and lays down on your chest so that her face is inches away from yours.
Submit and find out what it's like to be raped by a pony. After all, she gave the the SWAG INDUCED COMA suit. Plus, you did say that you 'Owed her one'. Make this the 'One'. Plus, You're in the most insane place you've seen, and I AM YOUR MOST INSANE PART OF YOUR CONSCIENCE! Fitting, is it not?
Obviously, your human pheromones drive ponies crazy with sexual lust. You noticed how good her voice sounded before and it's dark. She has the same sexual organs as a female, just close your eyes, pretend it's a woman and go with it. You're no longer high and you don't have your pants, so there's no way you can break your bonds and get away. Plus, she has magic and a lot of sharp implements to throw at you.
Seriously. JUST. GO. WITH. IT. One night with her is probably going to be a lot better in the long run than a life as Twilights sex slave.
tell her you didn't mean to be so damn sexy it just happened and she should really try to control herself around your unbridled sexiness.
This is different. Getting fucked by a book is painful. This is a marshmellow.
"Want to lick my tootsie pop?"
NO!!!!! NONE OF THAT!!!!!! SHAME ON YOU!!!!!
The whole point of coming in here was to HIDE from an insane unicorn trying to have her way with you. NOT so you can let another insane unicorn have her way with you. Besides in both cases THEY ARE STILL PONIES!!!! YOU ARE A HUMAN!!!
THEY ARE PONIES! YOU ARE A HUMAN! THEY ARE PONIES! YOU ARE A HUMAN THEY ARE PONIES YOU ARE A HUMAN THEY ARE PONIES YOU ARE A HUMAN!!!!
YOU ARE NOT INTO PONIES!!!!!
HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY FORGET THAT!!!!!
You notice Rarity bat her eyes at you in a rather sexy manner.
Why didn't you DOOOOOODGE?!
Because you were sleeping, that's why. Not that it would have helped much anyway. Rarity lets out another giggle.
Confirm she is trying to have her way with you.
lie and say she is more appealing than Twilight.( in truth neither is appealing.)
say you want to help but cant with your arms tied down.
if this works be momentary shocked
escape
If all else fails... well there are worse things then being raped by a mare.
It could be a stallion.
I thought we were cool Rarity! Your in cahoots With Twilight!
*Try to headbutt her but end up Kissing her instead*
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME AND ALL BUT OHMYGODIDONOTWANTTODOTHISTHANKYOUVERYMUCH!!!" To say that you screamed would be the understatement of the century. Being the badass that you are, you would say that it was more of a manly shout. But deep down you know it was more of a flip-out.
"Oh, wait..." you begin, regaining a little bit of your composure as you put two and two together. "You're Twilight Sparkle, but you've taken Rarity's form. Am I right?"
Then...
Wait for it...
"OHMYGODWHATTHEHELLDIDYOUDOWITHRARITY?!?!?!"
The logical part of your brain starts to take over again. You ask the most obvious question first.
"Rarity! What the hell! I thought we were cool!" Suddenly a realization its you. "Oh no... You're in cahoots with Twilight aren't you!?" Suddenly, an even more frightening, and somehow more logical conclusion dawns on you. "OH MY GOD YOU'RE TWILIGHT IN RARITY'S FORM AREN'T YOU???!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH RARITY!!!!" Rarity just lets out another, rather sexy, giggle at that.
"Oh no no no no," she says to you and then takes a moment to stop laughing. Apparently she found your accusation rather humorous. "I am not in cahoots with Twilight, and I am certainly not her in disguise." Your confusion only increases. "After you told me about what my dear Twilight was trying to do to you. I.... well, I let myself get a little curious. And I must say..." she says as she extends one of her rear hooves towards your nether regions. "I am impressed."
Did a pony just compliment you on the size of your reproductive organs...? cause it seriously just sounded like that. You're not really sure how you should feel about that. Still, focus man. Focus.
you try to get out of the ropes as best you can, but only find your stuck.
"Please rarity! Don't-Don't do it! Please! I-I didn't think you would do something like this!" You hold back tears hoping she doesn't notice
"Rarity... come on now," you say to her. "Please Rarity! Don't-Don't do it! Please! I-I didn't think you would do something like this!" you try to hold back tears as you say this.
"Oh Don't worry dear," she replies. "I won't be like Twilight. I'll be gentle. I'll treat you with love and tenderness. I won't force myself on you like she tried to do."
"THEN WHY DID YOU TIE ME UP!!!???" You ask in response.
"So you wouldn't run away," she replies. Well, you can't argue with her logic there.
Yell out you have the worse STD you can think at this moment and hope she believes you
1. Say the only reason you don't want to have sex is cause you have an STD
"I HAVE STD's!!!"
I HAVE STD'S, IF YOU DO ME YOU WILL DIE!!!
"I HAVE STD'S!!!" You yell out. "IF YOU DO ME YOU WILL DIE!!! THAT'S THE REAL REASON WHY I RAN FROM TWILIGHT!!!"
"Oh nothing a little unicorn magic can't handle," you feel her start to grind her hips on you as she says that. Well, there goes that plan.
Being the smart, resourceful person you are (and also a total badass, no matter what Solid Snake says) you calm yourself and use your singular advantage in this situation: her complete lack of knowledge of your species. You look at her with the BEST POKER FACE IN THE GODDAMN UNIVERSE and say "Look, I can't really resist right now, so you can do whatever you'd like to me. But I'd just like to warn you, you know how some spiders kill their mates after sex? Human males are like that. Sex with one will literally blow your mind, and not in the fun way, more in the 'your brain matter is all over the walls' way. That's why 90% of human women are strictly lesbian. And I'm more potent than most. Why just last week I sex'd three girls to death at the same time. It was a tragedy. So go ahead, but you better make it the best night of your life, cause you're only going to get to do this once."
At that, you calm yourself down, she's obviously not going for normal excuses.
"Okay, look," you say to her. "I can't really resist right now, so you can do whatever you'd like to me. But I'd just like to warn you, you know how some spiders kill their mates after sex? Human males are like that. Sex with one will literally blow your mind, and not in the fun way, more in the 'your brain matter is all over the walls' way. That's why 90% of human women are strictly lesbian. And I'm more potent than most. Why just last week I sex'd three girls to death at the same time. It was a tragedy. So go ahead, but you better make it the best night of your life, cause you're only going to get to do this once."
Her response to that just to laugh in that sexy way she does again.
"Do you think I'm stupid?" she asks while still keeping a sort of sexy purr to her voice. You didn't even know that was possible before now.
scream at the top of your lungs "NO NOT AGAIN! HELP HELP! ANYBODY! OR er..ANYPONY! YOU PONIES ARE ALL CRAZY OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!!!!!!!!!SLJFAJDFKLJSDKJF"
Quick ask for an adult that usually works.
Scream like a little girl!
Well, with no options left, there is only one thing left for you to do.
"I NEED AN ADULT!!!" you scream at the top of your lungs like a little girl.
"I am an adult," Rarity replies as she leans in closer.
"YOU PONIES ARE ALL CRAZY OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYG-"
You screaming is cut off by Rarity leaning in close and locking her lips with yours. Yes, that just happened. You just kissed a pony. You wish you were joking right now.
Well, this is it... you're trapped, nowhere to go. It's been a good run but...
Twilight runs and says:
"HI! WHAT'S UP RARITY!??!? So what’re you doing?!?"
Rarity: "What’m I doing?"
"What’re you doing?!"
"Nothin’ much!"
"Thwarting my plans?!"
"Thwarting your plans?"
"Are you!?"
"…yes."
"I’M GONNA F*CKING KILL YOU!"
Suddenly the door to Rarity's room explodes and bursts open. Rarity removes her lips from yours and in a panic, sits up and looks over towards the door. You look over as well to see your potential savior. You do not like what you see.
Once all the smoke and dust (which was there for some reason) clears, you see, of all things, Twilight standing in the doorway. AND SHE LOOKS PISSED!!!!!!
She's still wearing that same skin tight jumpsuit that she had on before, but now the war paint she was wearing previously was gone. The bandanna she was wearing is now black and she's also wearing an eye patch over her left eye. Also her mane appears spiked up for some reason. Also floating next to her in a magical glow, is a katana. A real, sharp, as real as can possibly be katana.
'Fuck' you think to yourself. 'She looks more like Solid Snake than me!'
"HI! WHAT'S UP GUYS!??!?" She says manically.
"Well buck me Nay Bradbury," Rarity says to no one in particular.
"So what’re you doing?!?" Twilight says.
"What’m I doing?" Rarity replies.
"What’re you doing?!"
"Nothin’ much!"
"Thwarting my plans?!"
"Thwarting your plans?"
"Are you!?" There is silence between them for a few moments.
"…yes."
"I’M GONNA F*CKING KILL YOU!" Twilight screams as she makes a leap towards the bed, sword still in her telekinetic grasp.
Suddenly, all at once, you feel the straps on your bonds come undone, and you're suddenly picked up in a blue glow and thrown out the window, which has been opened for some reason. You fly out the window and land back on the ground in front of the boutique. You look back up at where Rarity's room to see that her window is open. You then see her poke her head out of the window at you.
"RUN MY LITTLE LOVE MONKEY!!!! RUN!!!!" She screams at you before she's suddenly pulled in by something. You can hear things breaking in there. It sounds like utter chaos.
Still, you're free now, so there is only one thing left to do.
RUN!!!
You turn around away from the boutique, not caring that you are still naked as the day you were born (no one wears clothes here anyway) and start running.
However, almost as soon as you do, you feel something hit you on the back of the head. Everything goes black.
-Some unspecified amount of time later-
You awake to find yourself in a dark room.
What do you do?
I also wanna give kudos to this comment here. I saw it last night, and it was just so god damn epic that I couldn't ignore it. I couldn't use it cause of how god damned epic it was but seriously.... MY GOD THIS IS AWESOME!!!!
Well this is it, you're super intelligent and incredibly handsome brain has finally run out of steam. All of your futile attempts into persuading, deceiving and even begging the dressmaker has failed. Now unable to move from your restraints, the white mare approaches you as you wait for the impending doom.
Suddenly you here something in the distance. "Hinds" you muttered out loud.
Not only that you're going to be raped by a pony, the Snake Eater has finally decided to kick your already frail worthless butt.
With those two thoughts in your mind, you struggled even more then before. After nearly a minute of trying to expel the throbbing bonds, you realized something. Rarity isn't trying to plunder you. She just sat there wondering what is making that noise. She than walked to the window to figure out what is causing the commotion.
Suddenly, the dressmaker jumps away from the window. You tried to figure why she did that but was quickly shut when a loud crash can be heard throughout the building and smoke filled the room. When the smoke finally died down what you saw next just simply astonishes you.
The hind helicopter was right there, in the freaking room. Laying behind the chopper was a large gaping hole and debris that used to be dresses and manikins. In the pilot seat was Jesus playing Angry Birds on his Iphone but the co-pilot seat was empty so that means-
Solid Snake kicked the door that lead you to this room and was holding a much even smaller white pony in his arms. You and Rarity just stared at him speechless. Solid Snake then does a back flip into the helicopter with the small pony in hand and made rude hands gestures at both of you.
The hind literally backed up while making a reversing truck beeping noise and flew off into the distance. Rarity then trots to the ledge of the gaping hole and screamed "GIVE BACK MY SWEETIE BELL YOU RUFFIANS!!!" before jumping off the room through the hole and miraculously kept running to the same direction the hind went.
With your bonds keeping you tied to the bed, you can only sit there until someone shows up and rescue you. Well at least you can peacefully sleep without the threat of somebody taking your virginity.
WarKing76 you are a magnificent bastard. Kudos man. 
Sorry I couldn't use it.
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Realize you're in a dark room.
After you realize you're in a dark room, Call out for help and hope somepony comes to aid you on your glorious quest to keep your virginity intact.
Suddenly
Suddenly acquire night vision.
try to find a pair of night vision goggles,
then suddenly you hear a Metal Gear RAY coming for you and you flee.
Close your eyes.
If you can't see them, they can't see you.
Or
You can find a way out like a normal person, then again you're not normal in the head.
Well thats easy, you just scream and listen to the bouncing soundwaves which reveal that you are, in fact, in a nazi concentration camp with a pony hitler watching over you holding a wip in his mouth. To the left the Burger King is chained up next to you, but you dont care cause you always found him creepy anyways. You then realize you cant actually do ecolocation and are probably suffering from sever brain damage.
scream "OH F*CK MY LIFE!" and then proceed curse everything in the universe
Panic.
If I am Correct, then you are in Twilight's newly built sex dungeon, with nothing left to lose, you do the one last thing that could possibly save you. You whisper "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice" and hope for the best.
Think about how the Fack everything came to this. From one night of sleeping, to being chased by a unicorn, saved by one, and then tied up by one and now in a cold dark room.
scream"SLENDERMANE IS THAT YOU OR IS PONYBEAR"
Pinkie Pie then pops out of nowhere, even though you can't see her, and she yells into your ear: "HI IM PINKIE PIE WHATS YOUR NAME!?"
The last thing you want is a crazed Pinkie Pie.... well too bad! You get something worse: meet Twilight and Rarity, who resolved a truce, teaming up to take away your virginity!
You realize that you're naked and find the closest thing you ca cover yourself with.
You'd better turn on the lights, or you'll get eaten by a grue.
tfs references every where! tis glorius!
now run to the nearest bush
use the bathroom(you havent seemd to have the chance before)
then run into a blue box and beg to the pony inside for help
if you cant find one
wait or run into the dark forest and try not to die
Put your head in between your legs and kiss your ass good by and wait for the pony to rape you *manly cry*
Ask where you are.
First of all- bearings.
you begin to walk around the 'room', trying to determin its size. Baerly 5 paces each way.
you also notice that, whilst you succumbed to unconsiousness naked, you appear to have some rather heavy gear on, boots and all. After feeling it a bit, you determine it is some form of millitary outfit, identified by the magazine pouches on your chest and hips.
Suddenly, a loud, metallic 'thud' emmits from the wall to your right. A thin crack of light appears, growing wider as the door opens. The light temporarily blinds you, so you can only make a blury human shillouette standing there, appering to wear the same outfit as you, and carrying a duffel bag in its right hand.
"Gear," it says in a rather gruff voice, "your parole's over. Its time to suit up." he throws the bag at you, and it emmits a rather metallic clang. With your eyes adjusted, you begin to open the bag.
the muzzle of a weapon appears, followed closely by a form of chainsaw aroun the grip.
you hold in your hand a Lancer...
Suddenly Derpy/Ditsy smashes through the ceiling she apologizes hurriedly before leaving through the new skylight revealing a......
"What in the name of Jesus's golden tits is that?"
Find the light switch.
Ignore all the above suggestions and calmly, rationally, take time to assess your day so far.
You wimper in the darkness of the room. You think to yourself 'God, I would have been better with rarity... how the hell do I always get into these type of things?"
As you squint your eyes in hopes that it will give you night vision, a thought hits you.
The orange one, the orange horse wasn't there when twilight came in. Did she hit you?
"Are... Are you the orange horse I asked help from but you continued to say no and then help twilight try to rape me?"
Run into the wall!
Try to find a light switch
First go north and try finding the light switch by touching the wall, if you don't find any switch then go east and do the same.
If you can't find the light switch..... Start running in circles crying for help like a little girl.
Make certain to not get eaten by a grue.
Brighten up the room with a sing-a-long! (A happy sing-a-long)
1. Make sure you're completely alone.
2. Rub one out because all these ponies' attempt at raping you has given you blue balls.
3. Really, you don't want to have sex with them because you're sexually repressed do you?
4. Pray to Jesus that you get out of there(wherever you are).
"As you begin to wonder around trying to find a light switch or door, the lights suddenly turn on. Finally able to look around, you see that you are in a cellar, with a lot of barrels, like an absurd amount of barrels, all labeled (Hard Cider). You turn around and find a purpleish earth pony sleeping surrounded by empty bottles. You decide to try and wake her, but being careful, more than likely she has a hangover. After a few nudges, she awakens. You ask her what you are doing here, she replies "I needed a drinking buddy, but you didn't wake up so I started without you." She grabs her head with her hoof then says "There was also a bottle of booze stuck in your shirt, so I took you back to my house".
Hide in a corner
Start parkouring.
After your, admittedly strange 'attempts', to break out of the room. You successfully broke out and you soon find yourself outside, or at least you think it's the outside. The next thing you saw bomb shelled your brains out.
A Stormtrooper was air humping well... the air, while standing on the back of a Halo Warthog where the turret should be. On the passenger seat was a pink pony with three balloons on bottom who was in-fact dancing as well but totally different from the trooper. But what made you want to fall to your knees and squeal your inner halo fan boy was the man on the driver seat.
Sergeant Major Avery Junior Johnson.
Since you were a wee lad, you've always played those amazing Halo games and recognized The Sargent as the most bad ass out of the bad asses out there. Even though the kids back then said that The Master Chief was the main guy but you can't get the your heart away from that cigar chomping, moral boasting, old bad ass marine.
You took a closer look and saw that he wasn't amused, more like irritated. Very very irritated. Most likely because of the two party animals making all the raucous.
You decided to talk both the dancer to stop what they're doing but before you could do anything, Johnson sighed and started the Warthog's engines. Then drove a couple of feet away to only somehow, SOMEHOW, fly over the hills.
By this point you were speechless (and heartbroken) that your favorite video game hero flew into the sunset. You sighed and continue your journey to- wait, you have no idea where you're suppose to go... great.
Start lighting shit on fire! And claim the title of Equestrias first and only human serial Arsenists
I swear my luck... IF YOUR OUT THERE THEN SHOW YOURSELF! WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS! IF THIS ENDS UP BEING ANOTHER SEXUAL THING THEN I'M UP! OVER AND GONE!
Turn on the light
check to see your eyes are open..... "FUCKER"you yell because like the dumbass you are, you poked your eye.
Two eyes and a red mouth popped up and said...
"Hiiii."
Whip out your trusty D20 and roll a perception check. Just hope your DM isn't Twilight or Rarity.
Sit down and wait. Cause honestly what else can you do?
As you sit in the dark, Big Boss appears to you in a halo of light. With a thunderous bellow, he says "Mah boi, I am dissapoint." His not-a-clone visage then slowly fades from your sight as you beg Big Boss for help.
wander around aimlessly with your arms out, trying to feel for something......only after a while you trip over something, and because you were flailing your arms, you didn't use them to protect your nose, and you fall flat on your face in a most painful manner, possibly breaking your nose in the process
1. Look under bed
2. Get key
3. Open padlock
4. Get in the box
5. Look around
6. 1904
7. Look around
8. Get computer parts
9. Build computer
10. Hit power button
11. Look
12. Enter four random numbers
13. Keep looking around
14. Guess the correct number between 1 and 100,000 that the mysterious force is thinking of.
15. Look around
16. Look around again
17. Express your hatred/anger
18. Look around
19. Leave the room
Realise that you have become the man from Pit and Pendelum by Edgar Allen Poe and then shout, "WHY DIDN'T I DODGE?!?!?"
You might want to add a new tag to this story, considering what's happened so far. (Hint: It starts with an S)
Use you badass resourcefulness skills you've acquired through watching Man VS Wild. Start navigating around the dark the way bats do: echolocation.
IT IS PITCH BLACK!
YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE EATEN BY A GRUE!
Check to see if your tied down... just in case
Man, this is so funny. These comments are so funny. This is just all around great.
Well done, you magnificent bastard.
Damn you author. I just spent 3 hours on the dark room thingy!
After I awaken in the dark room, I make an obscene gesture first at the strange man narrating my actions, then kid him in the nads, then turn on the light and take everything of value off him, and leave the room.